What's the deal with buying the "lady" a drink?
Estafador
BIG APPLE
Friday, December 26, 2014 12:33 PM
So I always wanted to know why is it that buying the lady a drink considered "gentlemanly" ESPECIALLY SO in a strip club. What makes it gentlemanly, the fact that I am fascinated by the way she glugs down her "liquor" (if it really is alcohol)? What's the deal? especially in this day and age of women's rights and extreme feminist views? Isn't anything that a man does to or for a women considered misogynist in these current times? Why should I buy HER a drink just because she ask me even though I probably won't be as interested in her as I'd like? I would think in today's standards woman would think that when a man buy's a woman a drink (be it stripper or otherwise), he ALWAYS has a motivation (especially in a strip/club) usually some sort of sexual act thus that should give feminist a sign of misogyny brewing. Remember folks, even strippers today can be extreme feminists as shown in the mass media. So should I blame the baby boomers for the age old practice, the media for trying to mix "classy" with hip and current even if it blaringly clashes with feminist views? Or should I blame the wives aka grandmas of baby boomers who pass it down to their daughters who pass it down to their daughters who share it amongst their friends that men should buy a drink, never make yourself look helpless, view anything a man does as misogyny and still demand money for nothing because she is a woman she deserves it for just existing? Give this young buck the lay down old timers
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49 comments
Some dancers use alcohol to fortify themselves for what they are about to do. We hope. LOL.
I would say it is cheaper to comply, than to try and persuade her to see things differently.
Months back there was a thread about not falling into the trap ..... of thinking that you have to buy her a drink with alcohol or otherwise get her juiced, in order to get on with her. So in the future I will be making drink offers with specific non-alcohol language included.
Some customs are worth fighing about, but others are not.
Once in a lunch time restaurant a man at another table offered to buy me a drink. That scared the shit out of me. The offer was conveyed by my regular waitress. After the strange guy was gone, I thanked her profusely for helping me to dodge it.
SJG
Buying a dancer a drink means only one thing and that is having a good convo with her, ice breaker so to speak. It means she will stay for whole length of the content of the shot and probably more.
Plus my value as a customer normally goes up to her, more like a way of preselection, establish a foothold for the next level.
Very few dancers that I know of does this, though. And when they do, it usually has something good in there to explore.
Only buy a dancer a drink if it is your idea, or at her request, and only if you like her and want to hang out with her for a while.
Another approach is to hang out with the dancers who are under 21. Most clubs are very careful about not serving them alcohol.
And how much do they charge? Hell, I don't know. A buck or two? And someone can do the calculation for a liquor drink....markup is probably much higher.
That's why they make you feel like you are obliged to buy the dancers a drink. Often the girls don't give a fuck about a drink, but just as with tips, they rely on making customers feel it's the "right thing to do", and they're assholes if they don't tip or buy drinks. It's just another way to separate you from your money. And a lot of guys buy in to the bullshit, so it works.
Me: “No thanks – I plan to piss in her mouth in VIP and that should hydrate her plenty”
:)
“… A 12oz can of Coke is what, 40 cents or something? And when a club gives you a drink, it's 90% ice and 10% coke …”
40 cents – probably under 10 cents since most commercial establishments don’t serve soft drinks from cans or bottles but from those plastic bag things that use a nozzle (the can/bottle container and the fancy printing is probably more costly than the soft drink itself).
As a personal side note:
I visited E11even in Miami today (Fr 12/26/14) – went to meet a fellow TUSCLer and just check out the club out of curiosity since I’d never been.
Anyway – it was a DAYSHIFT visit – I ordered two water bottles (1 for me, 1 for my fellow TUSCLer) – total price for 2 smallish water bottles - $19 w/o tip.
This was dayshift – I asked the waitress if drinks were not 1/2 priced in dayshift – she said only alcohol not water or soft drinks – my fellow TUSCLer was not a drinker and I stopped drinking a few months ago so we kept the 2 water bottles for $19 where beers were $6 for dayshift (we got it up the ass and not even w/ Vaseline).
But for most of the rest of you, these objections baffle me. It is a normal and customary part of socially interacting with dancers and has been since forever. If $20 or $30 more is going to break the bank, then stay home - seriously - because strip clubs are probably not the best use of your money if things are that tight.
Everyone does it, so you should too. And hell, if you have the money, why not spend it? Because the dancers and the clubs expect it, so why run the risk that they'll think you're a tightwad? Cuz maybe the dancers won't like you if you don't spend your money on them. And you don't want to be known as a tightwad, right? Because it's so important what others think of you. You want people to like you, right?
As Lopaw said, "Many are either too polite or too intimidated to say no..." Maybe Dugan is one of those "too intimidated" guys.
And Dugan, it's NOT a social interaction. Don't you get that? Its a service performed for money. They try to intimidate you into spending your money on shit that ain't worth it, by convincing you that it IS a social interaction. $20 or $30 is not the issue. It's whether you can be intimidated into throwing away money on useless shit. For me, high mileage lap dances are worth spending money on. Overpriced drinks that I don't want in the first place aren't.
Anyone who reads The System will have gathered that.
If someone in a service industry (like a strip club) does something that I like, something that provides me with value, especially something over and above what others give or provide, I tend to pay them for that service. The better the service, the more I pay. If it's a REALLY excellent service, the sky is the limit and I'll empty my wallet.
On the other hand, if someone does something that is not something I want or need, and/or tries to intimidate me into paying for a service not performed, or not performed well, I will tell them to go fuck themselves, and I won't pay them shit.
So if someone asks me to buy her an overpriced drink only because she wants me to buy her a drink, or the club management is pushing overpriced drinks, that is a clear "go fuck yourself" penalty. Flags down on the play. Move the ball back 15 yards.
Pretty simple. In a service industry setting, I'm not trying to be a nice guy or get people to like me. I'm there for a service. In a real world, personal relationship setting, it's entirely different.
btw rickyboy I too also live in nyc, and I betcha my $20-60 will go waaay further than your $100 bucks in any strip joint. also at a regular civvie bar w/lots of girls around I wouldn't want you around as a wingman either. don't know what you look like but based on what you have written over the course of time on this board you could like GQ's finest man of the year I still wouldn't hang w/you.
so tell us rickyboy, how come the others here on this board "get it" while you don't and are so far out of touch?
It's all show biz at the club, obviously enough; it's not "gentlemanly" to buy your stripper a drink, but it's sure in the club's interests to make it feel that way. One of the many things I love on SW is how the girls love to take advantage of standard boy-meets-girl type rules ("buying me a drink is just the decent thing to do!") when it's to their benefit, and in fact get outraged when guys don't do those things, but any standard boy-meets-girl interaction that they're uncomfortable with is met with outrage, even if it was made in good faith (look at the outrage just about getting asked where they're from, and other standard small talk!). Anyway, always fun to bring this back 'round to the alternate reality that is SW.
That said, again, I love getting buzzed with the strippers, and *always* buy my stripper a drink (in fact, many drinks) if I'm planning on spending lots of time with her.
Pretty much.
You have to know how to game it to enjoy it, though.
I've learned it through experience, now, it doesn't faze me a bit.
I guess when I do it often I learn the stimuli-response down to the basics level.
Actually, I enjoy it now when they hustle me for a drink.
It's a ZEN thing.
It seems the clubs I visit are not those with high drink hustle from dancers or waitresses, and I'm happy with that. In fact my favorite club, Bourbon Street Circus in Phoenix, doesn't allow dancers to drink while working the main floor. They have to go to a designated part of the bar if they want to drink. Unless something has changed recently??
I wonder if the drink hustle is a regional thing because I don't encounter it often or at all in the SW.
The two Mexican SCs I've been to certainly used the "buy the lady a drink" push hard, but that is hardly a good comparison to US clubs.
Lots of things are nice, but when it comes to throwing money away on useless shit, I tend to be "not nice". I don't give a fuck if the dancer thinks I'm a nice guy. I'm not there for her approval.
If she does a good job, I'm the nicest guy in the world, and I'll treat her like a queen.
And what is the benefit to me of "telling the girl I'm prepared to spend some money"? I'll spend some money if she does a good job in entertaining me. That's her job. If she's looking for some asshole who's prepared to spend money on her even if she doesn't do shit, just for sitting there and looking pretty, then my "go fuck yourself" rule applies.
Women are not entitled to money solely because they are pretty. Many dancers seem to think they are entitled to lots of money for doing nothing more than sitting there in a bikini and looking pretty. Fuck that. The world is full of pretty girls.
Do what the rest of the world does. Work for your money. Do a good job. Earn your money. Be better than the rest. Be the best at what you do. Otherwise, fuck off, and go find some douchebag who needs an ego boost and is stupid enough to stick $100 in your thong merely because you're a girl and you're talking to him.
@rickdugan Just because your in the game doesn't necessarily mean you need to play by the rules. This isn't a sport, this is life. I have inclination to believe you are more the sheep than the Shepard. You follow example and don't truly lead your own, just police what already exist and what many don't like. Because I live in NYC I should just buy a drink when that same $20 could have been used for a test drive lap dance. But I guess the rich and famous are different from us normal folk (and for the record folks, I have officially quit visiting Manhattan strip clubs altogether unless a friend insists on me tagging along with him.......this excludes Harlem of course even though I never been).
Maybe she needs to fill her quota, but if I'm drunk (probably not but IF I AM) I need money for that taxi home (hopefully I was smart enough not to drive my car there)
Honestly though, it's like when a stripper asks for a tip after a LD. She's free to ask, you're free to say no.
If you're just there to drink and talk to half dressed women and not buy LDs or VIP or ITC, buying a drink is a way to pay her for her time. If you're shopping for dances, it's on her to make her sales pitch on her time, not on your dime.
Yeah, that rings true for me.
There's one or two dancers that simply wastes their time sitting beside me, though.
I feel so bad about it that I am forced to either send her out for round or just buy her a drink.
I really don't know why she would hang around and lose money on my time.
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That could be it Esta. Thanks for helping me along to the epiphany that I've been a silly sheep all this time. ;)
But wait a minute, I just had another revelation. Maybe the barside drinks are part of my gig because they are often the most direct route from the club to an OTC outing? Once you've bought your 2-3 LDs the girl is often on to her next target. However, a girl who appreciates a few cocktails will often stick around for a bit, especially if she is getting a little extra on top. This affords greater opportunity to build rapport and to feel her out on the OTC front.
Just a thought Padawan. But if you prefer your current method of wasting cash on clothed LDs and then seeking out cheap relief in the warehouse district in Queens, then go ye forth. ;)