You are her regular

Try going on shifts or days when you know she will not be there. I finally had to tell one "NO" to anymore dances because I needed some variety. She was understanding but I'm sure not all dancers would be.

The best way I have found to deal with this is never letting it happen in the first place. No favorites - no drama.

That makes sense. But I'm a little too late now. Thinking of going MIA for a couple months. A few things will happen in that case. I will be missed and treated great on a return visit or forgotten and problem solved. That make sense?

Go into the club and when she comes up to you make like you have no idea who she is. If you typically sit in the same area sit somewhere else. Don't order your standard drink. Order food or don't whatever is the opposite of standard.

Tell her you hit ur head and can't remember your name or anything about yourself but for some reason this place was calling for you.

Tell her you'd like some dances but you're sorry she is not your type. Your type is whatever is the opposite of her, if she's blonde you prefer brunettes etc.

It's just so crazy it just might work!

P.S. If this idea fails I'm thinking identical twin as option #2.

I used to practice a modified version of the "lone favorite." I usually had a "strong favorite" in any one club I went to, and got most of my dances with her. But, I also got lesser quantities of dances from other girls. That pattern worked very well.

Now, I mostly use the "Shadowcat system." I go when I want to see a particular dancer, and when I know none of my other faves are likely to be around.

If you want to keep getting dances from her, just let her know you will but you want variety in the order. Sometimes it might be from other dancers first. If you don't want any dances from her for a week or few weeks, just tell her. She probably won't take it well but who knows, maybe she will. I didn't get dances from one of my favorites last night. I already had more than enough dances. One of my past favorites I think started working Saturday nights because I told her that's when I usually visit. You're not married to them. If you're sleeping with them, that might be different.

I treated a dancer I was sleeping with at one time just like all the other dancers while I was in the club. She got pissed at me at one time but she got over it fast. She wasn't pissed off at me getting a bunch of lap dances from other dancers when she told me she would have sex whenever I wanted it, she got pissed off after she secretly spied on me talking to another dancer for 30 minutes without hardly any dances. She thought I was sleeping with her too because it seemed we were way too friendly.

Some dancers treat guys like they are territory to claim for their income stream. You just need to decide where you want to fit in. If you leave for a month and the same dancers are there when you get back, everything will go back to normal after all the where have you been? We thought maybe something happened. Unless she found a new regular and you are now on a waiting list. If that happens, then you might get left alone whether you want to or not.

Good advice shark hunter. Not sure what I'm wanting out of it. I do feel as if I get great mileage from her back there but there are little things I have noticed. I think I will cool it off some with her. I do feel that I provide her a good portion of her income as I appear to be her only bigger spending regular. She may get 40-60 from a few others but that's chump change from me. Think I will play it slow for a bit.

One possible drawback from cutting a dancer out might be that she quits working at the club you visit. If she routinely doesn't make what she needs, she will look for work elsewhere most likely. I don't ever want to be a major source of a dancers income or not enough that she can't easily make it up.

Slowing it down is a good move, I tried that and it worked for me. Though the texting part went away, she never sent me text messages when it slowed, but she would go to my table whenever I go in the club and still have the same intensity like it was before. Felt like I fell out of her top ten list of regulars she texts most and I am now her #24. But that's just me.

When I find a dancer I really like, I become a regular. The other dancers, as a professional courtesy, do not approach regulars. So if I feel like some variety, I go to a different club or I go to the club on a day I know my CF is not working or I set up an OTC session with a different dancer.

Too many guys treat clubbing like high school dating. You don't want to publicly hurt or humiliate your "steady' girlfriend. This is not that, but for some of us, me included, changing from regular status to "playing the field" is equivalent to dumping a steady girlfriend for no reason. Guys who have been dumped like that know how cruel and painful it can be. Always remember that this is strictly a commercial transaction where any loyalty
is, at best, superficial and fleeting. Do you think she would care about your feelings if a guy showed up and was willing to pay $100 per dance. You wouldn't be able to get her to look at you if that happened.

So, grow a pair and stay in control. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. Try excusing yourself to the restroom and getting another dancer for VIP on your way back to your seat. Don't give her time to go the the dressing room or check with the FAV. Just tell her you want dances NOW. If the FAV sees and gets steamed, you can remind her that the two of you are not married or in a dating relationship. If she wants to argue the point, excuse yourself again and get dances from another new dancer. This will give you control of the situation and she will just have wait her turn, which is what you just may want.

Great advice, Superdude.

Thanks Superdude. That's what I was thinking and wanted to get validation as to that being a good move. We will see how this goes.

Tell her to her face you need a break and want to try others. Worst that happens is you get a new favorite.

I do a set number with my ATF, and so if I wander off she doesn't feel like she's losing money to other girls. She dances with other guys too after all.

Some good advice on here, but in truth it is hard to control this type of thing because you can't control what is being said and done behind the scenes. In smaller clubs in particular, the girls are often very dependent on regulars for their income and these informal rules are how they keep things civil. In these small locals clubs, girls are usually very cautious about being perceived as poaching another girl's customer, which can lead to all sorts of dram and other bad things.

And yes, you can always chase down another dancer for a dance, but what a pain in the ass that is and the other dancer may still be cautious anyway. The worst that I experienced was a few years ago in my then favorite club, where other dancers would not approach me to save my life because I was considered a regular of one of the Russian dancers. One night, when my favorite was tied up for an extended time with another customer, I said fuck it and approached one of the other Russian girls (hot as hell) during the 2-4-1 special. Not only did I receive rather shitty dances, but the girl went so far as to run over and apologize (in Russian) to my favorite when she finished with the other guy and came on over. I have a number of other stories that are similar in nature, but you get the picture. There is only so much control that we have over these things.

In my humble opinion, if you want to avoid this type of drama, you would be best served by patronizing bigger clubs and maybe even spreading it around a few clubs. Spending large amounts in a small club, and going so far as to become a meaningful source of income for a single dancer, is a recipe for high drama.

Good points by everyone. I think the unsaid advice is before you decide to have an ATF at all, understand what you're getting into. I always had one looked to have an ATF in my many years of clubbing because I like having a more familiar relationship than just random girls, plus the quality is guaranteed.

These days I also like variety, and it's a bit of a dance to ensure to hurt feelings. Luckily my go to girls seem quite comfortable with it, at least so far.

Not much better than walking into a club and the hottest dancer comes running over and stays with you. Of course we know why, but who gives a damn? Still feels good!

Last time I broke up with a regular, I think I avoided her shifts for a few weeks while I cultivated a new girl, then showed up on a day they were both working, had a nice short chat with soon-to-be-ex regular, and politely told her, "Nice talking to you! I'm sitting with XXX today, talk to you later". Honestly, the girls know that guys change regulars, and the "relationship" is much more important in your mind than it is in hers. Just being always honest and upfront is the best way to handle things, being passive aggressive is not just unnecessary, but the girls rightfully look at it as weakness too. Plus, if the old regular still thinks you're her guy, in your pussyness you could be setting up a backstage confrontation, better to just be above board. You should NOT be mean to your regular who you're leaving, but don't leave her confused that you're gone or want some variety or whatever.

Beyond that, the passive aggressive way out is your other choice. Go on shifts she doesn't work. Pick a new club. I think this approach is retarded, unnecessary, and maybe a warning sign that you're taking the "relationship" much too seriously. But it's the other way out.

I realize it's not a relationship but noticed something she said to me one day in the back. She was like you are MY customer, and I know yow will come back to me. For how she looks, and compared to the others, she is right. I will go back. I get good mileage and have fun. But I don't want to be taken for granted.

We will see what comes up from some intended changes. May start showing some of the friends a little more attention.

"the "relationship" is much more important in your mind than it is in hers."

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Having a big group of other clubs not too far away is priceless when shit like this happens. Sounds like it is time for you to give this dancer and her club a break.

I agree. Will hate ending it but that may be what needs to happen. If nothing else it may improve our interactions as she tried to win me back. It's my cash they are after. It is funny to see some of the ss that goes on though.

Even though we know it; we sometimes forget; or it’s not in the forefront of our minds; that they (dancers) don’t’ want us; they want our $$$.

We may feel bad telling a dancer that we want to be w/ someone else especially when the said dancer has treated us well and has not done anything wrong. But at the end of the day; IMO they really just care about our $$$ and not us; so in reality we def should not be beholden to them – most if not all dancers will have no qualms about dropping a regular custie (or put them way down on the pecking order) who could not spend anymore on them (or spend well); so if they will drop us; why are we going to be strictly monogamous to them.

It often appears as if some of these dancers have a tighter control on a custie (and his wallet) than a wife/S.O.

Dancers know the deal; they don’t expect a custie (really his wallet) to just be theirs and only theirs forever (or at least as long at they are dancing); they just hope that would be the case.

The only way one can get to be w/ other dancers is for one to do the approaching b/c then you are the one soliciting them and them not you (even then they may not dance for you; but if you are the one asking; then *you* are the one making the choice).

"I agree. Will hate ending it but that may be what needs to happen. If nothing else it may improve our interactions as she tried to win me back. It's my cash they are after. It is funny to see some of the ss that goes on though. "

I've had at least one regular girl like that, she'd take me for granted, I'd pay a bit more attention to some of the other girls, she'd pay more attention to me again. In retrospect, I was too close and smitten with the original girl, and the fact that I played games to continue winning her attention was a bad sign. I regret not cut baiting and moving on the moment I felt I wasn't being treated the way I wanted to be, a mistake I won't repeat.

Some good advice on here.

Trying a different club for a while is probably the easiest and cleanest way.

Or, if you really like the club, go on nights if she is a day girl, or vice versa. Or, even stop in at the club, take a quick look around and if she is working, make a quick exit and say you were only stopping in for "one drink". If she's not working, stick around and get to know the other girls working.

If you know she usually works Mon, Weds, Fri. Go on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

You get the idea.

I gotcha. A lot if good advice. I'll probably take an extended break and or switch clubs. Sadly I became her regular because I liked her looks and dances best. There was another I really liked but she moved to PR. Wish she would come back.

When I started going to strip clubs, I did like my favorite who was all over me as soon as she found out I was in the club. I think she literally dropped whomever she might have been with to get to me as quick as possible. It was fun for a while. Then I started to feel smothered. She even chased off another new dancer I was talking to coming right up saying she knew me. She didn't know me that good. We never had sex. We never even had gone out at that point.

On occassion I visited when she typically didn't work. On a couple of occassions I found out her friends called her and told her I was there and she drove to the club to work just because I was there. In hind site she did have some feelings for me.

I am more familiar with signs a dancer is getting attached to me and sometimes it scares me when I find out money is not her number one goal. It can leave you scratching your head if she doesn't want money. Also the dancers can be a lot harder to get away from if you don't want anything to do with them. I remember one dancer who refused to take no for an answer argued with me for 15 minutes until I got up and left her at the table. She apparently took things too hard sitting in a corner the rest of the night. I never saw her again. She must have been new. Most dancers just leave and then come back after a few minutes if they really want to keep coming back. That was several years ago but I can imagine the same thing can happen to other guys in their twenties or around the same age as the dancers.

Sadly dancers usually have expiration dates. Best to get what you can before they go bad!!

All this shit is why I don't become a regular of a dancer.

Papi stated, "Even though we know it; we sometimes forget; or it’s not in the forefront of our minds; that they (dancers) don’t’ want us; they want our $$$."

What is really nice is the rare occasion when this is not true. It does happen, but rare. I know it has with me, and I know others here and not here that have had a relationship minus the $$$.

Politely approach other dancers and ask for a dance. Won't work with the diehards, they don't think property can decide for itself when it's no longer property. What can you say, humanity is a ocean of stupid, you just try to keep swimming and hope to hit some islands.

after re-reading your posts, i think i know where you're getting at.

well, one thing for sure is that you've reached the limit of what she can give. throwing more money won't do it. and i have no idea how you can make her dearer to you.

perhaps give her a ring?