So dancers can't have a steady relationship??? wtf
poledancer83
Narnia
In the last few months I've had at least 10 different dates with different people and after finding out about my job they all bail. One was honest and said he couldn't handle my job which is fine but the others just stopped talking to me all together. I mean I understand that no one wants their son bringing home a dancer daughter in law but damn. I cook I clean I put out and I'm fun to be with. i'm not looking for a marriage just a relationship. Whats up with the damn stigma of dating a dancer. Showing your body is not the same as sleeping around. Sorry just venting I suppose. Dating a stripper should make every person I meet run away.
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what I AM surprised about is that they stopped talking to you all together......that's taking it too far.
Possibly they don't want to be saddled with the stereotype of a dancer's bf being a lazy, shiftless drug user.
None of the above is intended as humor. Good luck PD. There are a few guys out there who will be able to get past your career and be productive members of society, but they will be hard to find.
Alas, having had experience dating a few strippers and establishing close friendships with a few more, everything I said above goes triple. I realize everyone is an individual, and you might be one of those women who breaks the mold, but my experiences have been very consistent (emotional damage, alcohol abuse, inability to plan ahead, total unreliability in following through on commitments). I still love hanging out with strippers, but would not let myself slip into anything deeper, it's just been too horrible of an experience, and I have to protect myself, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_MVaeaA…
Just keep trying but keep it honest like you have been doing! Don't hide yourself from others! Nothing to be ashamed of! :)
If we think that, and we know more about the ins and outs of strip clubs imagine what a guy who doesn't go to strip clubs thinks what goes on? When guys and girls get older they tend to remove as many risks as they can from their lives and to many, dating a stripper is much too risky.
As for me every stripper I had any sort of relationship with I would not consider dating seriously. Although most were gorgeous, almost all of them had multiple kids by multiple guys, and several had been divorced more than once, some had issues in the past with the law, and lastly some were just bat shit crazy. I stuck around somewhat because they all were attractive to me, fun to be around and almost always treated me well and respectfully. But for these girls there was just too much drama in their personal lives that I would ever be willing to deal with on a daily basis.
It takes a mature person, and one who is not insecure to date a dancer/have a relationship with one.
There are just too many things for a guy to think about if he isn't secure in his own masculinity to be able to handle it.
Of course, that's if you can find someone like that. It's not easy to find someone like that.
Good luck.
Yet another example of females making their lives harder than it needs to be.
One solution that I know a few dancers have followed is to get a girlfriend who is also a dancer. But of course that only works if you're into women.
But then again It might not be what you do for a living so much as other habits or traits or who you are meeting. So far I have only met a few strippers I would consider dating. Most of the rest could not make it in the real world and have very little between their ears that dose not directly relate to stripping. It is "easy money" but it comes at a cost.
Brilliant!
I'm not sure if you are a 5 day a week dancer or a 1 or 2 night moonlighter with a day job. Either schedule can be tough for 9 to 5 day job guys to deal with. Most of my dates happened on Friday or Saturday night, which a lot of dancer work.
I think GACA makes a good point about being open to dating customers. Feel free to avoid us old married perverts. But there are young guys who go to the club partially out of loneliness. Sure, they are horny too, but literally every guy on the planet jerks off to porn. You don't have to date every customer. By all means be picky. But if you are genuinely attracted to a guy you meet at a club, why not give him a shot?
I would rather date a dancer than a lawyer or politician. At least dancers are human and many earn an honest living...lawyers, bureaucrats and politicians are diseased subhuman vermin that should be treated accordingly.
And I would think the opposite applies also – I don't think most women would want to date a guy in the sex biz.
Hell – it has been posted here plenty of times about dancers stating they would/do not date guys that go to strip clubs as custies.
Im the mean time I like GACA's suggestion and more strippers should do it. Date customers because they already know what you do. I know mrs sea wouldn't have any issues with us dating a stripper.
Maybe I'm a bit weird, but dating a playboy model or high end stripper would make me fell like such a stud. Although, to be honest, I'm probably not secure enough in myself for something like that to work long term.
On the other hand... boy am I glad I didn't get what I thought I wanted. As time pasted I found out more about the baggage these girls had in their lives. Getting involved with one of them would have really f-ed up my life. For those of us who have being in the hobby long enough, we know what the odds are for a stripper with a sane life outside of work. (not saying you aren't... just want the odds are.)
Over time, I have come to the conclusion that one of the biggest hurdles to dating a stripper isn't herself, but the people she associates with. Would a guy really want 2-3 of her co-workers in the wedding party?
As for the comments by RTP, that would f-ing piss me off. I can see dating a stripper so long as she has a exit plan. IMO, stripping can make sense to work your way through college. But once you starting get to be 25-30 and don't have employment that you can put on a mortgage application... that's a problem.
Brilliant point Estafador! If the specific co-workers are likely to behave inappropriately then don't invite! But there are folks that might have a "respectable" job that will act like idiots at a wedding too!
If I had a stripper fiancé that would mean I trusted her judgement to behave within the boundaries of our relationship! I wouldn't move forward with a wedding if we weren't both happy with where we're going in a relationship! :(
The regular posters here are not typical of strip club goers in general.
So I don't think it's because they think you're a slut or a whore. I suspect it has more to do with their view of women's "proper" role, i.e. that of a companion for a man. They're not really comfortable with a women who, *gasp*, lives her life for herself. Many men are also not comfortable with a woman who is comfortable enough with herself to be able to display her body to anyone with the money to pony up. "That's just not right!"
It's not the stripping per se, it's what the stripping says about your independence and self sufficiency that scares them away.
Will also add that the work hours of a stripper really suck. Most clubs close at 2am or 4am. Throw in a commute and many dancer don't get home until 5-6am. If the average guy was at home waiting for his dancer girl to come home, he'd have to be very comfortable with her deciding to fuck anyone she pleased. Otherwise, he'd go nuts wondering every night whether she's fucking someone after work.
In general, strippers' lives are filled with massive drama. Fun playmates, but wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with one.
I don't think "most" strippers fuck for cash, at least in the "upscale " clubs in my market. In fact, one of the clubs I'd be fine with a SO dancing at... the girls are hot but the mileage is awful. But at my favorite club a truly clean dancer who isn't a 9 struggles.
Take my dancer#1 for example. Nice girl. College graduate with a degree in a field that I'd guess averages $40-50k/year, with decent/good benefits. (Better than that if tied in with an effective union.) Basically working full time, and stripping weekends for some extra money because she started living on her own since she didn't have roommate/bf to split rent. Realized somewhat after the fact... her friends (club and civies) were not really people I wanted to be around.
Is this true with civies too? Absolutely. Lots of civies have shit friends to. The point is, you odds are way worse when there is a strip club involved, and, IMO, higher odds the stripper baggage is worse than average civies baggage.
There are some pretty messed up civies out there too. I heard stories (unconfirmed) about this civie girl I used to work with. She's well educated, had a good job then and moved onto a better opportunity. For the few years she worked for my employer, I though she'd be pretty ideal GF material, if she was single (they never are). (and the whole fishing off the company pier thing didn't bother me.) Eventually, started hearing that she was a basket case with her then BF, her cheating, lots of drama outside work. Never would have guessed it.
Odds are though, stripper have worse baggage.
One reason guys are afraid to date dancers is that dancers can be the target of a lot of harassment. Guys are afraid of having to get into a lot confrontations with harassers. One stripper I knew was married to a guy with a martial arts black belt. If anyone hassled his wife, he didn't think twice about getting right up in the harasser's face. You just have to be a little careful, because sometime guys get into martial arts, boxing or UF cause they are bad tempered and fascinated by violence.
You maybe might want to do a little soul searching about how YOU feel about dancing. Do you yourself see any good reason to feel like it's nasty? If you don't, you probably wouldn't be very compatible with someone who felt it was anyway. Like ATAC says, the double standard lives, and ahead of the curve can be a lonely place. If you do have a lot of doubts about dancing, it's probably dragging you down towards depression. You should look at making a plan for a new career.
Seriously, though, most guys are wimps and just not able to deal with reality or anything outside their comfort zones. And when confronted with a strong, independent girl, well, they freak out. Dating a dancer is certainly outside the comfort zone of most young guys.
Then I sat for awhile with another dancer with well established boundaries who just bought a small home on the ocean and she and her boyfriend paid cash for the house.
My point is that we all tend to generalize and there are many good girl dancers and real men shouldn't be intimidated by their work.
Sure – there are some men that may be intimidated by a “strong independent” woman whom may even make more $$$ than them – but I don't think this is the issue w.r.t. dancers.
If a guy meets a “strong independent” woman that is CEO of her own company – let's say for example she is a CPA and owns her own firm; I don't think most men would not date the CPA CEO for the same reasons they would not date the dancer – i.e. b/c they are both “strong independent” women.
"be proud to have daughter who demonstrated they were strong, independent women" by becoming CEOs.
If you're looking for a steady relationship, I would advise you that customers are a better pool to draw from than civis because at least they know the ropes. The only reason I don't take my dancer friends too seriously isn't because they dance, but because they are ill equipped to shoulder the responsibility of everyday life. I do hold out the notion that I might some day meet a dancer who won't be a complete flake and I can call her an actual girlfriend; even my ATF is currently flaking out on me even when there's money coming her way.
Without throwing stones, if you can keep dates, be responsible with money, stay away from chemical addictions, and have the willingness to give of yourself as much as you want your guy to give of himself, you'll eventually find a good match. As I said in your other thread, even civis have issues finding compatible dates/relationships, so it's just a numbers game in the end.