Has anyone ever talked to dancer because you’re worried about their drug use
boomer79
Georgia
Usually I’m the type to mind my own business. I don’t even drink but I’m well aware that other people have bad habits and I don’t judge them for them but Like most people I’m well aware that drug and alcohol habits can damage or ruin lives.
Any way there is a dancer who I’ve seen pretty regularly inside the club who I’m pretty worried about. Before I kind of had an idea she did some Coke although not in front of me. She also sometimes drank too much but not always. Honestly to me that’s pretty common for dancers unfortunately and I really didn’t think too much of it.
The last two times I’ve seen her though she really seems worse. She says she fell and hurt her knee and has some sort of pain pills. She was doing Coke at the beginning of our VIP and was sweating profusely and actually felt hot and got tired quickly despite being a 23 year old who is in good shape. I could also tell her heart rate was accelerated.
I stopped the dances (I had paid for longer and didn’t ask for money back) even though she was going to keep going and got her some ice water and tried to talk to her even though she just laughed and said it’s so sweet you care about me but that she was fine.
I have a pretty good relationship with her and I have her number. It’s obviously a friendly business relationship though. I’m thinking about calling her when she’s hopefully sober outside the club to talk about it since I feel like she could be in danger. I was afraid she could be overdosing or in danger of a heart attack. I know she’s also under personal/financial stress as well.
Has anyone ever talked to a dancer they’re friendly about this kind of thing. How was it received?I know I’m not the ideal person for this but I am worried and feel like I should at least try. Am I overstepping?
Any way there is a dancer who I’ve seen pretty regularly inside the club who I’m pretty worried about. Before I kind of had an idea she did some Coke although not in front of me. She also sometimes drank too much but not always. Honestly to me that’s pretty common for dancers unfortunately and I really didn’t think too much of it.
The last two times I’ve seen her though she really seems worse. She says she fell and hurt her knee and has some sort of pain pills. She was doing Coke at the beginning of our VIP and was sweating profusely and actually felt hot and got tired quickly despite being a 23 year old who is in good shape. I could also tell her heart rate was accelerated.
I stopped the dances (I had paid for longer and didn’t ask for money back) even though she was going to keep going and got her some ice water and tried to talk to her even though she just laughed and said it’s so sweet you care about me but that she was fine.
I have a pretty good relationship with her and I have her number. It’s obviously a friendly business relationship though. I’m thinking about calling her when she’s hopefully sober outside the club to talk about it since I feel like she could be in danger. I was afraid she could be overdosing or in danger of a heart attack. I know she’s also under personal/financial stress as well.
Has anyone ever talked to a dancer they’re friendly about this kind of thing. How was it received?I know I’m not the ideal person for this but I am worried and feel like I should at least try. Am I overstepping?
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That said, what you'll almost certainly end up learning is, "no good deed goes unpunished. Especially with strippers". Generally, I'd talk you out of it -- the result won't be that you'll save her. But I also think that ultimately, there's no real harm in having the talk. Worst case, she tells you to fuck off and you are motivated to go find a stripper that isn't an addict.
All I can think of is to collect a few local area brochures, that have phone numbers attached with resources. And maybe give that to her attached with a small tip.
Like “hey nothing in your life is my business but you seem like a good person. The other day I got slightly worried for you. I’m sure you can handle things yourself but if you ever need help at any point, here’s something”
...and maybe put the collection of resources in an envelope so it’s discrete when she’s bringing the brochures with her to the dressing room.
If you like the entertainment she provides you, keep doing what you’re doing. Tho the fact it already affected her performance during a dance...
...I hate to sound cold and cynical but may be best to look the other way and get dances elsewhere.
I personally don’t. If I see/hear something shady, and it’s unlikely to personally affect me, I block it out and focus elsewhere.
But for general life destroying drug use I don't feel like I'm in the position to say much. At most I might say:
"So it seems like you have been getting crazy with the drugs lately. Look I would hate to see you get too fucked up and hurt. You got that shit under control right "
You think you have to say something, not really, it is her life and if she wanted your help she would have asked.
Best thing is to avoid her and move on (that may causé her to wake up and seek help).
“No! Try not. Do. Or do not!! There is no try....”
- Yoda (Legendary Jedi Master)
- The Empire Strikes Back
After reading all the advice and opinions; make an informed decision and do what your conscience tells you and let the chips fall where they may.
I did try to help a CF as much as I could, but had to walk away because I remember taking swimming classes and the instructor told us not to believe that because we can swim we can rescue a drowning person; she said even professionals life guards some times get pulled down by a drowning person.
Every situation is unique, your actions may make a difference or not.
In my limited experience about drug addiction, it is up to the addict to make the decision, and take action, to get rid off the addiction.
Don’t worry; worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything, it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
A dancer who used to come to my house showed me how to use Narcan spray in case she overdosed. Luckily, I never had to use it.
My ATF was a heroin addict for 15 years, sobered up about a year ago, has had a few relapses and called me today saying she needs to get on methadone. She says she’s depressed, can’t get out of bed, can’t hold a job and is marrying a guy in 5 weeks who needs methadone as well. I believe that extended use changes the brain chemistry in SOME people and truly enslaves them.
I was a regular coke user for about a 6 month period back in the mid 1980’s and I loved it, but had no trouble walking away from it. About 5 or 6 years ago I was an occasional user of coke ( snorted, injected once) and a fairly regular crack smoker. I loved it too much and fortunately have sufficient self discipline to quit. I really understand how it can take over one’s life but I also have seen it ruin or even take another’s life.
If your dancer friend is truly a friend then meet her for lunch someday away from the club. Ask her about her usage. Try to tell if she’s being honest. Many coke users also are recreational users of other drugs : Molly (MDMA or ecstasy) acid, pain pills, etc. Do not be judgemental and try to be understanding. It’s been said a million times and is still true. A user or addict has to stop herself. You can’t do it for you.
Do other than tell her your thoughts and then protect your emotional well being by moving on.
I have personally helped 3 heroin addicts in their deepest times of need. My daughter, my daughters best friend (who had a 6 year old child), and a boyfriend. They all chose drugs over all else in life. They all suffered the ultimate loss as did all who were close to them. Each died months to a couple years apart from the same fate even though their best friend died as a result of overdose. It truly baffles my mind as to how friends can watch other friends die from this shit and yet they never learn. My daughter suffered 4 friends deaths from heroin and still did not learn. Hurts like a mother fucker every single day!!!
Honestly I am not used to being around people with drug problems. I guess I kind of should know this is a common problem especially among dancers, but seeing her doing that badly was kind of upsetting to me. She’s a nice person but she clearly has some serious problems.
That's your own neediness talking, not hers.
Do you really think that she doesn't know full well that what she's doing is bad for her? That your brilliant insights are going to shine a special light on what is already obvious? 😉
Someday she will really look for help, but it won't be from the condescending weirdo at the club who paid to have her rub in his lap and then suddenly shifted gears into some misguided lifestyle outreach. Contrary to your own view of yourself, she doesn't see you as you see yourself and she won't find your concern to be as endearing as you no doubt hope she will. If I were you, I'd just leave her be and not make her life just a little more crappy than it already is.
Apologies. My weekends are generally pretty busy.
You guys were probably right that I couldn’t help her but these girls aren’t necessarily hopeless. She wasn’t like this until recently and I’d like to think she can get things together.
We're all a bit cynical here, and usually for good reasons. But sometimes that cynicism is unwarranted. I hope that this is one of those times.
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