So Im seriously thinking of settling down in a few years. I have a few great women in my social circle who are desperate for kids and marriage. While there is a high possibility I hang up my T shirt and athletic shorts after the wedding I wouldnt be suprised if I sneak away to a club during a business trip. For those who are married how long did you wait and why did you go? Argument with wife? Needed some variety?
10 years. Variety and alone time. It really is as simple as that. Well, maybe that fact that I walked in on her fucking one of her boyfriends. Lol. She is 20 years younger than I. What would one expect? I told her that as long as we don’t talk about it, then we each do our thing. I love her easy to much to let that shit destroy our marriage.
The only times I went before I got married and for several years after I got married was for bachelor parties. Then I discovered my wife was hooking up with guys on some of her business trips, so I figured I could have some fun too.
Took my wife once a few years after we were married because she wanted to see first hand what went on. This was back when it was strictly stage dancing. But really never went again until 20 years later when my marriage was on the rocks. Too broke and raising kids.
i was married 17 years when i first visited a sc in phoenix. then after separation at 32 years i started hitting the sc in a big way. now i’m hooked. if I have the money I’m there pretty much all I can.
“How is that more relevant than the fact that what I am saying is based on the testimony and experiences of other men themselves ”
Anecdotal evidence is of limited value. Show us the basic research, tell us about the sample size. Explain how the individuals interviewed were selected. Explain the statistical analyses done to verify statistically significant differences.
I’m sure you’ve done all that basic work.
I haven’t (and at least I have the honesty to say so). But the reading I have done of articles by academics who do more than rely on anecdotal evidence reflects that men and women differ on the metric of commitment and infidelity. The differences are, not what I expected and more complicated.
I always thought men were less prone to commitment than women and that was true across all nations, cultures, socioeconomic and educational levels and ages.
Apparently that is not the case. Depending on which slice of the population you study, you find different infidelity rates between the genders.
It’s an interesting topic. The evidence did not sustain my preconceived and uninformed expectations.
But as for men and women being the same on this issue, that isn’t what the data suggests either.
Went a few times with my other half when we were still dating a long long time ago. After marriage waited over 10 years. In the trenches with babies, establishing careers, buying a house, creating strong marriage etc etc... Kids are older now. Me and SO are secure enough that it’s not a conflict in our marriage like it may have been in the beginning. But not every marriage is ok with SCing. So you may wait forever if you’re waiting on the green light for it.
Nicole1994 said "What a dumb question. Don't get married then...."
If married guys didn't go to strip clubs, then the entire industry would contract down to Follies and Hong Kong. Maybe a couple of Detroit clubs would survive.
@callmeishmael I fully agree. Im one of the few young single guys that routinely clubs in my area. Its funny because dancers over the years have jokingly said they dont want to get any lipstick on me or perfume before knowing I didnt have a wife to go home to. Even after knowing Im not married the friendly ones asked why im not married or in a relationship. I tell them if I was then I wouldnt come here! Which usually makes them say most of the guys who club are married and they hope I will return when im tied down.
Dancers seem to be very comfortable around married guys as well. Generally they are more stable monetarily, not too pushy about extras, and can hold a good conversation with women. Not all clubs are about dancing. Some guys just want some time away from the wife while having a few drinks in the company of beautiful women.
Comments like that from @nicole make me wonder what her experience with clubbing is.
Totally dedicated and monogamous before she stopped enjoying intimacy and sex. Honestly going to strip clubs and seeing girls on the side has kept my marriage going.
Wife and I dated for about 4 years before getting married then she got pregnant right away by our mutual choice. I lost interest in sex during her pregnancy and the exhaustion of having an infant, I'm talking rarely even jerked off.
By the time the kid was 2 my wife basically gave up on sex and I started finding other outlets including clubs.
I think a lot of dancers are ok with married guys because we don't try to date them and are less likely to fall in love or stalk. Transactional relationships can work great for both parties.
Clubbed a (very) little before and after marriage. Just a little titty watching, stage watching during lunch, after work.
Discovered lap dancing 2+ years ago. I don't know if wife would have tolerated lap dancing 20 or 30 years ago, but our marriage is solid and fun. She does now, for which I've thanked her
If you're not even going to try and make the marriage work and keep to the letter and spirit of faithfulness, then you and this thread are just a joke.
@jamesSD interesting comment. I actually find pregnant women very attractive and my close friends have told me thier wives sex drive goes up during pregnancy. But ive also heard some pregnant women find thier husbands scent to be annoying. I guess things to look out for
@CMI, same goes for SJG, not sure what the point of this site if you've never been to a club
For me it was after about five years of being married*. It was simply for variety and a return to old habits. It's never been because of my wife. It's just a hard "habit" to break. A personal obsession/issue.
*Note that my wife and I lived together for about five years before getting married and during that time I went to strip clubs and she also knew about it going into our marriage. And she still married me. :)
(LMFAO Nicokeyes has no clue about men and marriage. Such an assuming dumbass.)
NJBalla, I've probably learned more in strip clubs then just about anywhere else, and I was doing this since back when you were still in jr high school.
LOL san_jose_creep is a cautionary tale here. He lost his wife and his fortunes to excessive stripper and AMP whore mongering. He's what any married PL *could* become if they approach mongering like he did.
That is not really true. My organization is by invitation only, members are held to very high standards, and there is no "mongering" involved with it. But it will give our members all the sex we could possibly want.
herbtcat, some married couples go for Swinging, some have even met and even gotten married in Swinger's Clubs. In my view this is honest, while cheating on a wife is not.
NJBalla you are the antithesis of the men who will be deemed worthy of my organization.
You might call me holier than though I don’t see myself doing this anymore after I’m married. Perhaps I have a really Rosie unrealistic bullshit view of marriage though.
^^^^ Perhaps you are just an honest man who wants to be able to look at himself in the mirror, and who wouldn't get married unless he intended to be faithful and to make it work.
^^^ And perhaps you are a guilt ridden man that ruined your own marriage and rather than face yourself in the mirror on this issue you would rather pass judgement on others as a defense mechanism.
@Muddy9 no worries. I commend you on your approach for future marriage. It's the safest way, unless of course you have a wife that wants you to go see strippers.
LOL san_jose_creep has me on ignore too so your responses should confuse him. I hope so!
I didn't go (Other than bachelor parties) until we separated for a month about halfway through our marriage . Then after we reconciled, I didn't go again until the very end when it truly was over.
But my suggestion would be not to marry any of those women who are desperate for kids and marriage. That is a recipe for disaster and having to give up half your assets when you divorce. Desperation leads to poor decision making .
Do you want to prepay a divorce lawyer, the same guy who does your prenups, on retainer through the wedding day and the honeymoon, and a speed dial number in case you get caught at a strip club?
Would you try a Marriage Councilor first, or just go directly to the Divorce Lawyer?
Do you find Marriage Councilors and Divorce Lawyers dancing at your favorite strip clubs?
@ rh48hr words to live by for sure. But my generation is a little askew. These days most girls are happy to spend thier time on instagram and facebook so when you find one willing to have kids/marriage you need to snatch them up. Desperate is probably a bad word. I would rather mean open. In addition they arent the homemaker types, just professional women who understand thier best childbearing days are numbered.
The only worry I have is if my future wife has a low sex drive. Its hard to find a girl with a high sex drive who is open to kids and not a mother by 30.
NJBalla said "@CMI, same goes for SJG, not sure what the point of this site if you've never been to a club"
It's literally the only discussion forum that will put up with his creepy-as-fuck logorrhea.
No. Really. It's like the word was created for SJG...
Logorrhea (psychology): In psychology, logorrhea or logorrhoea is a communication disorder that causes excessive wordiness and repetitiveness, which can sometimes lead to incoherency. Logorrhea is sometimes classified as a mental illness, though it is more commonly classified as a symptom of mental illness or brain injury.
I'm telling you guys, san_jose_creep literally just wants to post about his fantasies of his sex organization and how one should be with strippers as a defense mechanism to deal with the PTSD and trauma from losing his marriage and fortunes from excessive past mongering. It's also his only escape from his destitute life as a homeless man in San Jose. TUSCL is really all he has so he is dedicated to it more than the rest of us. It's to the point that the posting is more important than him actually doing what he is posting about. It's because he can't actually do those things in real life. He's too proud/arrogant/stupid to admit any of this, though.
NJBalla - There's no guarantee that a woman with high sex drive before marriage will keep it after marriage. Good luck in finding that woman. I will say this, every time I think about wanting to get back into a relationship, my ex does something to make me realize why I don't.
I only go to clubs now for eye candy, and the fact that fantasy is better than reality. Family time keeps me exhausted and without much time for ansocial life let alone strip clubs.
I visit once every month or two, but the Phx scene has changed so much that I don’t believe I’m missing out on anything these days. All the talent has left.
A woman’s sex drive, is effected by their hormones but ultimately it’s much more psychological than men. It’s normal for women to lose some of their sex drive after having a baby. There’s a lot that goes on, with birth and caring for a new baby. Including utter exhaustion. And if you’re stepping up to care for your child with them, you may find sex inane a priority for it as well. If you’re wife is in the middle of the trenches of baby care and you step out on her, then I don’t see how you can expect a solid marriage. This is not a woman that is trying to deprive you, this is a loan that is consumed by the care of a child you helped make.
I can’t speak to menopause as we haven’t dealt with that yet however hormone replacement is a very real option to help with lowered sex drive due to hormones changes.
However, the main cause of a “low sex drive” in women is that their husband fails to get them going. When you first meet a women it’s easier. Everything is new and so getting her turned on requires much less effort. Also the culture of sex in our country is still very male centric. And often younger women still believe sex is focused on the male experience. So they may fake interest, or not finish but focus on you finishing or not be fully wanting it but do it anyway, because they’ve learned that’s what women do.
In my experience with people, women seem to go through a psychological change somewhere in their late 30s to mid 40s. You can google it. It is sometimes referred to as female midlife crisis. It’s hard to say exactly why, but around this time they seem to really come into their own, and hormonal speaking women have a HIGHER sex drive at this time.
But I’ve noticed this is when they begin to put themselves first often after many years of raising young children and staying home and putting careers on the back burner, and even “serving their husband”. (I am only speaking for my generation)
When women begin to put themselves first after all those years of putting themselves last, they begin to want a new approach to sex. This is an issue if they don’t communicate this to their husband, and they just expect him to know. Which often is the case.
Also around this time women begin to feel the effects of their beauty fading with age. They want to feel desired. They want to feel beautiful. They want to be romanced. And listened to. They want to connect with their partner. They want to be dated again and re-experience their fading youth. Thus want you to choose them over friends, hobbies, the damn tv. They want your undivided attention. And none of this should sound difficult if you love her.
They also want to “live” life. They may want to go out more or join new clubs. And if by this point the marriage actually is still healthy, she will want the man to join her.
She may seem like her sex drive is lower, but it’s not. Biologically this is a peak time for a woman. It’s that her desire for sex with you is lower. Woman connect though emotional intimacy. If she’s turning you down over and over, and she may even say she’s not in the mood. But women know it’s easier to blame their mood than to be honest and say you don’t do it for them anymore.
Also a side note, if a woman has gained lot of weight, she may feel so unattractive to you that she doesn’t want to have sex. But that a whole other issue for discussion.
Plenty of women have healthy sex drives well into old age. But for women the foundation is their relationship with her husband. A woman that feels happy in life and love and feels attractive to her partner will continue to want sex.
@SJG I am speaking more to the fact that your thread is 80% comments from you on different days. Does it feel like you are talking to yourself on some threads?
I find it a valid question. It was so long ago for me I cannot be exact, but I will guess it was between 3 1/2 and 5 weeks. We had a 20 day honeymoon and I had work to catch up on, so that is my guesstimate. If we are talking about my first trip to one without wife it was 6 weeks from the day I was married, as my first time back I went with my wife. the reason I went? I had been going to them throught dating and living tobgether and before meeting her. The idea we would fuck up a 30 year friendship over sex is a foreign concept to both of us.
Dated and lived with my wife for 10 years before getting married. went to sc day after wedding/ last opportunity for 2 weeks due to honeymoon. its a shame people think sex sand love are so closely related. you have to fuck your wife but if you get married primarily because you like fucking that marriage is doomed
Wife and I continually discuss the parameters of our relationship. We don't keep score. We both intend on being happily married until death do us part. We don't try to change who the other is, instead choosing to let us change together at a natural pace. I have seen my wife have sex with others, or been aware of it occurring for many years. I am far betetr with that than the idea she might enjoy skiing better with someone else.
I think being with someone and wasting your money on hookers is stupid. I don't see what kind of wife or girlfriend would be fine with basically her money, going to them.
^ LMFAO So says the unmarried one. And one that admittedly spends hundreds to thousands per day on your stripper hookers No wonder you think that way. You are both inexperienced AND clueless.
My wife understands exactly why I club because she understands me. She has issues with the frequency at which I club and the total amount of money I've spent. But she's accepting of it being infrequent and within my "frivolous" expenses budget. And she's never thought of it as spending her money as you put it (like an assuming idiot).
And why do you assume it's her money that's being spent anyway?
If my future wife was insatiable and needed to bang 3 times a day i wouldnt club. However, those types of girls are all single mothers. And Im not the type to raise someone else's kid. If I want a career oriented woman Im going to have to sacrifice in some areas including the bedroom. Thats where clubbing helps. Men need variety and the thrill of the chase. But thats a story for another day.
Yeah, been there, done that, marriage sucks. So man up and stand up publicly for what you know to be true.
Some couples go for Swinging, and they insist that the women are more crazy about it than the men are. Some of these couples have met in Swingers Clubs.
But otherwise don't get married.
For myself I am building an organization, and at core it is similar to a Swingers Club, except for Single Leftists, rather than the usual Married Republican-Libertarians.
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Physically ,yes.but in terms of keeping a commitment ? Nope .another misconception tuscl men have about other men.
How is that more relevant than the fact that what I am saying is based on the testimony and experiences of other men themselves smh
“How is that more relevant than the fact that what I am saying is based on the testimony and experiences of other men themselves ”
Anecdotal evidence is of limited value. Show us the basic research, tell us about the sample size. Explain how the individuals interviewed were selected. Explain the statistical analyses done to verify statistically significant differences.
I’m sure you’ve done all that basic work.
I haven’t (and at least I have the honesty to say so). But the reading I have done of articles by academics who do more than rely on anecdotal evidence reflects that men and women differ on the metric of commitment and infidelity. The differences are, not what I expected and more complicated.
I always thought men were less prone to commitment than women and that was true across all nations, cultures, socioeconomic and educational levels and ages.
Apparently that is not the case. Depending on which slice of the population you study, you find different infidelity rates between the genders.
It’s an interesting topic. The evidence did not sustain my preconceived and uninformed expectations.
But as for men and women being the same on this issue, that isn’t what the data suggests either.
Depends ...
After which wedding?
I’ve had three (so far).
I think it was about 2 years after my first wedding that I started clubbing ...
... about 2 months after my second wedding ...
... and about a 1 month after my third wedding.
“Why?”
Why not?
Kids are older now. Me and SO are secure enough that it’s not a conflict in our marriage like it may have been in the beginning. But not every marriage is ok with SCing. So you may wait forever if you’re waiting on the green light for it.
If married guys didn't go to strip clubs, then the entire industry would contract down to Follies and Hong Kong. Maybe a couple of Detroit clubs would survive.
Dancers seem to be very comfortable around married guys as well. Generally they are more stable monetarily, not too pushy about extras, and can hold a good conversation with women. Not all clubs are about dancing. Some guys just want some time away from the wife while having a few drinks in the company of beautiful women.
Comments like that from @nicole make me wonder what her experience with clubbing is.
Totally dedicated and monogamous before she stopped enjoying intimacy and sex. Honestly going to strip clubs and seeing girls on the side has kept my marriage going.
By the time the kid was 2 my wife basically gave up on sex and I started finding other outlets including clubs.
I think a lot of dancers are ok with married guys because we don't try to date them and are less likely to fall in love or stalk. Transactional relationships can work great for both parties.
98% is posting here. She has claimed a few tourist-level visits, but who knows.
Discovered lap dancing 2+ years ago.
I don't know if wife would have tolerated lap dancing 20 or 30 years ago, but our marriage is solid and fun. She does now, for which I've thanked her
SJG
@CMI, same goes for SJG, not sure what the point of this site if you've never been to a club
*Note that my wife and I lived together for about five years before getting married and during that time I went to strip clubs and she also knew about it going into our marriage. And she still married me. :)
(LMFAO Nicokeyes has no clue about men and marriage. Such an assuming dumbass.)
SJG
After my divorce, Strip Clubs were a nice diversión and once I discovered extras and then TJ I was hooked.
So in honor and to celebrate your retirement from clubbing, I will head down to TJ for a few arribas.
Sjg is building an organization, which if all goes as planned, will revolutionize mongering.
… at least I know all my buddies will show up. :p
if this revolution hits NJ I Will gladly retire. If I walk into any club and see every guy making out with dancers I will throw up and see myself out
A free TUSCL account and tens of thousands of posts via the free computer access at the public library.
And no money to actually go to a strip club.
That is not really true. My organization is by invitation only, members are held to very high standards, and there is no "mongering" involved with it. But it will give our members all the sex we could possibly want.
herbtcat, some married couples go for Swinging, some have even met and even gotten married in Swinger's Clubs. In my view this is honest, while cheating on a wife is not.
NJBalla you are the antithesis of the men who will be deemed worthy of my organization.
You are all just talk. No action whatsoever.
This is hardly worth typing,
SJG didn't answer the topic under discussion. Just more noise.
Hope I never get an invite to the "organization". I hate junk mail, worst than internet garbage.
SJG
But, bored, curious.
How long did you wait to club after getting married?
Cause I care.
SJG
LOL san_jose_creep has me on ignore too so your responses should confuse him. I hope so!
But my suggestion would be not to marry any of those women who are desperate for kids and marriage. That is a recipe for disaster and having to give up half your assets when you divorce. Desperation leads to poor decision making .
We have some who are very different on this board.
SJG
(LMFAO)
Would you try a Marriage Councilor first, or just go directly to the Divorce Lawyer?
Do you find Marriage Councilors and Divorce Lawyers dancing at your favorite strip clubs?
SJG
The only worry I have is if my future wife has a low sex drive. Its hard to find a girl with a high sex drive who is open to kids and not a mother by 30.
You sound like another who is railing against feminism?
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
SJG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d4C1ZQK…
It's literally the only discussion forum that will put up with his creepy-as-fuck logorrhea.
No. Really. It's like the word was created for SJG...
Logorrhea (psychology): In psychology, logorrhea or logorrhoea is a communication disorder that causes excessive wordiness and repetitiveness, which can sometimes lead to incoherency. Logorrhea is sometimes classified as a mental illness, though it is more commonly classified as a symptom of mental illness or brain injury.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logorrhe…
I visit once every month or two, but the Phx scene has changed so much that I don’t believe I’m missing out on anything these days. All the talent has left.
It’s normal for women to lose some of their sex drive after having a baby. There’s a lot that goes on, with birth and caring for a new baby. Including utter exhaustion. And if you’re stepping up to care for your child with them, you may find sex inane a priority for it as well. If you’re wife is in the middle of the trenches of baby care and you step out on her, then I don’t see how you can expect a solid marriage. This is not a woman that is trying to deprive you, this is a loan that is consumed by the care of a child you helped make.
I can’t speak to menopause as we haven’t dealt with that yet however hormone replacement is a very real option to help with lowered sex drive due to hormones changes.
However, the main cause of a “low sex drive” in women is that their husband fails to get them going. When you first meet a women it’s easier. Everything is new and so getting her turned on requires much less effort. Also the culture of sex in our country is still very male centric. And often younger women still believe sex is focused on the male experience. So they may fake interest, or not finish but focus on you finishing or not be fully wanting it but do it anyway, because they’ve learned that’s what women do.
In my experience with people, women seem to go through a psychological change somewhere in their late 30s to mid 40s. You can google it. It is sometimes referred to as female midlife crisis. It’s hard to say exactly why, but around this time they seem to really come into their own, and hormonal speaking women have a HIGHER sex drive at this time.
But I’ve noticed this is when they begin to put themselves first often after many years of raising young children and staying home and putting careers on the back burner, and even “serving their husband”. (I am only speaking for my generation)
When women begin to put themselves first after all those years of putting themselves last, they begin to want a new approach to sex. This is an issue if they don’t communicate this to their husband, and they just expect him to know. Which often is the case.
Also around this time women begin to feel the effects of their beauty fading with age.
They want to feel desired. They want to feel beautiful. They want to be romanced. And listened to. They want to connect with their partner. They want to be dated again and re-experience their fading youth. Thus want you to choose them over friends, hobbies, the damn tv. They want your undivided attention. And none of this should sound difficult if you love her.
They also want to “live” life. They may want to go out more or join new clubs. And if by this point the marriage actually is still healthy, she will want the man to join her.
She may seem like her sex drive is lower, but it’s not. Biologically this is a peak time for a woman. It’s that her desire for sex with you is lower. Woman connect though emotional intimacy. If she’s turning you down over and over, and she may even say she’s not in the mood. But women know it’s easier to blame their mood than to be honest and say you don’t do it for them anymore.
Also a side note, if a woman has gained lot of weight, she may feel so unattractive to you that she doesn’t want to have sex. But that a whole other issue for discussion.
Plenty of women have healthy sex drives well into old age. But for women the foundation is their relationship with her husband. A woman that feels happy in life and love and feels attractive to her partner will continue to want sex.
A loan = a woman
Are you railing against feminism?
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
Sounds like you are.
AtAboy, are you saying that marriage is risky? Mine certainly proved to be.
And Ishmael, back into your anthill, that's where you can spout your nonsense.
SJG
Is there something about you going to strip clubs and AMPs while you were married but don't want to admit?
Sounds like you are.
And this thread of your's is an example of that.
SJG
SJG
I don't think cheating on an SO is good.
SJG
My wife understands exactly why I club because she understands me. She has issues with the frequency at which I club and the total amount of money I've spent.
But she's accepting of it being infrequent and within my "frivolous" expenses budget. And she's never thought of it as spending her money as you put it (like an assuming idiot).
And why do you assume it's her money that's being spent anyway?
Some couples go for Swinging, and they insist that the women are more crazy about it than the men are. Some of these couples have met in Swingers Clubs.
But otherwise don't get married.
For myself I am building an organization, and at core it is similar to a Swingers Club, except for Single Leftists, rather than the usual Married Republican-Libertarians.
SJG
Car Keys and Wallet Dating
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
Warrior15: Cashless Society - Should we mongers be concerned ?
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
Marriage?
SJG
What do people think?
https://jezebel.com/shockingly-trite-sex…
https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/06/mal…
Do you agree with what is said in the articles?
SJG