[TIP] Keeping the Conversation Going

47 comments

• shadowcat

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  9 years ago

  I just say "Smile if you have gotten any today". It gets a smile either way.
• rockstar666

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  9 years ago

  If I like the dancer I don't have awkward silences. When I get tired of talking about myself, I get her to talk about herself. Or I just kidnap her and take her to VIP or the CR. If I don't like her, I see how awkward I can be to encourage her to move on!
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  I rarely find I have awkward silences with strippers. Not because I"m a great conversationalist -- I'm admittedly average at best -- but because THEY are usually great conversationalists... to the point where they make me feel like I'm a great conversationalist, and then I'm shocked when I get out in the real world and I'm not actually The Most Interesting Man In The World :) Awkward silences only happen with new strippers who don't have their conversation bag-of-tricks yet, or girls who don't care. I will say that your approach -- "tell me about something that made you laugh today" -- is definitely not my style, mostly because it's the kind of question that I HATE when a girl asks me. I realize that it's small talk and she really doesn't care about the answer, plus it's an open-ended question that I have to think about. Exactly the combination that irritates me and has me send someone on. Instead, I keep things light, close-ended, and party-focused. If she's at my table, she's drinking and probably doing shots (I send girls away who don't drink), and I might ask something as light and simple as, "When you're not drinking this swill, what tequila do you actually like?". We'll be talking about something we both enjoy (good tequila!), and in short order, we'll be laughing hysterically while swapping stories about drinking too much, getting too fucked up at the club, etc. In any case, light, close-ended, something interesting to her, and something where it's very easy for even an average conversationalist like me to steer the conversation to fun party-oriented talk. Never open-ended quizzes. Just my style, not criticizing you.
• shailynn

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  9 years ago

  Those are some clever ways to break silence. Last weekend I was sitting alone and a super cute shot girl asked to sit with me. I was taken aback and blew her off. Feeling like an asshole I went back and apologized, gave her a $20 and asked for her company. She sat with me for the next 90 minutes. We had fun but it was so frustrating because I wanted to get a lap dance from her but she's not allowed to do that. She was young, so there were gaps of silence during our convo - when that happened I just asked her questions and that worked to keep the convo going. Some young girls don't know how to communicate too well without txting so sometimes you have to direct them a bit during the conversation.
• Ch3ll

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  9 years ago

  Sha - 90 minutes! That's the one I want so I'm not spending money! Ishmael - once the dancer and I have introduced ourselves if she doesn't lead off I usually lead with how's your night been. If she's a talker or the type to put in effort that usually gets them going. Might hear about a customer, something they want to buy, or the stupid house fees. I've noticed unless she's one I've did dances with before or she approached me, if I stop her for a lap dance usually the conversation just doesn't flow.
• georgmicrodong

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  9 years ago

  A simple "spit or swallow?" either keeps the conversation going, or terminates it completely. No awkward silences either way.
• crazyjoe

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  9 years ago

  Great job shailynn... Ishmael. That is a great approach. She is put in a positive mood and is prompted to tslk about herself. The greatest conversationalist is the one who listens and does not say much. I tend to talk too much. Someone threatned to buy me a shirt that said, " help I'm talking and i can't shut up"
• dw.buck

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  9 years ago

  you wanna sit here and talk all night or use your mouth for other things! - that gets them going
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  I don't particularly like getting into convos w/ dancers for several reasons: + I go to the SC to get physically turned-on not “intellectually “ turned-on” - I *do* enjoy flirtatious type convo to some extent; but often times if the convo gets into other subjects other than it being flirtatious or sexual in nature; my little Papi goes to sleep – i.e. I'm only able to have one head at a time be engaged + the small black clubs I visit down here in Miami are only $5/dance – thus I do not feel like I need to invest time conversing w/ a dancer to make sure she is someone worthy of investing $$$ in via dances If I do have some convo; I often make it a bit generic and not too personal about her as most people/dancers probably prefer not to say too much personal stuff about themselves w/ a custy they rarely know – I may ask them stuff like: + where were you raised – I find it interesting to know where people are from - I also think often times where one is raised has an impact on the type of person one is or how they carry themselves – i.e. I often mostly interact w/ AA dancers and I can def often see a difference in personality/behavior b/w AAs that were raised in Miami and those raised elsewhere; w/ the latter often meaning they are better mannered; IME + I also like to ask them about SCing – i.e. how long they've been dancing? What clubs they've danced at? etc - they can give you their take on different clubs and you can share w/ them your take if you've both been to the same clubs; this type of subject is one where both of you can have some common ground and it's not too deep or personal – it's also a good way to get intel (e.g. a SC you were unaware off) and also interesting to get a dancer's take on a particular club(s) (on multiple occasions I've noticed that clubs that I like as a custy seem to not be liked by the dancers)
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  @ OP: Do you engage them in convo b/c you want their time and attention; or b/c you are trying to be nice by conversing w/ them?
• Lone_Wolf

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  9 years ago

  OP: Not bad, but a question like that is not really my style either. For dancers I am very interested in, I will usually come but with whatever opening question they have with "A better question is where can I put this twenty?". Followed with, "Shall we do a shot before I get some dances?" The answer needs to be yes for her to continue sitting with me. The key for me is to break them out of their normal hustle and put them at ease knowing that they will be making money. There is always something going on in the club to talk about. The music, the number of PL's, her outfit, the manager, the other ladies, what happened last night, who got fired...etc... I only struggle with conversation with dancers I'm not really all that interested in.
• ATACdawg

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  9 years ago

  One thing that always opens up a good combo with a new dancer (one that I am getting to know for the first time) is to ask her, "What was it like the first time you ever went on stage?" That has led to some of the most interesting conversations ever, all the way from, "It took me three hours of scotch and sodas before I could go up there. I was so embarrassed!" to "I figured if you've got it, flaunt it!" Funny thing was that the first girl had nothing to be embarrassed about. She was a major babe. Interestingly, she had no problem with being totally nude one on one - it wss the up in front of the whole world that made her cringe. The other girl was a very hot redhead who actually graduated from college and left stripping. Last night the girl I was talking to and I were recalling the first time the stunning girl on stage had moved from the bar to try dancing. She was so nervous that she cleaned both poles three times. She finally did barely get her top off, fled the stage and didn't try again for two weeks, lol. Today, she has it going in a big way!
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  Ask her what her favorite drugs are – she will probably talk your ear off :)
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  There have been a few times when I've just been tired and hence not interested in verbally entertaining a dancer. It pisses them off. It gets to be like this Degas: [view link] EDGAR DEGAS: “L'absinthe (absinthe drinkers)", 1876 - oil on canvas, 92-68 cm. - Musée d’Orsay, Paris - view high resolution image "What a slut!", George Moore commented about the woman in this painting, adding that "the tale is not a pleasant one, but it is a lesson", and also that "no one has said so much in so little space, and no one has expressed in such a simple way (...) thanks to the science of the drawing, invisible but omnipresent, almost impersonal". The sad and melancholic "Absinthe drinkers" appears to have influenced works of later artists, such as Picasso's interiors from the Blue Period, or Edward Hopper's urban scenes. People take offense at this painting because as the man is making no effort to engage with the woman, it makes her look lost and desperate, the quintessential free whore. SJG Jorma and Jack at their best, but with the three distinctive vocalists as well, just for Mr. Rech [view link]
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  This was actually a posed picture, and the identities of the persons are known. SJG
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  Mostly I've found that the best way to talk to them is just to talk about myself and my affairs. This way it sounds like I am auditioning for them, asking for their approval, whether or not I really am. The more I tell them about myself, the more, though still much less, I might be able to politely ask them. Most of all I tell them all the things girls normally ask about, except in P4P companionship venues they know that they should not. I want them to know where I am from, what I do for a living, whey I am in that strip club at that time, and a carefully chosen compliment or two. SJG
• Profess2021

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  9 years ago

  I feel like people are putting wayyyyyy too much thought into this. She could care less about what you have to say and honestly how much do you care about what she has to say? Some convo is great when it happens but how often do you go home and say "sure wish I'd brought that up"? Go get some dances, have some drinks, if you are looking for VIP do that too but don't stress about what to say. Chances are she's pretty well guaranteed to sit in your lap and do some form of ass giggle without you talking her into it lol. At best it's a fantasy or a business transaction, not eharmony. -Pro
• Profess2021

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  9 years ago

  It should be jiggle*
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  In my experience in the local clubs, talking to the dancer and connecting with her carry a great deal of weight with her. Now admittedly, at higher mileage venues the girls are more aggressive and less expecting of being talked to, as that is not their main way of getting money. But I still think the ideas expressed on this thread are valid. SJG Jefferson Airplane - Eskimo Blue Day (1970) [view link]
• IHearVoices

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  9 years ago

  My issue isn't that I can't talk to them: it's that I don't want to. Shut up and just ask for the dance.
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  “... She could care less about what you have to say and honestly how much do you care about what she has to say ...” Custies come in all-flavors – there are some that genuinely enjoy the convo aspect w/ a dancer almost as much if not more than dances themselves – heck there are some; albeit a very small minority; that will pay dancers just to sit and talk w/ them and keep them company.
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  IHear and Papi, I really don't understand you. If she does a dance for you I guess she'll be grinding you and getting this and that into your face. But still, if she feels that she knows you some, it will all go better. Also, in being willing to talk to you, she is usually giving you free time and attention. As I've said, there have been times I've not wanted to talk to girls, and once they picked up on this they were not pleased. But usually I want to really give them my best. I offer this as just an example. Any of the girls in these pics you like to spend time talking with and entertaining? [view link] SJG Jefferson Airplane -1967- Ballad of You and Me and Pooneil [view link]
• Profess2021

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  9 years ago

  I know some level of conversation over time does go along way sjg. But what I am saying is how often does that just happen over time vs I met you today and I'm at a loss for words to keep you at my table.
• Clackport

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  9 years ago

  When conversation gets stale, it's time to do dances.
• rl27

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  9 years ago

  Since I don't give a shit what a dancer says, I have no problem conversing with them. I generally just make some bullshit up and direct the conversation to get an idea on whether she would be fun in the back, figure out her boundaries, and if it's a club I haven't been to before and there isn't much information about the club determine what the rules of the game are in the club.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  9 years ago

  @Papi_Chulo: "Do you engage them in convo b/c you want their time and attention; or b/c you are trying to be nice by conversing w/ them?" Interesting question. While I don't go to strip clubs looking for a new best pal (and certainly not a 'girlfrield'), I also don't like treating them solely as a life-support system for a vagina. It's just not my way. I see a lot of guys on here complaining about low-effort "wanna dance" girls (and I'm one of them). If I went to a strip club with a purely transactional, non-social attitude, then I'd feel like the customer equivalent of a "wanna dance" girl. So, I think that it's both more fun to create some sort of rapport with a dancer, even if all I'm doing is establishing a "working relationship" or casual familiarity. Also, I think that it can *potentially* pay dividends in terms of what I get from the transactional side of the equation (ranging from the occasional freebie lapdance to permission to push beyond her usual limits in the CR, etc.). Although, I NEVER count on that; it's varies wildly depending on the dancer and her personality. But, it's nice when it happens. All other things being equal, it can only help if your favorite dancer likes you a little bit more than the PL sitting in the next chair. =============== @ATACdawg: "What was it like the first time you ever went on stage?" I like that a lot. It gives the dancer an opportunity to tell a personal story, but contains the story within the SC industry. So, no crossing lines into their personal non-SC life. I'll give that one a shot. Ishmael
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  I don't talk too much with all the dancers but if they do get me talking, sometimes I think I talk too much. Either they start laughing or listening intently or get turned off by something I said. I do remember talking about a story or dream I had one time but may have not mentioned it was a dream. The dancer must have been listening intensely and been very interested. when I returned the following week, I had about 4 or 5 dancers wanting to hear the story. I could not even remember what I told her. It probably had something to do with aliens. Probably something I dreamed up I was talking about but forgot to clarify that it was a dream. I just told them I couldn't remember anything I told her. lol, She might have thought the MiB people got to me.
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  “... Do you engage them in convo b/c you want their time and attention; or b/c you are trying to be nice by conversing w/ them ...” Reason I asked is b/c I think most dancers would probably not want to sit and talk if they are not being paid *for* talking to us – I'm sure it can build a rapport with a dancer and it may often do that; but I also think often times they just see it as extra-work for which they are not being paid for. In my cynical PL mind dancers just wanna get paid and just get paid – and the least they have to do to get paid; the better in their minds – I'm no stripper-whisperer; just my PL gut-feeling.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  9 years ago

  Got it. I'm sure your points factor in with a fair number of dancers. In my opinion/experience, it varies on a stripper-by-stripper basis. Some are more into it than others. I try to pick up on those signals. I don't write off the ones who signal that they're not into small talk. I just pivot to "So, what kind of fun can we have here?" that much faster. Stripper-whisperer ... totally should have grabbed that as my profile name. It's far from accurate, but pretty damn funny.
• lopaw

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  9 years ago

  Most of my dealings with strippers start off like a coffee klatch - yapping away about everything and anything. Eventually we get down to business.
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  [view link].Ishmael---> "Interesting question. While I don't go to strip clubs looking for a new best pal (and certainly not a 'girlfrield'), I also don't like treating them solely as a life-support system for a vagina. It's just not my way. I see a lot of guys on here complaining about low-effort "wanna dance" girls (and I'm one of them). If I went to a strip club with a purely transactional, non-social attitude, then I'd feel like the customer equivalent of a "wanna dance" girl. " That seems like a pretty roundabout way to say, "I just like talking to them." I realize that around here, that's akin to admitting you're into furries or something :) But I don't obfuscate things at all ... while OTC sex is my goal, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love just being in the club, doing shots and talking smack with a gorgeous young stripper. I genuinely like the majority of girls I end up OTCing with, if I didn't I would have had them move along, and totally dig hanging out and doing shots at the table. Papi_Chulo---> "Reason I asked is b/c I think most dancers would probably not want to sit and talk if they are not being paid *for* talking to us – I'm sure it can build a rapport with a dancer and it may often do that; but I also think often times they just see it as extra-work for which they are not being paid for." In my experience, that's definitely true of busy nightshifts, and most high-hustle clubs for that matter. But otherwise, what you described only exists in the mind of stripperweb girls. My last SC trip, which was pretty typical, had me doing two $100 VIP dances over the course of maybe 3.5-4 hours, which means at least 3 hours of that time was unpaid talking and drinking (I did pay for drinks, obviously). This is basically my business-as-usual strip club trip -- one girl, 4 hours, 2 VIP dances, all the shots she can drink -- trip after trip, at multiple clubs. 'course, I go on slow dayshifts, I wouldn't expect that on a busy nightshift, but I find this kind of thing pretty easy to pull off. I think you've been way too SW-ified, strip clubs don't work anything like the way the SW girls claim they work, in my experience
• rickdugan

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  9 years ago

  If she is that difficult to keep a conversation alive with, then I don't want her anyway. I find that girls who are unable to help keep a conversation going are at least one, or some combination of, uptight, nervous, and/or new. All bad OTC targets in my experiences and also less than entertaining ITC. Next!
• gawker

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  9 years ago

  It might be different for me whereas I'm old enough to be the grandfather of most of the dancers and I do like to get some feel for their wants and wishes. I always ask where they are from and frequently get some surprising answers. There are a large number of foreign dancers and the accent sometimes leads to guessing games. I recently met a dancer who I swore was British, but she finally told me she was born in the US but raised in Australia. I know I've said this here before, but before I learned about extras in strip clubs I used escorts for years and got somewhat nonplussed with the impersonal nature of the sex with strangers. Now, I much prefer getting to know a woman and have a connection on some level above the waist. I'm scheduled for a first OTC with a very hot 23 year old in the next few days. I've done VIP with her twice and have probably.had 30 or more lap dances with her and love her body and how she carries herself. We've texted back & forth on lots of topics and I love her sense of humor and she politely laughs at my stupid jokes. We've had some serious conversations and I think she's quite bright and very rebellious. She's artistic, has shared her poetry with me and has suffered through some of my doggerel. My point: I'm as excited as a middle school 13 year old boy getting his first blowjob, not just because I'll have a few hours of bliss, but because I know I'll enjoy her company. I suspect she's looking for a sugar daddy type relationship and if we do continue to see each other I want it to be fun and interesting
• IHearVoices

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  9 years ago

  To echo what Papi said, dancers just want to get paid. I just want dances. Why endorse a middleman unnecessarily? My guess is that 90% of the time dancers talk to me (and 80% of the time overall when dancers are with unknown customers), the talk is just to set up the "wanna dance" question. Why beat around the bush? If she actually wants to talk, that's one thing - but I can only remember one dancer convo that I've ever had in a SC, which is probably two more than they remember. Actually, the dancer may remember that one. Most of the time it's that inconsequential small talk anyway: she's going to lie about what she says and not care what I say. If anything, talking makes me less likely to get dances because I get annoyed with it.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  If I have trouble maintaining a conversation with a dancer it means that we aren't going to get along well together. But that's pretty rare. After talking to thousands of strippers over the years, it's pretty much second nature. My problem will probably be maintaining a conversation with a civilian woman. In a lull in the conversation I'm likely to say something like "take your clothes off and dance for me, I want to see you naked."
• ATACdawg

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  9 years ago

  It must be hard to hear sitting far enough from a civvie to be out if the reach of her slap when you ask her a question like that. Then again, you do have the possibility that she's itching to get it on....
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  JS69---> "If I have trouble maintaining a conversation with a dancer it means that we aren't going to get along well together. But that's pretty rare. After talking to thousands of strippers over the years, it's pretty much second nature." I definitely get that, I feel kind of the same way... although I'd bet that you do have some techniques you use to keep the conversation going, you've just internalized them and don't realize what they are. If things go silent, I notice I can effortlessly steer conversation towards topics I know will get us laughing, e.g., some funny stories about the club (which gets her telling me her funny stories), fun stories about partying, whatever. I also sympathize with the guys who say, "if the conversation is awkward, she's too much work and it's time to pass", it's probably the right call much of the time. I have, though, occasionally run into strippers who were super shy (they always seem to come off as aloof or stuck-up & princessy when you're watching them, which I guess is the standard disguise for shyness). They ended up being pretty spectacular, and I'm glad I put in the little bit of effort to keep the conversation up with them, at least until the alcohol kicked in and it just started flowing.
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  “... Do you engage them in convo b/c you want their time and attention; or b/c you are trying to be nice by conversing w/ them ...” Sometimes I just enjoy a nice conversation with a pretty girl. I've done less of the crazy stuff you guys post about but if I'm not in an LTR at the time finding a stripper that I can have an enjoyable conversation with is a brilliant way to pass the time! Regarding girls not being paid I'll often buy them a drink and sometimes just tip a $20. If I'm having fun blowing $20 or $30 for a drink and 1/2 hour or so of conversation before a private dance is fine with me. The only problem is that I'm a bit deaf in one ear so load music is seriously non-brilliant! :( Plus I like 1990s britpop and clubs never play that!
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  9 years ago

  ATACdawg: "Then again, you do have the possibility that she's itching to get it on...." Back when I was in my 20s, I knew a guy would would occasionally go out with me and my friends. When we'd go to the meat-market dance clubs, he'd just approach a long series of hot babes. After about 10 minutes (or less) of chit-chat, he'd say to each one flat-out: "So you know, I'm looking to get laid tonight." The rejections piled up like dead bodies in a 1980s action movie, but dude also got laid *a lot* more than the rest of us to be honest. It's not for everyone, but there's something to be said for the "shotgun approach". I have no idea where he is now; I strongly suspect he's in sales. It would have been interesting to have taken him to a strip club. Ishmael
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  9 years ago

  Subraman: "although I'd bet that you do have some techniques you use to keep the conversation going, you've just internalized them and don't realize what they are." There are musicians out there who are hands-down brilliant, but they can't teach worth a damn because they play from the brain stem. They have no idea how to explain what they do; it just happens when they pick up their chosen musical instrument. I suspect that there are guys on here who are veteran strip club customers that are the same way. Whether you call it a 'script', 'routine', 'method', 'trick', or a 'system' is irrelevant. It's all social stuff that helps smooth the way to a desired outcome and (for me) helps me have more fun, as well. My OP was perhaps poorly framed. I had hoped to tease out some of that information from those who are better at this than I am. Happy Saturday. Ishmael
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  Ya, I knew what you were getting at. In summary, for me, it flows pretty naturally but I ask some close-ended questions (e.g., have you worked at any other clubs? You a tequila girl, what's your fave?) that I'm genuinely interested in the answers for, and guide us into what in my experience are always fun stories that get us laughing... stories about the club or other clubs around (I have some great ones, and once I get going, she'll chime in with her stories), stories about the last time I drank too much of her favorite tequila (which gets her telling me stories back), and we're both hysterical in no time.
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  I guess there is no right/wrong when it comes to convo/no-convo; it comes down pretty-much as everything else related to SCing; i.e. personal preference – e.g. some custies are extras-hounds; some not; some like to drink it up; some don't; some like spinners; some like Papi_Chulo_Mode :); etc. But my cynical M.O. still defaults to when it comes to convo; just like almost anything else related to the dancers; the custy does it for himself even if he thinks the dancer is also getting something out of it – not claiming this is universal b/c nothing is except death and taxes; but I think dancers engage in convo as “part of the job” and in my cynical view they would rather get paid and go hang-out with their dancer friends or in the dressing-room than “stay in character” talking with the custy – again – just my cynical opinion – not saying it's a fact.
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  Papi---> "but I think dancers engage in convo as “part of the job” and in my cynical view they would rather get paid and go hang-out with their dancer friends or in the dressing-room" I think you're right in most cases, and if pressed, I have to admit I don't care that much either way -- *I* enjoy the conversation, and while I hope she's enjoying it too, in the end, this is a luxury hobby expense and I'm in it to have the fun experience I want. And OF COURSE they'd rather get paid. But really, the bottom line -- in the end, since I'm not looking to make a girlfriend at the strip club, how many fucks do I really give if she'd rather be in the lockerroom? Meh, maybe a fuck or two (I truly do hope they are at least not repulsed), but that's it... as long as she can act like she's having fun, for the 3-5 hours straight that I'll be there, I'm good. But I'm not remotely convinced that it's not that case that, just like we have ATFs, they have some customers who they like more (or dislike less) than others, and who they find it more pleasant (or less unpleasant) to hang out with. Certainly, the strippers who I've developed "real" (i.e., unpaid, not stripper/customer) relationships say that that's so, and obviously enough, I'm the case-in-point. So many of the experiences I've had would be incredibly difficult to explain by your "they hate every second and would always rather be in the dressing room" theory, to me it doesn't remotely hold water... but maybe this is a function of ATFing vs wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am'ing type SCing
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  Well – as far as I'm concerned I can only see 1 dude on TUSCL dancers would genuinely like to have convos and hanging w/ - and that man is of course the one and only Juice mane.
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  Well, yes, obviously
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  lol ... anyway Paps, just to be clear, the girls I'm with are going to be getting VIP dances eventually, but at MOST, one $100 VIP dance per 90 minutes. So that leaves a lot of talk time for not a ton of $.
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  Profess2021, I my experience women want a guy to make an effort to verbally entertain them. Now yes, in a P4P venue I'm sure you can make things happen without that, but why. It will go better if you can get her listening to you and let her soften up. If you're tired or out of it, then why not save your money and wait until another time. SJG [view link] Amy Winehouse-I Heard It Through The Grapevine (Duet With Paul Weller) [view link]