The Attraction of Men Who Treat Women Badly

avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
It doesn’t make any sense to me and I never would have predicted this, but I many women are attracted to a lying, serial cheating man.

I am not as badly behaved as I used to be. Some who know me think I’m getting older and wiser. They’re only half right. I am getting older but not wiser. If I still had as much luck with the ladies as I did 20 or 30 years ago, I’m pretty sure I’d behave as badly now as I ever did. But in the old days trouble had a way of seeking me out. Now, if I want to get into trouble I have to work so much harder to find it than I did during my Golden Era!

I still behave badly but I’ve definitely slowed down some.

Back when I was a non-stop, serial cheater I made no secret of my bad behavior. My girlfriends and my wives (some of whose tenures as my wife overlapped by almost a decade) were well aware of my lack of self control. My wives all believed (or tried to believe) that I had reformed by ways and became better behaved once I married them. How they could believe this is beyond me.

Women have a phenomenal capacity for denial.

Over the years I kept several online blogs. These included “The Gospel According to Reverend Hornibastard” and “All You Need Is Lust.” These blogs were a silly mix of political and religious satire with a heavy dose of confessions about my outrageous behavior, past, present and planned.

I thought it was very strange that my readership was overwhelmingly female. Most appeared to be normal, conservative, homespun suburban women but they seemed to relish reading about my constant infidelities. Many sought to make contact with me despite knowing next to nothing about the real me.

When women asked about me or requested a personal photo I always sent them a photo of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

For whatever reason, many women love “a bad boy” (until they make the mistake of marrying one).

Just ask any of my ex-wives.

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avatar for jackslash
jackslash
6 years ago
I have known several strippers whose boyfriends treated them badly, punching them out and breaking bones and teeth. But they loved these guys. Maybe the strippers don't think they deserve anything better.
avatar for Muddy
Muddy
6 years ago
It’s just not in me to be that type of guy even if it made me more “attractive”
avatar for nicespice
nicespice
6 years ago
Hm...

For me, a childhood of unstable and very conditional love—giving way to develop serious abandonment issues. And thus easily falls for the personality types who come already ready to be extremely personally validating and who also pushes the relationship forward quickly.

But of course these are the personality types who also later display a controlling aspect to them. And I placate and kowtow to them, until I get emotionally drained and then will proceed with cutting ties in a very absolute manner.

Merp.
avatar for nicespice
nicespice
6 years ago
I’m sure as far as extreme serial cheaters, it’s a numbers game. :) The playboys learned charisma, and get out there more often to present themselves as an option.
avatar for Muddy
Muddy
6 years ago
Well are we talking about cheating or being physical abusive? To me those are two very different things. And shouldn’t necessarily be grouped together.
avatar for nicespice
nicespice
6 years ago
^ Hm good point. I’m not too sure either
avatar for Call.Me.Ishmael
Call.Me.Ishmael
6 years ago
Yeah... to be fair, I know more than a few guys who are serially attracted to women who treat them like shit.
avatar for Warrenboy75
Warrenboy75
6 years ago
I'm always mystified on why, especially the attraction with guys who are physically abusive. I've seen dancers who rely on their looks get beaten to a point it not only is a physical threat to their lives but also impacts their ability to make money for weeks and then go back to the guy who hit them.
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
I was never physically abusive to any woman. My crime, if you want to call it that, was that I was never faithful to anyone.

I started cheating on my second wife on our honeymoon (she never found out).

I can’t explain my behavior. I was a late bloomer and was very shy around women until I was in my twenties. If it hadn’t been for sexually aggressive women I might have remained a virgin deep into my twenties.

Then something happened and I went to the other extreme.

Can’t really explain it.
avatar for RandomMember
RandomMember
6 years ago
I'm trying to choose my words carefully so that I don't get flamed.

Seems to me that strippers are exposed to violence more than the woman in the civilian population and that accepting violent behavior is a pattern that starts in childhood with abusive parenting. It's hard to overcome the programming that you get as a child. I wrote the other day about a stripper SB from 2015 that fit that description. Her BF beat her unconscious. She ended up the hospital, and she has partial hearing loss on one side. Getting to know her she would tell stories about physical abuse growing up.

Caviar of the sex industry? This is the kind of sadness you'll find in strip clubs and why I vastly prefer going online. Yes, there are many exceptions on both sides.
avatar for RandomMember
RandomMember
6 years ago
*women
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
RandomMember -

I agree. My impression is that strippers often have experiences more than their fair share of violence.
avatar for Hank Moody
Hank Moody
6 years ago
In this answer, I’m ignoring the physical abuse part of this discussion.

There are very few absolute rules in life, including here. As a general matter, however, I think most people seek relationships where the parties are equal (they may keep seeking after they are in a relationship). Everyone gets bored pretty quickly with someone who doesn’t respect themself. There’s no challenge. No interest. No reason to be at your best because you know your subordinate partner will never grow a set and leave you. If you are in a relationship where you aren’t equals, you keep seeking and that may end up in cheating. Again, no absolutes.

Adding to this is a self-perception problem. Most people think they deserve better than what they have so they continually aim high. If they succeed and ‘outkick the coverage’ they wind up putting up with a bunch of BS because they think they are in the best relationship they will ever have. I was in such a relationship and I was desperate to keep it going long past its expiration date. Those were dark, humiliating times and in the long run helped me grow and make myself a better person and thereby move myself up a notch and find an even better partner. I don’t think my experience is unusual. Everyone has to get burned a time or two to grow.

Equivalence is also the reason why people who think they can be the nice guy, holding doors, cooking meals, doing everything and asking nothing in return will always get crushed. This is usually the naïveté of youth.

If you don’t respect yourself, why should anyone respect you? That’s what puts people in a series of similar, unhealthy relationships. It won’t change until you do.
avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive
6 years ago
I never understood the attraction of women for men they were afraid of either, and like you RHB I have caused my share of pain by not being faithful, I think some of us are wired that way, there’s a group or subset like us that don’t equate sex and unconditional love, it’s a character flaw maybe, not really sure.
avatar for Muddy
Muddy
6 years ago
I’ll clarify then, I’m definitely capable of cheating aswell. Maybe why I try to stay single though. Not gonna bring violence to a girl. Just not wired that way.
avatar for Call.Me.Ishmael
Call.Me.Ishmael
6 years ago
Committing or in any way advocating violence against women will cause me to instantly hate you. If the same occurs in meat space, I'll have a kinetic response.
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
I partially attribute my bad behavior to the many gold-diggers whose attention I attracted as my career took off. I realize that is an insufficient explanation because I knew plenty of men who did as well or better than I did in their careers and yet still managed to remain happily married to the same woman all their lives.

I envied them.
avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi
6 years ago
when i separated from my wife at 32 years of marriage i was finally able to realize my fantasy with many women.
i was physically faithful (until the age of 61) to her.
now i find it impossible to be faithful at all.
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
6 years ago
"For whatever reason, many women love “a bad boy” (until they make the mistake of marrying one). "

Very true. Danger has appeal. To grossly strereotype women, bad boys are sexy and once they start fucking a bad boy they fall in love or get knocked up.

I've been a good boy and a bad boy and have had way hotter sex as the latter. And I've lavished girls with attention before and also barely had time to fuck girls. Guess which ones start chasing me and offering more and more filthy behaviors to try to catch my attention?
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
@JamesSD:

“Guess which ones start chasing me and offering more and more filthy behaviors to try to catch my attention?”

No doubt the women who loved you but felt insecure of their status in your life were the ones who worked hardest to keep your attention.

You see the same pattern with many women. When you’re just dating they can’t find enough ways to endear themselves to you. But once you marry them, they no longer find it necessary to treat you regally (especially if you’re being nice to them).
avatar for GoVikings
GoVikings
6 years ago
women like excitement and thrills. good men usually aren't the exciting ones
avatar for future POTUS and Senator in training
Nope. I don't know women who put up with a guy cheating or even misogyny ...one strike and you out. My friends r the same way.
avatar for CC99
CC99
6 years ago
You guys are hanging out with the wrong strippers. Most strippers really appreciate kindness, more so than other women do. I've noticed that whenever I give them an inch they give me a foot.
avatar for future POTUS and Senator in training
They're trying to create a bad picture of women lmao..and its not working cuz I have NEVER gone back to some dumbass who cheated on me
avatar for Nidan111
Nidan111
6 years ago
@CC99. Usually when I give them an inch, they ask for the entire package. Even after I have told them, “only the tip, damnit, only the tip!”

That being clarified and now back to the thread at hand, the women that I hang around simply do not put up with bad behavior bullshit. They will kick ass if they are hit and they will leave the guy in the dust if they cheat against agreed upon terms. Those terms are usually something on the order of both having their sexual space and not informing the other of the acts so long as both are home to love each other. They can actually separate the sex act from the loving acts that may include sex. And, they can cut it off with the toy (boy toy or side bitch) in a heart beat. This is not swinger type because they do not “share” each other. They simply give one another space. I guess more of an open type relationship, but not. Hard to explain.
avatar for CC99
CC99
6 years ago
Overall people need to stop rewarding bad behavior for temporary pleasure. Adults are just like children, if you reward bad behavior the bad behavior will continue. If you don't like bitchy women then stop rewarding bitchy women by giving them what they want. And if women don't like douchey men then stop rewarding douchey men by giving them what they want. If you want girls who act more nice then give nice girls everything they want, if you want nice guys then give nice guys everything they want. When they stop acting nice, take the things they like away from them.
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
6 years ago
Nicole straight up cheating is where many women draw the line. But many women get in relationships with bad boys then are shocked when he cheats.
avatar for Icey
Icey
6 years ago
Here's my latest experience....

With my ex, as long as she felt jealous of my side bitches and afraid I'd leave her, our relationship was perfect. She was the perfect girlfriend... Things went downhill when she realized how much I love her and treated her like a queen. She started taking me for granted when she didn't fear losing me. And with that just changed...she felt like she didn't have to try anymore.

Now that she sees I'm fucking other people, she's back to catching feelings....

Stripper 1 - One of my ex's best friends, she's all over me coz she wants what my ex had. The more I talk to her about my ex the harder she tries. When I ignore her, she tries even harder.

Stripper 2 - 18 year old who acts like a puppy....affectionate, does tricks so I can reward her, always wants to be around me. Knows about the others I fuck and it makes her try harder. If I ignore her she starts apologizing.

Stripper 3 - The sugar baby I had a thread about, she knows about the others and acts like she'd cut them, lol Very clingy, jealous of everyone.

Stripper 4 - Not much of a personality but gorgeous. I fuck her and then ignore her and she does her best to get my attention. The more of an asshole I am the more she wants me.


The more of a bad boy you are, the more bad shit you do the more they want you. The ideal is a girl who wants you to be an asshole to everyone but her. But before you get there, a lot of them like a challenge and especially if they see other girls wanting you. Plus young girls love drama!!!
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
Every woman who falls in love with a “bad boy” fantasizes that she will be the one to tame the beast and turn him into a gentleman.

This is the sort of crap that fairy tales are made of.
avatar for Htxx
Htxx
6 years ago
It’s Tom leykis 101 (search YouTube if you don’t know) 100%. A dancer I know real well is hooked up now with an abusive drug dealing thief. She can’t get enough of him even after stitches and having teeth knocked out. It’s just not me. I can’t do it treat women like that. They like it. They want it they keep coming back for more of it. Then again, I guess that’s why they’re dancers. Not my problem.
avatar for Icey
Icey
6 years ago
its not just dancers....

and that kind of abuse and craving it or at least accepting it, stems from childhood and a history of some kind of abuse
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
It’s hard to believe, much less to understand, but women in abusive relationships very often find it difficult to leave.

Humans are not as wise or intelligent as we would like to believe. We share 98% of our chromosomes with chimpanzees.

Sometimes it really shows.
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
6 years ago
Woman be stupid af.
avatar for Mate27
Mate27
6 years ago
With women in the pill, it tricks their body into thinking that their pregnant so they don’t ovulate. When women are pregnant, they crave protection and are attracted to the bad boy persona due to believeing they will protect them, too.

Mother Nature fucks with their heads, and contraceptives are the man made pills that tricks them into thinking they’re pregnant.
avatar for Icey
Icey
6 years ago
What are the rates of physical abuse in chimpanzee relationships?

So if women get off birth control they won't like badboys?

LMFAO

Coz it can't possibly be linked to childhood trauma, viewing and experiencing violent behavior in the family and or poor parenting
avatar for reverendhornibastard
reverendhornibastard
6 years ago
Ivey - physical abuse among chimps is rampant. Chimps are the only other animals on our planet who engage in war. A group of chimps will arm themselves with sticks, march out and bludgeon a member of another, neighboring chimpanzee tribe for no apparent reason other than because the victim is “one of them” rather than “one of us.”

The only things missing are the tiki torches and chants about how “Jews will not replace us!”

As I said before, we share 98% of our chromosomes with chimpanzees and, too often, it really shows.
avatar for Icey
Icey
6 years ago
Those 2% of genes are pretty important though. You can't anthropomorphize them.....
avatar for pistola
pistola
6 years ago
Women like bad boys, they are attracted to trying to fix people. That’s why Beta Cuck should have a google of pussy instead of masturbating to anime.
avatar for Icey
Icey
6 years ago
It depends on the girls, the club... but the thing is strippers are just like anyone else. I think guys who have really bad experiences do so coz of what they're seeking out.
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