I'm pissed, but what should I do?

avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
layin low but staying high
So I've spent several months cultivating a relationship with a cute little stripper that I thought would be an outstanding DS backup. She's new so it's been slow going. But I've been very patient and generous with her, and we were clearly making or progress towards OTC nirvana. I'm probably her best customer or at least damn close to it.

This week she royally fucked me, and not in a way that I want to be fucked. All of the details don't matter but for the first time I saw the SS flow like a river from her. She stole money, stood me up for a date, and refused to answer my texts. I wasted a trip to see her, and am extraordinarily pissed off at this little bitch that I treated so very well for many months.

What should I do? Broadly speaking I see three options.

1. Grovel like a miserable little PL and stay with her.

2. Ignore the whore and move on.

3. Go to her club, get the dancer that she passionately hates and has told me never to spend money on, and pay this other girl a small fortune. This girl is a 9 by the way, so it wouldn't be a sacrifice to spend on her. I'm pretty sure this girl wouldn't do OTC with me but she would give me good mileage ITC. And of course she'd love to take the other girl's money.

I really really want to do 3. Would this be a mistake?

69 comments

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avatar for jackslash
jackslash
9 years ago
3
avatar for GoVikings
GoVikings
9 years ago
i'd go with number 2 since you seem to be good at getting dancers to agree to OTC.

you should also read the props on that review you submitted today
avatar for Rabbit21
Rabbit21
9 years ago
3, whats the cost to you at this point?
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
9 years ago
Imma thinking #3 is the way to go.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
I'm not gonna say what I spent cause everybody will think I'm lying or am a PL. but like I said Iwas very generous. And she is a natural blond with natural C cups.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
GoV, not sure what you mean. That's not her club.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
Trending 3. I'm surprised. You guys usually reject my plans. But maybe that's just the little heads plans. 3 is a big head plan.
avatar for Clackport
Clackport
9 years ago
2
avatar for GoVikings
GoVikings
9 years ago
nah, i wasn't saying its her club.

i just wanted to make sure you saw my system reference lolol
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
Tell the truth -- none of you would do 1?
avatar for Bavarian
Bavarian
9 years ago
#2 because she stole money from you. Why spend more money in getting back at her?

I only spend money on one stripper. If she gets mad at me and tells me to go find another girl, I just stop going and save my money. Eventually she comes back to her senses and contacts me again. No chasing on my part and no childish games of trying to piss her off by getting dances from her "enemies"
avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02
9 years ago
Similar to Rech, you could do 3, pretend to do 1, and change your mind and do 2
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
9 years ago
I recently did a slightly different version of 3 in that the 2 did not know each other but the one that pissed me off sure got an eye full.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
9 years ago
"Tell the truth -- none of you would do 1?"

Oh hellz no!
Like the saying goes - "I'll beg for pussy and I'll pay for pussy, but I won't beg to pay for pussy."
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
"Tell the truth -- none of you would do 1?"

None of us would ADMIT to doing 1 :) I've done #1 a couple of times in my strip club career, but I think (hope) I'm years past that, I just can't imagine getting so attached that I'd put up with it, especially in your case where at best she's an emergency auxiliary stripper and not even your top girl. In fact, last time a stripper irritated me -- and she didn't fuck me over nearly as badly as yours did to you -- I gave her her walking papers on the spot, despite the fact that she may well have been the most beautiful stripper I've ever OTCed with.

Of the two options that are left, I would plan to do #2, but if I got ornery enough, there's a small chance that I'd call an audible and switch the play #3
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
^^^ ha, first time I heard that lopaw, awesome!
avatar for Lone_Wolf
Lone_Wolf
9 years ago
It really depends on the context of the stand up and the stolen cash. Did she just grab some money off the table or was it something else? Was it 20 or so or was it more? Did she flat out stand you up or come up with some BS excuse while you were waiting?

Depending on the context, I may just lower my tipping to a trickle. If she texts, I would request concise OTC action immediately. If she balks in the slightest way, I would bolt.

Again, depending on how she stole the money and stood you up.
avatar for DoctorPhil
DoctorPhil
9 years ago
^^^^^ ooops. sorry. my bad. that was advice for next month after you go, well you know, after you go all san_jose_guy crazy from too much weed and too much gravy
avatar for sharkhunter
sharkhunter
9 years ago
if u really want to do 3 why not? it's your money.

I was initially thinking, did he meet diva or her clone and get called a nasty pig?
avatar for Lone_Wolf
Lone_Wolf
9 years ago
Bottom line is you've already spent a fortune setting up OTC. Might as well let it play out a little longer. Just watch your wallet.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
"Bottom line is you've already spent a fortune setting up OTC. Might as well let it play out a little longer. Just watch your wallet. "

L_W, you and I part ways here, maybe partly because I've pursued it your way and got fucked by it. Once she metaphorically bent JS69 over the table, fucked him in the ass, and then shoved the dildo into his mouth (all metaphorically!!), if he goes back, she'll have absolutely no respect for him at all, and justifiably so. Things will get worse, not better, and not only might he lose more money, but any shred of self-respect she's left him. Give her her walking papers on your own terms, she's going to keep fucking you otherwise, IMO.

Unless I"m reading too much into it JS. Stealing money, etc., seems like a pretty major fuckup. Strippers always have little fuckups, you just have to set your expectations low about their judgement, willingness to keep promises, etc. But this doesn't feel like a little fuckup, it feels like a fuckup fuckup
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
9 years ago
If it's not your main club, 3.

If it's your main club, 2. She played you. She is like the SW girls who tease OTC as long as they can. She just burned the lot. Don't hang around.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
I like Rech's idea. But my judgment is impaired.

Lopaw, thank you. Im going to put that in my high journal.

Mikey, I'm confused.

Well if scat did it, it's gotta be ok.

LW, it's too complicated to explain. But it was pretty bad. Top 3 in terms of strippers who have done me wrong.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
James, good point. I don't really have a main club. But it's one of my top 5.
avatar for Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
9 years ago
I would do #3. I like to try to get even with strippers that fuck over my money. I don't play that shit at all.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
Subra is right, 1 is not on the table. I'll beg for pussy and I'll pay for pussy, but I won't beg to pay for pussy.
avatar for Lone_Wolf
Lone_Wolf
9 years ago
Subra: I hear ya. There have been a few times when I was partying with a honey, tipping, drinks dances a great time. Honey, stupidly grabs some lose cash change off the table thinking I was too inebriated to notice. Ruins the whole vibe and instantly her cash flow and any chance for favorite status. All for five or ten bucks. I'll never understand it.

JS69: Hell yes, if the infractions are tangible, I would walk immediately but would probably not seek any type of revenge. This shit is just the price we pay for partying with young sexy women that will fuck us for money.
avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg
9 years ago
I assuming that this was the girl that you were going to do your porn movie with? Could it be that a lot of self revulsion has come together with her desperate need for cash to create this situation? As you said, she's a baby stripper and you obviously took her out of her comfort zone.

#1. This is clearly a nonstarter. Even if you would want to go back with her, that really wouldn't be a good option. Trust is pretty much irrevocably broken, both ways.

#2. Ignore and move on. Note that I didn't say "Ignore the whore". She clearly doesn't want to be a whore. This may be your best option.

#3. Rub her face in it by patronizing a dancer that she hates. Realistically speaking, while it might make you feel better, it isn't going to affect her at all because she has already burned her bridges with you - consciously and irrevocably. The best you can hope for is a bit of discomfort from being in the same room with you. Can you report her to the police? Nope. After all, that money was supposed to fund an illegal pay-for-sex session. Get her fired by telling management? Even if they do it after they quit laughing, will any other dancer at that club ever trust you again.

#2 looks like the best of three bad options to me. You might, if you should have opportunity, civily express your disappointment in her betrayal. Under no circumstances, though, attempt to force the issue - all sorts of bad things could result from that.

avatar for Corvus
Corvus
9 years ago
Sounds like she royally screwed you over. If you even return to her club, and make sure she is working that evening, I say go with #3. And for good measure, do it over two or three visits so she gets the message in spades.
avatar for rickdugan
rickdugan
9 years ago
#2. Then you can focus on finding a girl who wants OTC payments. And if you have been spending a lot on her ITC, the one who screwed you over may surprise you in a week or two and start trying to coax you back in.

And what exactly did you mean when you said that she stole money? How much and how?
avatar for bubba267
bubba267
9 years ago
Feel your pain brother. My first and only OTC girl, and long time fav, has gone silent on me. I've stopped trying to contact her after 3 texts which were spread out over a couple of weeks. It is driving me crazy, but I'm not going to beg for/chase her. I would do option 4 - give it some time, circle back without compromising your self esteem, and give her one chance to make it right. It would be a reasonable play considering the time and money you've already invested. I know it is hard because DS has set a standard of behavior that is unrealistic in the real world of dancers. Very similar to my situation....she was 100% reliable in every way prior to this situation. Good luck and keep us posted.
avatar for alabegonz
alabegonz
9 years ago
It's your movie, I think you should frame it the way you end holding high. Sequence it right that she gets it you are the one in charge of where the story is going.

#3 is fine with me since you are initiating a strong action and then wait for reaction.

#1 is fine but with the intention of landing her to bed in the next two weeks, anything beyond that is basically a loss on your financial statement.

#2 is still the same as #3 you are showing a huge reaction, basically reacting to what she has been treating you. Kinda lame if you are making a movie.
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
9 years ago
Just remember, it is better to be pissed off than pissed on.
avatar for minnow
minnow
9 years ago
Judging from OP prose, I'd say he already knows the answer. Even if he was smoking a bunch of weed just prior to posting.
avatar for rh48hr
rh48hr
9 years ago
If I had your scratch JS I'd do #3. If it was me with my funds I'd probably do #2.
avatar for Mr_O
Mr_O
9 years ago
5. 2 then 3.
avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek
9 years ago
You might look at doing 2 with a touch of 3. Next time you go in -- and hopefully she's on her meds this time -- if she hits you up for a dance, just shrug and tell her, "Sorry. Not interested." You've already wasted who knows how much money on her. Why waste any more time and energy on top of it?
avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive
9 years ago
3
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
bubba, I'm sorry for that. Your suggestion is a good one. I'll consider it.

minnow, I was smoking a bunch of weed just prior to posting. Sober, I'm still really pissed. But I'll miss her. I hate bring a PL sometimes.

Joe, not sure what it means in application here, but a good saying nonetheless.

This is not video girl. Video girl still loves my money, she wants to make another video.

Yes I have too many strippers. I think I'm afraid the DS is going to quit being a sex worker.

avatar for motorhead
motorhead
9 years ago
avatar for 4got2wipe
4got2wipe
9 years ago
lopaw " "Tell the truth -- none of you would do 1?"

Oh hellz no!
Like the saying goes - "I'll beg for pussy and I'll pay for pussy, but I won't beg to pay for pussy." "

Brilliant!
avatar for 4got2wipe
4got2wipe
9 years ago
My brilliant advice: do #3 if you like her rival, otherwise do #2! Basically, remove her from the equation! Don't engage with her rival out of spite! Only engage if cultivating the rival seems like it would be fun for you! ;)
avatar for skibum609
skibum609
9 years ago
I wouldn't give her a second thought and certainly wouldn't waste part of my life over something happening that should be expected to happen.
avatar for rockstar666
rockstar666
9 years ago
JS69: This isn't rocket science. Despite all your effort and money, she's just not in to you! So just let it go. Strippers are very awkward in breakups; you should know this too. They just vanish. No explainations, no excuses except SS. So don't beat yourself up over this because it's just how it is. Cut ties and find a new backup. Look at it as an opportunity.

I wouldn't spend money on her enemy because all that does is show you're still hung up on her. Makes you look foolish and might even cause a scene.
avatar for knight_errant
knight_errant
9 years ago
3 sounds satisfying but know that you'll likely be dealing with the repercussions for a long time. She has the ear of the other dancers and nothing but time to sit around there and talk smack about you. Move on- the best "revenge" is a strip club life well lived.
avatar for grinddawg
grinddawg
9 years ago
When you say this young lady "stole" from you, I'm thinking you paid her up front for a meeting?
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
9 years ago
"I'll beg for pussy and I'll pay for pussy, but I won't beg to pay for pussy."

My new license plate frame motto!
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
9 years ago
Number 3.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
avatar for warhawks
warhawks
9 years ago

I'll be honest and say 4 years ago when I first got into the club scene, I would have done #1.

Now, with years of experience? I'd probably do #2. I wouldn't want the drama that #3 could create if I liked the club where she worked at.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
Grind D, yes I gave her some money that was supposed to be applied to a future meeting. I knew the risk I was taking, and I was stupid enough to think she was "different." Still think I have a right to be pissed that she takes my $ even though I knew it might happen.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
I sure wish you guys would agree. I've got a roughly equal fight between 2 and 3 with both sides making great arguments. 2 is the mature response but I just don't feel very much like being mature at the moment. And the other girl is really hot. I'll see both next week so I'll decide then. In the meantime I'm fucking an old fav tomorrow. Maybe that'll make me feel better.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
9 years ago
Probably 2. I wouldn't bother with 3 unless the other girl was actually someone I wanted to spend time and money on, and was *only* avoiding for the sake of keeping the peace with DS Backup, though DSB would have to be something special for me to consider doing that in the first place.

I might do 1a, and give her a chance to make good. Without groveling. Or 4, where I try to get my money back. There's a limited set of circumstances where those would actually work, though.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
I'm surprised so many of you would consider some variation of 1, or alternatively, choose #2 but let her come back if she's apologetic. If it were something relatively small -- she missed the OTC and then didn't return texts -- I'd understand that. Strippers do that all the time -- get too fucked up, miss the OTC, then handle the "problem" by simply not returning texts, that seems to be stripper etiquette 101. I've forgiven a stripper for that, it's just a par-for-the-course fuck-up, I let her return if she expresses some contrition and promises to "make it up" to me.

John's being a little coy, but that doesn't seem to be what happened here. From what little John's said, she's left Forgivable Stripper Fuckup Town and entered Larceny City. Disengage, motherfucker! This is the kind of person she is, and it's a matter of time before something like it, or worse, happens again -- when, not if. Throwing good money after bad isn't the way to go. JS made a mistake, it happens to everyone, but a wise PL knows when to cut his losses and not set himself up for the same thing over again.

Again, JS, I don't know what exactly she did but I"m assuming it's super bad...
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
The difference between bad and super bad is kinda like the difference between secret probation and double secret probation. In other words, it's impossible to define. Part of the reason I'm pissed is because I was gullible to think this girl was different when I knew better. But she did screw me in a way that goes beyond the ordinary daily SS with which we are all so familiar.

I think I'm gonna play it by ear ITC. If she's kind, repentant, and fair, I might give her another chance especially if I'm high, but I will be extremely careful going forward if that were to happen. If not, I'll let the little head decide what to do about her enemy since he doesn't give a shit about revenge.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
Living (and OTCing) well is the best revenge. I'd go along with -- just pursue other targets, and if her enemy appeals to you, go for it, and if she doesn't, don't engage her enemy just to piss off the larcenist.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
“... I'll beg for pussy and I'll pay for pussy, but I won't beg to pay for pussy. ...”

Somehow someway this needs to make it into the TUSCL glossary LOL
avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive
9 years ago
But it needs to read I won't pay to beg for pussy
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
9 years ago
^^^it works either way.
avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek
9 years ago
John, if she ripped you off in the club, what do you think she'll do OTC? She'll either get you in a situation where Little John's doing all the talking and emptying the wallet or, once your back's turned, she'll just help herself to your wallet, your credit cards, your phone (which might have contact information for other dancers and other PLs).

Just ignore her and enjoy your time with the other ladies.
avatar for san_jose_guy
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
JS69, you can't try to fight her back. When you walked into the strip club environment you knew that it was a place where women can do things to screw you over, and that there is nothing you can do about it.

So it will accomplish nothing to try and use other girls to irritate her.

You should not grovel, but neither should you do anything antagonistic.

Just go about your business and partake of other girls as you like. When you cross paths with this one again, just be neutral, and see where it goes.

This kind of stuff comes with the territory. Ones who have been screwy with me, not as bad as what your are describing, but bad enough, they just avoided me because they knew I might be pissed. But once they saw that I wasn't, things were okay.

Now true, I'd be cautious about putting any of them in a position again where they could cause any problems.

You go in their looking for sluts. So when you find them, you can't be faulting them. If they were not that way, then you wouldn't be there.

SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
avatar for san_jose_guy
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
Its kind of the thing about strip clubs. The women can be very pleasing and the environment set up very to be advantageous. But the consequence of this is that the women are always beyond reproach. They can do what they want, and there can't be any consequences.

SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…

Night in Tunisia, George Benson version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU7q-2O1…

Dizzy Gillespie, UN Band, Hamburg, 1990
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z2pN0Qt…
avatar for mroo
mroo
9 years ago
JS: It's a sunk cost. The only things that matter are the costs that you have control over- that is. your future expenditures. Do whatever is going to make you happiest in the future for the least money and effort.

You don't forgive others for their sake, you forgive them for your sake. And by forgive, I mean ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist. If that's too hard to do by frequenting her club, then construct another scenario where it's possible, as in another club. It's not like there's a shortage of opportunities in your circumstance.
avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg
9 years ago
And by all means, spend time with the other hot dancer. Just don't treat it like revenge. Enjoy it for its own sake!
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
I was asked about the resolution of this dispute. It wasn't what I expected. She came to me immediately itc and gave me all sorts of stripper love. But I said WTF re standing me up, and refusing to answer my texts. It took a while to get the whole story but she did have a very good excuse for ignoring my texts and standing me up. I'd rather not share it cause the story was unusual and might lead somebody to recognize what I'm talking abut. But it was clearly true. A couple of other dancers backed her up on it. And she gave me the money back. Plus she was very sweet and giving, and I felt sorry for her given what had happened to her. So we kissed and made up.

I know, I'm a PL.
avatar for san_jose_guy
san_jose_guy
9 years ago
JS69, Be careful. I once met a man who had spent 10 years in San Quentin. He had just gotten divorced and had had sex with an extremely willing 13yo.

The system was merciless. They even put up fliers all around in hope they would find more victims. There weren't any.

Now after 10 years he is out on parole. But as he has to register as a sex offender, it is extremely hard for him to find a place to live.

Those just divorced are under an extreme amount of stress and the chances of getting into trouble are greatly enhanced.

And then we see that you are partaking of drugs.

Please be careful. Don't destroy your chances of a happy future by getting into stupid and dangerous situations.

SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek
9 years ago
JS69: "I know, I'm a PL."

Yep, no arguing there, John : )
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
9 years ago
Well, at least you got your money ba...wait...what? You mean you paid her *before* the deed?

HAVE WE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?
avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg
9 years ago
GMD; Of course we have taught him. He just hasn't learned! ;-)
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