I don't care if her house just burned down. She'd best smile and say "everything's great".
If I wanted to hear a woman complain, I'd stay home and listen to my wife.
I almost never ask a dancer this question. I usually just use it as a greeting like others. Every once in a while someone starts talking about all their problems and makes me wish I never used that phrase. Most people I believe are not interested in hearing about all your problems. If I'm wrong I could talk a lot.
Some upbeat news is always good and helps set the tone for the visit. "I aced my nursing exams!" "I sold my first house!" "I learned how to make a killer margarita today! Want one? My treat!"
Generally I don't want to hear her troubles. Escaping my troubles is one of the big reasons I'm there in the first place. If I ask her how she's doing, I want to hear something upbeat or weird, not depressing.
My ATF has had significant problems with her family over the years - father dying, daughter struggling with drugs, grandchild born with a progressive genetic condition, etc. At no time has she ever asked for any kind of help, so I am always willing to let her unload her problems on me. She always finds a way to deal with the problems and appreciates that someone is willing to listen.
Whenever I ask, it's out of simple courtesy because she's asked first. I don't expect anything other than the "everything's great" line, but I won't be upset if she really answers.
Only thing that would give me pause is her immediately talking about money. If she says "I'm okay, just need two more dances to reach my goal for the night" she'll be getting them from someone else.
I just expect her to do what every other stranger would: say "fine" or "good" no matter their situation is. If she uses it as an opportunity to start playing a pity card - that's a pretty bad sign.
The question "how's it going?" is largely a ritual. An icebreaker. Nobody wants to hear the truth unless:
1. The answer is "fine" or "great" or something similar.
2. The person asking is a close friend.
So the ritual is completed with answers like "pretty good" or "not bad" or (if you don't want to imply everything is hunky dory) something equivocal like "it's going..."
Then something like "...and you?" is asked.
All part of the false face we put forward in social situations.
I ask how her evening is going. It's an opening for her to complain how slow she's been and thus an opening for me to see what's on her particular menu.
A well known quotation from about 100 years ago went, "A bore is a person who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." It's from a time before anyone thought to ask a woman how she is doing, let alone a stripper.
Thanks guys and lopaw for all of the great suggestions. If I'm in a particularly bad mood I will call out of work because I don't think it's fair to the patrons to have to deal with a depressed dancer. I try to brighten up my customer'a day, and if I can't do that there's no point in working.
It is similar to any other person you ask the question – if you know them well then you may be genuinely interested – o/w it is often just out of habit.
Most PLs go into a SC for sexual excitement; listening to dancers’ problems is a sure boner-killer.
I'm not at a SC to listen to a dancer's problems, I'm there to take a break from my problems.
The only acceptable answers I can thing of:
1. Everything is fine. (default polite answer)
2. I'm horny.
3. I'm lonely (particularly if club is slow)
Dancers talk?
Seriously, listening to a stripper is no big deal. If she's talking about problems, she's talking about opportunities. If she's not hinting at her willingness to seek assistance with her problems, there's time enough to figure that out and bail.
New (to me) girls should just smile and say "great". If a regular girl of mine wants to vent a bit -- particularly if it concerns club gossip, which is a guilty pleasure -- no prob
I like honest answers unless I have had a really bad few days which usually means I don't ask that question and keep it simple. Sometimes the dancers just need someone to vent to, most are usually surprised and happy to know a customer is willing to actually listen.
Like mjx01, I'm there to relax and to forget my problems. I don't want to hear other people's problems. At one strip club, a dancer just plopped down at my table and started telling me about her mother's death, how deeply affected she was by it, that I should spend more time with my mother, blah, blah, blah. Luckily a dancer I knew wandered into view; when I casually waved to her, the one at my table got all uppity, said that she was wasting her time there, and bolted. Another dancer, at that same club, just as we were getting ready to start a bed dance, told me that her mother had died a couple months earlier and now she was seeing her every place. Yeah, that dance didn't last too long.
At another club in Minneapolis, I mentioned to one dancer that I had just come from Gen Con (okay, I'm not shy about flying my geek flag). Her first question: "Which do you prefer -- the GURPS combat system or the d20 system?" Yeah, I was smitten. We just BSed the next hour or so about conventions and gaming and random stuff like that. Sadly, I never did see her again.
My usual line after she say "how u doing?" and reply "i'm good." The next one I go for is the "What brings you here?"
That throws her off and creates a space for me to get in.
After that, it is kinda playful convo of anything goes as long as it is fun.
I try to stay away from stories that involve pity, though. And if she starts doing that I usually bring the conversation to something that would end it in two minutes.
A casual acquaintance answer is ok, great, or I'm working on making it great. Someone you know a lot better you can give the real story or a partial story. I know one dancer a lot better than others and she once told me how she went the hospital in a lot of pain because of a spider bite to her pussy. It was the type of spider that bit her that was the problem. Her pussy swelled up and it hurt like hell. I was really interested. She said she was better now but couldn't believe they sent her back home when she first went to the hospital. She asked if I wanted to see a picture. I said yes.
I usually ask dancers "are you having a good night?" meaning "are you making money?" Because when you're working, especially at a job without a steady paycheck, you really need to stay very focused on the $$$. A lot of dancers get stuck working dead times when you rarely sell any dances anyway. You can ask custies to come and see you during the dead times to keep you company and chat, without losing any money. If your club serves food, it's a good way to get a free meal too.
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