Text messages with CF
Call.Me.Ishmael
Rhode Island
A text messaging transcript with my CF. (Cleaned up a bit for the sake of coherence)
===
CF: Hey. I need 400 really bad.
CMI: 400 what?
CF: $. Can you give it to me? I'll pay you back.
CMI: No.
[10 minutes pass]
CF: Why not?
CMI: We talked about this. I'm never going to give or loan you money. It's bad mojo. If you want to get together, how about early next week?
CF: I need help now. Can't you help me one time?
CMI: No.
[20 minutes pass]
CF: You're an asshole. I don't want to see you anymore.
CMI: I understand. Sorry this didn't work out. Good luck with everything. You'll probably see me in the club. I see no reason for drama. Hope you agree.
[3 days pass]
CF: Do you still want to get together next week?
CMI: lol
CF: Shut up.
-- END --
===
CF: Hey. I need 400 really bad.
CMI: 400 what?
CF: $. Can you give it to me? I'll pay you back.
CMI: No.
[10 minutes pass]
CF: Why not?
CMI: We talked about this. I'm never going to give or loan you money. It's bad mojo. If you want to get together, how about early next week?
CF: I need help now. Can't you help me one time?
CMI: No.
[20 minutes pass]
CF: You're an asshole. I don't want to see you anymore.
CMI: I understand. Sorry this didn't work out. Good luck with everything. You'll probably see me in the club. I see no reason for drama. Hope you agree.
[3 days pass]
CF: Do you still want to get together next week?
CMI: lol
CF: Shut up.
-- END --
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47 comments
I keep waiting for mine to ask for money. Instead she wants to hang out, and go on dates.
It's good that you have an informed way of looking at this SS. Sometimes these girls can really work every angle to get $$$ - and someguys fall for it!
Sometimes they just need to see you once outside the club to be willing to see you outside the club, if that makes sense. So usually I say no to lending money to strippers, but once in a great while it can be like an investment. If she had wanted to meet in the club to get the money I would have said no to her just like all the others.
I've been a lurker for awhile. This is almost a self help forum. Which in itself is probably not a good thing, but I can't stop. Maybe one day I'll post a thread about my situation...
She had a VERY annoying habit of not ending conversations though. Like she'd ask me to stop by her apt. to smoke (etc.) and I'd say sure, when should I come by? Then I wouldn't hear for her for a day and she'd forget she even asked.
When they do ask for $$ is it really because they need a certain amount? I always assumed it was an entrepreneurial stripper that tries to figure what she might be able to get, sometimes having it backfire like this.
I did have my CF come up to me a few months ago apologetically saying she needed $40 before leaving and asked if I would give it to her. I asked when she needed to leave. When she said 1/2 hour I told her that was plenty of time to earn it. Off we went to the lapper area for 4 songs.
I did tip her $40 on top of the $40 for dances. We were both happy.
I think they probably move my number to the bottom of the list after a few emergencies - and after my "what's in it for me?" Reply.
I suspect the answer to that is all over the map. I'm sure that sometimes it's a specific amount to address a specific problem or bill. A lot of dancers careen from one crisis to the next. Other times, it's just as likely that a dancer feels like shopping or partying, and concocts an "emergency" and dollar amount to cover the cost.
I don't spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. And I spend zero money on stripper "lines of credit". That's the actual chump's game (in my opinion).
I told her I was already 30 miles away heading to an appointment.
Complete SS!
Imagining returning, I was picturing her "neighbor" (aka bf, pimp, drug dealer, whatever) rolling me upon my return.
That was my last visit. See ya!!!!!
It's all about setting expectations.
Agree also with my un-esteemed colleagues above: if you give it to them, it's a gift. If you don't feel like giving them a gift, don't give it to them.
"Sorry, but I had already starting making other arrangements for next week."
I guess that there can be exceptions, but I regard a stripper loan to be as much as fictional as "Little Red Riding Hood."
We should link this thread as how to properly handle a 'front me some money' situation. And then link the millions of other threads that show what happens when a PL routinely fronts the dancer money. It always ends in the PL complaining that he didn't get anything in return for the money. Well duh!
TFP, it's a weird thing -- I remember back when I used to think "it's easy to get caught up in feelings and make a bad choice" in this scenario. I *remember* feeling that way, but it's completely alien to me now, it's like the switch turned off. If anything, I am suspicious and irritated, and put the stripper (or sugarbaby -- SA is just as bad for this behavior, as strippers) on "one more fuckup and you're gone" classification. She does it more than once, she's gone. And I'm not remotely ever tempted to give her the $, beyond "I can meet you OTC tomorrow" type things.
That's why I think it's so good for beginners to read this. They get confused because it feels so personal -- not only might she not like me anymore if I don't give her the money, but how touching that when she's in trouble I'm the white knight she comes to. They don't realize that it's exactly the opposite, she not looking for her personal hero, she is trying to figure out how weak of a little bitch you are. It's not touching, it's the first step in a hustle. It should get you angry, not tug at your heartstrings
TFP said: "Thing is, you seem to have a strong sense of self control."
I'm not sure that's entirely true. I still spend quite a bit of money, and I'm not sure it's all spent well. That said, I'm completely unafraid to look for the NF (next favorite?) once the CF becomes greedy or troublesome. If anything, it can be fun to go prospecting.
Caveat... I live in a target-rich environment. Rhode Island's worst clubs are better than the best clubs in many parts of the country (well... perhaps not true for Club Fantasies).
Even so, I strongly suspect (hope) that my reply above would not change if I lived in a strip club wasteland. I don't do stripper drama or stripper debt. Both are dreadful.
I have a wonderful group of hoes for you
It's great to have a friendly / fun relationship with your CF. You *should* like your CF. Honestly, I don't fully understand guys on here who talk about their CFs like a mindless fuck doll that breathes and poops. But hey, that's how they have fun.
But... beyond that point of friendly fun there be monsters. Because it is a transactional relationship at its core. If you don't believe that now, then it will almost certainly be proven to you in due time and at your detriment.
Also, something to keep in mind is that you may not be built for this sort of thing. That's not an insult. Really, it might be flattery. Some guys can't be intimate with a woman and not develop feelings. I've heard rumors that this is how it's supposed to work. Anyway, if it turns out that you're like that, then go another way.
But that's a future consideration. For right now, see if just having some friendly fun with your CF doesn't float your boat. It's okay to just have fun.
Really good point Subraman.