Johnny Depp’s Testimony Of Amber Heard Pooping In His Bed

Me no chag extwa fo poopie poopie in bed. America Chinese food giv me shirts

Amber Heard accused Depp of being physically abusive. He knows that if she successfully pins that on him his career is over, so he is trying to disprove that in court. He doesn't look very good with all his dirty laundry being aired in public but that's better than the alternative.

I knew a guy in high school that had some kind of dispute with another dude. Instead of fighting him, he stuck his hand down his pants, shit in his own hand, and threw it at him. The guy turned to run away and he hit him right in the back of the neck. It went all inside his shirt collar and down his back. Nobody ever fucked with that dude again.

@misterorange he was a Chinese kid named Hu Flung Pu, right?

Based on what I’ve seen, neither Amber nor Johnny are looking good as this trial continues to air dirty laundry.

Johnny looks like a bloated Keith Richards. He has an odd accent too. His slow speech has almost a British affect. He’s unrecognizable compared to his days on 21 Jump Street.

At least Amber looks cute. I’d fuck her, even if she drops a deuce in my bed.

Nah, he was a white guy named Ken. Another time he took a piss from the balcony in the auditorium, all over the seats below... 5 minutes before an assembly.

Misterorange there are two types nobody wants to get near - a dude flinging poop - and a naked guy running for you.

We used to call the poop throwing a crazy monkey.

It’s always a guy with a normal name.

I remember a kid who got tossed from Junior High for masturbating to completion in science class. He was very interested in a girl - and showing her a jizz covered hand and pants didn’t go over very well. The science teacher wasn’t impressed either!

Man, I bet NJBalla didn't anticipate how this thread would devolve! Haha.

I went to college with a guy (also normal name: Bill) whose nickname was "The Mad Pisser". His reputation was that he'd piss anywhere, anytime, especially if it was on a dare. We went to a 24hr supermarket at like 3am and he pissed all over the cookies in the cookie aisle.

Aside from his talent and unshy bladder - the nickname of The Mad Pisser is excellent!

I lived with a bunch of buddies a few years after college - and one was a bit off. We had a few folks over - and one girl was in the bathroom. He decided to go under a pine tree on the front lawn. If he only had to pee, it would likely have been fine. But shitting on the front lawn in view of the neighbors didn’t go over so well.

Haha that's fucked up. But I guess when ya gotta go ya gotta go. Lol

Cashman: “At least Amber looks cute. I’d fuck her, even if she drops a deuce in my bed.”

Judging from some of his past posts, I’m guessing Cashman would fuck her ESPECIALLY if she would drop a deuce in his bed.

@MO lmao nobody is fucking with a shit thrower

When I was a kid we dared a guy to take a dump from a tree we used to climb. About 20 feet up there was a branch that was like a "Y" that he used as a toilet seat.

The next door neighbor was a real scumbag, everybody in town hated this guy, adults and kids, but especially the kids. He was the kind of asshole that if a ball went in his yard he'd confiscate it and refuse to give it back. So we picked up my buddy's shit with rubber gloves and wrote curse words on the guy's house, like "fuck you" and "eat shit". Then we stuffed the shitty gloves in his mailbox, all in between pieces of mail.

This takes the line "No matter how beautiful she is, or how perfect she seems, someone somewhere is tired of her shit" to another level!



^
No doubt!

@misterorange LOL, I guess we all have a story. Mine was waiting in traffic and this woman gets out of her car drops her pants and this huge log of shit drops out of her pajama bottoms. She then drives over it and speeds off. I have seen people run over squirrels and hit small animals, but nothing turned my stomach like that.

There was also the superintended in NJ who had a habit of shitting under HS bleachers on his morning run.
https://www.nj.com/monmouth/2019/05/ex-n…

^^ It sounds like this happened multiple times. I wonder if he carried toilet paper in anticipation of taking a shit behind the bleachers.

NJBalla - I witnessed something similar - but just after getting off the GWB on the NJ side - where there are two sets of lanes - express and local. As I was driving I noticed a woman squatting in the express shoulder - and depositing a turd. It was impressive as that is a busy location - and there were cars passing her on both sides!

I may have honked my horn - to let her know of my appreciation for her boldness.

I remember that superintendent story from several years ago. He doesn’t dispute the charges. He was just concerned about the release of his mug shot.

Damn you jersey guys take shit to a whole new level !

cashman and Njballa. I know a dancer that will accommodate you if you want to explore that kink.

Amber may be BSC but she's fine AF and can take a shit in my bed anytime she wants.

@docsavage: "He doesn't look very good with all his dirty laundry being aired in public but that's better than the alternative."

It's called "reactive abuse". Like the bullied kid finally beating the shit out of the bully, or an abused woman snapping and killing her abuser. Mostly nobody questions <em>those</em> examples of reactive abuse, but I've seen more than one person on line claiming that it makes Depp no better than Heard.

Using the term "reactive abuse" is a bit dodgy in my opinion, as it seems to be trying to shift blame to the victim for "overreacting" or some stupid shit like that.

@25 - Oh yeah, I got a bunch of shit stories.

On a college road trip, me and a few other guys were staying at a big hotel. We got so fucked up that we were just wandering around sneaking into "employee-only" areas at like 3am. We got hungry and went into a kitchen for one of the restaurants, looking for food. We found some steaks in the walk-in fridge, so we fired up the grill and had about three each. Then we raided a fridge full of pies and cakes, and what we didn't eat we threw all over the kitchen.

So we're about to get the fuck out of there when one guy decides to drop his pants and shit in one of those giant restaurant pots. Then he takes a magic marker and writes "Wash Me" on the side of the pot. I guess he just wasn't satisfied with a free steak dinner, had to give them a little extra "fuck you" before he left.

@k I don’t even like the mess with women when it’s that time of the month. I have heard rumors that Instagram models that visit Dubai for free get all expenses paid because sheikhs pay them to shit in thier chest. No video of evidence but people discussing it below

https://youtu.be/3UITD7ikQr8

When I was acting like more of a fool (than I have been acting recently), I had a fuck friend who wasn’t the most clean woman.

I’m not sure if it was booze related, but we were both heavy drinkers at the time, and little mattered to me.

She really seemed to love anal sex. But, she wasn’t good with maintenance in that area. She also leaked after I would ass fuck her a few times. If she stopped by my house, I’d put towels over the sofa cushions, as she would leak through her thongs, and make a mess.

^^ Damn dude... you shoulda fucked her outside on the grass and then hosed her off.

Cashman, you should have plugged her up, let the plug get dirty instead of your own organ. But given your extreme love of filth- I doubt you cared either way!

Lol is it any surprise that the most comments in this thread are from jersey? Two funny clips to wind your day down with

Joey Diaz Shits in the Shower (He would still be doing it if his wife didnt catch him)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb9WLPQu…
Joey Diaz Shit Storie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n28f0j9…

@NJBalla

I've heard of that Dubai thing too. Apparently it's called being a "porta potty". Just Google: Dubai Porta Potty

I'd post a link, but some of the websites that come up are so dubious I wouldn't want to be responsible if someone's computer got infected or they ended up on a list somewhere! It's some pretty sick stuff and doesn't only involve getting "shit on". Some of these girls claim to have gotten shit straight into their mouth, had hardcore sex with camels and dogs, or got paid to let these guys beat the hell out of them. One got beat up so bad she couldn't post anything on her Instagram for a month.

Some guy even claims to be an "agent" who can make these kind of arrangements.

NJBalla those clips are great!

lol @cash, back in my days when i would club often I would listen to joey to and from the club. His strip club stories are the best

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86CHQDra…

Fuck I should have known not to read this thread after seeing Cashman post in it.

Another good one. They need to do a Joey Diaz strip club compilation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4NS-TER…

This thread took a turn off the topic!

I have a question. Isn’t Depo from Kentucky? Why is he speaking like he’s from The UK and I don’t mean the University if Kentucky!!!

Sounds like they were both miserable drugged drunks, they just took all celebrities down a few pegs on the credibility scale.

I never found Amber Heard too attractive. For some reason, she, Emily Blunt, and Blake Lively all group together in my opinion. I think I now owe the other two an apology. Amber is one batshit crazy bitch. If Johnny Depp has been cancelled for spousal abuse, she deserves to be equally ostracized.

Although, with a net worth of $600M USD, I think Johnny can retire to an island with Nick Cage and Gary Busey and be fine. Just give them weekly boat shipments of strippers and coke. Most successful reality show ever!

As for caprophilia stories, it was one of our better-travelled posters -Sinclair or BabyDoc- who censored himself by mentioning that the Germans were sick fucks when it comes to sex and left it with that. I'd bet they have some stories to top anything here.

NJBalla - Thank you for those links - those were very interesting to listen to. Those guys are very funny - but they also have great life experiences and deep knowledge.

They say opposites attract, but in this case the two involved are equally ducked up, and likely fed off each other’s craziness.

Its an Amber turd I heard

Aside from actual train wrecks, the term "train wreck" was invented for stuff like this.

Scrub is searching for the silver lining - or the brown lining - in this bizarre celeb story!

The latest headlines are that a forensic psychiatrist (for the prosecution/Depp) has diagnosed Heard with Bipolar Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder, and as NOT having PTSD. There's also mounting testimony that she is the violent aggressor, not Depp.

I ain't gonna lie, I am very gladdened to see a man being exonerated and turning the tables on a lying, conniving, bitch, and exposing her for the toxic behavior she falsely accused him of. I was once falsely accused of sexual harassment. I was exonerated, but the liars who conspired against me suffered no consequences. It is good that she can be taken to task and held accountable.

Desertscrub, good posts in this thread!
The info is valuable

amber alert redefined or amended.

i'm just trying to imagine being in her shoes and thinking on how much she really had to hate that guy for her to literally shit the bed. not to mention that she somehow cause the guy to also lose a part of a finger, yakuza-like.

Both miserable drugged drunks seems like a fair assessment

Cashman-after seeing your filthy comments in this thread it’s clear that you’re a master of anal destruction! That’s a crazy, and nasty story you mentioned earlier. It was your tolerance of filth that allowed you to chug through that scenario. Most people would have passed out at the first signs of leakage.

I think Depp perjured himself in the original clip - as I don’t believe he reads books.

Unless it’s a book about how many bracelets, chains, rings, and earrings an aging actor should wear while trying to sound British.

@Cash - I think he's going for more of a Scottish accent. Kind of sounds like Sean Connery. Lol

misterorange - that’s a good point. Could he be thinking of auditioning for an upcoming James Bond role? Maybe James Bond’s brother who became a freaky pirate?

I don't understand how to successful people can behave like that. Neither one needed the other. It's not like either wasn't financially independent. It's not like either one could not have found a new mate in a heartbeat. If your relationship is such a toxic, explosive, irreparable wreck, why would you not simply dissolve it and move on free and unencumbered?

She works for me now driving da shit truck and she gives me $5 lapperz