What should I include in a review?

Posted by TUSCL Founder:


founder

Joined: Jun 1988

Clubs Reviewed: 0
Total Reviews: 0Review Submission Guide
Posted January 1, 2008

Give a LOT of details in your review (club layout, atmosphere, dance quality, etc.). Be wordy. Fill the review box. One or two sentence reviews aren't helpful to anyone.

Content and length are the two most important factors to consider. Your review should be at least 2 solid paragraphs, with 7-10 sentences each. The first paragraph should describe the club, the second should describe the dancers. You should also summarize with one or two sentences saying whether or not you would return to the club, and why.

When describing the club, mention cleanliness, costs (cover, dance, alcohol), thug factor, vibe, music level, dj annoyance factor, etc.

Remember to be honest. When describing the dancers mention looks, attitude, ethnicity, hustle factor. You can also go into detail of the private dances. Just be careful not to mention names if it may get your ATF in trouble.

Spelling, grammar, and punctuation count. Do not use ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! When composing a review, I suggest you do it in a word processing program, then cut and paste it to tuscl AFTER you spell check it.

Basically think about what you would like to know from your good buddy about a strip club you've never been to. Think about the business traveler that is sitting in his hotel room with only time enough to hit one club in this new town. Let him know why or why not he should visit a particular club.

As for gow far back should you go, that depends on how many reviews the club has. If they are few and far betweeb then no longer than a couple of months past. Otherwise recent is more valuable.

Read a bunch that are NOT just 1 short paragraph. There is no set rules. What you mentioned is a reasonable start.

Founder's guidelines are very good. Basically, tell us why we should/shouldn't visit that club when we're in the area. DO NOT say "Nina gives one awesome BBBJ", but you might hint that some level of extras may be available in the club. Just don't give club mgmt or local LE reason to punish the objects of your affection.

Whether or not she swallowed.

The decor, parking, and other physical attributes are less important. First look to see if those have been covered by others in earlier reviews. I suggest you concentrate on your trip that night as it relates to the dancers mostly. Some of the other club personnel may be significant too: deejay, waitresses, managers, bouncers, but less emphasis on them is recommended.

The parking could be mentioned if it is problem or if cars have been vandalized in the past. I would want to know I risk getting my car broken into or vandalized if I visit a location. Otherwise if parking is free or not a problem at all, that's about all I need to know about the parking lot. More important are the dancers and how they treated you and how they look. If I want to visit one club if I visit the area, will I know if this club is what I'm looking for? How much do dances cost? what do the dancers look like? Is it a high mileage club or nothing but air dances or one way contact?

Did you have fun or would you return? Are there dancers working who ripped you off ,rob, or did they start dancing half way through a song and charge you full price? Who did that? I consider it ok to list club names of dancers who rip off customers. I consider it ok to list other dancer names but I wouldn't list anything specific for the dancer that might get her watched by the club unless of course she ripped you off.

Oh, put spaces between lines every 3 or 4 lines of text. It makes it a lot easier to read with gaps.

I tend to agree with Club_Goer, though if the parking is valet or sucks that might be worth mentioning, but for the most part decor and parking aren't really worth filling up paragraphs over. The things to focus on:

1. What do things cost (Cover, drink prices, LD, CR/VIP, tipping expectations)? This is important in assessing the relative value of the place and the cash burn rates.

2. How many dancers were there and what was the quality? This is extremely valuable as it lets us know what to expect if we go and may even help us determine if we go at all.

3. What was your experience there and was the place fun? This could encompass all sorts of things, such as whether the place seemed very open or controlled, what happened (generally) in the LD/CFR/VIP, the attitudes of the girls you dealt with, etc.

4. Was there some quirky or unusual thing that you saw while you were there? This is hard to quantify, but you know it when you see it. For example, the Outhouse in Lawrence, KS, has a practice where guys lay back on the stage with dollars in their mouths and dancers pick them up with their pussies. These types of tidbit often add a lot of flavor/color to the review.

Just my two cents and good luck.

Generally the longer the better. The only stuff I hate is shit like "I went to McDonald's before the club and they forgot the pickles on my quarter-pounder". Just stick to stuff related to the club. I like reviews that say there are so many pretty spinners, so many hot busty dancers, so many girls with a booty like Kim K's, etc.. A lot more helpful than "a couple 8's and a bunch of 6-7's".

Is smoking allowed in the club? Some guys can't go home smelling of smoke.

What color are the walls and the carpet? Have they followed the best Feng shui practices relative to the placement of the bar and stages? Does the bouncer have one of those big village people mustaches?

I would primarily stick to what qualities the dancers had and what qualities the dances had. I would think that would go without saying. Non-dancing personnel can be talked about, but I wouldn't focus on that unless you got kicked out or something. Secondary stuff like location and decor has probably been covered, so that's not important. To use rickdugan's example of the Out House in Lawrence, KS, everyone (including me once, probably) likes to mention it's in the middle of a corn field and down a gravel road. It really is in the middle of a corn field and down a gravel road, but everyone wrote it already, so you don't have to mention that.

I'd also try to read some recent reviews and if there is something not covered in them, write about that. In my most recent review of the Playhouse in Council Bluffs, IA, I wrote probably more about their renovations than anything because it is new and no one previously wrote about it and stuff like that does leave an impression about the club, probably more than most people here think. Of course, if no one wrote a review about a club in the last year or more, you may have to write about everything.

I generally only report on the details of the parking, layout, etc if I found them different from previous reviews.