Rejection

Yeah I like to be proactive. I go up to the dancer I want. Dancing on stage or not. Try to come with something funny too.

And I’m not a fan of rejecting girls. It’s not my favorite thing to do. But when money’s involved I have to be very picky because I have very limited amount.

Rejection is a part of this business for both parties. I try to reject early so dancers don't feel like they wasted time with me.

It’s like any sales job. If you are sensitive to a prospect saying no, it’s time to find another line of work.

The good news is, if you work smart, you will build a customer base and not need to do cold calls.

It's kinda the nature-of-the-beast - strip clubs are expensive entertainment and:

1) not easy to get the avg custy to part with his $$$

2) it's mostly a buyer's-market - there can be 2 or 3 dozen dancers, or more, and a custy pretty-much has access to any one of them so he can usually afford to be picky/judiciou$

Those 2 things often lead to more no's than yes's from custies

w.r.t. custies not approaching dancers - it may have to do more with thinking that if a dancer is not interested enough to approach him for his business then she may not be interested enough to provide good service - kinda analogous to going to a restaurant and having to get up and approach the waitress for something you need rather than her coming to you to see if you need anything

Oh, this one cuts very close to the bone for me! I say it all the time, I'm shy and have a huge fear of rejection... So, it doesn't make sense that I I'm in the biz at all. However, sex sells! So that makes it easier!
It's especially difficult for some of us girls because it's such a counterintuitive thing, right? Usually, we're used to the man approaching, so there's no chance of rejection. Over time, I've grown more comfortable in my own skin and the fear has lessened, but it's still there.
To answer the question as to what to do to conquer it, alcohol helps!! I don't need booze to get naked in front of people, or to dance on the stage, but it definitely helps when I'm talking to strangers. The best thing a guy can do on approach is simply walk up and ask if I'd like a drink.
The other thing I don't like is asking for anything... Including a drink. That's why I will sometimes sit with a regular of the club who will always keep my glass full if I want, without me even asking.
The other thing that helps me avoid the fear of rejection is coloring... yep, that's right, coloring! ( I should probably mention that I'm strictly a day shift girl, and I don't think I would do this on a night shift.) But, it's amazing what a conversation starter it is. This way, I don't have my head in my phone, but I'm doing something that relieves stress and is a creative outlet, and that others feel comfortable walking up to me and commenting on.
I should also mention that my fear isn't a crippling one... I will approach a gentleman if he's sitting by himself and no one else has talked to him. I don't want anyone walking away feeling like they could have gone to just any bar instead of walking into my strip club. )
Also, I applaud the author for starting this thread... great, real topic! 👏 🌞

I've rarely been rejected by a dancer. If I'm interested in one, I'll definitely approach her. That said, I'm always aware of how I reject them. Sometimes I feel I'm too harsh or abrupt. I have a rule now. Names must be exchanged before rejection occurs.

So instead of "hey babe, want a dance?" and "no thanks" from me, it ends up more like "hey babe, want a dance?" and "oh hi, what's your name?" "My name is Badspice." "Hey there Badspice, I'm Samiel, nice to meet you. I'm not looking for dances currently, but I will keep you in mind."

So it makes it feel less abrupt and you get to learn the dancer's name for future reference.

The club I go to most often is incredibly low hustle. Maybe 1/4 or fewer of the dancers ever approach a customer. And the hottest dancers never do. So, if you want a dance from them, then you have to be proactive and ask.

And customers do get rejected. Sometimes because the dancer has appointments with regulars, but other times because you're just not the type of customer that the dancer wants to deal with (either that shift or at all).

It took some getting used to, but I actually prefer it now. I almost never have to deal with "shaking off" a pushy dancer.

Based on some of the reviews I've read, though, some guys react really badly. There's a fair number of guys in strip clubs specifically because they get rejected continuously and never get approached in the civilian world. For them, strip clubs are the "easy button" for getting sexy time with hot women.

After a while, they may develop a sense of entitlement with regard to strippers. So, for those guys the functional emotion with regard to rejection isn't fear so much as resentment.

Hmm, interesting question. Obviously, rejection sucks. But it’s not just rejection by itself, but also how rejection happens. Some of it has to do I think with local culture.

One thing that absolutely pisses me off about Portlanders, is the behavior of these men. They look over at me and check me out, and make eye contact. So I think “oh cool”...so I walk up to them to make conversation...and then some will suddenly shrivel up and get clearly uncomfortable and buying dances is out of the question. (Or even worse, the older ones maintain politeness but then cop an attitude when I ask for a dance. Ugh I want the past fifteen minutes of my life back)

And I get furious and want to 🔪🔪🔪 these dudes eyes out. Like if you’re not interested, then don’t freaking look at me.

But I feel as if I was native to this area, then I wouldn’t mind. I remember reading about a Portland based dancer who moved to Las Vegas and complained about the men in Vegas being rude AF.

Which I found ironic because I consider the behavior of Portland guys overall rude AF. Even more rude than some of these cheap ass gropey dudes in Texas trying to cop a free feel because at least their intentions are obvious and I don’t waste too much time.

And Texans for the most part don’t freaking act like I’m overhustling them for just walking up to them and starting a conversation. But from what I’ve gathered, plenty of dancers who aren’t used to Texas aggressiveness can’t stand that behavior, and get extra emotionally drained and feel more violated.
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Venting over, the question of how to deal with it...

If I was going to be in this town longer, I guess I’d just have to get used to this behavior and figure out my approach better. And just build as many regulars as I could. Sure I’ve griped about regulars liking to be time wasters in the past, but that’s a moot point when you’re up against dudes who passively aggressively want to waste your time as a sport.

Oh, and thank goodness the Loser Leaf in this state is legal. It helps with making things more tolerable when I’ve worked longer shifts.

Oh, and in Texas dealing with rejection is easy IMO. Because (in general—there are exceptions) the foot traffic is there and it’s too easy to ignore somebody and go off to the next guy.
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My favorite were the customers from MSP. At least from one particular club, idk how act in other places. They had their minds made up within 10-20 seconds and would *tell you* and in a polite manner if they weren’t interested. 😊
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At the Hustler Club ESL, it was a weird mix. But over there, it seemed like customers were the most proactive. As in, I could be sitting on the couch on my phone, and be actively approached and asked for dances. The girls there didn’t really hustle IMO. So I think that behavior was common and didn’t have to deal with rejection as often...? Idk

@nicespice Portland is full of regulars that just don't get dances but still go to look and stage tip. It's not so much as being rude as it is just the "norm". Because dance prices are somewhat high and most clubs border on just being sexy neighborhood bars, there's not much private dancing, relatively speaking.

I see it all the time. The number of private dances in a Portland club is relatively low as compared to the number of customers ITC.

I never really thought of it this way until reading the post, but dancers refusing to approach a customer is a form of rejection. Every dancer can't approach every customer unless the club is small, so in most situations they make decisions on whom to approach...which is a tacit rejection of everyone else.

I'm mostly fine with this because of what Papi said in his second comment. Unless a dancer is just that hot/fine/whatever in comparison to the others at the club that night, I'm not running anyone down and offering money.

I mostly tend to look at that tacit rejection as one of my money and not necessarily of me. On that level, it's plain stupid since my dollars are the same as everyone else's.

@nicespice FWIW if you stay here longer, I'll keep getting dances. 🦄🤗 And no need to change your approach.

^Yeah, it just annoys me that it’s like that the Dragon too (with a higher % of non natives). I suppose if I give Portland another shot (which is likely, because the PNW is just that beautiful) I’ll probably try out other downtown clubs as well at some point.

I had heard good things about Portland being better for dancers than it used to be on that front. I get the impression it has to do with Californian transplants.

^ We'll talk later, 1:1, about how to hustle out here You belong out here. 🌲🦄🤗🌲

@Nicespice How would you like rejection to occur? Maybe the guy likes the way you look but is not ready for a dance at the moment. I'm always worried the dancer might take it the wrong way.

@samiel Haha, if it’s a place like Bucks, then that’s on you to walk up to me when you’re ready 😝 you had your chance bruh. (Which has happened before)

Okay, smart assedness aside probably you could say (if you are serious) “oh hey, come back in X minutes”

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But yeah, the crappy thing about some really slow periods without customer spending is that customers can sense that shit and turn predatory. So sometimes, not wanting to deal with what’s in the room is just simple risk aversion to getting hassled for “dates”, etc. It’s like assholes operate on a coordinated hive mind.

I assume when a customer goes to a club and is annoyed at being ignored when he shouldn’t be, he’s being unfairly profiled with the rest of the dipshits the dancers were dealing with just before they saw him. It happens

I never seem to have that problem of being ignored, and the dancers I wanted to hang out with me have most often been the ones that I approached.
I don’t get some of you guys, are you men in a strip club, these places are designed to cater to you for the most part, really show some balls for a damn change. Approach a dancer if she appeals to you WTF.

^That is a good point. If a dancer isn’t approaching, like I mentioned, she probably wasn’t too happy with the rest of the room. So there’s a good chance that means she likely won’t be in a hurry to go off elsewhere and it’s easier to have her locked down.

Dancers who are better at their jobs stay focused and just go for that last customer anyways. I admit that sometimes I’m not the best at that either. It’s something I should probably remind myself to stay diligent on. The other night, I was already in the dressing room dressed and about to walk out when a manager came in and told me a customer asked for me (!!). Oops.

^ these whiny little children don’t really get it at all, if you want something go for it, you won’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket

In Phoenix, floor dances are $10. It wasn't that many years ago that dances were $5 at a few clubs. In those days every dancer could dance every song. Very few customers would say no to the offer of a dance. When the price gets to $20 or $30, customers become much more selective and rejection becomes commonplace.

"if you want something go for it, you won’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket"




Although i agree with that my normal modus operandi in a strip club is I wait for them to approach me because my thought is they're working and if they want my money come earn it. The problem is often I'm not interested in the dancers approaching me and when I do approach a dancer I'm interested in she often perceives me as a desperate easy mark, of which I'm not, and tries to over hustle me which leads to me blowing her off.
Of course there are exceptions and YMMV but that's usually how things go for me.

^ you’re only a “desperate easy mark”
If you allow them to over hustle you,
Remember you should be in control, it’s your money and like I keep reminding y’all how the hell do you live with your selves letting little girls in their underwear intimidate y’all WTF

You're preaching to the choir there 25. If they want my money they'll have to earn it, I never allow them to over hustle me hence my comment about blowing them off.

w.r.t. Portland, with dance prices being around $40 if I remember correctly, one would think there are gonna be a lot of spectators - at those prices one can be down close to 150-bucks b/w cover, a drink, and just 3 measly dances that last about 10-minutes - I can see PLs looking/ogling but unwilling to pull the trigger and then getting a bit defensive/insecure about it when approached by the dancer - with very high dance prices certain custies may also be reluctant to pull the trigger bc they may be concerned they won't be able to control themselves and blow thru a whole bunch of $ on expensive dances

Idk how value conscious these guys are. At one particular club, where outright groping tits and the like is allowed (not a thing at every club here), some of these customers will *still* opt to not touch you at all. Even innocent areas like the waist or something.

One customer tipped $20 extra on top of a single $40 dance. (He didn’t touch me at all either). And at that point, I wondered why the heck he didn’t just opt for 3/$100. Cause The $ wasn’t taken up front, so he still had time to make a decision.

Objectively speaking it’s not a bad club culture. Just one I don’t understand. 🧐

In Portland as a customer you will lose out if you don't directly pursue a dancer as soon as you know. Because of the high rejection rate, dancers are not the best at soliciting dances. Also many customers go to a club to just stage tip as they drink or on break from video poker, or they would rather a dancer just sit and get drunk with them. Getting dances is like a special occasional treat rather than a regular thing. So if you are here and you want to get dances, it's best to go after then sit and wait. As a regular I see this issue all the time out here.

@nicespice I'm here to help you understand. 😁

This rejection has got me so low

Now I know, I should say no

It’s kinda hard when she’s ready to go!!!!

@spice

So you're saying many of the Portland guys are too un-assertive perhaps wimpy which makes it harder for you to deal with them?

Like other customers have indicated, I am not remotely worried about "rejection" in a strip club, I just don't have any interest in a girl who isn't motivated or confident enough to approach me. IME those girls have issues of one sort or another, ranging from deep insecurities to laziness and/or burnout. No thanks, I'll wait for the girl who wants my money enough to seek it out.

I mean if they were unassertive and wimpy while spending, it would be no problem with me. 😅

Also, I try to encourage these dudes to touch at the end of the song so they buy another one. They don’t go for it. The whole thing has turned me into a lower mileage dancer (Sirlap notwithstanding) because I just don’t see the point

^ LMAO @nicespice I appreciate you taking exception for me but please note there are other clubs and other local mongers that have and expect higher mileage than me.

Stars has always been lower mileage relative to other clubs and the Dragon seems like it has become that way. I don't consider these clubs representative of Portland average mileage.

It was my understanding in many Portland clubs touching by custies is kinda discouraged/not-allowed, perhaps they've been conditioned to not do it although one would think they'd take the opportunity in clubs where it is allowed

@Papi it's not 'many' clubs. It really depends on both the club and the dancer.

—>“I just don't have any interest in a girl who isn't motivated or confident enough to approach me. IME those girls have issues of one sort or another, ranging from deep insecurities to laziness and/or burnout. No thanks, I'll wait for the girl who wants my money enough to seek it out.”

Considering how much you brag about bargaining for value priced extras while dancers are desperate, thanks for providing validating deeply insecure and lazy dancers everywhere. I feel better about myself. 😁

Growing up in the 60/70's, when the guy always had to ask out the girl, rejection was always an issue. One benefit of age is no longer giving a shit about things that used to upset you and this is one of them. If there are 100 dancers and 98 turn me down I think "cool 2 more prospects". If they shoot me down I think "cool, pizza". My only pet peeve is the dancer who never has time for you when there are a lot of customers in the club, but if there are only a few, thinks that because she has no one else you're supposed to be thrilled to spend time with and money on her.

@nice: you got it, I only like "em when their desperation is powerful enough to overcome their deep insecurities and inherent laziness. So you're welcome.

Cue SJG

^

Please let's not :D

san_jose_creep only posts between noon and 6pm PST. It's when he gets free internet access at the public library.

@nicespice
I don't consider simply looking at a girl, checking her out, or even eye contact a sign that a PL wants a dance. Many PLs look at/study a girl physically to decide if they are even interested in her and some take much longer than others. Eye contact often means that the face is important to them. Even a smile could just mean civility. And often, even if a girl does pass all these "tests", the PL could only be budgeting dance(s) with one or two girls and there is a pecking order. You could be their first choice or their tenth choice. Ideally, a PL would prefer his first and then his second choice. Sometimes even, a girl may be more than attractive enough, but the PL just didn't care for her dances. So maybe she remembers him or doesn't, but he certainly remembers her and may still keep looking at her like bugs gravitating toward light, but with no interest in dancing with her again.

Now if a PL seems to actively trying not to make eye contact or avoiding her visually, which actually takes conscious effort and may even be considered a bit of a "little bitch" or beta move, then that probably means stay the hell away. Or the guy could just be socially awkward and mean nothing else. SCs are often a place for PLs to hang out, chill and enjoy the scenery. Now if a PL goes up to the stage when she goes on, tips her and seems interested and then leaves, that's usually a pretty good sign even if he doesn't say anything. But really, the only way to know if a PL wants a dance if he basically says he does, and even then some guys still lie...

^ 🤷🏼‍♀️ Relying on facial expressions worked well enough in various Texas cities and at the Minnesota club I worked and also in the ESL club I worked.

@nicespice The other thing to remember about Portland is that the number of clubs and thus options make it a 'buyer's market'. A customer can simply leave and go to a competing club less than a few miles away if he doesn't like what he sees in one. So yeah that may enable that attitude that you're not used to where guys aren't really aggressive about getting a dance. Hence there's a higher than normal rejection rate here (among other reasons).

Holy fuck. Talk about putting the PATHETIC into “PL”. Sack up and talk to a girl if you want to talk to her. Stop trying to play psychologist about what’s going on in her head. It’s yes or no. And then if she wants too much money, say no. It’s not rocket science.

Kudos to whoever posted The Offspring reference

I’m just a sucker with no Self Esteem!

"... I don't consider simply looking at a girl, checking her out, or even eye contact a sign that a PL wants a dance ..."

PLs are gonna look and even stare in a strip-club (even if they don't plan to buy dances), it's a very visual type environment/entertainment - having said this I try to avoid making eye-contact w/ dancers that I don't have an interest in spending on, and even less tip them, lest they get the wrong idea and end-up wasting their time and mine.

A strip club is a glorified ego boost to a PL. And some want a stripper to be the aggressor and give them the complete fantasy that they are that stud guy that strippers just can't resist that they don't even need to approach one. Others want their ego boost a different way.

Personally my ego boost comes from the hot stripper (that I sought after) flirting with me and teasing my dick as a prelude to private dances. I don't need to be approached because I'm usually going after the all natural 9-10 that almost all other PLs want, so I aggressively go after my stripper before someone else takes her. And the only time I've ever been rejected is if she was already busy with another customer.