Need some life advice

48 comments

• warhawks

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  9 years ago

  You are way ahead. You don't have to go through a divorce. Trust me. 20% on girls is a deal.
• ujay

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  9 years ago

  My personal advice to a young man is to get your finances together, purchase a home, and work on establishing a relationship if you wish to have children. Stripper are generally damaged goods. They are beautiful and represent a fantasy. They are generally available for any guy for the right price. Cultivate a great relationship with a great civvie that you can count on in a pinch.
• JamesSD

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  9 years ago

  Time to get you some free pussy. Let's do a literal gut check. How's the gut? Hairline? Clothes? If you're fat or too skinny, join a gym. Endorphins and chicks dig it. Balding? Time to shave that head. Full head of hair? Great. If you just want to taste your first civvy pussy, consider single moms. You're not gonna pull a 10. But a 6? Sure. You may ultimately prefer strippers. But you should at least try civilians
• GACA

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  9 years ago

  First of all @JamesSD is the man. Read every comment he ever posted and when out in the real world ask yourself What would JamesSD do... 2nd Anyone who has achieved anything great was almost always bad at doing it first. I think you start with less than desirable civvies and work your way up the chain. Almost like an entry level job. Then shoot to be CEO. You might never make CEO, but dammit if your still flipping burgers in three years. That's what I would do if I were you. Also you aren't they type to quit strippers until you get the girl you want. But, join a gym and jog, do some light weight. When your body is good enough (not great) start going to yoga. Eventually as you get better at yoga, females will start flocking. Same is true for Salsa dancing. And Salsa girls are usually hot and horny.
• lopaw

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  9 years ago

  I think that you are smarter than most, and I envy you. I am married, but given a get-out-of-jail-free card, you better believe that I'd take it. But that's a choice I made, and I have to make the best of it. What you are probably missing is intimacy, which isn't really par for the course with strippers or escorts. That's where civvies come in. If you are like many of us here, even having a fulfilling real life relationship doesn't keep us out of the clubs. Unfortunately not many civvies are cool with their BF/GF frequenting stripclubs or seeing escorts, and that's where the trouble begins. My advice would be to gently test the dating waters, but as long as you're not breaking the bank (and it seems that you're not), then continue your club visits. Don't ask, don't tell. No shrink needed.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  I'd work on getting laid if you're still a virgin. Wait another 30 years and you'll never know what you missed out on. Things won't be the same. On the other hand no one in the future will care too much because you won't have any kids if you never hook up. Now if you were more like juice, you could approach some young guy called zluke Skywalker and tell him that you are his father. Then watch the shocking results.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  Oh, use protection too. You don't want a lifetime of child support payments or a lifetime disease because of a one night fling.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  And avoid vampires, succubi, and crazy bitches, unless you like them.
• jackslash

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  9 years ago

  "My only vice is the strip club. I visit my favorite stripper about three times a month. I ran some numbers and I am spending 20% of my post-tax income on her" My advice is to go to strip clubs more often, visit several strippers, and spend at least 50% of post-tax income on them. This works for me.
• jester214

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  9 years ago

  Go on a few dates with a few different women. With online dating most guys can find a woman to go out with a few times, if not do more. If it doesn't do anything for you then you can forget it and go back to strip clubs. I sort of suspect you'll enjoy it though, most people do.
• rickdugan

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  9 years ago

  In your mid 30s and you've never dated? Stick with strippers. A civvie girl will likely fuck up your head, assuming you could ever score one who you would actually want to fuck.
• GACA

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  9 years ago

  @ RDB umm that's a little harsh. There are desperate fat chicks out there who would love to have a loser like him :)
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  You gotta spend it on something – if you had a wife and kids you'd be spending a lot more than 20%; probably 100% or more - as they say “you can't take it with ya”. If you don't have a fulfilling civvie relationship; then strippers are a decent substitute (“man can't live by bread alone”) - men have needs that need to be satisfied and unless satisfied one can go mad or at the very least be extremely frustrated and unfulfilled. A good relationship is great – but those seem hard to come by and more of the exception than the norm. IMO chubby chicks are often easier to deal with and less demanding (in case you want to get your feet wet in being involved w/ civvies). But in the end; one should be in a relationship b/c they want to and they want to be w/ that person; not b/c they “should” be in a relationship – you have to live your own life and not according to others thoughts or wishes – good luck.
• gawker

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  9 years ago

  Why haven't you dated? Most, but certainly not all, begin developing relationships with the other sex in adolescence. Are you shy? Insecure? Do you really have a Beemer "M"? It sounds as if you have a favorite stripper. Have you ever come clean with her? If so, it might lead to an OTC liaison to get the virginity thing out of the way. I have a very good friend who is a 26 year old stripper. She has a regular customer who has been seeing her at the club for almost 4 years. He is extremely wealthy and extremely religious and at age 39 confessed to being a virgin. She suggested that they meet at her apartment where she seduced him. When she took his dick out her touch caused him to cum and he unloaded all over her. She has continued to engage him and he continues to prematurely ejaculate but she's getting him to learn to control it and she feels it's more like sex therapy than love making. He's been very generous with her ( and her family) but he continues to think its "dirty" and reads passages from his Bible when things get heated up. I met him at her apartment one night and she and I started talking about the relative merits of swallowing vs spitting and he got very squeamish and pulled it out ( his Bible) and started reading quotes out loud. His issues probably need a shrink. You have to make this determination yourself based on the reasons for not having had "normal" relationships in the past. I have a male friend who got married at 41 and divorced at 42. He's always lived alone, is a very bright person, but prefers solitude. There is no right or wrong unless you want your life to be different. Good luck.
• JamesSD

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  9 years ago

  Oh yeah, don't marry the first woman who sucks your dick for free!
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  Why not go for civilian sex while also keeping your stripper? They are not mutually exclusive. But don't marry her unless you are determined to have kids. Having kids is the only reason to marry a woman in my experience. Why no dating? Seems like strip clubs should give you at least some confidence with women. I plan to fuck lots of civvies when the divorce is over. But I wouldn't give up my Striiper for anything. Don't worry about what you spend on the stripper. I'm afraid to calculate the percentage of my income that I spend on her. But doesn't matter it's worth it. One night with her is the equivalent of a years worth of sex with the wife. Consider that before getting married.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  And most important, start smoking pot. It'd be the best decision you ever make. Trust me.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  And I hope you get great sex otc for that 20%. If not shop for a better provider.
• seaboardrr

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  9 years ago

  Do you have male friends who go out? If so start going out with them to eat or to clubs. You have to get out to play the game. if you don't have any close male friends then start talking up some at work and hook up with a group that goes out and is fun. The main thing is you HAVE to get out in the world. The easiest way to meet a woman is when you're out with your group and she's out with her group. A club is perfect. Simple chit chat to get comfortable. Before you know it you'll be getting dates. If you don't go out on dates you'll never have sex or find someone you really like. The first thing to do is decide if your job is where you want to stay. Since you have no debt and nothing tying you down would you want to settle down and live there for a long time? If not then can you easily xfer to a different city either with your company or with a diff company? You're basically at the stage where everyone says you should have a family and be settling down with a house and kids. If you want to stay where you are you in a position to get a house and pay it off fairly soon? If you're single, successful, in shape and have a decent house you should have single women beating down your door the moment you start going out even if you don't have game. If you have no natural game then it will come in time just by being out mingling. Sounds like you're level headed and focused so your game should be the same. Stay focused, cool and calm and people will notice. And like James said, don't marry the first woman who sucks your dick. You need to ride that bike a lot so you know what you're doing so when you DO find Mrs Right she clearly sees you def know what you're doing. Go out, have fun, have sex, drink a little, laugh a little but always in moderation and ALWAYS wear a condom.
• seaboardrr

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  9 years ago

  And while you're playing the field you can keep hitting the SC's. But if you get an house you might want to put that cash into payments for the first year or 2 to pay it off fast. Always find out if a chica you're with is interested in SC's. Just idle chit chat. Find one that is open to anything. The last thing you want to do is fall in love, get married and then 5 years down the road realize she's very closed minded and suddenly you're sexless and having to hide your SC outings.
• shailynn

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  9 years ago

  I have a friend that's in a similar situation as you. He's never really had a girlfriend - but has slept with a lot of strippers. He doesn't have a steady job but when he does work he makes good money in his line of work. Lives with his mom as well. Works out constantly and is a good looking guy. He does have somewhat of a drinking problem... He doesn't drink everyday but when he does, he gets wasted... there's no 2 drinks with dinner for this guy. I tried for so long to get him to live a normal life and he just can't, nor does he want to. For him, he's wired different, maybe you are as well. Since you're asking about changing on here, I would assume you want to change your life. I would recommend baby steps - maybe move out of your mom's house - just rent an apartment for starters, see how it goes. Most girls aren't going to take you seriously if you're living at your moms, and you can only hide that for so long. Next, start making some friends and go out and do activities with them other than going to the strip club. Maybe there's some guys at work you can hang out with? Join a co-ed bowling league, co-ed softball team, maybe do some volunteer work in your community (Habitat for Humanity, Senior Center, etc.) that will get you out and about, and if a babe (good babe, not stripper) sees you doing these things she will hold you in high regards or someone will set you up on a date... My suggestion may sound crazy but it's the best path to find a girl of value, not a dumb slut... if that's what you're looking for.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  Lots of advice. But if It's too hard just smoke pot. That way even if your life sucks youre happy about it. And if youre life's good then you are even happier about it. You can't loose when you smoke pot unless you drive. Never drive.
• GoVikings

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  9 years ago

  i really like what GACAclub said yoga classes and dancing classes are GREAT places to meet civilian women. not only that, but these classes will have mostly females and very few males. and if you don't go in there acting like you're trying to hook up with a girl.....one or more of them will grow a liking to you
• Bavarian

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  9 years ago

  I knew I could count on TUSCL for great advice. I am going to bookmark this thread. @JS69 Haha, I like your advice about the pot. Some of the smartest, most creative people I know, smoke pot. Don't know if there's any correlation though. I've only had two favorite strippers and both claim to be 19. To me they look older, like 23. Must be the makeup. @Papi As usual, you are like the oracle of TUSCL. You are very wise. I would like to visit Miami one day and club with you. I don't like chocolate though. If Tootsies has cubans, and south american women, I'm there. @Lopaw I think you are on to something. I am missing intimacy. Something a stripper can't provide since we are just walking ATMs to them. @Gawker I agree with you. Most people start dating during their teenage years. Something I did not do. I have no explanation for it. Must have been strict upbringing by parents. I don't blame them though. They kept me out of trouble. I also don't want to scare my stripper away. She's a clean dancer and only 19. Not to mention that she is not hurting for cash. She's very pretty and PLs have spoiled her by paying her good money just for company. I only pay for dances. @Mr Seaboard JamesSD, Shailynn, GACA, Ujay, et al Great detailed advice guys. I actually go to the gym. I am fit and not balding. Knock on wood. I think this explains my current situation: 1) My social circle is small. To make matters worse, they are in the same predicament. I will work on going out more to meet new people. 2) I have a strict policy against dating fatties and single moms. Don't know if I can get past it. Online dating seems to be full of them. I guess at my age, I can't be too picky though. 3) Living with parents. Instead of getting an apartment after college, I decided to stay home and help my parents. I have been paying all bills and mortgage ever since. Eventually I paid off the remaining loan balance with a lump sum. Thanks for the advice y'all ( It's a Texas thing)
• just_the_nuts

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  9 years ago

  Shark lol
• seaboardrr

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  9 years ago

  First thing you need to do is rent your own place. Keep saving your money for an eventual house. Expand your circle of friends if your group is too small. If you've got several friends in the same situation as you then get them on board with you. You've got built-in wingmen. Forget online dating. Get yourself out to clubs and bars. If there's a band playing somewhere you and your friends need to be there having a drink. Thursday-Saturday you should be going to see a band at least once or twice. Concerts and festivals aren't that great because people usually plan that with a date or as an event with friends and aren't really looking to hang out with someone new. Keep hitting the gym. Work on chest and biceps. Women eat that crap up. I know mrs sea does. Wear tighter shirts. If you're fit and decent looking and don't act like an idiot in public the women will do half the work for you if not more. Single women are out at bars doing the same thing you'll be doing.....looking for a someone to try out and see if they're relationship material. No need to worry about fatties or single moms. Plenty of good looking single women with no kids out at a bar listening to a band with her friends.
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  I'm confused! You say: "About me: Mid 30s male Never dated so no girlfriend, so no sex, so no offspring. I know I'm not gay." First, are you sure you're not gay? No disrespect or insult intended (and you can answer via PM if you don't want the answer broadcast) but not dating by the time you're 30 is odd! Very odd! I consider myself a "late bloomer" and I started when I turned 16! No sex! Does that mean no sex with strippers or hookers? Get a hooker and let her bust that cherry! Again, no disrespect, but if you're not trolling us I'd find a psychologist! I'm painfully shy and managed to date! I can't picture being a mid-30s virgin! :( If you really aren't even getting any paid sex that raises the question of whether you want it!
• Clubber

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  9 years ago

  Is "sex" a requirement for anyone?
• rockstar666

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  9 years ago

  Sell the BMW and buy a Ferrari. You'll spend less money on strippers and get more pussy.
• rickdugan

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  9 years ago

  Dude, stop using the "help my parents out" excuse for why you have lived with them all of your adult life. You are obviously comfortable living with them or else you would have moved out a long time ago. You've obviously got some issues. Perhaps that shrink ain't such a bad idea. Just one more example of how natural selection actually works in the breeding population. ;)
• Clackport

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  9 years ago

  Lots of good advice. I would say don't give up on dating, you're still young enough.
• JamesSD

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  9 years ago

  At this point, your parents live with you. In the short run you can spin it as you helping them out. You're in a great position. No fatties is fine, especially since you're fit. Try tinder. Worst case it doesn't work.
• GACA

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  9 years ago

  A few tips to make about Internet dating: 1) Girls universally hate guys who don't spell or use incorrect words (your vs you're ) So spell check and read the hell out of your profile before posting 2) No selfies. I repeat, absolutely no selfies. Always post a pic someone else took (even if you stop this person on the street) 3) take pic of you doing something out doors, at least one with you in a shirt and tie, shirt off pic has to be put in a good context like you changing a car tire 4) your profile should state that You Love Your Life and are just looking to see if you can find that person to share it with. Good luck out there.
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  We are all individuals and the solid advice given that will work for some may not necessarily work for the OP as an individual. Adults with little sex and dating experience is not that uncommon – not saying it's the norm – but not really that rare. I agree w/ others that part of adulthood is living on your own – there is a difference and I think that is a step every adult should make unless there is no way around it for w/e reason. I think it will be good for you all around to start living on your own even if there may be some advantages/comforts of living at home – I think it will be good for your psyche and emotional development/maturing. Going to bars or clubs may work; but not everyone is into that (both men and women) – believe it or not I often see some very nice looking girls/women at the library – so if clubs and bars are not your thing; you may find someone more compatible w/ you such as a library; taking a class; etc – i.e. clubbing or bar-hopping is not necessarily the best way to find a good chick/woman. You do need to pop that cherry – you are past-due – the example gawker mentioned may actually not be a bad way to go – i.e. try to find an OTC setup w/ a somewhat cool/understanding provider (dancer/escort) and that way you don't have the pressure of having to know what to do w/ a civvie – the provider does not care about your performance just about getting paid and if she's cool about it she may not mind getting paid while teaching you the ropes. You don't need to rush it but it will not get better on its own (one does not learn to ride a bike by thinking about it) – often times the only way to learn is thru failure but it's worth going thru it – good luck.
• TxVegas

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  9 years ago

  I am amazed that most of the posts tried to give honest advice that might help the young man. I would highly recommend dating a non stripper as your first real girlfriend.
• seaboardrr

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  9 years ago

  Papi is correct, bars and clubs are NOT the only place to meet women. The reason I specifically focused on that was because the percentage of meeting someone at a bar or club is dramatically higher than anywhere else. You can catch someones eye at the library, grocery store, gym, running at the local track, church, etc but there will usually be less to choose from. Taking a class is a great idea for 2 reasons. Continuing education is the best thing you can do and you can join a study group which might just expand your circle of friends. Even if there isn't a female in the study group you click with you know that 99% of the time she's going to have other female friends and some of those could be single. If she thinks you're a nice guy she might mention you to her friend. First things first though. Get your own place and get laid.
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  "And avoid vampires, succubi, and crazy bitches, unless you like them." Classic sharkhunter! Absolutely brilliant! :)
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  Bavarian, On a serious note, however, please do pay some pro pop that cherry! I wonder if you're overthinking sex and making it a bigger deal than it is! Whether you ultimately go civvie or stripper or hooker in the long run don't turn sex into something huge! Do wear a rubber though, you don't want any non-brilliant diseases! Also, remember it's ok not to like sex if that is you! I can't shake the feeling that you may be telling yourself something by waiting until after you're 30th b-day! You may end up loving sex with strippers, loving sex with a SO, loving sex overall, or not really caring! Just TRY it and see! And be prepared to just plain be yourself! Remember, being yourself is brilliant! Nobody else is going to do that job! :)
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  It's funny all this advice, and nobody bothers to ask the basic question of why he has not yet dated? Think that could possibly, conceivably, in some realm have the slightest bearing on what his course of action should be?
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  ...and I won't presume to know his answer either.
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  Think we would need to press him a little bit harder than that Che, before we were at advice giving stage.
• jester214

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  9 years ago

  Dipshit Dugly at it again. Caught looking like a moron by Che and tries to duck it as usual.
• AJ8921

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  9 years ago

  Great points by all. Adding two more things. 1. Fucking listen. Many guys fuck this up by talking all about themselves and not focusing on what the other person is saying. You will find it fascinating how much people reveal about themselves if they perceive you care. I can't even begin to tell you how much time and money I have saved and headaches I have avoided simply by just being an active listener. 2. Be confident. You seem to have your wits about you and ambition beyond your current situation. Use that to your advantage in that don't let the voice in the back of your head tell you otherwise because if you let it consume your thoughts, it will affect your actions.
• georgmicrodong

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  9 years ago

  Learn to eat pussy well. Just saying.
• Diva1975

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  9 years ago

  This guy can't be for real, but on the off chance that you are serious, you need to move out of your parents house. That makes you a loser in the eyes of most women. I would also recommend some counseling. Like 4got said, the fact that you haven't even dated at your age is extremely odd. Good luck!
• warhawks

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  9 years ago

  "Learn to eat pussy well. Just saying." So, so, true.... It will absolutely up your attractiveness factor to girls.
• ilbbaicnl

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  9 years ago

  If you could play the guitar like Jimi Hedrix, you could be rich and be on vacation more than half the time. You don't sit around moping (I assume) that you're not a rock star. It's a minority of guys (at least straight ones) who can get (what is to them) really good sex, where their partner is looking for nothing beyond the pleasure of the sex itself. DO NOT LIE (to a woman, to yourself, or both) that you care about someone more than you honestly do as a means of trying to be more sexually satisfied. In the short or long run, this will backfire VERY BADLY. If you can find escorts (or other women down for P4P) who you find deserving of politeness and respect, there is nothing wrong with having some fun with them. A harmless cover story would be that you had religious beliefs that prevented you from getting sexual experience earlier, but your religious thinking has changed. If you still creep them out anyway, then yes it's time to see a counselor. The exception being, some sex workers specialize in guys who are total shits, and it actually creeps them out if you are polite to them. You are as special to a sex worker as the piece of toilet paper she used to wipe her ass the last time she took a crap. She wants to get your money with no surprises. If she's any more judgmental of you than a waitress would be, she trying to get your money by fucking your mind not your dick. Don't see her again. There is nothing wrong with living with a parent as long as you are not doing so out of guilt or fear of running your own life. The solution for not being able to have sex at home is either a hotel or her place.
• GACA

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  9 years ago

  TUSCL'ers are such good peole. There's a place in heaven for y'all :)