Drug rehab
gawker
Older than dirt
My ATF has been through full drug detox and rehab either 17 or 18 times in the past 13 years. Obviously, it hasn't worked. She is the queen of relapses. However the drugs she's used ( primarily heroin injections, smoking crack, snorting cocaine, MDMA, ecstacy, meth, benzoes) have not taken the toll on her body and face that I've seen with others. Her mother has a checkered past and as she approaches 50 is still an attractive woman. I'm supposed to drive her to detox again tomorrow and have very mixed emotions - what are the chances of her getting and staying sober with one more try? She says most of her previous attempts have been at the behest of others: parents, courts, etc. now, she says she's doing it for herself. Her8 year old son knows she's a heroin addict and she's ashamed. She is very, very good at saying what she knows I want to hear as are most druggies. I've heard her say , "The drugs are stronger than I am" a dozen times. It's her excuse, her bail out, her way of taking the easy way out - don't put up with the nausea and pain of withdrawal - give in. I've hung in with her for a variety of reasons while her BF has been the only other constant in her life. But their co-dependency becomes part of the problem. She says my belief in her as well as my love have given her the strength to go for a sober life once more. The other side of the coin is that my prescence has enabled her continued drug use.
Has anyone reading this had any good outcomes from residential treatment programs? Usually, she just makes new contacts while living with other addicts. Is there any hope?
Has anyone reading this had any good outcomes from residential treatment programs? Usually, she just makes new contacts while living with other addicts. Is there any hope?
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27 comments
Based only on what I've seen you post about the situation I would suggest that I doubt she'll ever be clean as long as you're in the picture.
Gawker all you can do is be there to listen, and if you haven't had that addiction problem just try to remain a friend because they will probably lose all their other ones while they spiral down. As much as you want to do it for her, you need to tell her to do it on her own if she really wants to. It is hard as hell to actually do that, I know I was there when my friend basically lost all his other friends and his family wouldn't talk to him for a long time. Put it back on her and say if you really don't want to get clean then don't waste your time and other peoples efforts. She will either really want to do it on her own now or after things get really bad. There is nothing you can do for her, she has has to do it herself.
In the clinic that I go to there is a chart that says X patients get clean in 60 days, while seventy percent of X get clean in one year.
Definitely, there is hope.
Note: I do not go there to get myself treated. The gym is my drug.
Jester - I'm rapidly coming to the same conclusion; however it's looking like the BF is going away for a long time. (Third offense - 2 Class A felonies - 7 to 25 years each). When I first met her she was on an extended sober period, had a nice car, neat & clean apartment. Bf was serving an 18 month sentence. Right now she's living in a hovel, has no operating car & is shooting about 3 grams of heroin daily ( if she can find a vien). Maybe, just maybe, she'll come around if Svengali is out of the picture.
You may take some solace in the kindness of the girl's words spoken of you and your relationship with her. Look in the mirror and be brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself this single question:
"Is this girl's life better or worse with my presence?"
I forgot the numbers but typical success rates are low. What is interesting is that really is not so much about the power of the drug but the underlying issues. Many vets came from Vietnam with heroin addictions in the 60s and 70s but most dropped it all rather quickly upon returning home. Beyond being a war setting they didn't have the underlying issues so were able to move on.
Some programs do seem to have high success and very high price tags!
My own drug use with her was mostly inconsequential. I wanted to get to know her life and I did by joining in. But at this point in my life the drugs hold little allure, while the pussy has a strong hold. Maybe that's MY addiction.
This is about your emotional attachment to this girl. She has made you feel special and needed. But the harsh reality is that you are old and she is young, so where do you see this going? And, as others have suggested, are you doing more harm than good with your enabling behavior?
Obviously there are no easy answers here, but good luck s you work it out.
Yes there's been some enabling, but over the last 6 months I've been paying her bills rather than giving cash. Sure that freed up her other income to buy drugs, but it is a free country.
Nobody does everything that you have stated in this article (which, lest you forget, you titled "Don't fall in love with a stripper")...
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=2…
...unless the involvement is far more than just physical. $200k over 4 years (probably more by now) in cash and prizes; your involvement with her family and BF; tending her through detox, etc., etc. Wow. This goes far beyond getting rocked by a hot girl with great oral skills. All of that is not really so hard to replace.
I think that you enjoy being needed by her and that there is a deep attachment there, even if listening to her does make your ears bleed after a while. Maybe this fills a hole in your life and provides some meaning. Maybe what you get from it is worth all of the money and time to you. If so then cool beans, but let's call it what it is. You didn't spend 200k+ on her, and do all that other stuff, just because she's hot and spends 20 minutes on your cock. Nobody is fooled when you drop those tough talk comments into the mix. ;)
To each his own and I hope that you get what you want for as long as you can get it.
Sounds to me like this one is gnawing something inside you?
I suggest give it more time, I'm pretty sure she is not that fresh looking anymore. She needs to look into the mirror and see who is staring back at her. And then you have to tell her to get clean asap.
I'm not going to give you advice as to whether your presence in her life is hurting or helping her. Clinicians and psychologists go to school, get degrees and practice for years in order to be qualified to dispense that sort of advice and, even then, THEY are full of crap half of the time. That being said, clearly your money is enabling her. Only a fool would think otherwise.
I'm not going to tell you to walk away but I will tell you that I HAVE walked away when faced with a similar situation right in the very same club that you met your ATF in. Several years ago I was involved with a dancer who was a raging alcoholic. The club knew and wouldn't allow her to buy alcohol at work but she would sneak in vodka and drink it at her locker. Guys would do VIP with her (sex was a given) and the idiot waitresses would bring champagne and drinks for the "customer" knowing full well that the dancer I'm talking about was getting soused beyond control. I could tell you endless stories about her losing her money all the time, urinating on the leather couches in the VIP rooms and trying have unprotected sex in the VIP room but I think you get the picture. I realized eventually that my money was helping enable her bad behavior. I certainly wasn't her only customer but I was a weekly very good spending regular. I walked away and probably waited too long to do so. I don't get involved with addicts but, yeah, I went a lot further with her than I ever should have.
You are as sick as your secrets.