Dancers who (upfront) explicitly state the rules

I've had a few of those, and mostly, they basically want you to sit on your hands. The worst was at my favorite club, where I got a first-time lapdance with a lovely lady, probably the best-looking lady there that day, who told me all I couldn't do, which meant all I could do was essentially hold onto her waist and hips. Considering how all the rest of the girls, at a minimum, allow you to touch their breasts, and many go a lot farther than that, it's not a surprise that that was the only time I saw her there. I've also been to clubs (usually dives) where everything is out in the open and after you get a girl who allows so much, there is another girl who inevitably comes around and tells you you can't do the stuff you did with the other girls. Those girls are always a letdown.

Oh do I just LOVE it when they start in with the "can" and "can't" rules right at the outset ... grrr ...

Book Guy, I'm just the opposite. When I'm trying out a new girl for the first time I almost always ask her what her rules are. I think they appreciate that. And a surprising number will say they don't have any rules, just make sure no one is watching. Or they tell you their rules, which saves a lot of aggravation. The ones who hedge and won't tell you anything are usually the ones to avoid.

Yeah, I don't mind it when the rules discussion comes up as a natural part of the conversation or as a "mutual respect" phenomenon. What I don't like, is the girls who generally think that the best way to make me feel well catered to, is to tell me to stop doing whatever it is that all the other girls let me do. The princesses are always surprised that the rules (in my opinion) should be the SAME for them as for any other girl. "What, didn't you think *I* was special?" you can see the little wheels churning in their heads. "You don't get to TOUCH ME during a private full-contact lapper. That's for the OTHER SLUTS' who work here."

This is a huge turn-off, regardless of whether her rules are strict or loose. It's like having somebody tell you the whole plot of a movie right before it starts. I want to discover her rules, or lack of them, on my own. I want to have the feeling that any rules she has may loosen up just for me during the course of our dance. Or that I've lucked across a babe who's too screwed up by the ecstasy and shame of lap dancing to maintain anything as calculated as rules. The "my rules" spiel kills all that and tells me that I'm getting the same treatment as every other chump. That may be the truth, but I far prefer the illusion that it's not.

Within the last year or two, they changed the rules to allow for slightly less contact in most downtown Montreal strip clubs (I think the rules change was mostly to even things out a bit really amongst the different clubs). So, now in just about ever lap dance cubicile, booth, or whatever they have this large laminated sign that has a bunch of "international symbols" that show what you can and can't do. You know those signs that are meant to show that there's no smoking allowed (a red circle with a red slash thru a lit cigarette in the middle of the circle)? Yea, picture this...a whole bunch of those red circles with red slashes thru:
-a pair of disembodied lips on a muffy, hairy pussy
-a stick figure girl sitting on a stick figure guy's lap
-a disembodied mouth trying to suck on a nipple
-a disembodies hand trying to cop a feel across a pussy mound
There might be others, but I can't remember them just now...there's actually at least 20+ icons on the sign.

What is allowed...meaning there's a red circle with no red slash though:
-some disembodied hands on a pair of disembodied tits
-a stick figure girl "dancing" upright (on her legs) in between a stick figured guy's legs

You get the picture...actually, I'll try and take a picture of one of them the next time that I'm in Montreal (maybe in the Springtime?). No, I'm not kidding either...I laughed when I first saw it last year. :)

Actually, I usually ask upfront "what's the deal with the private dances here?" if I've never been to a particular club before. I do that with the whores I've seen too (boy, that sounds like a nice statement...lol...). It's always good to know what you're getting into before you "buy the farm" IMO.

Seems to me there are 3 types of customers - those who, like me, want to know what the rules are so we can immediately do what we're allowed to do and not have to worry about crossing the line; those like Chandler who enjoy the uncertainty and like to discover the rules by trial and error; and those like Shadowcat who resent any rules. We're all different.

I would love to see a picture of the sign in Montreal strip clubs..is that for real?

I'm with Chandler. New club and/or new girl situation is all about intrigue, exploration, discovery and (hopefully) finding treasure.

I feel (sort of) sorry for the girls who have not figured out the psychology of the male strip club experience and try to reduce it down to a well-defined transaction. They have so many levers, so many ways to get us to gladly open our wallets. Reciting the rules is not one of them.

It's for reals Dave...maybe I'll try and Google it to see if there's already a copy of it out there somewhere...

I was always told don't do anything I wouldn't do, but if you do, don't get caught. Seems like a pretty good rule to me.

I remember I encountered a couple of dancers who asked me if I was new to strip clubs. I have no idea why they were asking me this. Then they told me the rules. I also remember a couple of dancers when I asked what are their rules, they look confused. I bet you can get an idea of how well a dancer follows rules by asking about their driving. If they follow the speed limit and obey all laws, they are pretty rule abiding. If she says she routinely does 90 but cars keep getting in her way, probably not too rule abiding especially if she mentions anything about getting busted.

Thing is, those rules as posted on signs in Montreal clubs bear little relation to what really goes on in those very same clubs. Some are more strict, some less, some allow breakage of certain rules but not of other ones, some have certain specific dancers who are "full service" girls because of their relationships with house moms and managers and owners, etc. etc.. The signs are there for the benefit of the vice squad and the prying eyes of the RCMP, not to define the behaviors of dancers or patrons.

I've seen similar signs in US clubs. And as Book Guy says, they often bear no relation to what actually happens, they're simply a CYA device for management.

And just to clarify my earlier post, I usually discuss rules before committing to a dance, it helps me to decide whether to buy one or not. For example, when the girl and I are talking I'll ask questions like are there any private dances here, how does it work - who do I pay, how much, where do they take place and what are the rules. So it's all part of a general conversation about how the club works. And the way that the dancer answers these questions will give me some idea in advance what to expect. I've had many girls first tell me what the club rules are and then add that she usually ignores the rules when no one is watching, or she might tell me what her personal rules are. It's not always 100% accurate but it often does give a useful indication. How she says it is often as important as what she says.

I'm a bit confused...wouldn't you rather her be upfront about her rules/lack thereof so that you know exactly what to expect? Maybe I'm naive (have danced for many years, so I don't think so) but the only time I think that I will discuss "rules" up-front is if I'm asked, or if I knew for a fact that a customer had been getting high-mileage dances from other girls, because I would want him to know up-front what my boundaries are so he doesn't walk away feeling ripped off at the end. Other that, I wouldn't. To me it seems that listing a set of rules and boundaries before climbing on someone's lap takes away alot of fantasy, and just makes it clinical.

I am with Chandler on this one. Part of the intrigue of lap dances is finding the limits, sort of like making out in high school.

The ironic thing is that, when dancers have given me "the drill", their limits generally have not exceeded what I would have done anyway.

Im with FONDL, there is no right or wrong method, and depending on my mood I will ask, or I will do a test run and see where it goes.

Not only is it a turnoff to get a list of "rules" before the start of a dance, it is insulting.

Well, I for one have noticed a general decline in the amount of grindage that's available in downtown Montreal strip clubs since the signs went up. It's a shame, but of course some strip clubs and dancers will vary from the stated "rules".

Here's an example of how the posted rules may have no bearing on your actual experience. I once went to a little club in upstate NY. All nude. Dances were $25 each in little cubicles. On the club's walls were numerous signs warning that absolutely no sex was offered or conducted on the premises. Went with a girl back to the dance booths, rounded the corner and almost slipped on a used condom on the floor. S he says, "Eooooh, gross!", then hustles me into a booth, closes the door, straddles me and promptly unzips Mr. Happy. I'm so glad a HJ is not sex! (Thank you, Bill Clinton)