Drug rehab

She strung out man , it's time for a new atf. I know it's going be hard but you'll get thru it

Detox by itself won't do anything. She needs to be in a full rehab program for a minimum of 28 days and maybe as long as 6 months including a half way house. Who is paying for all of this? I know that a 28 day program runs about $28K.

There's always hope but in my, somewhat limited, experience it's pretty damn hard to predict who will eventually quit.

Based only on what I've seen you post about the situation I would suggest that I doubt she'll ever be clean as long as you're in the picture.

The few addicts I have known have had to hit absolute rock bottom before they got clean. It is incredibly hard to watch. I have a very close friend who "tried" to get clean and checked into at least 5 different rehabs over the course of a year, he almost lost his job, he had to file bankruptcy, lost his car, that was when he finally bottomed out and he got clean. He had been clean for years before the last relapse and I never knew he had a problem because it all happened before I knew him.

Gawker all you can do is be there to listen, and if you haven't had that addiction problem just try to remain a friend because they will probably lose all their other ones while they spiral down. As much as you want to do it for her, you need to tell her to do it on her own if she really wants to. It is hard as hell to actually do that, I know I was there when my friend basically lost all his other friends and his family wouldn't talk to him for a long time. Put it back on her and say if you really don't want to get clean then don't waste your time and other peoples efforts. She will either really want to do it on her own now or after things get really bad. There is nothing you can do for her, she has has to do it herself.

"Is there any hope?"

In the clinic that I go to there is a chart that says X patients get clean in 60 days, while seventy percent of X get clean in one year.

Definitely, there is hope.

Note: I do not go there to get myself treated. The gym is my drug.

In Massachusetts we've had universal health care for 10 years. She has MassHealth, which pays the freight. She must complete a 5 to 7 day detox before entering a 30 day residential rehab program. The "better" programs frequently don't have beds available for MassHealth patients or they have limited availability. So she ends up in the "lower tier" programs which are filled with court ordered patients who lack the drive and fortitude needed to succeed.
Jester - I'm rapidly coming to the same conclusion; however it's looking like the BF is going away for a long time. (Third offense - 2 Class A felonies - 7 to 25 years each). When I first met her she was on an extended sober period, had a nice car, neat & clean apartment. Bf was serving an 18 month sentence. Right now she's living in a hovel, has no operating car & is shooting about 3 grams of heroin daily ( if she can find a vien). Maybe, just maybe, she'll come around if Svengali is out of the picture.

gawker, in the past you have related episodes of your own drug use. With this girl? 'Svengali' is surely a part of this whole mess. The girl's own issues are a major part of the catastrophe. But, my man, you are an enabler here.

You may take some solace in the kindness of the girl's words spoken of you and your relationship with her. Look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself this single question:

"Is this girl's life better or worse with my presence?"

This is a serious problem requiring professional evaluation and advice. You should talk with those treating her, if possible, and seek their advice on your role and the advisibility of continuing your relationship with her.

The odds are low but I know some who have made it after many failed starts. Really depends what the underlying issues and if those are being dealt with which will depend, in part, on the quality of the program.

I forgot the numbers but typical success rates are low. What is interesting is that really is not so much about the power of the drug but the underlying issues. Many vets came from Vietnam with heroin addictions in the 60s and 70s but most dropped it all rather quickly upon returning home. Beyond being a war setting they didn't have the underlying issues so were able to move on.

Some programs do seem to have high success and very high price tags!

Art: While I can certainly understand your theory of enablement, Gawker's drug use in this relationship was never initiated by him to promote use with a drug free female companion. Gawker has been there for his ATF when her own immediate family and bf have refused, or have been unable, to help her. I am only familiar with this situation, because we frequent the same club. Given his ATF's issues pre-Gawker, she is better for his presence in her life!

^^^ rock for brain

"I say, no, no, no."

I know a dancer who was addicted to alcohol and prescription pills. She went into a rehab facility for a month and came out sober. She has remained sober for a year and a half. So it is possible.

Art - you are not all wrong, however in this instance, I'm having a very difficult time being objective and taking that hard look in the mirror. My resolve weakens as her clothing comes off. She, I, and her BF ( who professes a desire to have them both stop using) have talked about my enabling behavior. She is a master of saying what I want to hear and like most addicts she manipulates with the best.
My own drug use with her was mostly inconsequential. I wanted to get to know her life and I did by joining in. But at this point in my life the drugs hold little allure, while the pussy has a strong hold. Maybe that's MY addiction.

Slick,Amy in the Whinehouse yo.

I have had some bad experiences with druggie girls. What are you doing Gawker? You're having sex with a junkie that shoots up. That's not looking out for yourself. And yes, you are an enabler; not helping her one bit. Sorry.

Gawker,you suffer from Aerosmith Syndrome.They sold more albums and packed more stadiums while doing drugs.But in the long run even they figured it out.Good luck buddy.I know it weighs heavy.

Gawker, I'm not buying that it is solely, or even mostly, about the pussy. With what you have spent on this girl, you could have sourced nice replacement pussy in any number of ways. In fact, these drugs have to be taking a toll on her (track marks, look of hard living starting to creep onto her face, etc.), yet you continue to do what you do.

This is about your emotional attachment to this girl. She has made you feel special and needed. But the harsh reality is that you are old and she is young, so where do you see this going? And, as others have suggested, are you doing more harm than good with your enabling behavior?

Obviously there are no easy answers here, but good luck s you work it out.

I've practiced divorce and criminal law for 32 and based on my experience I give her a zero chance of ever recovering. I'd have walked away many moons ago, assuming I would have been silly enough to have a relationship of any type with her in the first place.

On a light hearted note Gawker, it sounds like your ATF would be a favorite of Charlie Sheen and LMN

RickDugan - Where do I see this going? She's young and I'm old. Hmmm. I see it going to a Holiday Inn tomorrow. I've never had fantasies about riding off into the sunset with my little hooker. In fact when we've traveled together I tire of her inane behavior and realize she could give an aspirin a headache. However by being there for her in her many times of need, I've developed her trust and comfort as well as familiarity, so that when she sucks my dick for 20 uninterrupted minutes, she's not watching the clock, she's watching the cock.
Yes there's been some enabling, but over the last 6 months I've been paying her bills rather than giving cash. Sure that freed up her other income to buy drugs, but it is a free country.

It sure is a free country and your time and money is obviously yours to spend as you see fit. I was specifically responding to this quote: "My resolve weakens as her clothing comes off."

Nobody does everything that you have stated in this article (which, lest you forget, you titled "Don't fall in love with a stripper")...

https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=2…

...unless the involvement is far more than just physical. $200k over 4 years (probably more by now) in cash and prizes; your involvement with her family and BF; tending her through detox, etc., etc. Wow. This goes far beyond getting rocked by a hot girl with great oral skills. All of that is not really so hard to replace.

I think that you enjoy being needed by her and that there is a deep attachment there, even if listening to her does make your ears bleed after a while. Maybe this fills a hole in your life and provides some meaning. Maybe what you get from it is worth all of the money and time to you. If so then cool beans, but let's call it what it is. You didn't spend 200k+ on her, and do all that other stuff, just because she's hot and spends 20 minutes on your cock. Nobody is fooled when you drop those tough talk comments into the mix. ;)

To each his own and I hope that you get what you want for as long as you can get it.

" The other side of the coin is that my presence has enabled her continued drug use."

Sounds to me like this one is gnawing something inside you?

I suggest give it more time, I'm pretty sure she is not that fresh looking anymore. She needs to look into the mirror and see who is staring back at her. And then you have to tell her to get clean asap.

who remembers the strip clubs in central nj in the 80's...BossTom

You both have your addictions Gawker. Your ATF is addicted to heroin and your wallet while you are addicted to her pussy and the excitement of being with someone young and out of control. Anything "real" beyond those facts is always going to remain a mystery since both of your addictions cloud reality-based decision making.

I'm not going to give you advice as to whether your presence in her life is hurting or helping her. Clinicians and psychologists go to school, get degrees and practice for years in order to be qualified to dispense that sort of advice and, even then, THEY are full of crap half of the time. That being said, clearly your money is enabling her. Only a fool would think otherwise.

I'm not going to tell you to walk away but I will tell you that I HAVE walked away when faced with a similar situation right in the very same club that you met your ATF in. Several years ago I was involved with a dancer who was a raging alcoholic. The club knew and wouldn't allow her to buy alcohol at work but she would sneak in vodka and drink it at her locker. Guys would do VIP with her (sex was a given) and the idiot waitresses would bring champagne and drinks for the "customer" knowing full well that the dancer I'm talking about was getting soused beyond control. I could tell you endless stories about her losing her money all the time, urinating on the leather couches in the VIP rooms and trying have unprotected sex in the VIP room but I think you get the picture. I realized eventually that my money was helping enable her bad behavior. I certainly wasn't her only customer but I was a weekly very good spending regular. I walked away and probably waited too long to do so. I don't get involved with addicts but, yeah, I went a lot further with her than I ever should have.

There is an incredibly beautiful stripper that I like very much. She says that she takes Klonopin for "anxiety". I believe that she takes other drugs. She has been in rehab once for drug addiction. She lives with a boyfriend who was recently busted by the SWAT team for drug possession. I believe that she is spiraling out of control. This girl makes at least $500/day, but yet she does not have a good car or accomodations. It is sad to see someone that you believe have great potential for success begin to unravel. She has tried to avoid me in the club because I try to counsel her. She will only begin to come around when I bring gifts for her or tell her that I will give her $300 in the VIP. There is not much we can do for such a person. Make sure that they do not bring you down in the process. I have begun to see other beautiful girls in the club, and also try to avoid her. Truly sad.

As a recovering addict myself, hitting bottom is a pretty powerful motivator, but it isn't enough. A good program that addresses the underlying issues while you're in that motivation stage along with a willingness to take a good look at yourself and honestly work on your issues is where success lies.

You are as sick as your secrets.