Saw this post, which I thought was interesting .
I really doubt anything like this would ever take off, ever. But it was an interesting thought on there. More interesting than “OMG what should my stage name be” anyways
Feel free to make guesses of how fellow tuscl members would be reviewed as well.
I've been told I have yhe perfect strip club etiquette. I don't touch don't ask for extras. Tip well and treat stripper hoes with respect. Girls rather get wasted with me than work and my charm gets me in their g strings lulz
Nah they really like me. They like touching my body drinking with me. Feel safe. I have great luck with them. I go to clubs for fun not to fondle strangers snd troll for sex and I'm not broke and I give them free game. They love my realness
“I turned and ran as fast as I could”
something along those lines
What dancers say to my face and what they would say about me to other dancers would probably be somewhat different. I don't think they would be as hostile towards the customers, including me, as they appear on stripper websites like Stripper Web because a lot of that is them blowing off steam. They have to be nicer than they want to be to the customers when they are around so in reaction to that they are harsher towards the customers when they are not around. Their real view of customers is probably halfway between one extreme and the other.
What the dancers say to me is I'm less pervy and more respectful than other customers and I never cause them any problems. This is probably true about me not causing problems because my parents said I never caused them any problems growing up and my boss at work says, unlike my coworkers, I never cause her any problems. Dancers also say I look younger than my age of 65. That may even be somewhat true because my mother says I'm unusual for someone my age in still having all my hair and no beer gut, my high school friends say I'm the only person they know who is recognizably the same person as I was in high school, and my coworkers all think I'm younger than I really am.
Kinda handsy, but real gentle and slow about it. Pretty easy to coax another dance ($20) out of him turning up the heat a little toward end of dance. He tips,but you're not gonna retire on it.
"He was only slightly drunk, smelled of Irish Spring, and was an absolute delight."
"OMG he was wearing pajama pants and no underwear; what a perv - but at least he spends"
I'm not sure how deep into a hypothetical we're trying to get here, but if you're not a regular, in reality the contemplation time you'll get will be in seconds not minutes. Not enough to result in anything that could be called a review.
But, even as a regular, you'll rarely get much contemplation from your favs. If you want to have any shot at being contemplated by her with any depth, pay her what you'd pay for a half-hour VIP to just sit and talk with you for a half-hour. Just out of pride/dignity, people don't take a personal interest in someone who isn't reciprocating.
Mostly they think, you'll probably take up X amount of time and they expect to get Y dollars. If Y is high enough with X being reasonably low, you'll be a reg in spite of having a list of annoyances at various levels. She'll memorize strategies she's used successfully to get you to dial back on your annoying behaviors (and spend more in less time).
I think I'm generally good at not being annoying to the typical dancer. Except for teasing them about their babies that were stolen by dingos.
Bridgette, one of the former queens of Stripper Web, once actually wrote of me, and quite accurately, "He's a mileage hound who respects your limits." Could not have written any better or more succinctly.
I got to know a seattle escort pretty well at one point. She was badass, all business, and smoking hot, but also liked to talk shop. She let me know once that escorts DO do reviews of customers. But they aren’t about how you look or how smooth or whatever you are. They are super short, basically consisting of:
“He was on time, paid, and left with no issues.”
That’s it, that is all the FSSW’s of seattle want to know. They don’t care if you are fat or stupid or have a big dick or are cool or kind or whatever. They want to know if you are on time, pay your bill, and leave with no issues. I was a little taken aback, but in the end I really respected this: they are businesswomen doing business, and can adapt to whatever, as long is you follow the (super easy) rules.
Not sure if dancers have anything like this.
I have no idea what a dancer would say.
He knows what he wants. He was direct and he was respectful - and yet he’s a filthy pervert. Smells good, well groomed, tall and slender.
^ how tall are you and how much do you weigh?
“I’ve never seen so much splooge come from one schlong in my life.”
He's a horny old man who wants to fuck you in all three holes, but at least he's clean, respectful, tips well, and has a good sense of humor.
a old man, tough guy 10 years ago, polite, keeps his hands to himself
I can't believe the things he got me to do. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. I never do those things. I wonder if he will come in again today.
"He seems to know a lot about strip clubs - I wonder where he learned all that stuff"
Papi I’m 6’4” and about 195 pounds.
I appear taller as I believe the customers in northeast NJ are generally a bit shorter.
Cash, if you were in the NBA, they would list you at 6-7. Just tell people that.
@Cash
When a stripper tells you "wow you're tall - tell her "I'm even taller on my back"
She'll probably won't get it though 🤔
Old guy, tall, a bit over weight, not ugly but old, great mustache, handstand but respects your boundaries, not a big spender but tips OK, clean dresses well. Only in the club for about a hour. All in all not a bad way to spend an hour with.
Handsy 🤷🏻♂️
Nasty old guy but he's got a lot of money, gee I hope he comes back to see me
Cuban dancers: don't waste your time. He never buys any dances.
He's middle aged, fat and a bit of a pervert but at least he is polite, can carry a good conversation and is always willing to spend money.
"He's at least not desertscrub"
Seems like everyone knows the score, all the "reviews" are just one sentence.
"Yeah - he's kinda a perv but at least he's not full of shit like RickDugan"
This was fun to read 😅
"You're different than the black customers in here - you don't stretch me out"
Rare footage of a dancer who just came out a VIP session with ElDuderino: youtube.com
That guy is a pushover. So easy to sell VIP to him. All you have to do is tell him he’s cute and he believes you. Touch his leg once or twice and he’s so easy to sell and get over on him. It was so easy I’m not sure why I blew him, but it was my decision and he definitely wasn’t the one in control of the situation.
He smells like weed and made me laugh....
Respectful straight shooter who knows what he wants and wastes nobody's time.
general review: smells good. kinda cute. funny as fuck. wants mild extras but if you take care of him he'll always repeat with you.
girls that would write a review that would be exactly the same as to what they said directly to my face:
"look at you. i just put my hand on your dick and you fucking get hard in like 5 seconds."
"i took $2000 from some guy. the bag was open and on the floor. the guy was passed out. what was i supposed to do - not take it?" a minute later: "let me tell you something. you treat me like shit and i'll rob your fucking shit too!"
I may have been too descriptive in my perceived stripper review of me.
A more likely review would say - “His money was green - and he’s a decent tipper. At least he didn’t try to buy dances with Monopoly money like some guy who kept talking about club ads and photoshop.”
I’m not sure if the dancers I see write or read, but what they say about me is different that they say to me. Surely ones who are my regular would say there are some intangibles that go along with the customer relationship. Hassle free and mutual respect for each other’s time, but $$ is consistent for time and effort put into it.
"Slobbyist. But thank god he's no desertscrub."
@nicespice
I will play along and answer your question.
Q: If dancers wrote a review of you, what would they probably say?
A: “The pleasure of his company is unbelievable and spectacular, he is chivalrous, a strong, kind, handsome gentleman, makes me feel appreciated, safe and comfortable and has made me climax, I love him!”
Oh they talk about us for sure. Doubt most would care enough to write anything though
I've never seen dancers gall shit about a customer or say anything good about one outside of work.
Hookers will only talk about them in the context of money and how reliable a trick is
^^ Icey, the women who do sex work talk like that so that they are not looked down upon.
They want to advertise how much money they get.
But this is never really all that they are.
SJG
Hookers brag about money a lot. Look at social media
We deserve to be reviewed. We ain’t above all this.
Based on what I heard having lunch with some day shift dancers, if you go to the club looking like Captains Kangaroo, you can assume they call you Captain Kangaroo among themselves.
Better yet, why would it matter what they say about us behind their backs? They're sex workers. I don't care if my lawyer or mechanic don't like me, so long as they do a good job.
If they give good contact, good companionship, and don't deceive me, that's all I want.
"He gets me closer to God"
===> "Yeah - he's kinda a perv but at least he's not full of shit like RickDugan"
Hey I hear ya' Puta_Tonta, but the time they figure that out I've already gotten what I wanted - usually several times. 😉
As far as the girls who don't know me as well as the ones Puta_Tonta meets, I'm too modest to say. 😁
They would say: Nice guy, but man he's one sick son-of-a-bitch.
They would say: What a dick!😍
They would say: What a dick!😡
With that dick he should do porn. Have heard it from a porn star turned stripper.
They would say.. he comes in looking angry or serious and he paces the entire club like he’s looking for someone in particular. Weirdo doesn’t even drink . Low to moderate spender. Will only tip stage just to let a girl know he wants to dance her after she gets off stage
^^ Wow Garfield. That's bruttaly honest. Lol
The Brazilians would say: Thanks, Bolsonaro. Caca
Depends...
Dancers who I've bought multiple dances/VIP's from: "He's a handsy tightwad". (To keep other dancers from moving in on their good catch)
Dancers who I haven't bought any dances from: "He's a cheapskate who doesn't buy dances."(Just to vent)
That reddit link was great for a laugh. This was the best part about TUSCL, "Not everyone on there is awful though, but avoid the forums. There are like three pyschopaths who post on the forums there and it's annoying."
To maybe possibly somewhat be on topic, what would they probably say?
"Him? Fuck that guy."
^^^Well well would you look who the fuck is back.
You know wal when prominent members leave for more than a week, we all assume the worst. Next time we're going to need a monthly "I'm not dead" comment. Thank you.
Lol. youtube.com
good question!
i dunno exactly what they'd say today. i'd have to ask. but back in the early 2000s, when i was clubbing, there was this one spot where a dancer told me all the dancers loved me. back then i routinely used to tip all the girls $1. all the girls respected me from then on, i guess. it was a move i stole from a friend of mine. he'd get blind drunk and wouldn't remember if he tipped anyone or not so before he'd leave, he'd give every girl a $1. he instantly became popular.
anyway, the dancer who told me all the girls loved me wanted to prove it. i may have told this story before--she offered to take me into VIP for free and give me a head, no condom for free. i obliged. but i couldn't enjoy the free BJ because the whole time i kept thinking there'd be a catch. i'd have to pay somehow. this was a setup somehow. or from now on i'd owe her or something. or any moment security would barge in and ask me why didn't i pay. nope. she was right. she said she did all that on behalf all the dancers and she hoped i continued to show up. man, tho, i was so skeptical the entire time in VIP; couldn't enjoy myself.
I've been told I smell good (Dove Charcoal & Sage body wash), have soft hair (Head & Shoulder 2n1), strong hands (don't wear gloves when lifting weights), a sexy ass (never skip leg day), and she feels safe with me (confident smile, deep voice).
I've also been told that I'm arrogant (no, you're just annoying), pompous (no, I just completed high school and went to college), rude (no, you're fat/ugly), cheap (I'm not tipping for an air dance, or giving you money when I've made it clear you're bothering me), and a jerk (no you are not a dancer, stripper, or even an extras girl - you are a skank).
Interestingly, looking at it through that lens helps a customer to understand why there could be such wildly divergent reviews of experience and mileage. Sometimes there's not even a reason why your experience was so different from another's or even your own at the same place on the same night a week later. Shit happens.
He’s cute quite and handsy, don’t bother with him if you’re white.
heaving - I finished the thought.
Review on Cashman1234: "He does extras. Spent 200. Left happy and dirty. Why did he keep asking about grumpy munchkins? This isn’t Dunkin Donuts!”
Dancers would say I talk too much
He’s a humble MUTHAFUCKA with a big ass dick. But in actuality, he’s not that humble….
—>“crazyjoe✔ Colorado Yesterday Dancers would say I talk too much”
OMG 💯% FACTS 😂😂
heaving - I don’t want to know how a dancer would know how big CrazyJoe poops!
Smells good, chill, strong hands.