Stupid Things Strippers Have Done and/or Said

Our club has a jukebox for music(sad to say) anyway, The doorman, manager and myself(I was on a bartending shift)
are standing by the mike we use to announce the girls on stage.
The door guy is holding his cell phone up to the mike playing "stairway to heaven" inbetween songs, a dancer looks at us and says "when did we get this in the jukebox"
Great way to end the night on a laugh last night..

Oh, just remembered something else she said. The club is almost dead, only 1 hour to closing and it's very late at night. She told me she just got there and was trying to get some dances. Now that's almost funny if she didn't sound so serious.

A dancer offered me what she said was a real deal. One dance for $20. I wonder what price she thought the two for one dance price is? When I get two for $30 or two for $20, the dance price is $15 or $10. I guess I could have asked further questions such as what she normally charges if I wanted the entertainment.

Yes thanks for commenting evilcyn, just wondering if you had a story you wanted to add.

Anyone think it's a bit unusual in response to being asked why I'm not drinking beer (was taking prescription medicine for something minor), that a dancer tells me she had a urinary tract infection a week or two ago? Maybe not considering she told me she was watching some squirters on a DVD. This was how a dancer started a conversation with me.

Some may consider this stupid not sure who but I saw a girl with nice tits suddenly squeeze them and out came milk squirting right in this guys face that was tipping her at the stage. He thought it was funny and so did I. I told two different dancers. One thought it was gross and one thought it was funny. Maybe I told more than one. Stupid or not? I just thought it was funny. I'm just glad she didn't squirt me because I tipped her a second before that.

I even moved back to the back of the club in the same spot I was in earlier. Apparently lacking all memory since I was in the same spot I was earlier, the same two girls asked me yet again. REALLY STUPID. Hell would almost freeze over before I got a dance from either of them that night. I was thinking they must be getting desparate and haven't figured out they're pissing off the customers.

Just remembered something else. In a club where it's normal to tip girls at the stage and nowhere else unless you want to after a dance, two dancers came up to me in the very back of the club about as far away from the stage as I could be. They started to put their hands on me and tried to talk sweet. Then after 1 minute they asked to get a dance. I said no thanks right away. Then instead of graciously leaving, they asked well then how about a tip? Asking for a tip because they asked me for a dance seems a bit rude to me. Anyway I started to give both dancers a dollar anyway just to be rid of them. One dancer seemed ok, the dancer on my left made a funny face and then said "you just keep your dollar! you probably need that a whole lot more!" as if it was beneath her. Then she holds up her palm at me as if she can't stand me. I'm thinking "what a BITCH!"

I'm sitting in a different spot 30 to 60 minutes later. The same two girls come up to me and ask me for a dance. STUPID.

I was having lunch with my previous ATF and her sister, several months ago. We were just talking shop about the dancers at the club. Who was pregnant, who was getting divorced, who was doing drugs etc. The sister blurts out "I like T--- but she needs to gain some weight and stop sucking dicks for $40" I got to wonder what she likes about T---?

I had a stripper come by and ask if I wanted a dollar dance. I said sure and when she was done I slipped my dollar into the side of her G-string. She then turned and held the other side open for another buck. I said I thought that was a dollar dance. She made a face, so I slipped in another buck to get rid of her.

I've heard of clubs where you had to pay money for the jukebox if you got a semi-private dance. Only thing I could think of. Sounds weird saying you can pay for the music or for the dance. Only time I remember paying for music was a club where the DJ accepted tips and took song requests from customers if it was the same type of music they normally played. I tipped a dollar to play Metallica and possibly some other songs on a few occasions. Didn't do that too much because the DJ usually played something I liked anyway. Loved the DJ's music selection in that club.

Bookguy: I have NEVER heard of such a thing, but I sure got a laugh out of it. Any idea what the charge for the music was going to be? And if you are paying for the music, what happens if you didn't like the song selection?

Maybe instead of earplugs to prevent hearing the music, perhaps her inner thighs could've been used... hmm...

Got another one recently. We're going to the back room for a private lap-dance, at a club in New Orleans (no names named!). She takes me back, arranges me on the couch, drops parts of her clothing, then announces, "So, we do songs or we do dances. Which do you want?" Flummoxed, I asked her what the difference was. "One has music." OK, I asked again -- hearing loud and clear the music still playing on the speakers in every room in the building. "One has music, the other doesn't."

OK, since the prices are the same, I ask her for the one that has music. She gives me a typical lap dance, basically standard for what I expected at that club.

When we're done, she says, "Oh, there's an extra charge for listening to the music." I am stunned. But then I think up a quick rejoinder -- "I was so transfixed by your beauty, I didn't listen to any of it for the whole time you were dancing for me."

Evidently, she liked this answer, and only charged me for the dances themselves.

I wonder what a "set" without the music would have been like. Would I have had to wear ear-plugs? Or go out into the parking lot to complete it?

I have to say as a dancer, I love hearing all of this. I am one of those dancers who have watched all the stupid things other girls do, and have learned greatly from it..
The credit card line was the best, I can only hope I have never done anything worth a story here...

Another stupid thing a dancer did. Last weekend I was just one of about 3 guys sitting at the stage and a dancer came over. I immediately tipped her a dollar. Her first words "cheapskate!" I threw another dollar at her and left the stage not liking her attitude at all. I decided I wasn't going to be tipping her anymore at least for some time unless I'm already sitting at the stage like I was that one time. Anyway, she obviously didn't remember or doesn't think calling customers names upsets them in the least. After tipping several girls last night, she comes over and asks for a drink and then a dance when I decline that. Before asking for the dance she wants to let me know about all the extra expensive VIP rooms, champagne room etc. What an idiot. My memory lasts longer than 2 seconds especially when I make a point to remember her so I can avoid her.

I have a new one. Last night why walking through the parking lot, I spotted a drivers license. I decided to pick it up and turn it in at the front door of the strip club. The girl looked young in her 20's (it was easy enough to tell since it had a lot of information on the card). Anyway I was wondering who it might be other than the full name, address etc.. and how she managed to drop it in the parking lot. I was wondering if it was a dancer or not. The girl at the front door said "oh yeah, she was here last night." Apparently she left her drivers license lying in the parking lot all day. She's just lucky I'm not some guy like RL. I thought maybe I saw one girl in the club who resembled her. hmmm, it might have been funnier if I took the card into the club and asked if this was her pointing to the card. I'd probably be awful if I had to ID someone from just their face. Now if they would just include tits and ass on their drivers license photo, I could much more easily identify them.

Along the same lines a Blockbird's story, I'd spent quite a bit of time (pronounced money) on a girl and thought we were hitting it off pretty well.

I'd been drinking more than my share and was having problems adding up how much I owed her after a session (uhh... $10/dance should normally be a fairly simple calculation). Anyhow, tucked the wad ...err, of bills... and asked that she come back after her stage set, so that we could continue where we left off.

I was starting to lose even more brain function, but was still surprised to see her return so quickly... didn't recall seeing her on stage... but I could'a missed it - at least that was the path that my thinking process was going, until she blurted out about 10 feet from me that I'd short changed her. I probably did, but who knows, she might've also seen my condition as a way to capitalize and get more cash... Well, I handed over what she thought I still owed her (after counting it about 9 times because I was aware of how blitzed I was), never EVER agreeing to a dance from her again.

On the Block in Baltimore, I had already bought a girl 2 small drinks at $25 each, and given her a couple $10 tips. She then had to go on stage, but promised to be right back after her stage dance. She knew I was good for at least one more, and perhaps a bigger drink. She was a lot of fun, so I was game.

After her stage dance, she was making her rounds collecting dollars, and came to me. I said, "Just hurry back." At which point she started screaming at the top of her lungs, so everyone could hear, "Look this f**ing jerk, he won't even tip me a dollar!!"

Needless to say, I was outta there. Haven't been in that club since.

To borrow a phrase from Chitown, it almost seems unfair to include instances where strippers didn't know names from pop culture, geography, etc. I could easily fill a page-a-day calendar with that type of Stupid Stripper Quotes. By the same token, I guess I could be the subject of a calender with all the gaps in my knowledge of TV stars, video games or X-treme sports.

Anyway, a few years ago, a stripper I knew was planning to attend a February wedding in California. She started going to a tanning salon weeks in advance to be "ready for the beach". Another stripper asked her what she'd heard about the beaches in the middle of winter where she was going. She said she hadn't asked. She just assumed all of California had sunny beaches year round. The wedding was in Sacramento. And she had booked her flight into LAX. We pointed out that Sacramento was at least an hour from any beach and not exactly balmy in February. And flying into Los Angeles would be like travelling to Michigan by booking a flight into Kentucky. So, she just rented a car and probably had a good time driving up the coast, although I bet she was disappointed at all the non-movie stars she saw.

Math challenged: I just reviewed a girl here in NOLa who does 1-for-$30 for 3-for-$100. I don't get what she's missing ...

I like the stories about the word "platinum" the best. ROFL. "No he won't let me suck his dick" is good too. :)

Most common stupid-stripper trick? Bad attitude about customer service, in particular in some manner that, relative to the "norm" of what other girls are doing at a given club, turns out to be lame-o and low-service. It shows up all the time. Especially on the boards, one girl will post "Omigoood I can't believe that a guy wanted to actually TOUCH my tits" and then you realize it's on a board where blowjobs and full-sex are readily available from most other girls. Then she'll get into a whole argument about how "we are not whores" and so forth. The more she talks, the fewer customers she gets, and eventually SOMEONE will help her to clam up for fear of totally ruining all her chances of EVER working for profit again. But until that point, it's fun to watch her (erm, for lack of a better expression) flash her ass.

But that's just stupidity of the customer-service kind. I like the more general kinds of stupidity. They're funnier. I once mockingly told a girl she looked like the movie character Scout in "To Kill a Mockingbird" so she started talking about how much she liked slasher / horror movies. Another time, a red-head was trying to remember the name name of the actress she thought she looked like, and volunteered "Oldie Heartburn." Ah wait, I know, you mean "Audrey Hepburn," aha.

Then there's the girl who told me she was going to Vegas next week. She said she'd drive, and be back by the next evening. We were talking at the Cannonball in Brampton, right next to Toronto. I told her it would probably take her two days just to drive the first leg of the trip to get TO Vegas, one-way. "Wait," she answered, "aren't the casinos right next to Niagara Falls? And that's just an hour away right? So that's Vegas, isn't it?"

I also like the idea of asking them if they've ever been on an airplane. Many of the jaded ones probably have gone to Vegas, Miami, or Tampa by airplane many times. But the young new ones at small-town clubs probably think that's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I oughta offer to take 'em on a flight to, say, Pahrump, or Kankakee ...

It was 7;00 P.M. yesterday at my favorite club. One of my favorite dancers was sitting on Magicrat's lap She was difinetly shit faced and was telling us all about all of the fucked up shit at strip clubs. I had to stop her twice and ask her to show us her pussy. With she did. Even touch. The waitress came by and asked if we were OK. She said pointing at me "NO He will not let me suck his dick!"

Unfair, but always funny to hear about.

It was 8:00 P.M., Yesterday. In my favorite club wih fellow TUSCLcer Magicrat. I was tipping a dancer on a satalite stage. She some how got hold of the of the shorts that I was wearing, gave them a little pull. Now I standing there with my shorts around my ankles and of course no underwear. She screams and falls to floor. Trying to hide her face. She was laughing and apoligizing at the same time. Two bouncers and the manager came running to find out what the scream was about. By the time the got there, My pants were back where they belonged. She told them. You could see the smiles and hear the snickers from them and about 30 other customers and dancers. Magicrat said "I gotta go tip her for just what she did to you." Chitown: Do I have a case here. At least the didn't ask me pay a tip out .

Almost all dancers I have ever met are severely math-challenged...so much so that it almost seems unfair to include stories about them screwing up math calculations under this category.

I might have countered how about 60 bucks for 4 dances? If she said yes though, I might have to wonder if she could count.

I once saw a dancer get too close to the edge of a tall stage, slip, and fall down off the stage. You just knew that had to hurt. A bouncer carried her away.

Years ago at a club in Tampa where the dances were $20, I had a stripper tell me I could get 2 for $50 from her. I asked if she didn't mean 3 for $50 or 2 for $30. No, she replied, 2 for $50, take it or leave it. I asked if she had many takers on that deal, as opposed to 1 for $20 or 2 for $40 with an option to stop or continue at any point, but I couldn't get her to understand why it didn't encourage buying in bulk.

There was the one girl, who was on her way to being a personal favorite, who didn't hide her tampon string real well. Then she had to harass me for not tipping her even though I wasn't at the stage.

How about more examples of stupid stuff instead of, you know, opinions about stupid stuff. Anybody?

What seems to be unusual for a stripper is to find one that really does have a college degree. I found a stripper many years ago who told me she had one but was making a whole lot more money dancing than she could using her degree. With respect to the dancers, most seem to have common sense and do have high school degrees. However it's the stupid things we see that can be amusing. A number of dancers are real clever and sneaky and pretty good at swindling your money but let's talk about the stupid stuff they do. :)

I guess I did sort of suggest this topic. Lots of things to talk about on this topic. If some dancers were posting they could probably list all the stupid things customers have done. I agree that I'm not into glitter. That stuff can stay on you and your clothes even after showering and putting your clothes through the wash. It might be just a flake or two of glitter but that stuff can be hard to get rid of.

I once had a stripper in her mid 20's claim that she had flown an evac chopper during Desert Storm. This was in the late 90's so she would have been about 16 when she enlisted. To top it off the guy sitting with me has a pilots license and really DID fly choppers in Vietnam. Needless to say the discourse between them was rather interesting...

This is slightly off topic but relevant to the stupid thing the stripper said about married guys. Alabamascott said that his good experiences might be attributed to "women wanting what they can't have". I doubt that. I do think that women, strippers included, sometimes feel less threatened by married guys. I don't know why that is. Maybe because they think a married guy is not as desparate for sex as a single guy. But she might be way off base there.

On another board somebody posted about a chat with a stripper. The subject of club names came up, and he remarked on how many have "platinum" in their name - Pure Platinum, Platinum Plus, and so on.

"Yup," she said, "there sure are a lot of 'em with platinum."

Then, after a long pause, she asked, "I wonder what platinum means?"

So, anyway, when I was in the Platinum Club in Brooklyn, Illinois, I repeated all of this to a stripper.

She blurted out, "I know. Platinum's a credit card."

Last week at the same club Doug told about, I had an experience with a very hot looking stripper who turned out to be the stupidest ROB (ripoff bitch) I've ever met. I think she was new to the club. First, she gave me a sensational lapdance. Any ROB should know that's not in their playbook. The second dance started out just as great. Then midway through, she slipped her hands into my pants pockets. She was completely obvious about it, like she was trying another route to my dick, not to my money. I told her it wasn't doing anything for me. Against my better judgment, I got a third dance. (Did I mention she was smokin'?) It wasn't nearly as good as the first two. She even tried to get into my pockets again until I patted her hands away.

Afterwards, I thanked her, and she said that will be $60. (Dances here are $10, no negotiation.) I corrected her, saying that was three songs.

I expected her to try to tell me she charged $20. Instead, she said, "I thought that was at least five songs. [pause] And two of them were at least six minutes."

Whatever the length, I insisted the count was three. She was about to come back with some other dumb line when I slipped $40 into her G-string. Instead of dressing, she sat back on my lap and started grinding again. I told her no really, we're done. She said, "You don't want me to dance anymore?" (Afterwards, it occurred to me she might have thought the extra $10 was for a fourth dance, not a tip.)

Later, another stripper told me somebody had stolen all her money and her phone. As I was leaving the club, I saw her having a serious discussion with the housemom and the ROB, now in street clothes. I mean, I don't wanna jump to any conclusions, but...

Interesting, I've had several dancers asked if I'm married. When I tell them yes, they don't seem to be turned off by this. In fact, it seems they become more aggressive towards me. Many of my single friends have told stories of bad club experiences. I've concluded that maybe because I do go to the club wearing my ring, it makes the experience all the better. I figured it's the "women wanting what they can't have" factor coming into play. Not sexually, but emotionally. But, I usually try connect with a potential VIP dancer before going behind the curtain. Maybe that's the difference?

The teacher still strips. Usually only when school is out for the summer. 5'7"or 8". 125lbs. Early 30's now. No Kids. Hard bodied with natural large "B",S. Natural blond. Now from what I hear, Having domestic problems with her husband. Last time I spoke with her, last summer. I asked her after 3 years of teaching how she liked it. She said that it was getting boreing and that she would like stripping more. She always gave me a fair $10 lap dance but never anything special for this club.

Yes, Doug, that was "Mandy Sue", who told us that she would rather not get a dance from any married man in the club. As you pointed out at the time, that would probably rule out 3/4 of the trade...and, I would point out, close to 90% of those who were actually buying dances.

Too many to mention. It is refreshing to find one that can carry on a conversation above the 6th grade level. The next time you are out to a strip club. Ask them, if they have ever flown in an airplane. Not only will you find that most of them have never but most of them fear flying. Jokes go over their heads.

Iwent through the glitter thing with a dancer a year or so ago, At the Crazy Horse Saloon in Atlanta. I told her that it was a NO NO and why. She said that she didn't care. Real smart. She dind't lose the dance from me because I had to worry about going home. But rather, I didn't like her looks because of it. Another dancer came over and gave me a good brushing off. She understood. There are of course exceptions. Like the stripper that I know, who has tenure as a teacher at the University of South Carolina. Put herself through college working as a stripper. What does she teach? "Theatre and Public Speaking". Oh well. I guess that if they were all rocket experts, there wouldn't be any strippers. I'll take beauty over brains. At least for entertainment.

It's funny to see the strippers come and go. They are so typical most of the time. There are the occassions where you see one that truly is different.
My pet peeve I suppose are those who offer for you to buy them a drink. I don't understand why they think this will help them out at all - as most drink prices are the same as a table dance in Atlanta. I'd much rather have her dance for me and quench my thirst than her actual thirst. Perhaps I am wrong here... however, the best arguement I could make for this is that when I was sitting with a very cool dancer, I asked her if she wanted something to drink and she ordered. When the drinks arrived she tried to pay for them... of course I handled it but it was nice to see that she was not trying to offer my pleasantries for me.
I agree with the glitter thing. I have a couple of very nice sweaters and shirts that I am not interested in having a starmap appear on when I am standing under the blacklights.
And I hope that all dancers who may have access to this - or club owners who may read it - please have some policy as to going to freshen up before going to VIP. I have cancelled going to VIP with a dancer who was just previously on stage and working the floor who didn't go to the ladies room to freshen.

A girl who seems lost in space can be funny at times. I don't think I've heard Stairway to Heaven in a very long time.

Topcatt: That's one of those times when she was probably asking herself, "Oh, did I say that out loud?!" That IS pretty stupid!!

Yeah, lol, exactly, forgot to post that. Did I say that out loud?

I once saw a dancer sitting at the bar pass out and fall off her barstool. A couple other girls carried her into the dressing room and we never saw her again. She had been on stage a little earlier and looked pretty drunk.

I was at a club in tampa and the girl was dancing for one of my friends and she said to the girl dancing for me, I will give you $20 if you let me dance for him, I had no say in the matter. So they exchange money and swap, she starts trying to hustle me into the back room, offering to pay for part of the room fee and give me liquor (all nude club). So Ive got her down to a half hour vip with her and a screwdriver and as were getting up to leave so she can freshen up and get my drink before the vip room she says "oh honey youre gonna be a gold mine" I immediately went back to my friends and we left.

My favorite was a dancer at a $10/dance topless place. Before she started dancing for me, I asked if she did indeed charge $10 per dance. She told me that no, she charged $12, because there was a memo (!) that had just come out to increase the dance price. OK...so after our 2 dances, I asked her "How much?", and she says "$22". Hmmmmm.......after a hearty chuckle, I handed her $25 for the two dances and told her to go buy herself something pretty.
She was dumber than a box of nails, but gave a HELLUVA good dance.

I posted this elsewhere but having a stripper tick off a regular who tips a number of girls several times by calling him a cheapskate after her first one dollar tip, pretty stupid. No more tips from me unless she knows how to use a computer and can read these messages. Maybe that's what is meant by a snapping pussy. I see the pussy and then it seems to snap back at you.