The worst thing to say to a stripper??!!

I got all this inheritance money but I still can't find a woman that likes me for me.

Sometimes, when I get very excited, I lose control of my bowels......

When a stripper told me that she was pregnant I actually asked her "Do you know who the father is?" She was quick to reply "My husband".

Here’s the keys to my new car.

I’m emotionally available…..

saying nothing

It's my first time in a strip club so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do or how much to tip.

You look just like your mother did at your age

I love you.

or will you marry me

My PIN# is...

hold my wallet while I go to the bathroom

I want you to be my girlfriend

No thanks...I'm waiting for Ashley.

Any idea what this rash is on my cock?

Can we split the cost of the VIP?

“You look like my daughter”

“There is no way you’re older than 15/16/17/18. Drink that (alcoholic beverage)”

“Your car is (insert whatever detail that indicates he was watching you earlier)”

“Is that you or me that stinks so bad?”

Also, any unsolicited advice probably ranks near the top of things not to say.

Things I've heard from nearby at the bar...

"It's been a while. Are you fatter?" (I actually had to step outside zone of collateral damage for that one.)

Guy: "Did you get a breast reduction?" Dancer: "Yes." Guy: "Shit, that's too bad. They don't look as good." (The dancer walked immediately to the dressing room without saying a word.)

Some guys like strip clubs, while others depend on strip clubs.

I overheard a long conversation where an Uber driver/PL described his day, fare by fare, and complained about his job. The dancer feigned interest. It was painful.

Come back after I've had a few drinks.

Are you pregnant?

I don’t get paid until tomorrow…can I write you an IOU on my napkin?

I’m very active on TUSCL

Maybe you should be paying me

It’s my birthday – can I get a free-dance? [LOL I actually read this somewhere a few years back about some broke mofo in a club; can’t recall if I read it on TUSCL or StripperWeb]

I herd a person at a table next to me say . I just shit my self.

^ We all believe you bang-ape. The person at the table next to you was Skifredo. Just read what he said above and believe him. ROAR!!!

The ATM just declined my card.

A dancer told me the other day that she looked like his dream for the mother of his babies and that if she wasn’t on birth control he’d pay 50 dollars to put his babies inside of her. Needless to say she was mega creeped after she realized he was serious.

@twentyfive:"You look just like your mother did at your age"

There are two locals that I know of (probably more, but...) that are daughters of former dancers. For one of them, it's a really good damned thing she doesn't look like her mother. Even when she was dancing, she wasn't above a 5. Daughter apparently takes after dad, because I don't see a resemblance. When mom told me that she was her daughter, I had to resist saying exactly that.

The other one is a dead ringer for her mom at that age, and she knows it, and is thankful, because mom is an absolute smoke show. The first time I saw her, she was on stage, and I had to stop and stare for a minute. After she came off stage, she came over and said "you knew my mom, didn't you?" I had to laugh and say yeah.

Do you smell something funky like fish or provolone?