tuscl

I have made the ultimate mistake. I am too closely involved and confused

Monday, March 27, 2017 5:38 PM
I have been using this site for a while now and read lots of cool advice and stories but I have only signed up to an account today. I have recently turned 20 and live in the UK. I started visiting my local club just under a year ago, just once a month but since December i've literally been going every evening that they are open (THU/FRI/SAT) Thursdays are quiet and cheap and I spend EVERY weekend down the street at the nearest regular night club anyway, I love partying. I get on well with many of the girls there but I only show up to see one in particular and everybody knows it. I exclusively recieve dances from her and only her other than like 3 other times. The dancer I see is just 3 years older than me and we have sat down and talked for hours (There is no charge/tipping for girls chatting to you or anything like that) The problem is, I really like this girl. I know I am sounding like the ultimate "PL" as you guys say but i'm just confused. I spend a fair amount but not anywhere near the amount that I could do. There have been many times where she has stopped me from buying more dances and told me that I should save my money and that she doesn't want to scam me for all i'm worth (even on nights where theres basically zero other customers) She even limits me to VIP once every few weeks, despite me wanting to go more frequently and being happy to spend. She finishes work at the weekends 90% of the time and meets me in a couple of the local nightclubs where she will spend a good amount of the evening close to me. We have kissed OTC but never anything sexual. Yes I have purchased many drinks for her OTC but she has honestly purchased just as many in return, we have fun together. She is very fun to be around and doesn't have any of the stereotypical drug, BF, Money issues etc. She lives comfortably alone in our small quiet town. We have shared taxis home after nights out and she even paid a very expensive fare for me after I drunkenly lost my wallet the other night (preventing me from being stranded 16miles from home with 0% phone battery at 5am) She told me her real name months ago as well as plenty about her life and family. I have even met her Sister. and we regularly speak on Facebook, and never about work or cash. I have been invited to her birthday gathering at her place where there will supposedly be only personal friends and absolutely nobody from the "stripping world" so to speak. Of course I must remain quiet about this when at the club as she would get into a lot of trouble. And the manger even knows me fairly well from OTC. I used to like her, but of course the ultimate goal was to sleep with her, but now I dont see her like that at all. I certainly wouldn't say no, but I just have more respect than that. If she ever offered me sex for money (I honestly don't think she would) I would actually be heartbroken and decline it. Not in a sad lonely way, but I honestly recieve similar levels of enjoyment by just talking to her over a drink, as opposed to her nakedly grinding on mh lap. Overall I just wanna know what you guys think of the situation. Do you think i'm being taken for a ride? Or are we legitimately "friends" of some kind. That would be enough for me at this current moment, she just seems cool. Ps. I only ever leave the club with a smile on my face, I never feel scammed or have any regrets at all, I love it. And she knows full well, that I will be in the club every weekend regardless of OTC encounters or not, so if she is just keeping me happy in order to reel me in, it would be completely pointless and not required.

35 comments

  • HarryJones
    •
    7 years ago
    Sorry it's so long. I just feel the need to include EVERY last detail in situations like this incase people become misinformed
  • ppwh
    •
    7 years ago
    ...signs that you may be suffering from low T
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    7 years ago
    British people seem to very social and very talkative.
  • shailynn
    •
    7 years ago
    Just tell her how you feel, if you don't and you've been hanging with her for so long she may think you're gay. Actually I kinda think you may be since you've been partying with a stripper for months and hadn't made a move yet. If you make a move and get rejected, just look up londonguy on here and he'll take you to a FKK club over in Germany and you'll forget this girl ever existed.
  • HarryJones
    •
    7 years ago
    To make it clear. I didnt say I wouldn't wanna be sexual involved. I meant, that I would want it to be dirty and based on money or some sort of trick
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    7 years ago
    ".... I meant, that I would want it to be dirty and based on money or some sort of trick ..." Would or wouldn't - was that a typo?
  • Corvus
    •
    7 years ago
    Papi, I think there is a language barrier going on here. Maybe we need @londonguy to translate!
  • whodey
    •
    7 years ago
    Just be a man and tell her what you want. One of four things will happen: 1. She'll want the same thing and you'll both be happy. 2. She'll give you the old "can we just be friends" and you'll be heartbroken but at least you'll know. 3. She'll be a typical stripper and pivot to p4p and you'll have a decision to make. 4. She'll laugh and tell you she thought you were gay (like shailynn said) and you'll be left mentally scared and unable to love any woman for the rest of your life.
  • rockstar666
    •
    7 years ago
    OMG NO 20 year old should go to a club!!!!! Or fall 'in love" with a dancer. It's hard enough for we old farts to deal with SS. Trust me: YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE. When your money runs out so does she.
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    7 years ago
    OK - the OP was too long for me to read - am I supposed to assume that it is a guy w/ a crush on a dancer and he doesn't know what to do?
  • ppwh
    •
    7 years ago
    I think it would work better to subtly escalate than to "tell her how he feels". Subtle escalation lets her respond based on how she feels in the moment. "Telling her how he feels" is more of an intellectual exercise for her where she has to take into account the possible effect on the feelings of this poor little guy in her response.
  • HarryJones
    •
    7 years ago
    Yes Papi that was a typo up there ^ I meant "Wouldn't" Its 2:30am here, I need to sleep soon. Flying to the US tomorrow night
  • shailynn
    •
    7 years ago
    Flying to the US? You wouldn't happen to be flying to North Carolina to hang out with Juice would you?
  • Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
    •
    7 years ago
    Man...I would've been made a move and got in them drawers. If what you are saying is true, it's pretty clear that she likes you.
  • Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
    •
    7 years ago
    Are there big booty black women in the U.K.?
  • anonlvone
    •
    7 years ago
    I’ve read this like three times over and I’m still confused. First off, some of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made with strippers happened because I assumed they couldn’t be interested in me because they were strippers. That’s what PUAs want you to think, but of course they can teach you how to score with these unobtainable women for the low, low price of $299 for their system du jour. Anyways, I digress… The thing that has me confused is that you’re still getting dances from this girl. At first you just wanted to score with her, but now you genuinely like her, and she seems to get that. So imo, if you want to find out where you really stand with her, stop getting dances from her. Imo, the fact that you’ve known her for at least three months and haven’t fucked her yet is a good thing. In my experience, the faster you get a stripper out of a club and into your bed, the more trouble she is. Without any more info to go on, I would have to assume this girl is open to a relationship with you, so I would say go for it, meaning, tell her how you feel and what you want. For what it’s worth, I met my current girlfriend in a strip club. I could feel her looking at me as soon as I walked in, and she sat down and struck up a conversation with me as soon as I was done chatting with a couple of my regulars. That night I got two dances from her. She gave me her phone number and later that night she called me and told me her name. The next weekend I got one dance from her. The third weekend I didn’t get any dances, but paid her for her time. Until then I had never in my life met a stripper in a club three weekends in a row. For the next six months we would occasionally get together both in and out of men’s clubs, and I would pay her for her time, but the amounts were relatively modest. Recently we started dating, and now the only things I pay for are the usuals like gas, tickets and dinners. I don’t pay her bills. I don’t buy her expensive gifts. If you want to date a dancer it can be done, but I strongly suggest you stop seeing her in the club and paying her for dances. The money you give her, and the sexual pleasure she gives you, creates a fog that makes it harder for the both of you to think straight. That’s my 2 cents. Take it or leave it.
  • HarryJones
    •
    7 years ago
    Thanks for the advice guys, good and bad. I have read posts on this site from over 15 years ago, I had no idea how many of you would respond so quickly like this. You will probably laugh at me for particular things but i'm quite and inexperienced guy compared to some of you vets and i'm actually a shy dude when i'm not with friends. Its taken me a while to be properly comfotable around her
  • ime
    •
    7 years ago
    are you related to Harry May? [view link]
  • anonlvone
    •
    7 years ago
    One last point, subtle escalation isn't going to work with a girl that you're regularly getting dances from. You've already kissed her OTC, and who knows what else ITC. This situation sounds really confused to me, and if you try to just escalate with her OTC she might get all kinds of wrong ideas, upset or even offended. My advice is that you need to start cutting through all this fog and that's going to take honest communication.
  • rockstar666
    •
    7 years ago
    ppwh, I politely suggest you are an idiot. "Escalation" in increments it what draws the rookies in!!!! There isn't any relationship unless she fucks you for free. That's the acid test. All the talk,,,,just SS. Do you pay her? She doesn't love you. Does she just want to be with you and not whine about money? It happens..but it's $$$$ later.
  • sharkhunter
    •
    7 years ago
    You read this site 15 years ago and you just turned 20? That's makes us all like elementary school teachers. We should start a stripper training course to raise them right. :) I would comment more but good answers have already been given to the op.
  • ppwh
    •
    7 years ago
    anonlvone, good point. Once when a girl told me how she felt, it was "you know you drive me crazy, right?", and that was enough. The thing that I think would be counterproductive would be full-on guts-spilling mode professing his undying love, etc.
  • HarryJones
    •
    7 years ago
    SharkHunter - I said that some of the articles I have stumbled on, are from 15 years ago. Not that I've been in clubs for 15 years....that would be quite weird...very weird
  • ppwh
    •
    7 years ago
    rockstar666, I may be an idiot, but in my experience women have almost universally responded better to being physical before emotional rather than vice-versa.
  • sharkhunter
    •
    7 years ago
    My bad, I read too fast. Most of the stuff posted on this site is idiotic so I stopped reading entire threads and posts.
  • Subraman
    •
    7 years ago
    -->"Overall I just wanna know what you guys think of the situation. Do you think i'm being taken for a ride? Or are we legitimately "friends" of some kind." My guess: you're not being taken for a ride, in the sense that, this is some evil manipulative con, she is not spending this much time on you as part of a con, given how little you spend on her. She thinks of you as a customer who she likes (weird posing on this group notwithstanding, strippers do treat customers differently based on this type of thing), and you're making the relationship so easy and safe for her that there's few drawbacks. There's a reason all girls joke about wishing they had a gay bff, and a virtually neutered friendzoned guy is the next best thing. If you're comfortable with that, that's great; I do worry how far you've paddled down Denial though, those Egyptian rivers can be treacherous :).
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    7 years ago
    You can't be a strippers boyfriend and her customer. They are mutually exclusive and contradictory roles. A woman doesn't charge her boyfriend to see/touch her body. But it is possible (unusual but possible) to be a strippers friend and her customer. At best, that's where you are and most likely that is where you are going to stay. If you want more then you ought to tell her that. Cause the longer you stay a friend the more the odds diminish of it ever being something more. But of course those odds are very small to begin with.
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    7 years ago
    Papi why don't you PM SJG and ask him to summarize the post for you.
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    •
    7 years ago
    The consensus seems to be 'tell her exactly how you feel' and let the chips fall where they may. It's good advice. Perhaps difficult to execute, but good advice.
  • jackslash
    •
    7 years ago
    You're 20 and in love. She is 23 and a stripper. She seems to be a nice stripper, because otherwise she would have scammed you or dumped you. But what would she gain from being in a real relationship with you? Not money or financial security. If she were attracted to you, she would have initiated sex by now. I think you should look for a girlfriend outside the strip club.
  • twentyfive
    •
    7 years ago
    "A fool and his money are soon parted" Ben Franklin
  • anonlvone
    •
    7 years ago
    Something else just occurred to me. You said this girl doesn't have any drug issues, but it sounds like a large part of your friendship/relationship with her involves meeting up in clubs and getting wasted. Sorry to put it like that, but if you actually got so drunk that you lost your wallet, you're drinking way too much. There's a lot I could read into that, but won't. But I think the alcohol factor is part of what's contributing to all the confusion, and I personally think you'd be making a mistake to pursue this girl. The fact you met her in a strip club is one strike. The fact she spends a lot of time drinking in night clubs is another strike. If you somehow get involved with her I think you're going to be in for a world of hurt.
  • Jascoi
    •
    7 years ago
    consider yourself lucky because your relationship with this girl is beyond anything normally experienced. but NOT to the point of LOVE. enjoy the experience but realistically it is in the 'friend zone'. move on.
  • bvino
    •
    7 years ago
    Fucking leads to kissing. Be careful. If you are not dating outside the club after three months go start over with a civilian and save your money.
  • pleaseda
    •
    7 years ago
    Harry Jones, trust your instincts. Words cannot recreate the experience you had for other folks to give you the right feedback. Listen to your heart :)
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