Normally I'm the last guy to complain about this. I don't need a fantasy to enjoy a girl. In fact, learning about these girls and their motivations has paid off handsomely over the years in helping me get certain situations to the right place. On the flip side, it has also helped me dodge more than a few bullets. All intel is good intel, whichever way it points.
I'm also not fazed by much of anything, including the all too common loser SO stories, general pity hustles, stories about historical rape and abuse, confessions about mental health issues, jail time and criminal records and various other things that come up surprisingly often. But I finally came across something that's making me pause.
As is my custom after a first time club to OTC adventure, I googled her number to make sure that I didn't find her advertising on one of the low rent escort sites. She wasn't, as I suspected. But what I did find is that she's also using the number in a vanilla commercial side venture. From there the breadcrumb trail quickly led me to her personal FB account.
And what did I find that so disturbed me? Wholesome nuclear family pictures and videos, along with posts regarding a couple of commercial ventures she and her husband are obviously trying to get off the ground. I won't get into further details as the local club scene seems to be getting smaller by the day, but obviously those ventures can't be going so well if she was out in a notel room with me trying to make ends meet.
I don't know why this bothers me so much. It's not that she has an SO and kids - they all have SOs and I've always viewed kids as a positive motivating factor. I just don't know what I've stumbled into, which honestly is unusual for me after so many years of this. By all appearances the guy seems like an involved father and husband and she a devoted mother and supportive wife, but obviously something isn't right if she's bent over a bed in a notel room with me.
Again, I'm still trying to put my finger on why this bothers me. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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last commentIt would seem you are struggling with a convenient loser narrative for her spouse.
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You’ll probably get there!
Maybe she (like many here) likes strange every now and then and a monetary boost!
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You’re definitely overthinking. But I can relate to seeing a pic of a stripper with her kid and losing the fantasy by suddenly thinking of her as a real person with a real life.
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Now this is TMI:
youtube.com
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@rick: You are probably bumping up against a bit of your own unconscious bias wrt sex workers. You are used to thinking of them in the terms you used in paragraph 2: "loser SO stories, general pity hustles, stories about historical rape and abuse, confessions about mental health issues", etc. now you're seeing a normal, nice looking family and that doesn't line up with this preconception. The more interesting question is: what is the implication about a paragraph 2 girl that makes you comfortable buying sex from her, that is lacking to some extent in the nice mom?
I obviously can't answer this question for you, but I might feel the same way in your situation. If it were me, I'd be wondering if I was reacting to a small degree of one of the following...
Don't get me wrong, I buy sex and think the practice is perfectly fine between consenting adults. But that doesn't mean I'm 100% immune to these mainstream moral narratives.
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One of the hazards of living my whole life in the same town where I grew up. Many many years ago (think Miami in the late 1980’s -early 90’s), I attended an OTC bachelor party where they hired a group of strippers to entertain. Someone said “hey, that’s so and so’s wife!” who happened to be one of the guys we knew from high school. We had a few moments of questioning whether or not this was “cool”, but as soon as she got naked all bets were off.
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===> "But I can relate to seeing a pic of a stripper with her kid and losing the fantasy by suddenly thinking of her as a real person with a real life."
That's not remotely it. They're all real people with real lives and I often get to know a lot about my favorites. IMO anyone who needs a fantasy to enjoy a woman is a delicate pussy.
I think rockie is onto something. They all also have SOs, but that doesn't usually faze me as they are often losers who can't pull their weight. But she didn't present like a lot of these girls do on social media - her FB presented more like other families I see in my real life social circles. A lot of the posts came for a decent piece of property that they own, so he must have had his shit together more at some point. Idk.
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Following on Drew’s line of thought, does it actually bother you? Is she less attractive or are you less wanting to repeat? Or, is it a distraction because as Drew pointed out, her white picket fence doesn’t fit your preconceptions? It’s possible to think about her story and wonder why she is where she is without it actually bothering you. Can you self-reflect enough to figure that out? I trust adults to make their own decisions. I don’t need to be anyone else’s conscience.
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There's nothing inherently wrong with a married woman fucking you for money, despite what church and societal brainwashing says about it.
It's entirely possible that her husband knows all about what she's doing. I know that my ATF's husband knows all about what we did, if not every little dirty detail, then at least in general. And there's at least one other girl in town who does shit with her husband's knowledge. While I was in the VIP room with her, she called her husband on speaker to make sure it was alright to blow me.
I suspect that the source of your discomfort is, at least in part, rooted in your own attitude, and likely reaction were you to find out that your wife were doing such, along with your inability to understand how a "real" man would allow such a thing.
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@Drew: Interesting theories. My thoughts are as follows:
Q1: does seeing a "nice mom" doing sw make me wonder if other nice moms in my life do it too? Neighbors? Family? Mrs C? My own mom?
A1: Not this, at least not in my social circles. The guys all have at least decent to very good jobs, which means that their wives do not come under extraordinary pressure. Some (but not all) of those wives do work, but they are regular jobs.
Q2: do I in some way feel more comfortable treating a woman of one social class differently than a woman of another social class?
A2: Maybe I feel more sympathy for a girl has legitimately made good choices and tried to do the right things, but still came up short. Idk - still trying to unpack it lol.
Q3: does all the damage in a paragraph 2 girl make it more ok to buy sex from her, ie its more ok bc she's used to rough treatment?
A3: This isn't it. I treat everyone with respect and dignity.
Q4: is there some made for tv movie backstory where she's holding it all together by secretly doing sw to save her or her husband's pride, and I'm playing the role of the bad guy?
A4: This is probably closest to the truth, as silly as it may sound. Again I am trying to fully unpack it, but this guy couldn't have always been missing the mark given how far they've come. Again Idk.
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@GMD: You could be 100% right on all fronts, but I am very skeptical that he knows the full extent of her activities. One because IME SOs often don't but, second, because of what I've seen him post on the FB account.
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Why do you care that's the question, it actually sounds very judgemental
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wish i could help rick. never dug that far and only really care about their paid-to-behave club persona itc and otc.
and shame on shadow for linking clips from that vulgar disgusting poor excuse of a movie.
(i've watched it 50 times.)
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Another thought that hasn't been brought up is that some women, despite social appearances, have a wild side and just like sexual variety. If she can get paid for it all the better. Who doesn't like getting paid to do something they like anyway?.
I ran into this with an escort that was also a high profile porn star. She had a big family and an innocent appearance. She just liked sex and got paid for it in several forms. It's kind of refreshing knowing women ca be horndogs too. Whether you would want your SO to do that is a separate matter. Just enjoy.
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@rick: "One because IME SOs often don't but, second, because of what I've seen him post on the FB account."
I can think of several reasons for a spouse not to advertise their spouse's sex work, and none of them are any kind of real "shame". Avoiding confrontation with self-righteous prudes. Keeping CPS or other agency from poking their nose where nobody is actually being hurt. Not giving bullies any ammunition against kids who don't understand. Protect business interests from previously mentioned self-righteous prudes. And of course, the simplest one, it's none of anyone else's business.
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rick my brother, you should be happy for her and her little ones. Remember, cubs and apelings are the future so it is a good thing if the father is involved and supportive. And she got a good deal because she got ricked and she got the moolah for gettin’ ricked.
I know, I know…you’re sayin’ to yourself “yeah, I’m glad the apelings appear to be well-cared for and she has the luck of gettin’ some rickin’, but I feel guilty that she’s cheating on a male hairless ape that is, by all appearances, a stand-up guy.” Well, don’t sweat it. Just be glad that the apelings are provided for. And be glad for the rick fun time.
And…who knows…she and her husband may be perverts who dig a little side action and income generation. If so, everybody is happy. ROAR!!!
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===> "Why do you care that's the question, it actually sounds very judgemental"
Honestly you're right and I don't know why I care. But for some reason it's just sticking with me.
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It’s spelt “hotel”, not “notel”! Lol..
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I'll admit I find it somewhat comforting that my favorite had a long time on again off again boyfriend that I was able to piece together didn't mind her company and enjoyed her sex but had no interest in wifing her. I'm also fairly sure he knew she stripped but not that she sucked dick for cash.
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I probably would not want to partake with such a girl. Prefer ones who are unattached. Though she would not be totally excluded, just not preferred.
SJG
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^^ I’ve had faves like that, too. Don’t want to mix my personal life with their chaos. I manage my life differently than the providers.
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i use a 'don't ask don't tell' policy. she mentions hubbys/bfs after a warning and it's a dealbreaker.
i ain't paying to listen to that shit.
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Clearly her Facebook page is a sham. She couldn't possibly be good enough to be the faithful, submissive wife of a Rick, yet choose not to be.
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He doesn't like humanizing hookers. He gets off on coercing desperate women
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My CF was at my house this afternoon and we discussed this. She has a FB account and 3 IG accounts. I commented to her that I know more about her than RD does about the dancer in this post. She agreed saying that I knew more about her than her gynecologist.
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There's also the very real possibility that what she presents on social media is a facade. It's not like that would be the first time that's happened.
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@dolfan: good point. This is generally true to a certain extent, so maybe she's just bullshitting a bit more than your average facebooker...
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I try to avoid overthinking and investigating the lives of my OTC connections.
I am not saying you actively looked her up, but one more click and it’s easy to open a can of worms that might not help your desires.
I hope you can move past this unusual feeling, and simply enjoy this girl.
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Rick I think I'd ask her. Bring it up with her. She won't be shocked you googled her number of course. I find when I am able to ask these deeper sometimes awkward questions and she's game for the conversation it just enhanced the connection and makes for better OTC. Not always. She may tell you to fuck off lol.
This is kind of less about another woman to fuck and about your journey into learning something about yourself that might be useful to understand
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===> "I hope you can move past this unusual feeling, and simply enjoy this girl."
Me too Cash. I think I can, but we shall see. I may be a little more motivated than normal considering that lately I've been spending too much time drilling dry wells instead of developing promising ones, so my roster is starting to thin out.
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@Jimmy: There is an unwritten rule when dealing with a stripper who is seeing you for p4p: Never bring up SOs. She knows you have one and vice versa, but it's considered the height of rudeness to throw an SO in the other person's face when the two of you have been fucking and sucking.
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Yep I know the rule. I've broken it if it's someone I know. Maybe I get closer to them than I should tho. It's definitely a rule but I've been 50% successful at getting more intimate OTC by breaking it but ONLY if I know them pretty well. Still, it's experimental. If you have a hard time doing OTC with her because of this what have you got to lose by trying something different?
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I think it's an indicator of how main stream p4p has become in our society. It may also be an indication of the simpization that's happening to men that allow p4p and things like OF. That, in its self, can be disturbing.
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The married thing is weird for me too.
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As usual, the dugan is right regarding the general rule: Never bring up SOs when dealing with a p4p female.
Unless, of course, it is fun to do so. For instance, if he starts texting her about her activities. That’s when you should say “hey babe, let’s have some fun” and start texting back with the details of your adventures, share some random thoughts about the wife, etc. ROAR!!!
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Also, this rapper named Future Ape has this thing about mentioning that you fucked the wife while wearing Gucci flip flops. Hell, this rick didn’t even know Gucci designed flip flops because, well, I’m a frickin’ lion and I don’t wear flip flops.
But still, the rick has to say that “I fucked your wife wearing Gucci flip flops” is kind of a rickish burn. Imma use that one in the future, even if it isn’t true. I mean really, funny is more important that true. ROAR!!!
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Reality check: we had to elect a senile assclown to avoid having a mega assclown fuhrer. But we single out strippers as the ones who have "issues".
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One good reason to fuck married women is if you knock her up you don't have to pay child support. If she has a kid it's her husband's.
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spicylingerie.com
SJG
The Pretenders - Hard Rock - 1998 ( quite good and they added a keyboardist)
youtube.com
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My diagnosis from a minor in psychology: It bothers you as the usual scenario is flipped. You are used to being the one that is somewhat normal and the strippers are a walking disaster. She is in a happy marriage, a good parent, has a supportive family. You messed up your marriage, family, kids and feel the guilt. The stripper has her shit together while you are the one that is fucked up. That is why you are bothered by this.
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