tuscl

Out of the Game: Busted

SirLapdancealot
Knight of the Round Table Dance
Thursday, October 18, 2018 6:51 PM
So my wife finally called me out on why I'm spending so much time on a strip club website and why I spend so much cash and why I sometimes smell like perfume. It was pretty much her telling me she knows what's up so I told her about my clubbing regularity and how much I've been spending. And to that she said a club visit every once and a while would have been OK but a weekly thing is not cool. So I'm out of the game now. I'm turning in my PL card and not going to club for the foreseeable future. It's been a good midlife crisis run, but it's time for me to to rejuvenate my marriage. Strippers are hot and fun and sexy as fuck, but at the end of the day I'm paying for an ego boost from them and it's just not worth it. I love my wife too much. She knows I need to ease out of it too, so I'll be living vicariously on TUSCL for a bit more. I did tell her l have fun on this unmoderated site unlike the other forums I post to, so she is OK with me having fun on the site but I dunno how long I will be entertained here. Anyway just thought I'd share since there are plenty of other married guys here.

101 comments

  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    ^ Went out with a bang.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    Sirlapdancealot, I keep it all things in balance. I've been with my wife 15 years, she's worth giving up clubs for. Fortunately I don't have to. I think balance is the wrong term but there should be congruence. Most of my time, money, and energy goes to our marriage and to her. Dancers can't replace her. SCs, dancers, and Tuscl can be a nice diversion, in moderation. A reward for hard work. Go to her. We'll be here. You'll get it sorted out.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 thanks for sharing. We are going on almost 20 years now. And yeah I clearly unbalanced things and took it all too far. It was fun while it lasted but not worth losing my best friend and love of my life over.
  • TFP
    •
    6 years ago
    Damn man, that kinda sucks. I mean it's good news that she didn't go full psycho and threaten a divorce and all other types of stuff. But I'm sure you'll miss your ATF and all those great LDKs. Glad you don't have to quit visiting this site or anything. Especially since you seem to have a ton of knowledge to offer about the Portland scene judging from that other thread awhile back. By the way, how did she find out about you being on this site? Did she see your computer history or peek over your shoulder while you were on the site or something?
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    I think the thing she sees, if she's like my wife, is going so often, spending so much, and doing both almost compulsively looks from her POV to be a man that's not in control. I don't know if all wives are like this, but a wife needs to know that "you've got this". That it's under control. That your priorities are straight. So she can implicitly trust your leadership. Once you have that, she'll be hands off, and you can club again. Personally, for regular family men (who aren't say rickdugan, all the stress that comes with being rickdugan, and who don't have rickdugan income) I never understood why those guys go as often as they do (weekly). Most wives who are reasonable understand a guy will end up at a strip club either alone or with buddies at least once a year if not a few times a year. Every situation is different. Every guy's needs are different. Mine wishes I would go MORE often, actually. That's a good position to be in. It's a luxury indulgence for being the man. Also, in the future get rid of the perfume smell. Take off and soak your clothes when you get home in woolite. And shower and scrub like it's a hazmat shower. No wife wants to smell another woman's scent on you. Even an understanding woman who knows you club won't like it. So do the respectful thing and make sure you always take care of that. It shows that you got this, that you care, and that you understand the little things from her POV. No woman literally wants her nose rubbed in it. xD
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @TFP LOL FYI my ATF DS "broke up" with me over a month ago. I got over it quickly because it wasn't something I ever expected to last and I had three great backups. It sucks in some ways but it pales in comparison to how my life would suck without my wife. The fact that she didn't go psycho on me and even now is looking at herself as if there was something she could have done better for me, even when it was all my doing, is exactly why I love her and why none of it is worth it and why it doesn't suck. As far as my ATF DS I have already given her up and have been sharing who she is now to other Portland PLs. She's a good memory but definitely after two years it was time to move on. My wife found out about TUSCL through over the shoulder observation as I posted from my phone. On some level I was at the point of not caring about hiding things from her so it wasn't hard for her to know. Even now she's right next to me on the couch and knows I'm posting here. Over time it became harder and harder for me to live a lie (by omission) with her. It's like a weight on my heart and my conscience that got heavier and heavier. Now that it is lifted I feel better and definitely don't feel like anything sucks. (LOL I got tons of porn to catch up on now.) And yeah I have learned a lot about mongering in this town. I got no issues sharing it all too. Glad to help just like I got some help myself from here. Plus I like the site. It's fun to troll trolls here!
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 I only slipped a few times out of hundreds about the perfume. My wife has a bloodhound nose and can pick up any smell. There was one time I came home and pet my cat before I washed my hands and she knew from how the cat smelled two hours later!
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    Now there really won’t be any future LDK potential, SirLap :p Join the troll side.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    And no future massage potential :p Join? I'm just keeping on keeping it on.
  • PinkSugarDoll
    •
    6 years ago
    Good man. We need more of those. :)
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @DC9428 it probably means more up until I leave the site or get bored with her. But at the moment I see no end to her dumbass posts and threads which means I'll have oodles of opportunities to roast her.
  • blahblahblah23
    •
    6 years ago
    Agree with PSD
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    6 years ago
    Not many women could handle the news that their husband has been playing with strippers. My ex would have ducking lost her shit completely if she had every found out. Good luck Sir Lap.
  • Warrior15
    •
    6 years ago
    I'll give it 3 weeks. He'll be back.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    Don't worry , you'll always be a pathetic loser to us. ;)
  • flagooner
    •
    6 years ago
    Good man. LOL That's a low bar. To be called a good man because he stops going to SCs only because he got an ultimatum from the wife. Not meaning to rag on you SLDalot, just the comment.
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    6 years ago
    ^ I was thinking the same thing
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    6 years ago
    A man’s got to know his limitations. Take it easy, man.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    I give it a couple of months. He'll probably use a different screen name just to be safe. At first he'll be able to resist the call of other naked women because he's afraid. But over time that fear will dissipate, or at get pushed down a bit as his urges continue to haunt him. Sooner or later he'll be at it again, trying even harder to hide it. Not that I believe any of this anyway - it just reads too much like badly written Hallmark crap. A man who was actually caught and truly afraid of losing his wife would firebomb his account and everything else immediately, not come back on here and post a story like this. But it's fun to play along I suppose. ;)
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    Sorry to hear the bad news. You are a very fortunate man. You have an understanding wife, who didn’t hit you like a psycho. I wish you the best.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @flagooner FWIW I don't feel like a good man. Gonna try to be less of a POS though.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Cashman and @JohnSmith69 she's very understanding and I'm definitely very fortunate. She deserves better so if I come back and rejoin the game we are going to separate and get divorced. Do it right.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    No offense SirLDA, as this must be a very difficult time for you and your wife. I hope you are able to reconnect and regain the trust that has possibly been severed. But, if this is a troll job, it could be one of most impressive ones yet perpetrated here.
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    “That's a low bar. To be called a good man because he stops going to SCs only because he got an ultimatum from the wife.” Most strippers in general have a low bar. It’s definitely easy to see the holes in the nuclear family ideals, I’ll just say that.
  • Countryman5434
    •
    6 years ago
    If your wife was giving you what you need you wouldn't be going to stripclubs! Food for thought
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    Did I just enter bizzaro world here? Sirlapdanceanot, why are you saying such defeatist thoughts? I see nothing worth throwing a marriage and vows away over. It didn't even sound like SLDAlot's wife was all that upset. FACTS & TESTIMONY: ================== 1) "So my wife finally called me out" 2) "It was pretty much her telling me she knows what's up" 3) "She said a club visit every once and a while would have been OK but a weekly thing is not cool." 4) "She knows I need to ease out of it too" 5) "She is OK with me having fun on the site" 6) "Even now she's right next to me on the couch and knows I'm posting here." 7) "Perfume.... There was one time I came home and pet my cat before I washed my hands and she knew from how the cat smelled two hours later!" ^Maybe I'm not understanding the situation. But none of the above sounds like she's packing her bags, heading to her sisters, filing papers, and taking 50% of the assets. And if anything, you going down to near zero outlet, this is just going to set yourself up to fail. I've seen guys like this. They can take it for 10 years or so, but then they blow, and blow big. Can't tell yourself 'no' all the time. Like cocaine fueled stripper fuck bender big. Like docess300 off-the-deep end big. Go to the adult book store, and buy a couple top shelf porn DVD as a treat to tide you over. Or something. I would have figured you give it up for 6 months or so, then slowly ease into it with $100 trips and stay 90 min or less. Or just go, drink two beers, tip the girl on stage a $20 and leave if that's how you have to ease into it next year. Once the trust and bond is rebuilt, you two will be fine. Here I'm just reading hysterics: giving up clubs forever, then if you relapse ever once: going to separate, get divorced. Did I end up on the pink site? Did I log into [view link] or DC Moms? WTF?
  • Mate27
    •
    6 years ago
    SLD, I’ll go to the club and only get drinks and stage tip for a little convo. It cuts down on spending and I feel like I scratch my Clubbing itch. It’s a way I can still club without the guilt, and occasionally I will splurge for some extra excitement after receiving a windfall.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic It's not being defeatist. It's being real. All I'm saying is that *if* I go full on back to my mongering ways, I'm going to do it openly with my wife. We will BOTH accept that I'm who I am and not have to live a lie with each other, that's all. And it's not a bad thing to me. It's truly the "right" way for me to monger. We have already talked about this. She's not going to try to force me to be somebody I'm not and I'm not going to pretend to be either. It's not "hysterics". It's how we BOTH want things to be *if* I decide I need strippers in my life. My wife has been tolerant and understanding because she knows that she openly accepted some of my mongering and wasn't clear on her limits. As I mentioned she had issue with my frequency and how much money I spent and how much I was avoiding in our relationship. And she was concerned that I was doing more than going to strip clubs (like I was seeing another woman). And now she's just being crystal clear on what she wants. It's quite possible that in 6 months I'll decide that I need to go to strip clubs because it's more important to me than being with my wife. But at the moment it's not what I want. But if it is, I am simply going to handle it differently. We will simply have realized our relationship has changed and we should (rightly) move on from each other. I don't see any of this as bizarro.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Cashman No offense taken! FYI I don't troll when it comes to how I club. The point of the forums is for PLs and strippers to share their experiences. I have nothing to prove or gain from making up a fictional PL life on an anonymous and unmoderated forum. But I will troll a troll without shame or guilt! And yeah it is a rocky point in our relationship. I don't like to see my wife so disappointed in me. And that she is much more sad than angry is a little worse for me. You nailed it: it's about the loss of trust and rebuilding it. I haven't been a trustworthy husband and I vowed to be. That's what's difficult for me.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    None of what you’ve posted is bizarre in my opinion. The thing that might seem bizarre to you is that your wife isn’t throwing things and that she isn’t outwardly upset. When my ex discovered my clubbing, she was oddly calm too. Over time, shit got worse and worse. She would make specific realizations - as things came together in her mind - and she’d grow angry as she discovered more. Its best to come clean upfront, if you haven’t gotten too deep in the shit. For my ex, it was digging deeper and deeper - and there still was no bottom in sight. But I was a filthy and horrible husband. Your offenses are reasonable by comparison.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    A leopard doesn't change its spots. You will be at it sooner or later. Shame on you for letting it bleed into your house in the first place - hide it better next time.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    This is just a personal thing for me, the bizarre thing is when couples go so quickly to divorce. The union is supposed to IMO be stronger than that. The wife's reaction is not bizzare in eother SLD's example, nor in Cashman's example. I just don't understand why couples can't work thru these things. Lots of marriages withstand worse. (as cashman's statement illustrates).
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    I don't see why SLD can't just keep is nose down, keep his mouth shut, and just not let it bleed over into his home life. Maybe you can't moderate your clubbing and mongering. I dunno if weekly is too much or what mongering means in SLD's activities. Can't you just club and keep it in control and from bleeding over? Maybe SLD can't, and that is the issue. Many husbands can.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @rickdugan if you haven't noticed I haven't outright claimed I'm never going to club again. And as I mentioned there will be no hiding. *If* I rejoin the game it's not going to be something to hide. Any free willed person *can* change. It's matter of wanting to.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    So the issue is can you resist a relapse to old ways, then? Where old ways are weekly visits, high spending, and mongering? And if you relapse, then you will re-evaluate and do the right thing? Is the issue the will power? Or whatever void the SC trips were filling? +1 on the honesty and no hiding. This is the approach I take. It works well.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 I'm just sharing the current state of us trying to work things out. And yeah I am a bit OCD and have poor control over my compulsions. I understand that not all husbands are like this and it is part of the issue. My wife outright told me that I'm a good man and husband and my excessive mongering really is her one issue. And so yeah, as a committed couple that is exactly what we are working out. And since this has been an issue early in our marriage and now over the last few years, divorce is on the table as simply a better option for both of us. But at the moment neither of us want that.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    So instead, of hiding it, which you failed miserably at doing anyway due to an obvious lack of discretion or discipline or both, you're going to rub her face in it? Yup, you're a hero for sure. ;)
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    ^yeah, SLD, rickdugan (and twentyfive, etc) are all right about this. rubbing her nose in it isn't for her, it's for ME & YOU. It took me a while to come to grips with that.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    @SLD posted: "Any free willed person *can* change. It's matter of wanting to." Well that is the upside. And not defeatist, I agree. @SLD posted: "And as I mentioned there will be no hiding. *If* I rejoin the game it's not going to be something to hide." Though that technically isn't her issue with you just your issue with yourself. Still good to work on. @SLD posted: "I don't like to see my wife so disappointed in me. And that she is much more sad than angry is a little worse for me. You nailed it: it's about the loss of trust and rebuilding it. I haven't been a trustworthy husband and I vowed to be. That's what's difficult for me." Breaking the promise to her very likely hurt her. I would suggest only making promises you can keep. It's not so much what you promise per se, it's that you keep your word. And that you do from her perception and POV. I still think the trustworthy husband is something important to you, which is why you promised it. Some wives are tacitly okay with white lies, as long as they never, ever, ever bleed thru into normal life. It just depends how you want to do it. Being honest, truthful, never hiding anything, are all commendable. And if you can uphold that promise, even better. Although reading it, it seems like the lack of moderation, self-control, etc. was her bigger problem along with breaking a promise, that led to her disappointment. Maybe I'll trolling you over a fine point. In your wifes example, clubbing only a few times a year, and "no other woman". Are her example constraints, along with not hiding anything (which you added, commendable), is that something you think you can stick to? Or would that not be enough visits to satisfy you, you think? The way I'm understanding you, is you're laying off for now, but very likely will pick it up in the future, and you think you will likely need to club frequently, perhaps more frequently than your wife might tolerate? Or frequently enough that you think it will disrespect her?
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    You know guys, a good % of men who mess around with strippers are married. It is often part of the package with guys who are successful enough to burn cash on luxuries like strippers and strip clubs. Most of those guys have the good sense to keep their traps shut and to leave their side adventures far, far away from the homefront. But not here. On this board, we read endless stories of weirdly overemotional men who must burden their wives with this crap under the guise of being "open" and "honest." The reality, however, is that they are really trying to relive their own guilt at their wives' expense (or really trolling - one can never be sure). Too funny.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    Smashing that like button, Rick!!
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    I tried rick's advice 6 months ago. Gotta give him credit. Works like a charm, better in fact. ;)
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @rickdugan LOL too funny that you have to see it and relationships only your way. What I read on TUSCL are all kinds of different stories on how married men handle their marriages. I haven't read many stories at all like the one I'm sharing. The reality is that you can only see and things your own way and assume others that don't are just kidding themselves. And ironically you're the one kidding yourself by seeing it this way. Too funny.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    Rick makes a very valid point. The truth is - this lifestyle isn’t for pussies. If you are getting into it - best to keep it quiet. If you don’t tell your wife initially - there’s no reason to emotionally dump everything on her after you’ve become a real monger.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 I'm not making any predictions for myself. All I'm saying is that I am working with my wife and I'm committed to being honest with myself and her. I'm sure I'm going to get urges and be tempted. No question. And if I do act upon them it's simply an acknowledgement that my wife and I have differences on what we want in a relationship. She has openly tried to be OK with what I do and now can better draw her boundaries on what she personally wants. And I have openly tried to limit my ways as a way of compromising with her. And now we are simply readjusting and trying to make it all work again, as a couple. And there is a clearer path forward now. If I choose to monger because I completely want to, I'm going to and live with the repercussions. Living the lie for her that I'm not a monger and the lie for me that I am a trustworthy husband is simply not healthy for both of us.
  • 4got2wipe
    •
    6 years ago
    At least SirLapdancealot’s wife isn’t interfering with his posting to a weirdo strip club site. Just his going out for the lap dances. The latter is non-brilliant but I can see her point. Perhaps SirLapdancealot should encourage her to read TUSCL so she sees the kind of brilliant good clean fun we discuss here. You know, the totally non-psycho non-misogynist stuff that never involves discussing anything but a nice clean lap dance. Point her to rickdugan’s posts!
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Family_Man LMAO re: soy boy. And yeah you gotta be open to the possibility that your wife doesn't care what you do because of an FWB.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    Do you have children SLD?
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @4got2wipe LOL I am sharing TUSCL stories and member personalities with my wife. Last night I told her about how san_jose_creep has been a cautionary tale for me. And she already knows the rickdugan types. She also saw her own mother overly stress out and obsess about her two husbands going to strip clubs and also possibly cheating on her. She doesn't want to put the same stress on herself, so she understands that men will want to go to strip clubs and I've shared TUSCL with her as "proof".
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @rickdugan no kids.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Meat72 I know what you are saying and I agree that doing better about moderation would have probably worked fine with my wife. And it did for a while. But that's exactly what started me on the slippery slope to more than just stage tipping and the occasional splurge. It's exactly what my wife wanted to allow too. But it's clear that I can't control myself over time.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    SLD posted: "Living the lie for her that I'm not a monger and the lie for me that I am a trustworthy husband is simply not healthy for both of us." Bullshit. If she truly didn't know, then she would be just fine. This is all about you, so let's not pretend otherwise. Maybe you're having more trouble hiding it because she has nothing else to pre-occupy herself with on those lonely nights, idk. But what we all do know is that you're essentially giving her the choice of having to openly live with it or divorce. There is nothing noble in what you are doing and you're certainly not doing any of this for her benefit.
  • Vantablack
    •
    6 years ago
    It's a good thing I don't have a wife! :P
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    6 years ago
    @SirLapdancealot: What is this pussy shit? Go home a *lie* to your wife like a *real* man! /s
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @rickdugan LMAO you are making a few pathetic strawman arguments based on your own biases. When did I ever say I was being "noble" in anything? And you have no clue what I (and my wife) definite as "fine" based on a hypothetical and not realistic scenario that she never knew what I was doing. She's always known I have strip club issues since early in our marriage, so to hypothesize otherwise at this point is a moot point. And no shit, Captain Obvious, that this is about me because I'm the guy posting MY situation. It isn't a point of debate, so no need to tell me what I already know as if you know better. And lastly, I never gave her an ultimatum that I'm going to go club more so she should just divorce me. What I said was we talked about the right path forward as being we should just get divorced should I CHOOSE to club more. LMAO maybe you should read my posts more closely. Based on your responses and reactions to my posts, you are making this about what YOU think should be done and how it should be based on your own personal views. You're to the point of filling in your own gaps to make it a narrative in line with your own experiences. Too funny.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @georgmicrodong I'm a pussy in love with my wife and I accept that.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @DC9428 LOL it's like he's telling me how I should feel and act when I'm doing just that to begin with. That it doesn't match up to what he *thinks* is the only way to be clearly supports what you are saying.
  • trickystick
    •
    6 years ago
    My wife told me years ago that if I wanted a blow job, don't come to her because she hates giving them. She is fine w me getting bj's from other women. Just no FS. I told her that I'd consider it, and then later that I had done it once in a strip club. We don't talk details about it now, but she is aware that I infrequent the strip clubs (the truth is that I don't go all that often). But what happens in the club stays in the club, as long as it isn't FS. I'd tell her if she were to ask, but she doesn't, and likely won't.
  • twentyfive
    •
    6 years ago
    @SDL what did you expect to gain by airing this shit out in public, I think you should go work it out with your wife and spend less time, wasting energy defending yourself here, jes sayin!
  • twentyfive
    •
    6 years ago
    ^ he is free to do whatever he pleases, but common sense dictates that he work it out with her and really it his business to handle, he needs to handle it, nobody here will suffer the consequences if he gets it wrong except him.
  • RandomMember
    •
    6 years ago
    "Sometimes RickDugan strikes me as an overgrown frat boy. Tries excessively hard to exert his masculinity but actually just comes across as a bit of a jackass in the process" _____ LOL, you're unusually perceptive for someone who's new to TUSCL. My theory is that @Dugan's own father was hypercritical and overbearing, and @Dugan deals with it by lecturing everyone else about being overemotional. Just constantly like a broken record. He probably drives his own family fucking nuts.
  • trickystick
    •
    6 years ago
    Given the situation, I agree with twentyfive. If SirLap seriously wants to save his marriage, he shouldn't be wasting any of his time here.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    This is a difficult thing to come out - as it can be very difficult for a wife to come to the harsh realization that her husband has been getting close to girls who are younger - who she perceives to have hotter bodies. I’m not saying anything negative about your wife’s body. I’m saying that she will question herself, and it could cause her to be uncomfortable. She might think about it during intimate moments - “Did those strippers look sexier when they were nude?” - “Does he secretly desire a younger woman - with a firm young body?” - these are issues and possible collateral damage that can arise. It’s natural for her to have these concerns - and it will require time for you to reassure her regarding her attractiveness to you. This can take time, and reassurance, to rebuild intimacy and the intense trust that may be fragmented now. I’ve been through this stuff, and since I failed, my advice is worth nothing. But it’s very important to reassure your wife regarding her beauty and attractiveness to you.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    @Cashman1234 posted: "It can be very difficult for a wife to come to the harsh realization that her husband has been getting close to girls who are younger - who she perceives to have hotter bodies. ... I’m saying that she will question herself." That's true. My wife was talking with me and mentioned, I would have been okay with you going to strip clubs in her twenties and early thirties. I corrected her and told her probably not. Two reasons, one that cashman hints on. 1) She's going to have body image issues as she compares herself to them and wonders how I think. 2) Is he going to abandon me emotionally, physically or both for another woman? That was a bit reason why I wasn't in clubs for some 12 years. I think that plays out in the minds of many younger women. Though I think older women (40+) get over that in a lot of cases with some life experience and perspective. But still your actions and words should reassure her.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @twentyfive and trickystick I am working it out with my wife and I'm sharing the process of it here. I'm not seeking advice. Just sharing and discussing my life as a PL (like we all do). And FYI my wife is totally fine that I "waste my time" here. She's been laughing with me about some of the stuff posted here.
  • trickystick
    •
    6 years ago
    Glad to hear it, @SirLap. Good luck and hope everything goes your way.
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    I naturally have empathy for this, given that I sort of deal with similar in reverse. I too understand preferring to not have to be in a situation where I feel the need to lie. I feel that somewhat when it comes to lying to others, but I feel it especially towards myself. I don’t think it’s fair to tell SirLap that he can’t use this site to sort out his thoughts. True, there are many members on this board who would be unsympathetic towards his situation. However, sometimes it’s best to step back and consider points separate from your own when making decisions. Lecturing him is as useless as lecturing gawker.
  • Mate27
    •
    6 years ago
    I agree with 25 that SLD should quit wasting any more time and energy on tuscl and focus more into his wife, but you gotta admit SLD did get a free therapy/venting session with us. That has to account for some value. The value has expired on this topic.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Cashman absolutely she had an issue about how she compares to strippers. She even told me, unsolicited, that she's going to be taking better care of herself and making a point to look more attractive. As I mentioned she's taking some responsibility for it and that's what blows my mind! I told her that's not the issue but to your point she is sensitive to how she *thinks* she looks to me compared to other women. I think this is natural. If she told me she was seeing another man or going to see male strippers I would be the same way.
  • twentyfive
    •
    6 years ago
    I didn’t think I was lecturing anyone, he has to work it out with her, I think it’ll be a lot easier without a bunch of crickets chirping.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Meat72 I put no more or less value on this thread as any other I post to on TUSCL. I'm posting past tense updates and not seeking approval or disapproval. What I think about everyone's thoughts is open ended.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    "@SLD posted: " She also saw her own mother overly stress out and obsess about her two husbands going to strip clubs and also possibly cheating on her. She doesn't want to put the same stress on herself, so she understands that men will want to go to strip clubs and I've shared TUSCL with her as "proof"." Here's some of my dirty laundry. My wife's ex-husband was cheating on her with different women. Later on he started going to strip clubs and doing drugs. The ended up divorced and he (her ex-) married a dancer that oddly enough sort of looked like her (good taste, I suppose) but I didn't think as pretty. They live in a trailer and she gained a bunch of weight, etc. I think he wishes he had my life and my wife. The point is, I thought strip clubs and dancers (or cheating or drug use) would be a *trigger* issue for her with her coping and trust issues from the ex-. So when I proposed and married her, I figured, yep, my strip club days were over. She knew I used to go, of course. But it was occasional and I always had self discipline and control. I used to tell her stories about my visits, including the visit where I was a HS classmate on stage and she recognized me. That post is here: [view link] Basically 12 years of keeping my nose down and my penis under control earned me some trust and a blessing. Initially she had some fears that she might be abandoned or I would overspend but by the 5th or 6th trip and 9 months later, she realized it was no longer an issue with her and mostly adopted the i really don't want to know if it doesn't bleed through stance. Just don't tell anyone else. She's even sort of started believing that the guys posting stories here aren't really fucking strippers and are just PLs who are trolling us with fictional accounts to stroke egos. Little white lies, I suppose. Go ahead and show this one to her as well if you must.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @twentyfive I didn't take your comments as a lecture. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    “I didn’t think I was lecturing anyone, he has to work it out with her, I think it’ll be a lot easier without a bunch of crickets chirping.” Hmm, I should have chosen a word with less negative connotations. I agree, you really are simply sharing your perspective. Even Rick is trying to be helpful in his own way. I disagree with his fundamental worldviews, which is the reason he posts on this thread the way he does. But even he is being helpful in the way he knows how.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    To be honest, there are few sites where a reformed monger can get real advice. There are most likely lots of places for women to bash men. I went through couples therapy, and it was a crock. I told the therapist my stories, in detail and my ex fumed over my honesty. My ex didn’t actually want the details - she wanted me to beg for forgiveness and sit in a puddle of guilt. I wouldn’t do that. I admitted my fuck ups, and got it all out, and realized that I would be better off on my own. So, my attempt at therapy was a failure too. But I think this forum isn’t a bad place to be open and honest. We will never see many other members in person, so it’s a decent place to air things out without concern.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    There used to be a website called myhusbandsucks(dot)com . Funniest thing. Reading through it back in the day, it was started by one woman as a journal to write her thoughts about he husband having sexual relations with another woman. But more and more other women would land on her personal site, and it sort of organically grew. Doubtless a broken, sad wife would sit in front of her computer - empty - and just type my husband sucks (dot) com into the browser, and not expecting anything in particular to happen, she just typed that because that was how she felt, but then unexpectedly it would load a web site fulled with thoughts, poems, and rants about women having gone through the exact same thing. I don't think the site is active today. food for thought ......
  • DeclineToState
    •
    6 years ago
    -->"I went through couples therapy, and it was a crock. I told the therapist my stories, in detail and my ex fumed over my honesty." ^Reminds me of this couples therapy clip from the movie Old School, which I found hilarious. [view link]
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @nicespice it is irony to me if someone accuses me of using TUSCL to share thoughts. It's the whole point of a discussion board. It's what we are all doing. Including my accusers if it.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    lecture was an unfortunate word choice, but I get what you mean. We share on the odd chance that something we write or perspectives we share might help SLD. But really it's probably just to fuel our own egos. Which I'm okay with.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 thanks for airing your own laundry. There may be a day when I earn back some more trust, I learn to moderate my mongering and spending, and also she relaxes, as she has before, her limits as to what she expects of a good husband. All I know right now is that I've missed the way my relationship was with my wife before I started mongering hard (again). It's time to reset myself and get back to it and see how it works out. If I find myself missing strippers again, how I go about returning to it is the only thing that's going to change. In other news, I got a hot date set up with her for Saturday night. It's going to be nice, for a change, having it without thoughts of whether or not she knows about my mongering. As I stated, it's been liberating being able to have open and honest conversations with her again. Looking forward to it.
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    @sirlap LOL, just be grateful a certain someone hasn’t shown up on this thread to call you a bad husband and an evil member of the patriarchy. Or create a new thread.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @nicespice LOL I have no issues if any of that happens. I always consider the source of any post. And I always have fun if I reply to anyone.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    It is irony to judge someone else at a strip club or on a strip club discussion board.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    To paraphrase the venerable Papi_Chulo, it's like claiming to be the tallest midget.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    @SLD, Good idea on that hot date nights. Since skibum suggested date like how it used to be when you first started dating, we've been doing that, too. We had a date light last night (great time, btw) and last week, tuesday night. We'll go out again on Mon. She likes weeknights because it's less busy. This oddly is why I club Fri or Sat nights, because those usually our dead times unless there is a band playing or a concert. I did relent and buy her some more clothes a few months back. It helps her confidence. She lives for the compliments, convo, and flirting. Ski is 100% right. Good that you can have open and frank convos with her. I'm always of the opinion that your wife should be your best friend, too.
  • Dominic77
    •
    6 years ago
    I love how a certain poster is so quick to call men "cheaters" on here. LOL
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @Dominic77 if you mean san_jose_creep I agree. And yeah it is complete irony because that's exactly what he did to his own wife, admittedly!!!
  • gSteph
    •
    6 years ago
    >> There was one time I came home and pet my cat before I washed my hands and she knew from how the cat smelled two hours later! << I know what it is to live with a "10" nose. The 1st time my wife and I had a strip club related conversation started after I had 2 lap dances - didn't notice any perfume on either - distracted I guess. Came home, took a hot tub, went completely under to 'bromine' scent myself, took a full shower. Later, after making love (gee, them strip clubs can be exciting), she kissed me once more, makes a face, says "how'd you get perfume in your nose?"
  • gSteph
    •
    6 years ago
    ^^ oops, wrong key I know what it is like to live with a wife with a sensitive nose. Our 1st strip club related conversation happened after I had my 1st 2 lap dances ever, came home, took a hot tub to 'bromine' scent myself, then a full shower. Couple hours later, after making love, she kisses me again and says "how'd you get perfume in your nose?" 'Twas not a good moment......
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @gSteph she sounds similar to my wife. I've had a stripper run her fingers through my hair just once and then had to explain to my wife hours later why I "reek" of perfume and I can't smell a damn thing. LOL sounds like you had some titty motorboat action going on for your first LDs. Or did you pay for the extra to have her pick your nose with a nipple?
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    6 years ago
    @SirLap, we’re all pussies about something. Having it be about loving one’s wife ain’t that bad. :) At this stage of the game, 30 years in, it's highly unlikely she’d do anything of the sort, but if she were to ask me to stop, I’d have to do the same thing you are.
  • gSteph
    •
    6 years ago
    @SirLap - LOL no just good ol' motorboating. Hell, I didn't even know the term (or the action till it happened). Hadn't discovered this site yet.
  • gSteph
    •
    6 years ago
    Oh, and best wishes going thru this change in your life. gSteph
  • wallanon
    •
    6 years ago
    It's not like he's doing a Jenner or anything. Just getting his nuts put in a box.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @georgmicrodong our relationship is not something that can be readily thrown away. If I look back at it, my mongering and porn have really been the biggest issues by far. Just about only fight we ever had was because of a misunderstanding at a strip club, and strippers and porn are the only things I've ever hidden from her in secret. And so when I compare this to all our happiness and everything else I have with my wife, it pales in comparison.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    So as my last post as a TUSCLer, I just want to thank all of you that gave me some encouragement in this thread. It was much appreciated. I've decided that TUSCL is a potential enabler for me to regress back to PL status, so I gotta move on from it. It's been fun and thanks for all the laughs.
  • Jascoi
    •
    6 years ago
    enjoy life sir.
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    It’s been nice interacting with you, SirLap.
  • flagooner
    •
    6 years ago
    You've be fun. Best of luck.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    6 years ago
    I wish you the best SirLDA! I hope you and your wife work through your issues. It’s been great reading your stories.
  • rickdugan
    •
    6 years ago
    Quitting is for pussies. ;)
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