Just wondering if any of you PLs have found yourselves falling for a dancer. In the last year, I have found myself infatuated with a 35 y/o Brazilian woman (I'm married and a lot older). I know intellectually that it's her job but somehow I let her get into my head. Any similar experiences and what did you do?
Infatuation is a short term emotional state unless you develop some sort of more serious mental illness. Keep giving her money, and eventually the infatuation will go away as the "routine" sets in.
If this infatuation is headed past your monetary limits then walk away cold turkey. Go pick up one of your older hobbies guns, woodworking, whatever. Dump money into that to help you replace the endorphin rush, and keep at that for a while until things fade.
Just wondering if any of you PLs have found yourselves falling for a dancer…
Any similar experiences and what did you do? Any similar experiences and what did you do?
A: Who hasn’t? It is just one of the facts of life in the bizarro world of Strip Clubs.
“High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction.
These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in love” that you can't eat and can't sleep.”
Now that you “have fallen in love” with a Brazilian woman/dancer/stripper YOU have to decide, in advance, if you are interested in her for an OTC “relationship”, as a one night stand, “escort”, sugar baby, girlfriend, future mother of your kids, kept woman, 🏆 trophy wife, dinner date, etc etc etc
In my humble opinion and limited experience OTC with sex (full service) happens maybe 50% of the OTC times, however the ultimate goal of a heterosexual healthy man is to have sex with a female he finds attractive.
Make sure you “pay her for her time and compassion” and everything else (sex) is something that happens because you both like each other and is not being paid for.
What other consenting adults do in the privacy of their OTC encounters should be nobody else business.
Yes, but it was way back in my 20s. What I did was ask her out. What happened (thankfully) is that she told me she nicely but firmly told me that she'd never date a customer and that I should find another dancer. Which was the best possible response, because she could have bled me dry.
Don't catch feelings for dancers. The odds are solidly against you.
I get fond to one degree or another of all my favs. In a healthy society, older people are supposed to help younger people do at least as well as they did. (Something we Boomers, at a macro level, have utterly failed at.) It's not for them to be supportive of me, it's for me to be supportive of them. Nonetheless, they have been supportive of me at times. It's not a problem until you start to expect it to be a long-term situation. If you keep in mind that it's almost certain she'll just be a good memory at some point, fondness is fine.
I'm not qualified to be the love of any woman's life. I prefer sex with a young, healthy woman who just wants my money, over sex with an older or unhealthy woman with whom I have an emotional bond.
I kinda did with my 1st lap dancer, but then I found tuscl, and read a dozen times that it ain't real. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the memories. But don't do that 😕.
I waited until my fifties before I started going to strip clubs. I was aware from the beginning that the age gap was too big between me and the strippers for us to have an outside the club relationship. The exception would be a sugar daddy relationship and I wasn't interested in that.
That doesn't mean I have no feelings for my regulars. I went to visit a favorite regular one time and was told when I got there by the other strippers that she had a severe asthma attack and died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. When I was driving back home, I felt quite miserable and unhappy about it. I treat my regulars kindly, don't ask them to do anything that might get them fired and spend my money on them in the club. I think it is important, though, not to try and jump in and rescue them when they get themselves in trouble. I got in trouble several times when I was young, and it was a good learning experience for me.
Thanks for all your comments. Yes, I know it's her job and I do enjoy the attention. Overall I can sum up the good advice which is enjoy it but realize what's real, it's a job and maybe she is really good at it. Intellectually I know that. Definitely not looking for an OTC relationship. Over the years when I was a lot younger I had numerous serial affairs (not with SC dancers) and it is just too complicated at this point in my life. Plus young women are not throwing themselves at me which is why the SC environment suits my needs.
if you've been engaging at this hobby for several years now and replied that you've never fell for at least one of these girls you're full of shit. it's ok as there should be no shame if it did happen.
@rattdog, been doing this hobby for a long long time but honestly this is the first time I can remember that a dancer has gotten into my head although I have definitely had my favs. What can I say? Maybe I have a short memory lol.
It happens now and again. Just ride it out and don't do anything too stupid. Unless of course the money is becoming an issue, at which point you need to walk away and shake it off.
It happens every time I see a new dancer that has this aura, charisma, and personality to make me empty my wallet and not think twice. The lust and desire is strong. But to say I love her means I love her unconditionally which I cannot do knowing she is doing this same thing with other customers and possibly has a boyfriend that she is with.
@dha never could understand the this blanket condemnation of strippers. Takes PLs + strippers to make a strip club, hypocrisy for either to think they're better than the other. Any sales/marketing job has a strong tendency to make you manipulative. If woman can either a) make $15 an hour and send her kids to a school where they'll learn nothing, or b) strip so they can go to a better school, does it really make a woman a bad person to pick b? Marriages in the past were "stable" because generally the man had the woman by the short and curlies (which she didn't shave off back then). Not because they use to all be "good" girls who idolized their man. Women now just have the freedom to be as sleezy as we men are. I haven't noticed strippers, on average as a group, are clearly more sleezy than people in general.
Stripper or not, the problem with healthy love is that people try to get it without giving it. You'll probably get it from your mom, maybe your dad. Beyond that, the odds of it happening get very long.
@ilbbaicni - I have a lot of respect for the skills strippers. Just think allowing yourself to completely allow yiurself to fall in love with someone with these skills, prior experiences, and potential to continue using those skills, is, in general, a mistake.
I fall in love with multiple strippers everytime I enter a club and they fall in love with me. Lol
But, it's short-term and ends when I leave. Then, they find soneone else to love.
@dha my favs pull in their claws once they realize they I don't expect anything from them that they're not going to give me. Not all people who learn to manipulate do it compulsively. When I was 19, I met a stripper at a house party. I would have asked her out if she hadn't told me she had a boyfriend. (In spite of the foot high 80s hair lol.) It's mainly the age difference, why I don't allow myself to get ideas about a relationship with a stripper now.
To all: I'm not a stupid guy and do not want a relationship. It's just that this woman has gotten into my head. I certainly don't love her but I think about her a lot. Also @dha would love to go on a sexcation but as @Papi_Chulo noted, my wife would not approve.
Rob - Nobody is criticizing you for catching feelings. We've all been there. We are simply cautioning you against the pitfalls.
You will have a bumpy road ahead of you if don't get out ahead of this. If you've caught feelings, the best approach is to cut all ties with her. Otherwise, you will end up even deeper in the situation, and will be clawing your way out of it for months, and it will become increasingly damaging, both emotionally and financially.
@funonthaside I totally get what you're saying. Thanks. @ilbbaicnl Yeah, I get that. Can't say I'm longing for her. I think it's just the way she makes me feel, but I know, I know, it's her job and she is good at it. I think talking about this has been good. Thanks to all.
I may be having the reverse problem currently. Probably just SS, but it comes across as genuine that she thinks I'm the best option she has. I told her not to write guys the right age off so quickly. Just drive yourself to dates, don't tell them where you live, until you've got a strong feeling they're trustworthy. She doesn't wait for big tips to try to boyfriend me. But I have been tipping her well. So maybe she know to let me got a good nibble on the worn, before setting the hook.
There seems to be interest in this topic so I thought a little context might be good to add. The first LD I did with her I had my thumb on her clit and she was pushing hard and became sweaty and breathing hard. I think we did 5 0r 6 LD. When we left I said next time VIP. So in VIP she stood on the couch and straddled my face for some DATY. After about 10 min her knees buckled and she was again sweaty and breathing hard, . She then rubbed her pussy on my dick till I came. As we were leaving she said" next time bring a condom". Next time, same DATY, then BBBJ then she slipped on the condom for FS. After that just some cuddling and chat. It's been like that for nearly a year (except when she went back to Brazil.) No tip given or asked.
Feels aren't the problem, it's when either of both starts to expect/feel entitled to getting something in the future from the other. Doesn't sound like this is an issue.
After a year I would think that you'd be desensitizing to her by now. Are you an infrequent visitor?
If she's sucking and fucking ITC, then maybe thinking about how many other guys she is servicing in a day will cool your ardor some. Maybe also look for another girl to give you a little ass to help you shake it off.
I do change it up a bit with other girls, but I see her maybe a couple times a month. And yes I have thought about the other guys she's servicing. I know it's a job. But anyway, good advice. Thanks.
Rob, you're a braver man than me, and that saying something. I'll do almost anything, but even I won't go down on a girl who is servicing a bunch of other guys that very same night.
I have fallen in love with one dancer over the years, and infatuation/limerence with a couple others over the years. I am one of the few people who don't mind what they do, even ITC/OTC. People have a habit of opening up to me and dancers are no exception. Probably around 80% that I see repeatedly end up telling me their life story and I enjoy listening. I don't try to solve their problems or get involved, other than paying them well for services and tipping well. But I'm also married and in a difficult marriage. So I try to avoid getting too attached nowadays and I let girls know my situation right away because I have had a few young ones get attached to me and then become very depressed when I don't leave my wife and get a divorce. If I'm lucky, I'll be free from marriage by the time my kids graduate and then I could have a better relationship, but for now I look for the more emotionally mature girls who are able to make a connection and share with me, but understands its just about money or something advantageous for her, and affection, dances, love, kissing ,sex, whatever she is willing to trade comfortably. I'm not trying to come off as arrogant. Of course most dancers are just there to make money and have a good time as much as they can and aren't going to get attached to me. I'm only referring to the few edge cases of maybe 3 out of hundreds. I always try to find a girl I like, treat her well, and then leave her alone. Most girls want my phone# and try to keep in touch texting with me and I don't mind it. I generally only text them back when they text me, because I don't want to be that annoying guy. Anyway, good luck, let us know what happens. The odds are slim, but you might have met the one.
One of my favorite dancers in Miami from years past is a beautiful cuban girl who is married also. We have a really good connection and no expectations for anything more than ITC.
I recently met someone really special in Miami who I could really fall in love with, but again, I can't offer her anything in the way of a real relationship. I can only offer money, advice, my company, conversation, maybe a nice trip somewhere, dinner, backrubs, sex. I wish things were different, but they aren't.
@rickdugan you say brave some might say stupid lol. @forwardspirit I went through my first marriage with multiple affairs (long term) and one night stands too numerous to count. My current wife knows all about my past but not my current interest in clubbing. It may be twisted but it seemed better that an affair with a civie that could get emotionally complicated and at 76 I certainly do not want to change my current situation even though there has been no sex at home for over 10 years. So the girls at the clubs scratch that itch and I have not really gotten emotionally involved with any except for the current one. But I am realistic about it. It is her job and I have no illusions about it. Thank you to all who have commented. This is just not something I want to or can discuss with anyone.
I did a lot in my 20's. It was in a period after I had moved and I didn't really know anyone in that area yet. FWIW, many years later, I met one of those dancers at a different club and got some extras in the deal.
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If this infatuation is headed past your monetary limits then walk away cold turkey. Go pick up one of your older hobbies guns, woodworking, whatever. Dump money into that to help you replace the endorphin rush, and keep at that for a while until things fade.
I will play along and comment on your discussion:
Q: Falling in Love (or lust) with a dancer…
Just wondering if any of you PLs have found yourselves falling for a dancer…
Any similar experiences and what did you do? Any similar experiences and what did you do?
A: Who hasn’t? It is just one of the facts of life in the bizarro world of Strip Clubs.
“High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction.
These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia – which means you actually can be so “in love” that you can't eat and can't sleep.”
Now that you “have fallen in love” with a Brazilian woman/dancer/stripper YOU have to decide, in advance, if you are interested in her for an OTC “relationship”, as a one night stand, “escort”, sugar baby, girlfriend, future mother of your kids, kept woman, 🏆 trophy wife, dinner date, etc etc etc
In my humble opinion and limited experience OTC with sex (full service) happens maybe 50% of the OTC times, however the ultimate goal of a heterosexual healthy man is to have sex with a female he finds attractive.
Make sure you “pay her for her time and compassion” and everything else (sex) is something that happens because you both like each other and is not being paid for.
What other consenting adults do in the privacy of their OTC encounters should be nobody else business.
Good look and remember
Pics and Vids or it didn’t happen.
:D
Don't catch feelings for dancers. The odds are solidly against you.
I'm not qualified to be the love of any woman's life. I prefer sex with a young, healthy woman who just wants my money, over sex with an older or unhealthy woman with whom I have an emotional bond.
I kinda did with my 1st lap dancer, but then I found tuscl, and read a dozen times that it ain't real. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the memories. But don't do that 😕.
That doesn't mean I have no feelings for my regulars. I went to visit a favorite regular one time and was told when I got there by the other strippers that she had a severe asthma attack and died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. When I was driving back home, I felt quite miserable and unhappy about it. I treat my regulars kindly, don't ask them to do anything that might get them fired and spend my money on them in the club. I think it is important, though, not to try and jump in and rescue them when they get themselves in trouble. I got in trouble several times when I was young, and it was a good learning experience for me.
Can't imagine anyone feeling that way about a stripper. Think about how rediculous that is.
Nope, never. Not ever. At all. Never happened.
Stripper or not, the problem with healthy love is that people try to get it without giving it. You'll probably get it from your mom, maybe your dad. Beyond that, the odds of it happening get very long.
I fall in love with multiple strippers everytime I enter a club and they fall in love with me. Lol
But, it's short-term and ends when I leave. Then, they find soneone else to love.
Take a few trips, if you have not already. This should help put things in perspective for you.
However, if he is not an experienced traveler, it would advisable to find and go with an experienced wingman.
For OP try this link:
Costaricaticas.com. Pretty sure you can find a reliable wingman there.
Or, maybe someone on this board would be willing to show you the ropes.
You will have a bumpy road ahead of you if don't get out ahead of this. If you've caught feelings, the best approach is to cut all ties with her. Otherwise, you will end up even deeper in the situation, and will be clawing your way out of it for months, and it will become increasingly damaging, both emotionally and financially.
An H-E-B gift card and she'll be putty in your hands dha.
If she's sucking and fucking ITC, then maybe thinking about how many other guys she is servicing in a day will cool your ardor some. Maybe also look for another girl to give you a little ass to help you shake it off.
But I'm also married and in a difficult marriage.
So I try to avoid getting too attached nowadays and I let girls know my situation right away because I have had a few young ones get attached to me and then become very depressed when I don't leave my wife and get a divorce. If I'm lucky, I'll be free from marriage by the time my kids graduate and then I could have a better relationship, but for now I look for the more emotionally mature girls who are able to make a connection and share with me, but understands its just about money or something advantageous for her, and affection, dances, love, kissing ,sex, whatever she is willing to trade comfortably.
I'm not trying to come off as arrogant. Of course most dancers are just there to make money and have a good time as much as they can and aren't going to get attached to me. I'm only referring to the few edge cases of maybe 3 out of hundreds. I always try to find a girl I like, treat her well, and then leave her alone. Most girls want my phone# and try to keep in touch texting with me and I don't mind it. I generally only text them back when they text me, because I don't want to be that annoying guy.
Anyway, good luck, let us know what happens. The odds are slim, but you might have met the one.
really good connection and no expectations for anything more than ITC.
I recently met someone really special in Miami who I could really fall in love with, but again, I can't offer her anything in the way of a real relationship. I can only offer money, advice, my company, conversation, maybe a nice trip somewhere, dinner, backrubs, sex. I wish things were different, but they aren't.