OT Depression
gawker
Older than dirt
How do you know when to throw in the towel and just give up? From most logical, rational indicators I've had a wonderful life. Well educated, 47 years of at least average marriage, steady employment with leadership positions both at work and in other aspects of life. Great kids and grand-kids. Steady and frequent sex with several willing and able strippers in my later years (60 to 70).
But lately everything has just gone wrong. My wife's Alzheimers is getting worse. My ATF stopped using drugs and her therapist in rehab convinced her that having sex for money is degrading and contributes to her drug use, my #2 favorite just stopped communicating after telling me to fuck off, my #3 favorite dancer got fired from my favorite club, moved an hour & a half away and started working at a non-contact air dance club and says she likes not being "pawed by old men".
My reading of my wife's long term care insurance policy was wrong and I incurred thousands of dollars in care costs not covered. My credit score plummeted and when I went to refinance my house I've run into a brick wall. So even though I've got about $200,000 in equity in the house I can't find a reasonable way to tap it.
So, I'm broke, my credit is fucked, my wife is off her rocker driving me nuts, and my three favorite dancers are all unavailable. I went to the club yesterday and spent time with a wonderful stripper who's been a good friend for many years but who allows no extras at all. I have texted with her recently, but hadn't seen her in months. She kept me waiting, was critical of everything I said and ( out of character) seemed only interested in money. None of the other dancers caught my attention and I left, depressed.
Maybe it's me. I knew I was a dirty old man, but maybe I've now become a boring dirty old man. Maybe I need to change from my hobby of strip clubbing to stamp collecting. Maybe I just need to throw in the towel
But lately everything has just gone wrong. My wife's Alzheimers is getting worse. My ATF stopped using drugs and her therapist in rehab convinced her that having sex for money is degrading and contributes to her drug use, my #2 favorite just stopped communicating after telling me to fuck off, my #3 favorite dancer got fired from my favorite club, moved an hour & a half away and started working at a non-contact air dance club and says she likes not being "pawed by old men".
My reading of my wife's long term care insurance policy was wrong and I incurred thousands of dollars in care costs not covered. My credit score plummeted and when I went to refinance my house I've run into a brick wall. So even though I've got about $200,000 in equity in the house I can't find a reasonable way to tap it.
So, I'm broke, my credit is fucked, my wife is off her rocker driving me nuts, and my three favorite dancers are all unavailable. I went to the club yesterday and spent time with a wonderful stripper who's been a good friend for many years but who allows no extras at all. I have texted with her recently, but hadn't seen her in months. She kept me waiting, was critical of everything I said and ( out of character) seemed only interested in money. None of the other dancers caught my attention and I left, depressed.
Maybe it's me. I knew I was a dirty old man, but maybe I've now become a boring dirty old man. Maybe I need to change from my hobby of strip clubbing to stamp collecting. Maybe I just need to throw in the towel
64 comments
Anyone who stands by his wife when she's most vulnerable is a stud in my book. Also not just any idiot can become a HS principal. Things will get better & you'll meet another dancer.
Ecclesiastical 3 NIV
There is a time for everything, 3 and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
2
a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal,
3
a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh,
4
a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
5
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up,
6
a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
7
a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate,
8
a time for war and a time for peace.
Gawker go out and buy or download Damaged by Black Flag. play it fucking loud and break something and repeat until the depression goes away.
. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God
Sometimes one can't change their circumstances and all one can do is roll with the punches and have faith somehow someway things will get better - sometimes time is the only remedy although being an older person one is often cognizant time is not on their side but nevertheless none of us have a crytal ball to say that thngs will not get better in due time and when.
Perhaps you may need to get away from SCing for a bit to focus on what you need to focus on - in reality SCing is not the healthiest thing for on'e psyche, *IMO*.
Life has its peaks and valleys - that's just life - feeling down is understandable but sooner or later we need to recognize feeling down wil not make the situation go away thus might as well go thru it w/ a potitive atitutde since we have to go thru it anyway - as some will say "change what you can and if you can't change it then don't worry about it (and just do your best)".
Try to find other things that can keep you occupied and entertained - and also a support group may be of help.
"It is always darkest before the dawn" - i.e. there is always hope, even in the worst of circumstances
Life is full up ups and downs. Trust in the One True God. The one you have always felt near you in your spirit.
Enjoy all you can in this life...as scripture says " eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die"
Grab life for all it's worth, drink strong drink, make love and feast at a banquet.
Praise the Holy One for all your blessing and Trust in Him alone
https://www.instagram.com/p/BGNvTnPtQWi/
Whatever. Most posters recommend a break from clubbing. Done!
Being a 24/7 caregiver only allowed visits or OTC when I had a relative or paid aide available and until I get insurance straight, those are few & far between.
Part of my frustration/depression/disgust has come from dealing with bureaucracy- insurance - banks - credit card companies, etc. All while being interrupted every 5 minutes by a confused, uncomprehending woman.
And yes, S-cat, I wouldn't trade places. Thoughts & prayers.
As for your favorite stripper, she comes back, always has and always will.
w.r.t. being a caregiver - yeah - that may be one of the toughest jobs of all & burnout & frustration is unfortunately par of the course - best one can do is try to get as much help as possible if that is doable.
All my best to you.
Can you lean on your kids for support? Or are they all busy caring for small children?
All the strippers ignoring you is a blessing in disguise. You don't need them sucking money at this moment and dealing with even more drama.
The Alzheimer's care must be a real bitter pill. Don't know if respite care for caregivers is at all available for you. Is hospice care a part of the situation? You will likely be at your wife's funeral someday and everyone will be there to lift you up through it. So sad how folks wait until then to step up.
Any groups for "boring old men" in your area? A friend of mine travelled around with a group of 70's age musicians for a bit. He was the one with health problems at the time. Any friends of your wife who are understanding and skilled at care?
Don't mean to be a fixer and solver. Hope tomorrow brings a better day.
Gawker you always keep a smile on my face...it might be the apocalypse lol
I will pray for you and your situations
Just remember what God said to Paul when he asked for his thorn in the side to be removed
He was denied but was told God's Grace is sufficient to hold you through this time of desert wondering
Just as God feed Israel in the wilderness the Lord will provide for you in your wilderness
Let's not forget those blessed words of hope from psalms 23
Tho I walk through the valley of death God is with me and protects me.
God is with you my friend
Do Not Worry
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Remember our true source of finances, material, love, etc aka you fill in the blank...all things is GOD
God will provide for you
God told the children of Israel not to forget their past so they could reflect on all the times God did provide
Look to your past Gawker God provided that education, steady job, wife of 47 years kids and grand kids...Look to the rough patches in your past and find the spots when God pulled you through that God provided.
As God allowed the devil to test job by removing his kids, wealth and health. The holy one will allow this to happen to each one of us.
Why ?
Sin ? That's what job's friends said to him, but later in the book God shows it wasn't punishment for sin or any other thoughts like this.
I believe it was to pull job close to God.. see in our wealth and health we tend to ignore the Almighty. Monuments like these are tender one's...Your heavenly father wants to hold and nurture you...like job gained a first hand experience of God by these trauma in his life so will you my friend.
Listen to the inner voice inside you...the inner path leads to God, love, peace, healing and so on
As for the depression, I feel for you. I had a close friend steal most of my valuables about 16 years ago. He spent the money and committed suicide shortly after that. I became very depressed and finally sought psychiatric help. It ( and many different antidepressants) did not do much good. However, I soon realized that money problems are bad, but there are a lot of people who are blind, paralized, etc. That made my problems seem not so bad.
It sounds like you still have good health. Hell, you must be in pretty good shape to keep up with all those young strippers. Maybe a break from the strippers will do you good. You can go back when you are ready.
Perhaps the best advice I can give you is to get more involved with your friends and make some new ones. They will give you support and help keep your mind off all your problems.
As evidenced by all of the comments above, you have a lot of friends on TUSCL. Good luck.
I think there must be support groups for caregivers like yourself. Maybe your wife's doctor could recommend a group. It would help to talk with people in a similar situation.
I would not recommend giving up strip clubs. You need some time for your own enjoyment and relaxation. Take an Uber to your favorite club and drink as much as you like and hang out with the girls. You can have fun without costly OTC sessions.
God bless you.
You are my strip club mentor, the only person I know with so many incredible stripper adventures, and on top of that you're being a selfless and caring husband. I think that's pretty incredible. Hang in there. It'll get better.
And do whatever you think best, but in my opinion I think you should keep playing with strippers as best you can. I met the DS at one of my lowest points in this hobby. Your DS is out there too. Maybe it's a renewed ATF, or maybe it's a new one, but shes out there and is just waiting for you to find her one night.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q7vtWB4owd…
Enjoyed the video Mr.Smith
Alex is one of the greatest actresses of our time!
In your home life, you are a champion for your steadfast support!
God bless you, man. You deserve it. I'll be praying for you.
I'm sorry to hear that things have turned so tough for you. The most important thing to do in such situations is just to feel your own feelings and not try to hide from them.
Out of this they best way forward from here will emerge.
SJG
If it's any consolation, I can say from experience, that after tough times, it does get better, as long as you don't give up and hang in there, it will turn around and things will get better.
However, a new hobby is also a good idea. I second a support group. I had a serious health problem a few years ago that came out of nowhere and nearly killed me. People my age had zero understanding. I lost friends. I spent time in infusion centers with people fifty/sixty years older than me who were wonderful. I sought out online support groups. That helped me a LOT to speak with people who completely understood. Also, when I was strong enough, I started yoga which I now can't live without. ( Just an example). But support groups, a new hobby, and something that provides release&escape.
I truly wish you the best of luck.
My parent's owned and operated a resthome that took care of 60 residents.
I also saw my parents care for my grandmother that suffered from this illness. My prayers are with you.
I was born in a old family. Mom and dad was 40 when they had me and my aunt's and uncles wear 40-50s with grandparents being at 70s when I popped out. Our family usually live in their mid to late 90s even if we live like hell.
Both my parent's died young at 55 and 60 when I was just arriving at 21.
My daughter is a genius but our baby boy was born with autism..high functioning at least.
We all have our crosses to bear in life. We all have our share in blessings as well.
Let us praise God that gives us good and bad times
For in the good we relish and enjoy
For in the bad we grow and become stronger ppl
Let's keep sharing and lifting each other up
My sexy wife from my youth divorce me after 12 years of marriage due to me not seeking counseling over the death of my parent's
But I have always been blessed to enjoy life, eat good food, make love to wemon and have some kind of shelter
Thank the holy one for always providing...I have never true ly been without even in my suffering
Stay positive my friend
I've started college, have savings and a 401k
I have a mortgage but I rent out enough rooms that I live rent free basically..and others are paying off my debt making it a great investment
As long as you keep waking up in life you must never give up
You can win even when dealt a bad hand
This has been the best thread on true fellowship in this brotherhood
Let's all share our blessing and suffering that we have experienced in this life
Why share ?
Because it will strengthen and encourage each member to stay positive, praise their
God and strive to live harder in life
I've enjoyed this and have been blessed by this thread
Thank you Gwaker for being so open and honest and putting faith in your brother's to respond with encouraging words and stories from the chapters in their lives
Poker has alot of beautiful metifours that relate to life
Poker is luck and skill and so is life
It's not about the cards your delt but it's how you play them and so is life
In poker we will all get our fair share of flushes, straights, full houses with the fair share of our AA, KK, and QQ not holding up and so is life
Poker is not about the one single game but the big picture of thousands of hands played and so is life
On and in I could go
I'm not one to offer insight - but sometimes the simplicity of being there can be therapeutic. The outside world might be shitting on you right now - but you are a great guy - and you aren't boring - and your age is simply a number.
These things will pass, and you will be stronger for having weathered another storm.
For those who have offered advice, I thank you. My wife is being followed at The Memory Disorders clinic at Mass. General Hospital, by several measures the best hospital in the world ( for instance: one of her doctors is board certified in both neurology and urology - gets you coming & going).
I attend a support group for care-givers locally and another monthly group for caregivers of those patients with fronto-temporal degeneration, which is a condition with many similar symptoms and outcomes but with separate research protocols. I frequently return feeling that I've got it better than many others - other times realizing I'm not the only guy cleaning shit off the bathroom floor at midnight.
The financial crap is my own fault and is resolvable. I've got a court judgement against me from Amex for $20,000, and an upcoming court date where they're trying to seize assets but have just negotiated settlements on 3 other cards. Then I need to scrape together $50,000 to settle the rest and get out from under absurd interest payments. I've got a couple of hundred thousand in equity in my home but my low credit score is an impediment to accessing it in a reasonable way.
But why did today have to be a pair of socks??
With the other burdens you are managing, relief from financial burden and homeownership will be a blessing. Kind of like George Clooney in "Up In The Air" -- to the extent possible, empty your backpack!!
I've suffered from depression most of my life, and the past year and half, with Mom's passing and Dad's diagnosis of mild-moderate dementia (in the same month), it's really been hitting hard, and it's especially hard when I see Dad slipping just that little bit more. So, yeah, you're not alone out there, in no way, shape, or form.
All I can recommend is try to take it one bout at a time, one day at a time. If you have a list of things you need to be done, particularly things that you don't really need to prioritize, start knocking them off with the smallest, most easily accomplished thing and work your way up the list. That feeling of accomplishment can do wonders.
Also, when you can make the time for yourself, take time for yourself. Drive, catch a movie, hang out with some friends, maybe get involved in a social hobby, like playing board games -- take time to just breathe and forget the rest of the world. That breath of mental fresh air will also do wonders.
Good luck, take it easy, and take it all in stride.