If you're hung up on her to the point that you're posting on the internet about killing yourself, it's time to pursue other options The average CF relationship lasts 3 months for a reason. If you can't stop banging your head against a brick wall, that's a bad thing. Move on. It will be fun, and as Trent Reznor said, there is nothing quite like the feel of something new.
Decent advice so far, so thanks.
Vikings, she is a redhead bombshell with THE PERFECT ASS and a very sweet and bubbly demeanor, and gives a mean lap dance. I am so in love it is ridiculous.
Good luck to your Vikings in the postseason. Go Patriots.
> she is a redhead bombshell with THE PERFECT ASS and a very sweet and bubbly demeanor, and gives a mean lap dance. I am so in love it is ridiculous.
JohnSmith69 has gotten up to DS III with these same attributes. TUSCL wouldn't be the same if he just kept pining over DS I once the relationship had reached its expiration date.
I think many of the folks here have been in the RIL situation before. You are not alone in your situation. I’d follow the advice above - as it’s important to find the enjoyment in variety - and it’s very important to take a step back and look objectively and see if this is effecting any other areas of your life (work, family, friends).
If she’s delivering what you want - then enjoy her. If she’s stringing you along - and emptying your wallet - but not providing a good service - then you need to become less regular and less in love - very soon!
@justme62... A regular who has lost all perspective on a purely transactional P4P relationship with a stripper and has developed "real" romantic feelings for said dancer. This occurs despite tidal waves of common sense and evidence to the contrary.
The RIL is most often seen having money hoovered out of his wallet and bank accounts (often for inadequate ROI from the dancer).
In the later stages, he may be seen in sitting in a dark corner of the strip club staring balefully at his former "love interest" while she works on her next mark. His lower lip will be trembling noticeably.
You're only a RIL If you are seeing your girl ITC only. Once you start seeing her outside, and for longer time intervals, like overnight, then you are no longer a RIL.
Hooker fees instead become Mistress Maintenance.
If the problem is that you are married, then you are not just a ril, you are a creepy guy cheating on his spouse. You need either a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
John, infatuation aside, it would be helpful if you shared just how low you've gone to earn the "pathetic" label that you've given yourself. After all, around here, it has to get pretty bad before you are pathetic by the standards of some on this board. ;)
I'll give you an example that I saw just two nights ago. As I was getting to know a girl at the bar, one of her regulars comes in and makes a bee line for her. I didn't hear the who conversation, but something about him assuring her that he was not mad. As I learned later, he didn't speak to her for two weeks because she took a trip to another city with another customer. Anyway, to apologize for blowing her off for two weeks, he took her car keys and moved a case of her favorite perfume from his car to hers. Then he puppy dogged her around the club for another 15 minutes before taking off. It was a sad affair to witness.
I don't know for sure, but I have no doubt that it was far higher. This girl did not strike me as one with cheap tastes - at least based on our conversation and the drinks she ordered. I also don't know how large the "case" was.
There were guys who came to MBOT and had a girl sit on their lap for hours and hours, doing it multiple times per week, and were handing over as much as 1/3 of their gross paycheck.
Shouldn't laugh at these guys. They do what they need to do for their own reasons. They would not want to escalate with the girls, verbally or physically. They are doing what they need to.
Also, the girls don't want to escalate because they know that once he goes to off the clock BF, he will never go back to paying customer. So people do what they need to.
I don't commit any acts or exhibit behavior that would peg me as a PL or RIL. I play it pretty cool and respect boundaries. Patiently wait if she is dancing for another no problem, don't have flowers delivered to the club, or any shit like that. These are really just feelings that are kept internal. I don't wish to ruin anything by actually acting on my feelings, because I know that wouldn't work with a stripper.
That is actually great insight, SJG.
I need to remember that. What I meant is that it seems that sharing feelings and keeping it real with a stripper would just be a source of rolled eyes, suppressed laughter and the dancers all laughing while they talk about it off the floor.
If the girl has a personal relationship with you, I believe that she would keep things quiet, as quiet as girls ever do.
But beware, all intimate relationships are highly challenged these days. No different with strippers and with those who do not have such colorful experience.
I don't want to tell you what to do, because you might not be ready for it. Long ago, before I was divorced and before I was married, I took a girl out a couple of times and then had her on my bed, peeled down to nothing but high heels and makeup, and I decided to punt. I took her home instead of proceeding. Hard to explain, but I was coming out of a bad previous relationship, and then there is always that chance of pregnancy. I just wasn't ready to proceed with what I had started. Sometimes it is like that. There is nothing wrong with being responsible, as you see it at that time.
But what I do see as a mistake is in saying that any of these issues are there because she is a stripper. If anything a stripper is going to be easier to proceed with than a civvie.
The wife was turning a blind eye and was in denial. The husband was a jack ass #1 and having an affair with the wife's sister.
An old college friend of the husband shows up. He has a strange practice. He makes video tapes of girls as they talk about their entire history of sexual experiences. He saves these for jerking off.
Why does he do this? It seems that he got hurt very badly in a previous relationship. Serious harm occurred. He does not want to hurt anyone else and so he does not want another relationship. So just the videos.
But it turns out that asking these women to tell all of this is still effecting them. It does challenge their realities and expose problems, like with this wife who is turning a blind eye.
And then with the old relationship which went so bad, it seems that it was this husband who intruded into it and caused this.
One specific model developed by the FBI is the Behavioral Change Stairway Model. Police negotiators that follow this model work through the following stages in order[4]
Active Listening: Understand the psychology of the perpetrator and let them know they are being listened to.
Empathy: Understand their issues and how they feel.
Rapport: When they begin to see how the negotiator feels, they are building trust.
Influence: Only once trust has been gained can solutions to their problem be recommended.
Behavioral Change: They act, and maybe surrender.
It is considered to be important to work through these steps in order, and not to try to effect behavioral change before rapport has been established.[6]
Front-room DATY is a pretty effective technique, though. Just don't do it at the tip rail because you will be blocking other customers from tipping and the dancer on stage could start trouble in the dressing room with her for allowing DATY from a customer at her stage. At MBOT in San Francisco, they had a front room DATY theme room so this was not an issue.
John you just see the RIL potential in you, thats all. Its ok, you are a human male with all the strengths and weaknesses of one. Until you act upon them and do the RIL stuff it then becomes a problem. Come back here when you tell us you bought her something expensive or paid for her boob job the you are a solid RIL PL. Until then continue to use the discipline you have exhibited so far. Oh, and start seeing other girls asap.
40 comments
See also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tq_qL79l…
If you're smitten and shelling out for mileage you're not getting, quit cold turkey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3aLqKnT…
Vikings, she is a redhead bombshell with THE PERFECT ASS and a very sweet and bubbly demeanor, and gives a mean lap dance. I am so in love it is ridiculous.
Good luck to your Vikings in the postseason. Go Patriots.
JohnSmith69 has gotten up to DS III with these same attributes. TUSCL wouldn't be the same if he just kept pining over DS I once the relationship had reached its expiration date.
If she’s delivering what you want - then enjoy her. If she’s stringing you along - and emptying your wallet - but not providing a good service - then you need to become less regular and less in love - very soon!
To OP, as an RIL to what degree are you letting her take advantage of you? What are the symptoms, so to speak?
Adorable.
The RIL is most often seen having money hoovered out of his wallet and bank accounts (often for inadequate ROI from the dancer).
In the later stages, he may be seen in sitting in a dark corner of the strip club staring balefully at his former "love interest" while she works on her next mark. His lower lip will be trembling noticeably.
.
i'm still having a problem with RIL.
sorry.
Hooker fees instead become Mistress Maintenance.
If the problem is that you are married, then you are not just a ril, you are a creepy guy cheating on his spouse. You need either a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.
SJG
My advice is to start seeing different stripper(s). ASAP.
SJG
I'll give you an example that I saw just two nights ago. As I was getting to know a girl at the bar, one of her regulars comes in and makes a bee line for her. I didn't hear the who conversation, but something about him assuring her that he was not mad. As I learned later, he didn't speak to her for two weeks because she took a trip to another city with another customer. Anyway, to apologize for blowing her off for two weeks, he took her car keys and moved a case of her favorite perfume from his car to hers. Then he puppy dogged her around the club for another 15 minutes before taking off. It was a sad affair to witness.
So is it that bad, worse or not so much?
To make this a meaningful comparison, would the ballpark value of a case of her favorite perfume be higher or lower than $50?
TRANSLATION: "I've never seen a vagina, but I'm going to give you advice about vaginas."
There were guys who came to MBOT and had a girl sit on their lap for hours and hours, doing it multiple times per week, and were handing over as much as 1/3 of their gross paycheck.
Shouldn't laugh at these guys. They do what they need to do for their own reasons. They would not want to escalate with the girls, verbally or physically. They are doing what they need to.
Also, the girls don't want to escalate because they know that once he goes to off the clock BF, he will never go back to paying customer. So people do what they need to.
SJG
Jefferson Airplane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAJJE5Wo…
What do you mean? A girl who works as a stripper is still just an ordinary girl. And what she is going to like most is a guy who recognizes this.
SJG
I need to remember that. What I meant is that it seems that sharing feelings and keeping it real with a stripper would just be a source of rolled eyes, suppressed laughter and the dancers all laughing while they talk about it off the floor.
But beware, all intimate relationships are highly challenged these days. No different with strippers and with those who do not have such colorful experience.
I don't want to tell you what to do, because you might not be ready for it. Long ago, before I was divorced and before I was married, I took a girl out a couple of times and then had her on my bed, peeled down to nothing but high heels and makeup, and I decided to punt. I took her home instead of proceeding. Hard to explain, but I was coming out of a bad previous relationship, and then there is always that chance of pregnancy. I just wasn't ready to proceed with what I had started. Sometimes it is like that. There is nothing wrong with being responsible, as you see it at that time.
But what I do see as a mistake is in saying that any of these issues are there because she is a stripper. If anything a stripper is going to be easier to proceed with than a civvie.
SJG
SJG
The wife was turning a blind eye and was in denial. The husband was a jack ass #1 and having an affair with the wife's sister.
An old college friend of the husband shows up. He has a strange practice. He makes video tapes of girls as they talk about their entire history of sexual experiences. He saves these for jerking off.
Why does he do this? It seems that he got hurt very badly in a previous relationship. Serious harm occurred. He does not want to hurt anyone else and so he does not want another relationship. So just the videos.
But it turns out that asking these women to tell all of this is still effecting them. It does challenge their realities and expose problems, like with this wife who is turning a blind eye.
And then with the old relationship which went so bad, it seems that it was this husband who intruded into it and caused this.
SJG
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisis_neg…
Behavioral Change Stairway Model
One specific model developed by the FBI is the Behavioral Change Stairway Model. Police negotiators that follow this model work through the following stages in order[4]
Active Listening: Understand the psychology of the perpetrator and let them know they are being listened to.
Empathy: Understand their issues and how they feel.
Rapport: When they begin to see how the negotiator feels, they are building trust.
Influence: Only once trust has been gained can solutions to their problem be recommended.
Behavioral Change: They act, and maybe surrender.
It is considered to be important to work through these steps in order, and not to try to effect behavioral change before rapport has been established.[6]
errr... Be careful about taking SJG's advice too seriously. He's a bit of a lunatic.
There are far more pathetic loser RILs here than you. (he says while carefully avoiding looking at the mirror on the wall.)