Feelings for a dancer.

This is not surprising. Feelings are a sexually transmitted disease.

Lolol Jackslash

You might find a diamond in the rough. But sorry to say, 99.9% of the time, you are setting yourself up for major heart break and dissapountment.

At least, that's been most of our experience on here.

You can't control your feelings. You can control your actions. If you pursue a relationship with her, just be prepared to walk. Quickly. Without looking back.

Good point K. You are not alone. I develop feelings for girls who repeatedly dance for me. Be careful and keep in mind these girls see men as walking ATMs. I just

I'm the wrong person to ask about feelings.

I cried when my cat died but I didn't cry at my mom's funeral. Don't take that the wrong way - I had a great relationship with her

My point is, things can get complicated

While I'm fucking them, I love all of my strippers. But there's only one stripper who I still love after I cum. Still, even with her, I know our relationship is only a paid one that'll never go anywhere beyond that. As long as you have that perspective clear, I dont think there's anything wrong feeling luv for a stripper. The problems come when those feelings of luv lead you to believe that you've got something more with her.

My first questions:

1. What is the age gap between you and the stripper?

2. Have you thrown a shit ton of money at her?

Those answers may help determine if you're a cash cow for her or she genuinely likes you. Then again she could just have a big heart and likes to help people she feels are in need. I've met strippers like that although they are rare.

I would wonder about you if you didn't care for her after she saved your life and stayed in touch during treatment. I think everyone would like to know more people like that.

The perspective I would offer is that when you're interacting with a professional storyteller, you're probably going to hear some stories. The best way to proceed is probably just to let on that you can perceive/handle the truth until she gives up and decides to have an honest relationship. It sounds like you have already been going in that direction, though.

A dancer who takes you to the hospital etc. is somewhat more than just a dancer unless you pay her lots and lots of $$$$.

azvic, btw, if you haven't already, I would suggest reading the Little Prince. She is the flower.

Thank you gentlemen. I am hearing good stuff. I really needed to hear it's normal for the situation and be careful.

I do think she has a big heart. She is very close to her family. I met them all at a benefit carwash to pay for funeral. She doesn't fit my stereotype of a dancer. If she did I would not be nearly as interested.

Her actions suggest she's better than most.

Proceed with caution, but maybe you can actually be friends.

"I've had a favorite for several months. She's been very kind and supportive to me. She talked me into seeing my doc about a lump on my head that turned out to be cancer."

Egh, generic stripper persona.

"She staryed in touch while I was going through treatment. She drove me to the hospital when I broke my leg."

How much did she charge?

"I recently called bs on some SS but she was cool about it and invited my over for dinner at her apt."

Did you actually have dinner at her apt?

I look at it this way, can she detangle herself from you and how easily? How much are you involved in her private life outside of work? Do her kids know your name? Do her parents know your name? Do you know her male friends and talked with them?

Actions speak louder than words, especially with strippers. I can imagine a situation where a stripper wishes you would put a ring on her finger, but knows you wont and she settled for that. Some strippers just open up, they have nothing to hide about their private life from customers and who is a customer and who is a real friend, even they dont know.

Maybe you're stripper BF material & you're a good fit

If you really care for her, you will accept the relationship for what it is and not become needy. If you have been giving her tangible cash than relationship is p4p and you need to accept that. Regardless, she sounds special and worth keeping around. Good luck.

It's easy for me to be cynical. And it's easy for me to rush in blindly. I have trouble with The Balancing Act. I am certain that there is some p4p involved. After all that's how we met. I spend a lot of $$ with her. That doesn't automatically mean she's a bad person. It's just a job.

Heck no it doesn't make her a bad person . She sounds wonderful. Just keep your head within the p4p context and you can have a lasting relationship .

The head lump is a standard kindness. Staying in touch with you through chemo is impressive. Driving you to the hospital for a broken leg is very generous. If dinner at her apartment is not a P4P OTC date, then you might have a girlfriend, BUT...

that girlfriend is a stripper. Are you ready for that?

It's an odd relationship. Just as we think all dancers care about is cash, they think all we care about is pussy. This girl is genuinely surprised that I care about her and her happiness. I'm sad to say men have been treating her like an object for most of her adult life. No wonder they think we're pigs and try to get whatever they can from us. Hell, I probably would too.

So you're not fucking her?

Kevin Smith said in Clerks:

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Papi Chulo beat me to it...are you fucking her (for free)? That is the true barometer as to whether or not a dancer genuinely likes you. Otherwise, it is part of the game.

His girlfriend sucked 37 dicks. In a row?

Try not to suck any dick on your way across the parking lot!

And there it is. LOL. Exactly what I was expecting. Subhuman pigs that can't even discuss a real emotion.

If you just want to get off comma you don't go to the strip club. You go to the nearest Asian massage. It's damn near guaranteed and a helluva lot cheaper.

I don't think anyone is talking about just wanting to get off. If she has provided to 37 other guys what she hasn't provided to you, you are one of her best girlfriends, not a man in her life.

1. A gentleman does not brag about who he gets nekkid with.

2. you fuck whoes. you make love to people you care about. if you don't know the difference I pity you.

3. Paid or free? I thought all those years I was with my ex wife I was getting it for free. After the divorce i learned I was just on the deferred payment plan.

I can get on board with #1 :-)

The risk with #2 is that the potential love of your life will find you boring because you're moralizing instead of relating to her.

#3 sounds like the lies you tell yourself when she won't meet you at IHOP without a paycheck.

I have feelings for my all time favourite too. Strippers are people too and some of them are awesome people. But I would not confuse my feelings with love (at least not in the way we are discussing it here). You can genuinely like this girl without dating her. These gals have lives outside of the club and a job to do inside of it. You will be happier if you seek your love relationships in your private life and maintain a customer/stripper relationship in it. Just because you have a professional relationship, it doesn't mean you can't be cool to each other.

^ nicely put Meur

A lot of us, and I'm at the top of that list; are pretty-cynical when it comes to strippers and their motives - and while I think for the most-part that cynicism may often be on target, the reality is none of us has a crystal-ball to exactly know every stripper's motives - i.e. no one can say that every stripper that wants to get w/ a custy is b/c of $$$ or w/e she can get from him (just most of them :)).

Having said this I think "dating" a stripper more often than not is not like dating a secretary - there often seems to be shit attached w/ dating "most" strippers that one does not deal with "most" civvies.

I'd say that perhaps if one knows and is aware of the pros and cons and what can possibly come w/ dealing with a stripper OTC then one will only know for sure if they actually deal with them OTC .

But as I've mentioned b/f; it takes two to tango - many of us are just in-lust and our idea of a non-P4P "relationship" is just a fuck-buddy - so if we, consciously or subconsciously, in reality only want their puss; then it's fair-game for them to only want our wallet.

I often have feelings for dancers but the feeling is usually around the area b/w my legs

Brilliant comment Meursault!

azvic, no disrespect but I don't think anybody was trying to be one of the "Subhuman pigs that can't even discuss a real emotion." It is just hard to judge what's going on and many guys do think strippers feel more for than they actually feel.

This stripper sounds like she does like you. The question is whether she likes you the same way somebody else in a service job, say a barista at a coffee shop, might like a regular customer or whether it is something more.

The sexual dimension that gets added when strippers are involved just convinces guys that it is love when it is actually "you're a good customer and a reasonably nice guy."

Don't let the cynics get you down azvic! But you should also be careful! ;)

Hey fuck you. Don't tell me not to give a blow job walking across the parking lot then tell me you meant no disrespect. Again FUCK YOU. You meant to be an ass now don't bitch when you're called an ass. At least own your douchebagness you sorry cocksucker.

That on-the-way-to-the-parking-lot thing (and the 37 dicks) was a reference to this scene in the movie Clerks:

youtube.com

Watch it. It's funny.

This is the original reference about bringing you lasagna at work:

youtube.com

Too fucking late. Fuck you. I may be any old man but I'll save a can of whoop ass for you asshole.

Too fucking late. Fuck you. I may be any old man but I'll save a can of whoop ass for you asshole.

Damn, dude. What a way to repay the guys who took the time to explain the value of a woman who cares about you.

Fuck you too.

There are probably benefits to being a psychopath who fucks over people who make an effort to help you. Looking cool on the internet isn't one of them.

Azvic, I mean this sincerely, but making threats to beat up and intimidate people on an anonymous online message board isn't really a good look on anyone.

It's pretty much like saying, "If I knew who you actually were and where you live and if it was some place near my own neighborhood and if I could get confirmation you are not much bigger, faster and stronger than me, then maybe I'd potentially fuck you up."

It's just not worth it. Say "fuck you" to anyone who disrepects you online and move on. As for the actual situation at hand, mersault already more eloquently said what I would say.

Brilliant words a21985!

Also, I don't think ppwh intended to be disrespectful.

It's true, I was just trying to do what I could to save him from years of regret like I have had after letting some of the best ones get away... and also reality check him if he hadn't hit a home run.

Heh, what an odd thread!

Maybe too late, but here's my thoughts. I think the most difficult thing to understand -- I mean, it's easy to understand the words, but not easy to truly internalize -- is that if you're paying her, that's the thing that matters most. Not that she did things that would normally indicate she cares about you in a deeper way, not that she kept in touch with you during a break from the paying. I know some girls who have brought this to high art ... the guys feel like, "holy shit, this girl really digs me, and really, the money I give her is just a side thing". My ATATF pulls thousands from guys doing this, in Vegas. Part of it is, she really is a great person... but for PLs, she won't be a great person with you unless you're paying, and the kicker is, she will manipulate you into thinking that paying is your idea. Her whole little clique of hot chicks does this, it's their thing.

All in all, if you're in love with her, and paying for anything that you wouldn't be paying a regular civilian girlfriend (even if you THINK that what you're paying her is voluntary on your part), then you're already off the map. The fact that you, an anonymous person, won't discuss whether you've having sex with an anonymous girl, probably is an indication that your feelings are already inappropriate. My guess is, this will be a crushing lesson for you. Absolutely no insult intended, but you asked for opinions.

Subraman,

Good insight!

In this specific case, there are a couple of details that I think go against the grain of the usual story, though:

As for revealing the nature of the relationship, I think you are overestimating the anonymity of the people involved. azvic posted the other day looking for guys to join him to hit up some Grand Avenue clubs in Phoenix. Given such a specific location and the particular details of his story, If the girl he is talking about or probably her coworkers read this, they would most likely know who the dancer and customer are. Personally, I make it a rule to not talk about those kinds of details because I don't see how any good could come of it, but can imagine lots of bad.

Also, in the responses to his clubbing request, most of the guys turned up their noses at the idea of hitting those clubs. I haven't been to Phoenix clubs in over 10 years, but back then the ones on Grand Ave were pretty divy and I wouldn't expect national-level sharks such as you might find in Vegas to be working at them.

I used to be one of the most skeptical people on the planet with regard to the motivations of strippers. Then it turned out that I was wrong in one case, and the fall was hard. Really hard.

I'm not saying don't be skeptical, just make sure you're looking at all of the facts before you decide whether she is or isn't into you. Being wrong in either direction can be painful.