Most people have heard or read that humans share 99% of their chromosomes with chimpanzees. No one seems to understand this better than the folks on Madison Avenue. Advertisers constantly take advantage of our chimp-like idiocy.
When I watch TV I am constantly torn between the urges to laugh or retch at the mindless crap I see and hear.
Most pecker extender pills: SATISFACTION GUARANTEED! ... NOT SOLD IN STORES! (because stores have a reputation to protect and don’t want hordes of dissatisfied customers lining up to demand their money back)
Hurry! This Special Offer Won’t Last: Call in the next 15 minutes and receive an additional substantial discount! (the additional discount will probably be available for as long as we’re still selling this garbage but rest assured - that also includes the next 15 minutes)
Liberty Mutual Insurance Accident Forgiveness Insurance: If you are enrolled in Liberty Mutual’s accident forgiveness program, we won’t raise your rates after your first accident (because we ALREADY got you to pay more when you agreed to sign up for our accident forgiveness program, you moron!)
But Wait! There’s More! ... all for the unbelievably low price of only $19.95! But wait! There’s more! (You’d think we could sell this for a lot more money, but the sad truth is, we’re having trouble selling this crap for $19.95 even with our idiotic “but wait - there’s more” gimmick)
Operators Standing By Waiting For Your Call! (We know you think 1 AM is really late for operators to be standing by waiting to take your call ... but don’t worry! It’s already 11 AM in Mumbai!)
Prevagen: ... food for your brain, includes a chemical found in jelly fish! (and we all know how incredibly intelligent jelly fish are!)
Why would surprised that you, as a hairless ape, show substantial DNA-sequence similarity to a hairy ape?
We cats have long recognized how similar all of you damn dirty apes are to each other. The only difference between the average hairless ape and the average chimp is that the hairless apes are more arrogant and obnoxious!
If I had to say which ape was the most fun I’d have to say bonobos. They know how to party! There was this one time that dugan, the shark, and I went on safari in tha DRC and we were out in the forest getting all toasted. I must have poured two bottles of everclear into the water the shark was swimming in. You see, we had him in a little “kiddy pool” for this adventure. Anyhoo, we were partying and being badasses (aka being ricks) and we ran across some bonobos. Those crazy apes know how to party! You should have seen dugan! That crazy bastard wasn’t having a threesome or foursome; he was having a “I can’t count that high-some”.
Good times, good times. ROAR!!!