tuscl

7 Signs You’re in the Right Club

reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
Thursday, December 12, 2019 10:13 AM
1. When you first enter it’s so dark inside the club you can barely see your hand in front of your face much less your boner; 2. The floor is sticky and the whole place reeks of stale beer and splooge; 3. When your eyes finally adjust to the darkness you see that some of the strippers are overweight and well past their “best before date” yet , here they are! You know in your heart they don’t make any money getting tipped when they drag their floppy tits on stage. That means these old gals have found other ways of making money from the more budget-conscious mongers. 4. Without asking your permission a stripper takes a seat at your table and begins giving you a vigorous stripper handshake; 5. The first thing a stripper asks you is “Do you come in here often?” This question is intended to ascertain whether you already know what’s on the menu and how things work in the club. I usually respond to this question by complaining that although I venture into the club with some regularity I don’t cum in the club nearly as often as I would like but every now and then I get lucky and manage to cum two or even three times before I leave. This response elicits either total confusion or a hearty laugh followed by assurances like “Don’t worry, Sweetie, I’ll take good care of you” while the stripper’s handshake becomes more earnest than ever. 6. Your stripper is still giving you an increasingly intimate stripper handshake while extolling the comforts and exquisite privacy of the VIP room. 7. If you agree to moving to the VIP room your waitress will eventually bring you a bottle of champagne that tastes like fizzy Gatorade and give you a whopping pile of napkins “just in case.” That enormous pile of napkins she left on your table pretty much guarantees that you’ve come to the right place and are sure to cum before you leave. [view link]

26 comments

  • twentyfive
    •
    5 years ago
    8) as soon as you enter your drink is at your assigned seat and your stripper de jour is waiting for you.
  • rickdugan
    •
    5 years ago
    A handjob administered by the C Team in a shithole sounds like my version of Hell.
  • gSteph
    •
    5 years ago
    To each his own, but I suspect a tongue in cheek post.
  • rickdugan
    •
    5 years ago
    ^ If it was a tongue in cheek post, it was a dumb one given where he posted it. There are plenty of people on this site who would indeed consider this a cool place to visit.
  • codemonkey
    •
    5 years ago
    @reverend Sounds like you need to visit Sticky Mickey's just outside Providence, RI.
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    This was NOT a tongue in cheek post. Most (but not all) very high mileage clubs fit the pattern described above. Not all the women in very high mileage clubs are past their prime and unattractive. But the fact that there are some older, unattractive women working in the club tells you that something more than an eyeful is available here. Otherwise the older gals wouldn’t be there. If you’re not budget conscious, be patient, the young hotties will show up and they know what is permitted (at least unofficially) and what it takes to make big bucks in the club. On average, the bigger, glitzier, high dollar clubs give your lower mileage than the dives do. But if you go to the high dollar clubs with sufficient regularity and become a regular who is recognized by the strippers and the waitresses alike, you can still get decent mileage. But if you’re looking for a reliable, “full service” club, you’re going to have much better luck in the more down-market venues.
  • ArtCollege
    •
    5 years ago
    Also: spittoons in the lap dance area
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    5 years ago
    FRMOS's SJG
  • Mate27
    •
    5 years ago
    ^^STFU!
  • Cashman1234
    •
    5 years ago
    Thanks Reverend for a description of my ideal club. When my vision adjusts to the darkness and my shoes are released from the stick of the floor - and I see dancers with lots of miles on the odometer - I know this is my kind of joint! I’m very attracted to women in their 40’s - who show the look of use - and who don’t have the inhibitions of young hotties. So, those clubs are my kind of joints!
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    Cashman1234, Despite their lack of inhibitions, I don’t share your enthusiasm for older women whose looks evince their mileage. There are plenty of places you can go where the extreme darkness provides privacy and the floor, the tables, the chairs are all very sticky yet, when your eyes have adjusted to the darkness, you will also see fiendishly hot, uninhibited young women whose every orifice is open for business.
  • rickdugan
    •
    5 years ago
    Our eyes never completely adjust to the darkness. Often it hides flaws that would otherwise be visible and the high volume girl whose well traveled orifices you are so eagerly exploring wouldn't look nearly so good under normal light.
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    RickDugan, I think Stevie Wonder said it best, “Seeing may be believing but FEELING is the real thing!”
  • Piggie
    •
    5 years ago
    This sounds like every club in Washington park, Illinois. Adding in smoke fill and smells of cheap perfume and cigarettes.
  • skibum609
    •
    5 years ago
    I will stixk with desires, where thewomen can withstand the scrutiny of lights.
  • jackslash
    •
    5 years ago
    "But if you’re looking for a reliable, “full service” club, you’re going to have much better luck in the more down-market venues." This is not true in the Detroit area.
  • Warrior15
    •
    5 years ago
    Not sure I agree on #1-3. But I do like # 4-5.
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    •
    5 years ago
    If I'm having fun, then I'm in the right club.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    5 years ago
    No back rooms until extensive FRMOS. SJG
  • Mate27
    •
    5 years ago
    ^^ STFU!
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    5 years ago
    Learn and practice the art of getting beautiful women into spontaneous makeout sessions. Retire the car keys and wallet script. SJG
  • herbtcat
    •
    5 years ago
    @reverendhornibastard you have stolen one of my best lines: Whenever a stripper asks me "how often do you come here" I always reply with: "About 3 out of 5 times." Then I just look at her and wait. And wait... And wait...... Eventually she will either get the joke and the 3 out of 5 is about to turn into 4 out of 5, or she just asks another question. Then I just sigh quietly, and look at her tits.
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    Herbtcat, Whether it’s Albert Einstein and Marcel Grossmann, Abbott & Costello, Laurel & Hardy, Trump and Giuliani or Herbtcat and Reverend Hornibastard, great minds work alike.
  • stanlee
    •
    5 years ago
    Big tits Shaved pussies No fat chicks Stiff drinks No smoking Reasonable drinks Big tits
  • Muddy
    •
    5 years ago
    Reverend these are the kind of clubs I'm not into. The talent just never seems to be there.
  • reverendhornibastard
    •
    5 years ago
    Muddy, Don’t keep going back to clubs where you can’t find what you want. I’ve also been to dives that just don’t have what I’m after. I don’t return to those. But I do return to clubs that provide what I want even if some of the strippers on hand I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole (if I even had one) and despite being grungy dives in other respects. I’d love to find an elegant, classy club (maybe one that looks like the inside of the Sistine Chapel) and is always full of beautiful young women (and no dogs at all), but in the real world, I have found that the most reliably high mileage clubs are usually a bit shady but still have some smoking hot young strippers in them who will do anything for a price.
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