Stupid Shit Strippers Say

ain't limited to just strippers.

“Hell no, I’m not paying $5000”

I try to keep my convos with dancers light, have usually regretted it when they feel they can keep it real with me and the dysfunctionality starts coming out

Back in 2014 at the old Crazy Horse Detroit, w/o me asking had a dancer tell me how she owned 3 different luxury cars - a Lexus, a Range Rover, and another one I forgot

I met a stripper recently after I returned from a trip to Denver. She was excited to hear about Denver because she’d always wanted to visit a city in the pacific coast.

“On” the pacific coast. Sorry.

Yeah that stuff is hard for me to listen to. I prefer the my husband is in prison for 3 years for making meth and I need $700 this week or they will shut my lights off.

I had one tell me a series of convoluted lies about her work and school prospects that wouldn't have fooled an astute 6 year old.

Yesterday, while getting ready in the locker room, one of the girls was telling a story about working at a Chinese restaurant and said "you know all Chinese people are Buddha."

I wanted to throw shit at her, but just heavily sighed.

Where do I start? One of my favorite ones is the stripper that told me there was a canal between California and Mexico.

"I had one tell me a series of convoluted lies about her work and school prospects that wouldn't have fooled an astute 6 year old."

Lawyer aspirations?

“I’m not like these whores...” as she’s scraping my jizz load from her face into her mouth. I just could not hold in the guffaw.

Oh goodness, I can just open my Snapchat to find content for this thread...there’s this one girl who I don’t know why I haven’t defeated yet. She spams her story with 20-50 videos at a time.

Unfortunately, I've found the dumb ones don't provide any better mileage than the smart ones.

honestly what’s even worse is when dancers think I’m the type who wants to sit and talk about my hobbies and vacation etc. when I go to the club I’ll bring plenty of money and for the most part keep my mouth shut besides some compliments and dirty talk , I like the dancers to act the same. I’m all business baby, I’m not lonely just fired up and bored !

" I'm a classy entertainer not a whore "

Ten minutes later...........

"It's $20 more without a condom"

Stupid shit strippers say...

"I don't do extras"
(Welp you just excluded yourself from my wallet)

"All the other girls here are hoes who blow customers"
(And thanks for helping me know where my money should be going)

"Had a customer come in yesterday and drop $600 on me, made $1000 yesterday"
(Awesome if it's true, now I know you aren't desperate for cash, and I'll be handing out my cash those in need)

"I think I'm developing feeling for you more than just a customer"
(Awesome if true, I'll be giving you the keys to my home.... Because Laundry doesn't to itself ya know)

There is the dancer that doesn’t leave your side until after you’re done in the VIP. When you get to the VIP, she says, “I only do this with you” and then pulls a condom out of her purse.

Now why would she have a condom in her purse if she only does this with me, and she had no idea I would be in the club on that particular night?

It would be more believable if she asked me if I had a condom, or would say, “Excuse me while I go get a condom” as she momentarily leaves to go get one.

I've been to this one club for over twenty years at least twice a month and I'm well known by the full staff and I still find one girl from every visit that will open with a "are you local?" Or " is this your first visit?" Question LMFAO W.O.W. !

While not stupid per se, the most annoying question is "What do you do for work?" This might be the dumbest question on the planet strippers ask. For starters, nunya. I usually tell them something lame and then they look shocked and I go "I come in here to relax. When you're off work do you want to talk about dancing?" All that matters honeybooboo is if I got some money in my pocket and if I wanna spend it on you. So start rubbing jr to get me ready or tickles mah balls and stop asking me about my fucking job.

all facts pistola

Then there is the classic line I ran into recently. A stripper strongly asserted that strippers don’t sell their pussies as she was negotiating OTC fucking and it’s price.

Here is one from the horrible lie on top of lie department.

I need to make big money today because my boyfriend got arrested for armed robbery and I've been paying his lawyers (plural) by having sex with them, but now the lawyers want $10,000 or they will arrest me for bribery.

Do not even try to count the number of things wrong with that story.

One dancer at a club called Sirens mentioned being into mythology and couldn't remember the name of the Mythological creature that lead sailors to their death. Hint it's the name of the club you work at.

Admitting to making out with a customer, right before telling me she wanted to introduce me to him. Blatantly in the dressing room.

You guys know....it’s a two way street, right....??

^^^^Well of course it is, I'm sure there's plenty of threads over on stripperweb chronicling the dumb shit dancers have heard from customers. But since this is mostly a customer site, a thread about dumb dancer lines makes more sense to start here.

“You guys know....it’s a two way street, right....??”

Oh it definitely is. In waffle’s case though, she’s a dancer. And one who is not too shy about reminding the posters on here that you can’t automatically assume every dancer does extras. Even in extras filled Detroit.

There’s been a few morons extra active lately, but otherwise I can say that overall this board isn’t too bad with the misogyny.

"If it weren't for my horse, i wouldn't have spent that year in college."

@flagooner

That was maybe the one career she wasn't actively doing or pursuing.

Stopped at The Coliseum in Detroit on my way home from Detroit Metro Airport after a short trip to Germany. It came up in conversation with a dancer. She asked me what I saw. I mentioned visiting the location of Hitler's bunker and the Holocaust Memorial that covers part of it. She said she never heard of him and didn't know what I was talking about. High school graduate.

These are ALL fucking amazing. As I internally think to myself (often), dancing is perfect for many (and those it's perfect for will probably never leave dancing either).

Also, most of the dancers I'm referring to are probably millennials (I am a millennial, too (but hopefully not as stupid or naive as the examples above)). Most millennials are self entitled shithead dumbasses (my own personal observation).

Please stay the fuck out of this thread if you're butt hurt over misogyny. Technically, this whole discussion forum and website is misogynistic, and the few dancers who post here with me are real and down to Earth and far beyond uptight. I wonder how many StripperWeb and Facebook Shenanigans dancers have screenshot and posted some of these and are whining and crying over it all.

Keep them coming, guys. These are classic. :)

I met a stripper once and we were talking about football. I was telling her about what Minnesota did in their game and that should have made them think Minnesota was my favorite team. Instead, she asked me if the Dallas Raiders were my favorite team. I can understand if you don't know who Tennessee or Jacksonville is, but everyone knows who Dallas is. Well, except for this stripper. She asked if I wanted a dance and I told her no just because of that.

I met a dancer in Massachusetts who asked me where I was from. I told her 'Rhode Island'.

She asked me what it was like to live on an island...

No, she wasn't joking.

Waffle, you should join the Barbie Army group. I screenshotted one of MackTrucks’s reviews and posted it in there. 18 laugh reacts, 2 heart, 1 like.

Ooh, there was this one dancer who tagged two other dancers plus the club on Facebook. She accused the two dancers of blowing the customers. And then she was shocked when the club fired her.

One other thing, I’d like to point out that Stripperweb has a giant thread on this.

https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showth…

After explaining I have physics degree: (her) "How to you KNOW the moon landing is REAL??"

For most PLs, the story of stupid, damn shit strippers say would end there. :)
I thought for a second, then re-counted to her the experiment I did in college to bounce a laser beam off the moon, but yes moon dust is reflective though diffuse, but given how coherent the return beam is, the best explanation is the evidence of the parabolic reflector up there, suggesting we did land up there and leave it there.
Her reply was: "How to do you know or are you trusting them to tell you that?"
"No, I did the experiment. I suggest you try the experiment someday, instead of just relying on me. Then infer what you believe to be the result from the data you collect and come to your conclusion. Don't just take my word for it."
Her reply was: "That's how I know you're the real thing (a scientist). Anyone else would just laugh and call me stupid dumb hoe for saying that. Thank you."


@PinkSugarDoll, so was this a fair two-way street? Her first question was still funny though.

@nicespice Stripper web is full of this

@PinkSugarDoll - You sohuld post some stupid PL sayings: https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…

It’s true - this is a two way street. But some stripper logic is beyond all bounds of true logic.

I fucked a dancer itc - in a sleazy club - a sleazy lap dance stall. She was good - as she had a condom on me - and had me inside of her quickly. Once I felt her pussy - I started pounding her. I moved around and got her on all fours and kept going hard. I came inside of her - and overflowed the condom - and made a mess.

We had agreed to $80 for the dance. I didn’t expect to fuck her for that price. I had $100 left. After the dance -

I handed her 5 * $20’s.

She says “It’s not enough!”

The bouncer is standing right there.

I check the cash and say “We agreed on $80.”

She says - “Yes. $80.”

Then I tell her “I gave you $100. That’s more than $80.”

The bouncer steps in and says “You’re good dude.” He looks at the dancer and says “Don’t argue with him. He’s giving you a tip.”

I should have taken a $20 out - and just given her $80 - as the extra $20 confused her.

I never understand how extras pricing works either.

Dang I had a similar experience as Cashman. The girl couldn't possibly be THIS stupid sober, so I am guessing drunk, high or some other impairment.

I owed her $150. I gave her one 50, four 20's and two 10's. She just looked at it confused and a little annoyed. She finally said "you said you would give me a hundred and a fifty. I have no idea how much this is" and held up my money. She was confused because she expected a Benjamin and a Grant! I told her to count it, it was the right amount. She looked at me like I was crazy and finally asked another dancer how much money it was. Luckily the other dancer could count money.

I'm guessing my girl was a real hoot come tipout time.

ME: You've been fun. I'll buy you a drink.
HER: Um, Chardonnay. No, Zinfandel.
HER: I'm classy and shit.

The dumbest thing I ever had a stripper say was ask me how many dollars 340 one dollar bills is.

Too numerous to remember too much.

When I was visiting the same club every week, I could always tell a stripper was new not just because I hadn't seen her before, but sometimes even with me sitting in the VIP section, she would ask if I've been here before. My thoughts, oh yes, I've only been visiting this club for 10 maybe 15 years. Where was she at?

I see and hear stupid stuff all the time but unfortunately it's often before I even arrive at a club. This evening I was waiting for a green arrow to turn left. I got the arrow and needed to turn right. Someone on the other side decided they could right on red right in front of me as if they had the right of way. They were doing it super slow too. I sped around them before they finished turning since I was already legally turning left with a green arrow. When I got in the right lane, the stupid jerk honked their horn. I was thinking don't like someone turning in front of you holding you up? Now you know how making an illegal turn in front of me feels. My turns were legal though. Guess I could have simply stopped in the intersection and waited for the stupid idiot to finish his slow illegal turn in front of me. You never know what an idiot may do next.

The other day in Charlotte on a busy 10 lane intersection, the light turned green and most lanes started moving when I saw brake lights everywhere. Someone decided to suddenly run the red light and drive straight out past all 5 lanes on my side. Whoever it was lucked out everyone hit their brakes in time.

Running red lights or not waiting for traffic that has a right of way before turning right on red, idiots especially when they get upset a few seconds later. Of course I see such idiots wrecking their cars or showing up in the paper days later with serious wrecks and consider that you either need to be fast to avoid idiots or stay clear.

Back on strippers. I once met a couple stripoers from alternate universes. One weekend a stripper said hi, haven't seen you in 2 years. Next weekend same stripper said hi, haven't seen you in 2 years. I said that that was true last week when you said that. She said she didn't see me last week. Decided she must not remember anything or was on drugs. Possibility I switched to an alternate universe, 1% chance.

One time a stripper introduced herself and I said we already talked a few weeks ago. Told her about where she grew up, where she lived, etc. etc. she seemed surprised. Then she said, I must have been really fucked up referring to herself. She didnt appear fucked up that week. To describe herself as really fucked up, hilarious.

When I used to visit the same strip club every week same day, same time, and employees would greet me and say, hi, haven't seen you in a long time, where have you been? Hilarious. I'm a traveler of alternate earths visiting the same strip club on thousands of parallel earths. Although I did wonder why some of the strippers suddenly changed appearances and sometimes I wouldn't see certain dancers for weeks at a time and then they would suddenly be back. I always figured it was schedule changes.

However there was a time in a large strip club a dancer ticked me off a little with her attitude. She appeared upset as well and walked off with an attitude. Even gave me back a dollar tip I gave her after she asked for it. Too small amount for her. About 1 minute later I got up and sat on the other side of the club. Guess who walked up about a minute later asking for a dance? The girl who was all upset and apparently cant remember jack or that she was upset a minute ago. I asked if she remembered me? Apparently not.

Not all stupid - but here goes:

"Just a dance is 20 - but 50 will get you 2 dances and 100 will get your 3"

"I have a condition where touching my breasts gives me allergy"

"you wanna have fun with us two or just sit and drink and pass out or what?" (and passes out)

"ya this club can't serve alcohol but when I get my margarita machine I'll use customers tequila and serve em back for $30 a dance"

"I have a boyfriend on days and weekends and am single at night"

"I wanna make just that much money so don't pay any fuckin taxes. Taxes are horrible, you seen the forms?"

"That bitch can't get a guy so sleeps with the manager" (manager is a guy)

"I am a squirter. I can squirt my load further than most guys can theirs"

I keep my conversations light. Talk about weather, vacations, sports. Learning about thier everyday life can take the fun out of it. I learned one girl was an illegal immigrant who left her son in Brazil. She also told me she was stabbed in the stomach by a angry friend. Our friendship ended when she tried to shove an edible in my mouth during a lap dance and when i denied it she started to cry about how I was supposed to be her sugar daddy.

I find it funny when having a conversation and I ask her to tell me more about something she claimed about herself only to have her stumble. For example one recent one said she was into classical music so I asked her what composers she liked the most or what particular piece she liked. She couldn't name anything so I asked her if she what she meant is that she likes the "Classical" station on Spotify. By her blinking stare I would guess that was correct.

This happened today:

Her: *points to a cocktail waitress across the bar who just started her shift*. 'That's my favorite bartender!!'
Me: Cool. She bartends too then?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: She is not behind the bar so...
Her: I don't understand, what's the difference?
Me: Bartenders pour drinks and stand behind the bar.
Her: Oh she doesnt do that, what is she called then?
Me: A cocktail waitress.

"You need to eat better."