Has anyone ever talked to dancer because you’re worried about their drug use

This is the kinda thing where, maybe you gotta be you. You're a good guy who cares about a young woman. If you feel like you have to do this, go for it.

That said, what you'll almost certainly end up learning is, "no good deed goes unpunished. Especially with strippers". Generally, I'd talk you out of it -- the result won't be that you'll save her. But I also think that ultimately, there's no real harm in having the talk. Worst case, she tells you to fuck off and you are motivated to go find a stripper that isn't an addict.

She probably won't quit until she figures it out for herself.

I’m hoping at least she might not mix her new prescription with the stuff she’s been taking. Unfortunately I know drug habits are way too common. Honestly I’m worried about her overdosing and ending up in the morgue. I kind of had an idea about her habits before but the physical symptoms were kind of alarming this week and it’s been worrying me. I wish I could but I know it would be highly unlikely I could convince her to get clean.

Hmm, it can be a fine line to tread between buzzkill and being concerned like a human being with empathy.

All I can think of is to collect a few local area brochures, that have phone numbers attached with resources. And maybe give that to her attached with a small tip.

Like “hey nothing in your life is my business but you seem like a good person. The other day I got slightly worried for you. I’m sure you can handle things yourself but if you ever need help at any point, here’s something”

...and maybe put the collection of resources in an envelope so it’s discrete when she’s bringing the brochures with her to the dressing room.

If you like the entertainment she provides you, keep doing what you’re doing. Tho the fact it already affected her performance during a dance...

...I hate to sound cold and cynical but may be best to look the other way and get dances elsewhere.

And that is IF you want to do anything rather than go about your day and forget about it.

I personally don’t. If I see/hear something shady, and it’s unlikely to personally affect me, I block it out and focus elsewhere.

No, because (1) it is none of my business and (2) because the last person who she wants to hear a lecture from is a customer. By all means go ahead as some lessons must be learned the hard way, but keep in mind that to her you are neither a guy worthy of her respect nor in any position to be a voice of moral authority. Shit right now she doesn't even want to hear it from someone she DOES respect, nevermind from one of her club customers. She won't be ready until she reaches rock bottom and when that happens, you sure as Shit won't be the one she calls. If I were you I would just walk away.

I don't have the strength or knowledge to help someone like that. Plus the fact that I'm paying for entertainment. I wouldn't even consider getting involved.

The Douchebag left off his number (3). He wants them strung out on drugs because they are easier to manipulate and take advantage of. After all, who but a strung out druggie is going fall for his stupid three piece suit faux chemical engineer act? https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…

So I will definitely say something if someone is so drunk/high at the club they aren't capable of good conversation. There is a limit that starts hurting their income and makes me enjoy hanging with them less.

But for general life destroying drug use I don't feel like I'm in the position to say much. At most I might say:

"So it seems like you have been getting crazy with the drugs lately. Look I would hate to see you get too fucked up and hurt. You got that shit under control right "

Thanks. I think I’m just going to give her some literature and mention the physical symptoms I observed when she was strung out and tell her that it seems worse lately. You guys are right that I’m really not in an ideal position to.talk to her but I feel I should do something. She has told me some very personal things and it’s hard not to worry about her. Unfortunately I’m afraid she doesn’t have the “right person” to express concern to her. That’s probably a large part of the problem. If you’re wondering I don’t want to get involved with her. I do like her in a lot of ways but that would be a terrible idea and wouldn’t work.

This situation usually does not go well with civvies, friends or family, less with a stripper.

You think you have to say something, not really, it is her life and if she wanted your help she would have asked.

Best thing is to avoid her and move on (that may causé her to wake up and seek help).

@boomer79

“No! Try not. Do. Or do not!! There is no try....”

- Yoda (Legendary Jedi Master)
- The Empire Strikes Back


After reading all the advice and opinions; make an informed decision and do what your conscience tells you and let the chips fall where they may.

I did try to help a CF as much as I could, but had to walk away because I remember taking swimming classes and the instructor told us not to believe that because we can swim we can rescue a drowning person; she said even professionals life guards some times get pulled down by a drowning person.

Every situation is unique, your actions may make a difference or not.

In my limited experience about drug addiction, it is up to the addict to make the decision, and take action, to get rid off the addiction.

Don’t worry; worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything, it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.

People never take good advice. Strippers only take bad advice.

A dancer who used to come to my house showed me how to use Narcan spray in case she overdosed. Luckily, I never had to use it.

I’m living proof that talk only makes most become oppositional and defensive. About 10 years ago I started clubbing frequently. At that time about 1/4 of the dancers were heavily into drugs and they were generally the ones who provided extras. I befriended a dancer who was a little bit older than most of the other dancers. She was college educated, had been a heavy coke user in San Francisco, and had a sister who flew there and brought her home to rehab. She was very clear about the self harm she had fallen into and was adamant that she wouldn’t go that route again. She and I would talk about the girls who I’d see for blow jobs and I then fell in with my ATF who was a heroin addict. The older dancer warned me that there was no way to “help” someone to quit using whatever she wants to take. Every one of the 6 or 7 of the heavier users that I got to know have had health, legal, or other personal problems. I know one who is still dancing and has a good BF and a 2 year old son. The first time she sucked my dick was on her 21st birthday. She’s told me she’s making $750 to a $1000 a night in a club off the beaten track. I asked her how she made so much and she said the same way I always have.
My ATF was a heroin addict for 15 years, sobered up about a year ago, has had a few relapses and called me today saying she needs to get on methadone. She says she’s depressed, can’t get out of bed, can’t hold a job and is marrying a guy in 5 weeks who needs methadone as well. I believe that extended use changes the brain chemistry in SOME people and truly enslaves them.
I was a regular coke user for about a 6 month period back in the mid 1980’s and I loved it, but had no trouble walking away from it. About 5 or 6 years ago I was an occasional user of coke ( snorted, injected once) and a fairly regular crack smoker. I loved it too much and fortunately have sufficient self discipline to quit. I really understand how it can take over one’s life but I also have seen it ruin or even take another’s life.
If your dancer friend is truly a friend then meet her for lunch someday away from the club. Ask her about her usage. Try to tell if she’s being honest. Many coke users also are recreational users of other drugs : Molly (MDMA or ecstasy) acid, pain pills, etc. Do not be judgemental and try to be understanding. It’s been said a million times and is still true. A user or addict has to stop herself. You can’t do it for you.

mention it but keep it light.

I wish you luck. If I were you, and I’m not, I would mention that you are concerned about her drug use. Then, leave it at that and just walk away. She will either continue forth or she will stop. If she continues forth, there is a very good chance the she will end up in the morgue. If you remain close to her when this happens, then your life will be fucked up emotionally. You will wonder if you could have somehow done more. There is no MORE that you can
Do other than tell her your thoughts and then protect your emotional well being by moving on.

I have personally helped 3 heroin addicts in their deepest times of need. My daughter, my daughters best friend (who had a 6 year old child), and a boyfriend. They all chose drugs over all else in life. They all suffered the ultimate loss as did all who were close to them. Each died months to a couple years apart from the same fate even though their best friend died as a result of overdose. It truly baffles my mind as to how friends can watch other friends die from this shit and yet they never learn. My daughter suffered 4 friends deaths from heroin and still did not learn. Hurts like a mother fucker every single day!!!

The more I think about it the more I think that confronting her about her use may not be constructive. However she has told me about some things that have happened with her ex, child custody, and an incident in the club. I know these are difficult for her and I think I found some resources where she could get help dealing with those problems. I kind of suspect if they build a relationship with her that the drugs might subsequently come up and they would help her if she was receptive to it.

Honestly I am not used to being around people with drug problems. I guess I kind of should know this is a common problem especially among dancers, but seeing her doing that badly was kind of upsetting to me. She’s a nice person but she clearly has some serious problems.

If you care about her then do what you can. She is a person. You need to understand that you are playing with dynamite though. It has been said often here that you can't save them all. Most don't want to be saved. Just understand this going in.

===> "You guys are right that I’m really not in an ideal position to.talk to her but I feel I should do something. "

That's your own neediness talking, not hers.

Do you really think that she doesn't know full well that what she's doing is bad for her? That your brilliant insights are going to shine a special light on what is already obvious? 😉

Someday she will really look for help, but it won't be from the condescending weirdo at the club who paid to have her rub in his lap and then suddenly shifted gears into some misguided lifestyle outreach. Contrary to your own view of yourself, she doesn't see you as you see yourself and she won't find your concern to be as endearing as you no doubt hope she will. If I were you, I'd just leave her be and not make her life just a little more crappy than it already is.

The person who is going to connect with her in such a way that it creates a massive shift in her habits, behaviors, or addictions is not the guy who pays her for boners.

Ish, if you'd been the first response, we could have just closed the thread right there

If she has a drug issue and uses drugs other than marijuana, and I’m aware of it, she’s not a dancer I’d be involved with in any way, so why would I waste my breath.

Subraman... lol

Apologies. My weekends are generally pretty busy.

Ish: totally understand, sleeping and masturbating can take up the whole weekend, before you know it

No not really

Who sleeps...?

Slam dunk that faggot rickboy

I actually have something that is about as good an ending to this as you could hope for. I went back and a friend of hers came over to me and told me that she was taking some time off to deal with her issues. Apparently she felt really off and got medical attention later that night. I think she actually is getting help and I didn’t need to do anything. Her friend told me she wanted me to know because she could tell I had been worried.

You guys were probably right that I couldn’t help her but these girls aren’t necessarily hopeless. She wasn’t like this until recently and I’d like to think she can get things together.

Good. I'm glad.

We're all a bit cynical here, and usually for good reasons. But sometimes that cynicism is unwarranted. I hope that this is one of those times.

And how is Ishmael’s point any different from my homeboy’s point?

You folks just don’t appreciate ricksplaining. You should. Ricks are the smartest creatures on the planet. I am the smartest and most badass lion on the planet. rickthevulture is the smartest and most badass vulture on the planet. And rickdugan is the smartest and most badass hairless ape on the planet.

The rest of you damn dirty apes should listen to him. ROAR!!!