My ATF just dumped me.
My ATF/CF just dumped me. In the club. Ouch.
The fact that it was a relatively rookie mistake, though I don't really consider myself a rookie anymore, bruises my ego even more.
In lieu of our normal meeting before her shift for some pre-work fun, we decided we would meet at the club, as I haven't been there in a few months. I arrived early and started chatting with a girl who has danced for me before, though not in at least a year. She convinced me to get a couple private dances, which were fun but clean. I thanked her and sent her on her way after two songs.
My ATF found out--how, I'm not exactly sure, but it doesn't matter--and flipped. Told me she never wants to see or hear from me again. I was able to apologize face to face, but it was clear to me that she is incredibly pissed.
I understand my offense. Something similar was discussed in a recent thread--whether it is wise or feasible to have multiple favorites at the same club.
But I'm not convinced the punishment fits the crime. What say you, my jury of TUSCL peers?
Many will say I should just chalk it up to crazy SS and move on. But in the end, if the punishment sticks, the worst part is that I've lost the opportunity to spend time with someone I really enjoyed.
The fact that it was a relatively rookie mistake, though I don't really consider myself a rookie anymore, bruises my ego even more.
In lieu of our normal meeting before her shift for some pre-work fun, we decided we would meet at the club, as I haven't been there in a few months. I arrived early and started chatting with a girl who has danced for me before, though not in at least a year. She convinced me to get a couple private dances, which were fun but clean. I thanked her and sent her on her way after two songs.
My ATF found out--how, I'm not exactly sure, but it doesn't matter--and flipped. Told me she never wants to see or hear from me again. I was able to apologize face to face, but it was clear to me that she is incredibly pissed.
I understand my offense. Something similar was discussed in a recent thread--whether it is wise or feasible to have multiple favorites at the same club.
But I'm not convinced the punishment fits the crime. What say you, my jury of TUSCL peers?
Many will say I should just chalk it up to crazy SS and move on. But in the end, if the punishment sticks, the worst part is that I've lost the opportunity to spend time with someone I really enjoyed.
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46 comments
I guess you'll just have to make another friend.
Another thought--in a week you former ATF could change her mind. As soon as she realizes you're spending money on other dancers, she may rethink her actions.
Crap like this is why I hate working with women.....although I also agree with GMS that people in general can be pretty wacked on any given day under the right set of circumstances - women in general terms seem to be really, really good at it. Even me.
mrs m00tpoint
I got really mad at a customer one time. I wrote him off completely. Then I went home and slept on it a few nights and realized in the whole scheme of things it could have been worse. I moved on and didn't hold a grudge. Luckily we took eachother back.
Usual arrangement: Real world = world where things are kind of fucked up or even pretty fucked up, and emotions are one of the reasons things are fucked up, but there are plenty of other reasons things get fucked up, too; strip club world = world where things are equally fucked up, but not because of fucked up emotions unless you let your emotions get fucked up, and then fucked-up emotions becomes one of the reasons that you let other things in strip club world get fucked up, too.
I suspect someone is not telling us the whole story. I would put the dancer in her place and might avoid her even if she asked for dances if she acted like that more than one night (it is often a week or two before I see dancers again).
In my opinion, this is why you never get attached to one dancer or favorite. You are giving into her and letting her run the show. This is not the way it should be. You're not married to her. It's your money. She's not even your girlfriend. She may pretend in the club but she is not. Well you could give into her but let her know you have other favorites so losing one favorite is just her loss. On the other hand maybe we aren't getting anywhere close to the full story and she has a good reason to be ticked off, that is until her rent or car payment or whatever is due and she needs money. Maybe she enjoys power over the guy and is enjoying making him feel punished. In that case he is enjoying a real girlfriend experience.
I hurts but only for a little while. Just get back on the horse. Will there ever be a third? Who knows.
Another favorite one night wanted to leave early with me but the manager told her she needed to stay until closing. I wanted to go. I had to get up for work in the morning. Anyway she got pissed off at the manager especially after the manager told her if she left early, don't come back. She told me let's go. It was 30 minutes until closing. She was pissed off at the manager. She said she worked there faithfully for 2 years and that was how she was treated.
Another dancer was pissed off at me for no good reason. Something about spending too much time with another dancer. She reasoned I must be sleeping with her too. Dancers can be crazy. After she calmed down the next time I saw her, she confided with me that she had been stalking me the whole time I was in the club that night watching me everywhere except the restroom. Then she kept making stupid comments periodically I guess believing she was boosting my ego. I thought her comments were stupid. She was really full of it.
As Rick and m00tpoint said, She was obviously already pulling back with the going from OTC to ITC. She was already tired of the arangement or her bf wanted her to end your arangement, or whatever, and she just used it as a excuse to pull the plug.
Unfortunately it doesn't leave you with any good options that I can think of.
There also could be simple explanations like she just had a whale of a bad day and your thing was the last straw.
If you really dig her I'd let the situation cool for a bit, approach her again later and if she shuts you down move on and don't look back. There WILL be others man.
Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wits end
You say your love is bona fide
But that don't coincide with the things that you do
And when I ask you to be nice, you say
You gotta be
Cruel to be kind in the right measure
Cruel to be kind it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind means that I love you
Baby, you gotta be cruel to be kind
Given the situation you describe, it's clear you both had a pretty good thing. An ATF can be a great thing. You know it, she knows it. IMO, this is worth salvaging. Here's what I would do (and even I'm not sure if this is the maddog or romeo side of me) - I'd wait until in and around Valentine's Day and then I'd do some things for her (you know the whole V Day bit). Send her Flowers to the club, etc. But clearly let her know (if this be true) that upon much reflection there's noone else you want to spend time with - just her. And arrange a club Valentine's Day or thereabouts Night for her....Let her know how much you want this, if you do....She just might respond favorably IMO....
Or, maybe she's really "forgetful." Give her another chance after a cooling-off period. If she's still irrational about it, you can probably find someone better and less crazy.
I have to remind myself that I am her employer, and not the other way around!
She got mad at me recently, and I stopped all contact for a while. During this period of time, I met a new ATF at another club. The new one is more open, and comes with no drama.
My old ATF starts calling and textIngr like crazy. We hooked up for free outside the club.
I will now always keep the ball in my court! Always try to have at least 2 ATFs. Believe me, they bullshit us like crazy, so you can do the same!!
Otherwise, you have all of the headaches of a girlfriend, while this woman never really is your girlfriend.
Also, it really may pay to have another ATF in another club, or you will continue to have lovely stripper drama!!