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Sometimes I am reminded that I am a PL too

avatar for tusclfix
tusclfix
Kentucky
I travel alot and visit many clubs. But there is this one club that I visit almost every week and am considered a 'regular'.

In this club I have an ATF for about a year now. I don't do OTC nor extras with this ATF but I enjoy her company. Feels like I can have an intelligent and sincere conversation with her. Sometimes I tip her much for hanging out with me and sometimes I tip her nothing, or spend more of my time with others, yet she never pushes or complains.

And I never get SS with her. We talk about people, news, tv, whatever.

One time I told her that of all the clubs and people I've met in over a decade, that I found her the most mature and pleasant.

But, just this week I found out she's a heavy drug user. Normally, this wouldn't surprise me with dancers but it surprised me with her. I just did not expect it with the way she carried herself and the way she looked healthy.

Anyway, it is not like I planned to marry this girl. More likely I or she would have just stopped showing up at some point as many dancer / custie relationships go. And if that had happened, I wouldn't have been the least bit concerned. But as things turned out I feel extremely down about the situation.

I'm not sure how I feel about tipping her or talking to her now. Should it matter? I don't know. I feel like if I talk to her I'm going to get the urge to 'fix' or help her which is not in my playbook.

Guess I am a PL after all. Guess I'll give it a break for now.

19 comments

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avatar for Alucard
Alucard
•
12 years ago
How did you discover this? Did you ask her? Did she tell you or did someone else? If someone else, how do you know if this third person is being truthful?

If she is indeed an addict, it is her business IMO. Does her habit impact your relationship with her? Your decision is whether or not to continue seeing this person.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
•
12 years ago
As long as you're taking a break, maybe you could find time to do a review.
avatar for Alucard
Alucard
•
12 years ago
Six years without a review is a LONG time.
avatar for ButterMan
ButterMan
•
12 years ago
Yea I noticed that too!
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
•
12 years ago
Yea OP – been that you’ve been a member for 6 years and you “travel alot and visit many clubs” – you should have written some, if not many, reviews by now.

The only thing that struck me, in a bad way, about your thread was your comment:

“… I'm going to get the urge to 'fix' or help her …”

As almost *all* TUSCLers will tell you, that would be a BIG mistake with the end result often being that she will still be in the same position (mostly out of her own will/desire) and you may very well end up getting messed up, emotionally and financially. It is up to *her* to change herself – you will fail in a big and painful way if *you* try to do it.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
•
12 years ago
It seems this girl is still mature, intelligent, and interesting. But now you see the dark side. Will you trash this friendship because she's flawed? I'm hoping not, some day she'll need her friends to support her if she decides to get clean. You can be one of those who are there in her time of need.
avatar for Player11
Player11
•
12 years ago
A druggie will use your emotional involvement to drain your money. All that matters to them is the drugs. It is your business and you meet to regroup on this situation. Often these women have lost custody of any kids. The worst thing you could do is get her PG. Thee next worst thing is advance or give her money for services not rendered

If she is a viable project for low pop then there may be merit in seeing her but be careful. Otherwise it is best to dump her off.
avatar for tusclfix
tusclfix
•
12 years ago
Thanks for the comments. This wasn't so much a question as it is me just expressing my disappointment. I certainly am not going to try to 'fix' her even though I feel that way. I am just not sure if I am going to talk to her as much.

And yes, I need to get some reviews done (sorry).
avatar for gawker
gawker
•
12 years ago
My ATF told me of her longstanding heroin habit after our first CR. I was taken aback primarily because I'd never encountered it in my 6 decades. She explained her progression her many trips to rehab, her on again off again times with methadone and explained her dependent personality. She wanted me to be a regular but also wante
D honesty. Now, 4 years later I've seen her at her best, and I've driven her to a detox hospital at 3 am. I've watched her self destruct on crack and have seen 10's of thousands of dollars go into her arm. I trust her, I care for her, I enjoy intimacy with her but know I can never "fix" her. I get pissed when I see her relapse after a long climb up, but that is her issue.. I understand her problem, I want nothing but the best for her, and hope shell be a part of my life for a long time. I've talked with her boyfriend and her mother about whether I'm enabling her drug use when I pay/give her money. When she's desperate, she'll do whatever it takes to get what she " needs". With or without me.
avatar for Club_Goer_Seattle
Club_Goer_Seattle
•
12 years ago
I concur with Papi and Che. Do you attempt to "fix" this girl. It will be beyond your ability and you'll regret it in the end. Some of us members have been down that road.
avatar for Ermita_Nights
Ermita_Nights
•
12 years ago
I've known a number of heroin addicts who function so well you'd never suspect. Some can even do this for years, but not into old age. Eventually most seem to either clean up or die.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
•
12 years ago
Discovering that this girl is a drug user after all that fun time together and feeling the way you do about it doesn't make you a PL. It makes you human. Enjoy the time that you can with her and if she ultimately crashes and burns at least you gave her some great conversation and shared an intimate friendship in the club.
avatar for sharkhunter
sharkhunter
•
12 years ago
I remember I was dissapointed when I found out one dancer seemed to have her foot in a little bit of the porn industry having sex and putting it on video and selling it online. I was thinking it's not my business unless I actually wanted to date her. I was thinking she probably didn't sell too much without a lot of marketing. It wasn't the first time a dancer told me about her web site. I was dissapointed because she had given me the impression she was like the girl next door and then suddenly, boom, she tells me she's trying to sell sex videos like it's an online hobby.

I do not approve of drug use either but I'm certainly not going to try to change anyone. I probably won't ever want to give a drug user a ride in my car anywhere either, since police have seized cars if drugs were found inside. Dancers can destroy a fantasy if they got you picturing them as a sweet girl next door type, then suddenly she blurts out something about selling sex videos or in another case drugs.
avatar for ilbbaicnl
ilbbaicnl
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12 years ago
We're brainwashed to come down hard on people who are heavy users (but still apparently functional) of cocaine or pot, but give a pass to people who are comparable users of alcohol. I'm more skeptical that people can be "manageably" heavy users of meth or heroin and other strong opiates, but it may be possible.
avatar for rickdugan
rickdugan
•
12 years ago
"I feel like if I talk to her I'm going to get the urge to 'fix' or help her which is not in my playbook."

I learned a long time ago, when I used to fuck around with bad girls in my dating life, that you cannot a broken person if she is not trying to be fixed. A girl like this won't take help from her family, a true SO, or really anyone else who is close to her. So how much influence do you really think that you will have as a strip club customer who is 2+ times her own age and is paying to see her tits and ass?

In the strip club, you need to accept or reject them as they are, because it is downright foolish to think that you can change any of them.
avatar for chairsky
chairsky
•
12 years ago
I agree most of the previous opinions, just enjoy her company, don't try to fix her.
avatar for Tiredtraveler
Tiredtraveler
•
12 years ago
Reviews are the reason the existence of this site. I try to review every club I go to at least once and then agian if something changes for thebetter or worse.
avatar for berge1
berge1
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12 years ago
I firmly agree with Bullwinkle...any relationship that starts with $100 bills has nowhere to go. My ATF was like that...addicted to Xanax and Alcohol. I tried to fix her, but didn't work. I finally cut off her $100 bill supply... she has actually become a prostitute to make up my lack of support. Last I heard she was gang raped by 10 guys at a bachelor party at the SC. From what I heard, she collected the money and went right back to work doing unprotected extras in the VIP. $40 BJ...$60 full service. What a
avatar for gsv
gsv
•
12 years ago
berge1 - that sounds insane, although weird because honestly xanax is kind of a pussy drug IMO. I would be more concerned about the fact that she is doing unprotected extras and all the shit that's going to cause. And I would not be surprised if this girl is up to way more than just xanax.

Anyway, it's possible to be a perfectly normal functioning person and use drugs sometimes recreationally. Especially if we are talking about a joke drug like marijuana.
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