This is the end (not by The Doors)
gawker
Older than dirt
As my stories of my ATF have been getting more & more bizarre, I’ve been getting pissed at her more & more frequently. She was in drug detox a week & a half ago but left before completing the prescribed 7 day program. She called me to come & get her and I refused to bring her back to my house but instead took her to her mother’s. From there she went to East Bumfuck, NH to stay with her ex-BF’s mother & grandmother. She had trashed my house and it took me almost 3 days to clean and to pack her clothes & other belongings. They’re stored in my cellar.
Since then she called and accused me of stealing the SIM card from her phone (I have no idea how to remove a SIM card) I’ve told her that what was a good arrangement for both has deteriorated into a toxic relationship hurting us both, that I’m tired of her shit, and that i’ll Store her stuff till she gets a place or Nov. 1, 2018 - whichever comes first. After that everything goes in the donation box ( its 3 car loads in my small SUV).
Another of her customers who’s been seeing her for at least as long as I, has contacted me to see what’s going on. He has deep pockets but has generally been behind me in line for years and he has a $3000 a month SB. I’ve told him to help himself, I want nothing to do with her. I blocked her phone and un-friended her on FB. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I think I might go out clubbing soon. There’s a cute little blonde spinner I’ve fucked ITC and she’s told me OTC is available. I’m 99% sure she’s drug free and it might make for an interesting evening.
I’ve sworn off the ATF before but always caved in when she “needed” me ( my $$). No more. I swear. She went over the edge this time and I’ll slit my throat before I give in to her pleas again.
The other “John” says the behavior I describe makes him question whether she’s totally in touch with reality. He is a medical professional and while psychiatry is not his specialty he’s better educated than I to assess her status. I did hear her on the phone describing how she’s preparing for the end of the world and that her 13 year old son is going to another planet to save mankind. Even the best blowjobs in the world don’t justify more of her crap.
Since then she called and accused me of stealing the SIM card from her phone (I have no idea how to remove a SIM card) I’ve told her that what was a good arrangement for both has deteriorated into a toxic relationship hurting us both, that I’m tired of her shit, and that i’ll Store her stuff till she gets a place or Nov. 1, 2018 - whichever comes first. After that everything goes in the donation box ( its 3 car loads in my small SUV).
Another of her customers who’s been seeing her for at least as long as I, has contacted me to see what’s going on. He has deep pockets but has generally been behind me in line for years and he has a $3000 a month SB. I’ve told him to help himself, I want nothing to do with her. I blocked her phone and un-friended her on FB. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I think I might go out clubbing soon. There’s a cute little blonde spinner I’ve fucked ITC and she’s told me OTC is available. I’m 99% sure she’s drug free and it might make for an interesting evening.
I’ve sworn off the ATF before but always caved in when she “needed” me ( my $$). No more. I swear. She went over the edge this time and I’ll slit my throat before I give in to her pleas again.
The other “John” says the behavior I describe makes him question whether she’s totally in touch with reality. He is a medical professional and while psychiatry is not his specialty he’s better educated than I to assess her status. I did hear her on the phone describing how she’s preparing for the end of the world and that her 13 year old son is going to another planet to save mankind. Even the best blowjobs in the world don’t justify more of her crap.
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A week later he was back again complaining that the pills were still not working. The store keep told him that in rare cases 3 pills are necessary. So the guy bought 3 more and took them right on the spot. Then he said to the store keeper, "Say these pills are starting to taste like rabbit shit". To which the store keeper replied "Now you're starting to get smart". :)
I also hope that your atf can get sober - and she can get her mind under control. It’s sad to hear of the effects of her drug use. You’ve done a lot for her - and her mind is probably too messed up for her to realize it.
After this past year of going to SCs and making a specific effort to try and OTC with strippers, I'm starting to understand why so many of them have EX-husbands, and EX-boyfriends, and baby-daddies they've never been married to. Some of these women just don't know how to prioritize the affection they get from men over their own impulsive, self-indulgent, often self-destructive behavior.
And before anyone starts with the "don't fall in love with strippers" thing, I lump "giving a stripper money for sex" into the "showing affection" category. And, if anything, you'd think these women would learn to prioritize the men they're getting money from ahead of anything else.
Your mention of her 13 year old son broke my heart. Being that age is shitty enough, but having a wigged out mom who selfishly won’t confront her substance abuse problems turns his life into a giant shit sandwich.
> I'm starting to understand why so many of them have EX-husbands, and EX-boyfriends, and baby-daddies they've never been married to. Some of these women just don't know how to prioritize the affection they get from men over their own impulsive, self-indulgent, often self-destructive behavior.<
That is a statement full of insight into what is really on the minds of these women who work in stripclubs.
I had something similar but not nearly as bad.
Once I was out of the situation, my mind cleared on it and I was able to see it for what it was.
But, it took a long time. Hopefully you are able to see clearly faster than I did.
For those concerned about the 13 year old son, he has been raised and is still with his maternal grandmother. He's a handsome, bright young man who is in gifted & talented classes in school. When I've talked or made inferences regarding his parents' addiction, he just rolls his eyes in disgust. Right now his Dad has been sober for 18 months, has steady work and sees his son every couple of weeks. He's still working on repaying the boy's grandmother the $3000 he stole from her house.
I had some insight to how one person dealt with a similar circumstance when I had 10 or 11 OTC liaisons with another dancer who grew up with both parents addicted to opioids . She was the most vehemently opposed person to any drug use I've ever seen. Seeing & understanding the consequences of this behavior is a strong motivator for her. Sadly for me, she's no longer dancing, has a 6 month old baby, & has started her own on-line company and appears to be making a go of it.
Shadowcat - I looked on my stupid phone but can't find smart pills ----
Remember, giving her money is okay. But she has to be 100% off limits for SEX!
SJG
@joc13 - i suspect with many extras/OTC dancers, they hate themselves for being hooked on drugs, and then hate the men who make their addictions possible. i'm not saying they all fit this category, but I suspect more than a few do not prioritize their sugar daddies b/c they feel anger and resentment towards them. just a thought.
I hope your ATF gets it together but maybe...maybe she just likes being a junkie.
I've truly had it with her this time. For years I felt that she respected me and trusted me but lately she's been disrespectful, accusatory, and truly acting crazy. She has another "customer who's a doctor and he and I have both been seeing her for 8 or 9 years and we've started texting about her. I've raised the possibility of her having had a psychotic break. But I've also said to him that I'm no longer in the picture and I've given her a year to get all of her belongings out of my cellar. I now feel similar to what her mother described to me 5 years ago when she said,"I expect a phone call every day telling me she died of an overdose."
You should post this as your end chapter in the extensive TUSCL Article you wrote in 2013 on this girl. This thread really belongs in there.
That article and your continued saga reminds me of a famous quote "My one purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others".
https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghos…
SJG
youtube terminates exploitive kids channel
https://techcrunch.com/2017/11/17/youtub…
Stones, awesome long playlist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC0Qt1lv…
The best way to get over a woman is to get on top of another. At least I hope so.
You should post this as your end chapter in the extensive TUSCL Article you wrote in 2013 on this girl. This thread really belongs in there. "
Time to go searching and learn some history. I've always questioned why a guy would go through all of what Gawker did. Maybe his old article is what I need to read to gain insight.
I have a California King sized bed. While using dope she repeatedly fell asleep with cigarettes burning holes in a blanket, three sheets a pillowcase, and a mattress cover. As I bought new ones today and struggled getting the cover on the mattress I began to feel a rage. I could only hear her voice saying, "Don't you know it's all just a hustle?"
There are several outstanding warrants for missed court appearances in the state where she's currently living. I'm so tempted to drop a dime on her and then when she's in that county's shithole of a woman's lockup send her a note saying, "No, I didn't know it was just a hustle".
For several years posters here have told me that no good would come of this. My arrogance, believing that I could make a difference and enjoy her pussy at the same time now ashamed me and enraged me at the same time.
I'm going to sleep on the idea of calling the cops in East Bumfuck. Revenge is not generally my style, but it would feel awful good right now.
In my case that relationship started me on my mongering path. Let this ending be your salvation back to a normal mongering life.
My biggest concern is her son. He already knows she's an addict. I don't want to be the one to let him know she's a whore, too.
The father is speaking to the mother saying, "I think he's blinddd by love".
If the foo shits....
My advice:
Let it go if you can bro. This resentment will eat at you if you don't.
"I'm going to sleep on the idea of calling the cops in East Bumfuck. Revenge is not generally my style, but it would feel awful good right now."
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I read this and the rest of your whiny diatribe and have come to the conclusion that you are a wretched old woman who likely barely had one functioning testicle even in his prime. It wasn't "arrogance" that kept you fucking her while "trying to help her", but rather it was emotional weakness that kept you strung along all that time. It is the same weakness that once again has you forgetting what your role was in all of this and what this was supposed to be.
You are right in that you should have known what this was all along, which was an old man feeding tons of cash to a young junkie so that he could get into her pussy. You have almost 40 years on this girl and started leveraging your cash for her pussy several years ago, when she was in her 20s. Also, with respect to your home, you knew what she was yet you brought her into your home not once, but twice, even though she did the same shit the first time.
You are as culpable as anyone for any harm that you sustained in all of this, so spare us your womanly squeals of moral outrage and act like a man for once in this whole miserable saga of desperation and self-delusion. Once, just once, dig deep and find a little manly pride, at least enough to finally just walk away and not cause more harm than you already have by enabling this girl for so many years.
And to your affinity play with shadow earlier, knowing that old cultural reference may be the only thing you two have in common. Read enough of shadow's stories and you'll see that he understands his role and carries himself like a man, even if one of advanced years. He has his fun and then moves on. You, on the other hand...
You cannot undo that action. Do more than sleep on it. Think long and hard.
Seriously though, I can't understand how you can even stand yourself. It must be a defense mechanism that keeps desperately weak ankle biting old men from killing themselves out of sheer self-disgust.
I'm entirely comfortable with my "manhood" and choose to share many of the ups and downs in regard to my ATF for my own reasons - primarily because I find it cathartic. If you don't like it, please use the ignore button & I'll consider the same if you choose to keep being an asshole.
At least someone is. It's a bitch move to try to throw her to the cops for the same shit you financed and took advantage of over a number of years.
It pissed me off when another commenter with a long history of posting about taking advantage of drug impaired strippers criticized me for trying to get a handle on one whose repeatedly tried to help a stripper in the same boat
But not you. You knowingly fed her drug money for several years, starting when you were in your 60s and her in her 20s, in order to get her pussy. You even drove her to drug buys when it was in your best interest to do so.
Worse though, your emotional weakness prevents you from accepting any of this, so to cope you've concocted this weird creepy old man love story in your head to make what you were doing seem ok. You even went so far as to try to play moral authority with the same girl who you enabled and used for so many years.
You obviously aren't a father or you would understand why you could never be both the enabling John and a moral authority to her. You would also understand the unequal power position you held for so many years and your role in her ongoing misery. To her, you are just another disappointing old man who used her to get what he wanted, period.
But you'll just rationalize this away too, no doubt continuing to adopt a victim mentality and trying to convince yourself that you really were trying to help her. You are too much of a sackless pussy to just own what you are.
And since you don't have kids (which may be a blessing), your legacy, as it currently stands, is doing more harm than good to a young drug addict and her child. Nobody cares about what you did for work unless you cured cancer and your wife soon won't even remember your name, so this is what will live on when you die. Now maybe there is still time to change that, but I don't see it. It is much more likely that you'll just keep finding justifications to act like a whiny little cunt until you finally leave this earth in a completely unremarkable manner.
Bullwinkle must be so ashamed.
> Yes he has chosen to continue to interact with a drug user since then, but there is no one on Tuscl that hasn't (knowingly or not).
Sure, it can happen unknowingly. When I had a returning CF show up at the club with track marks, it was over, though. That's pretty different from driving an addict around to make drug buys.