• discussions >
• Front Room

WET - White Entertainment Network

WhiteyJackson

Shut up and listen to the police

Note: This is intended to be humorous satire and may be potentially offensive to some.
—

Did you hear the news? Using black dialect, ‘We crackers be finnin’ to start our very own TV channel - da WET mah N#$#a!’

We will have our own award shows, no off-color movies or actors may be nominated. Moonlight is a perfect example of a ‘best picture’ that would not even be nominated.

We will have awards for the best white athletes in each sport. WET will start the WH Legaue, the Whitey Hoops league - an all white basketball league which we believe will be extremely popular for basketball purists who appreciate fundamentals and full exertion on defense all the time. This means no more Dwight Howards - freak athletes without a modicrum of talent for the fundamentals. Sure there will be less dunking, but there will also be a lot less whining every time the ref blows the whistle and the field goal percentage and effort on D will be off the charts.

Like BET, we will have our own comedy specials, dedicated to white comics making fun of themselves and roasting black people. You know how black comics have that ‘impersonating the white voice’ accent. We will find comedians for specials that can impersonate black talk, which will include the liberal use of the N word and fried chicken and babymama jokes.

We will not accept ads from the following: Popeyes, Church’s Chicken, hair relaxers, Jherri curl juice, Crisco, Spike Lee commercials, etc. We will allow advertising for Air Jordans, since it’s a universal product. We will allow ads for Magnum Condoms, as most black males don’t give a f#$# about condoms anyway.

We will create documentaries highlighting great achievements of white people and detail how 1/3 of the slave traders were ‘of color.’ We will show how while Greece was building a civilization, blacks were still divided among tribes and throwing wooden spears. We will show the difference between gangs - Crips/Bloods versus the Italian/Irish Mafia - and why whites are better at organizations in general. We do investigative journalism like ‘why Best Buy is the first place ‘looters’ go to - is it just the TVs or is there more to it?’ Or ‘Why do Sharpton and Farrakhan not go after the N word?’ And do exposes on hypocritical celebs - like Steve Harvey who has made a fortune making fun of white people.

We will encourage and promote reparations for white people. After all, whites did create a country where murderers and drug dealers like Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z can become wealthy icons or freak black athletes like Lebron and Kobe can become wealthy and influential without any college. It’s time whites are not only thanked for that. We will also remind viewers how the Native Americans got shafted and how Jews were subject to genocide, to remind all groups that life isn’t fair sometimes.

We will air all Marvel movies except Black Panther because it sucked and is an example of excessive hype because of a predominantly black cast. So we are fair and balanced, Captain Marvel gets the boot too.

We will hire Paula Deen to host a cooking show, who doesn’t love Paula? So a white lady from the south admitted to using the N word in her lifetime. We all have. Walk around a crowded area in Tampa, New Orleans, or Biloxi (concert, casino, event), you’ll either hear it or think it every ten minutes and not from us crackers.

We will sponsor our own clothing line, as we believe FUBU to be racist and their designs are god awful ugly trash that only a peacocking black male looking to impregnate his fourth babymama would wear. We are going to market it as the brand ‘WITS’ for White is the Shit. And yes, it’s a double entendre.

We are going to have and support our own Tyler Perry. Maybe we will call him Whitey Jackson and do shitty, unfunny sitcoms for white people, by white people, and with white people. As an example, one of the sitcoms will be called the ‘Greens.’ It’ll be about a white gang trying to come up in Compton. Or ‘The Smiths’ - a sitcom about an educated family that has lost their jobs due to affirmative action.

News will be fair, we will have cohosts with opposing views. Any real men or women, regardless of color, like Ben Carson, The Hodges twins, Herschel Walker, Candace Owens, Lil Wayne, etc. will be welcomed as guest correspondents. Uneducated ‘influencers’ like LeBron, Snoop Dogg, and Jay-Z can begone.

10% of our profits will go to charitable organizations, 5% will go toward WLM scholarships for underprivileged youths from poorer families. 5% will be spent politicking to reverse affirmative action and just encouraging the best candidate for the job to get it, regardless of color, race, beliefs etc.

Finally, BET can have the Kardashians, us white folk don’t want any claim to them.