I probably won’t mention most of these at the dinner table later today, but the things I am most thankful for include the following:
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My surname isn’t “Schitter,” “Fokkwad” or “Aszwype.”
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I have a boxcar load of money.
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None of the desploogination service professionals with whom I’ve ever gotten sticky know what neighborhood I live in, much less my address.
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John Denver is dead and buried.
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I am again living in a country where I can open my mouth in the shower without risking cholera.
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Despite my advanced age, I still have a lot of hair, it’s mostly black and, most importantly, my hydraulics still work!
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My little girl is growing up which means I should never have to sit through “Beauty and the Beast” again trying to pretend I like it.
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There is no heaven, no hell, no afterlife, and there certainly isn’t a god or gods.
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While I readily admit that I may not be perfect, at least I can honestly say that parts of me are excellent!
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I’m thankful that life is so unfair. It it were fair, after being such a shit-head all my life, I certainly wouldn’t have the wonderful family I have now or the boxcar full of money.
On the negative side, I am truly sorry the pilgrims ate turkey on the first Thanksgiving instead of a stray cat. If they’d eaten a stray cat we could all be eating pussy today!
"7. My little girl is growing up which means I should never have to sit through “Beauty and the Beast” again trying to pretend I like it."
Believe me, rev..When your daughter is a teenager and is going out with guys who remind you of you back in the day, you will LONG for the days spent with Beauty and the Beast!
Been there. Done that.🙄😟