The Attraction of Men Who Treat Women Badly

I have known several strippers whose boyfriends treated them badly, punching them out and breaking bones and teeth. But they loved these guys. Maybe the strippers don't think they deserve anything better.

It’s just not in me to be that type of guy even if it made me more “attractive”

Hm...

For me, a childhood of unstable and very conditional love—giving way to develop serious abandonment issues. And thus easily falls for the personality types who come already ready to be extremely personally validating and who also pushes the relationship forward quickly.

But of course these are the personality types who also later display a controlling aspect to them. And I placate and kowtow to them, until I get emotionally drained and then will proceed with cutting ties in a very absolute manner.

Merp.

I’m sure as far as extreme serial cheaters, it’s a numbers game. :) The playboys learned charisma, and get out there more often to present themselves as an option.

Well are we talking about cheating or being physical abusive? To me those are two very different things. And shouldn’t necessarily be grouped together.

^ Hm good point. I’m not too sure either

Yeah... to be fair, I know more than a few guys who are serially attracted to women who treat them like shit.

I'm always mystified on why, especially the attraction with guys who are physically abusive. I've seen dancers who rely on their looks get beaten to a point it not only is a physical threat to their lives but also impacts their ability to make money for weeks and then go back to the guy who hit them.

I was never physically abusive to any woman. My crime, if you want to call it that, was that I was never faithful to anyone.

I started cheating on my second wife on our honeymoon (she never found out).

I can’t explain my behavior. I was a late bloomer and was very shy around women until I was in my twenties. If it hadn’t been for sexually aggressive women I might have remained a virgin deep into my twenties.

Then something happened and I went to the other extreme.

Can’t really explain it.

I'm trying to choose my words carefully so that I don't get flamed.

Seems to me that strippers are exposed to violence more than the woman in the civilian population and that accepting violent behavior is a pattern that starts in childhood with abusive parenting. It's hard to overcome the programming that you get as a child. I wrote the other day about a stripper SB from 2015 that fit that description. Her BF beat her unconscious. She ended up the hospital, and she has partial hearing loss on one side. Getting to know her she would tell stories about physical abuse growing up.

Caviar of the sex industry? This is the kind of sadness you'll find in strip clubs and why I vastly prefer going online. Yes, there are many exceptions on both sides.

*women

RandomMember -

I agree. My impression is that strippers often have experiences more than their fair share of violence.

In this answer, I’m ignoring the physical abuse part of this discussion.

There are very few absolute rules in life, including here. As a general matter, however, I think most people seek relationships where the parties are equal (they may keep seeking after they are in a relationship). Everyone gets bored pretty quickly with someone who doesn’t respect themself. There’s no challenge. No interest. No reason to be at your best because you know your subordinate partner will never grow a set and leave you. If you are in a relationship where you aren’t equals, you keep seeking and that may end up in cheating. Again, no absolutes.

Adding to this is a self-perception problem. Most people think they deserve better than what they have so they continually aim high. If they succeed and ‘outkick the coverage’ they wind up putting up with a bunch of BS because they think they are in the best relationship they will ever have. I was in such a relationship and I was desperate to keep it going long past its expiration date. Those were dark, humiliating times and in the long run helped me grow and make myself a better person and thereby move myself up a notch and find an even better partner. I don’t think my experience is unusual. Everyone has to get burned a time or two to grow.

Equivalence is also the reason why people who think they can be the nice guy, holding doors, cooking meals, doing everything and asking nothing in return will always get crushed. This is usually the naïveté of youth.

If you don’t respect yourself, why should anyone respect you? That’s what puts people in a series of similar, unhealthy relationships. It won’t change until you do.

I never understood the attraction of women for men they were afraid of either, and like you RHB I have caused my share of pain by not being faithful, I think some of us are wired that way, there’s a group or subset like us that don’t equate sex and unconditional love, it’s a character flaw maybe, not really sure.

I’ll clarify then, I’m definitely capable of cheating aswell. Maybe why I try to stay single though. Not gonna bring violence to a girl. Just not wired that way.

Committing or in any way advocating violence against women will cause me to instantly hate you. If the same occurs in meat space, I'll have a kinetic response.

I partially attribute my bad behavior to the many gold-diggers whose attention I attracted as my career took off. I realize that is an insufficient explanation because I knew plenty of men who did as well or better than I did in their careers and yet still managed to remain happily married to the same woman all their lives.

I envied them.

when i separated from my wife at 32 years of marriage i was finally able to realize my fantasy with many women. i was physically faithful (until the age of 61) to her. now i find it impossible to be faithful at all.

"For whatever reason, many women love “a bad boy” (until they make the mistake of marrying one). "

Very true. Danger has appeal. To grossly strereotype women, bad boys are sexy and once they start fucking a bad boy they fall in love or get knocked up.

I've been a good boy and a bad boy and have had way hotter sex as the latter. And I've lavished girls with attention before and also barely had time to fuck girls. Guess which ones start chasing me and offering more and more filthy behaviors to try to catch my attention?

@JamesSD:

“Guess which ones start chasing me and offering more and more filthy behaviors to try to catch my attention?”

No doubt the women who loved you but felt insecure of their status in your life were the ones who worked hardest to keep your attention.

You see the same pattern with many women. When you’re just dating they can’t find enough ways to endear themselves to you. But once you marry them, they no longer find it necessary to treat you regally (especially if you’re being nice to them).

women like excitement and thrills. good men usually aren't the exciting ones

Nope. I don't know women who put up with a guy cheating or even misogyny ...one strike and you out. My friends r the same way.

You guys are hanging out with the wrong strippers. Most strippers really appreciate kindness, more so than other women do. I've noticed that whenever I give them an inch they give me a foot.

They're trying to create a bad picture of women lmao..and its not working cuz I have NEVER gone back to some dumbass who cheated on me

@CC99. Usually when I give them an inch, they ask for the entire package. Even after I have told them, “only the tip, damnit, only the tip!”

That being clarified and now back to the thread at hand, the women that I hang around simply do not put up with bad behavior bullshit. They will kick ass if they are hit and they will leave the guy in the dust if they cheat against agreed upon terms. Those terms are usually something on the order of both having their sexual space and not informing the other of the acts so long as both are home to love each other. They can actually separate the sex act from the loving acts that may include sex. And, they can cut it off with the toy (boy toy or side bitch) in a heart beat. This is not swinger type because they do not “share” each other. They simply give one another space. I guess more of an open type relationship, but not. Hard to explain.

Overall people need to stop rewarding bad behavior for temporary pleasure. Adults are just like children, if you reward bad behavior the bad behavior will continue. If you don't like bitchy women then stop rewarding bitchy women by giving them what they want. And if women don't like douchey men then stop rewarding douchey men by giving them what they want. If you want girls who act more nice then give nice girls everything they want, if you want nice guys then give nice guys everything they want. When they stop acting nice, take the things they like away from them.

Nicole straight up cheating is where many women draw the line. But many women get in relationships with bad boys then are shocked when he cheats.

Every woman who falls in love with a “bad boy” fantasizes that she will be the one to tame the beast and turn him into a gentleman.

This is the sort of crap that fairy tales are made of.

It’s Tom leykis 101 (search YouTube if you don’t know) 100%. A dancer I know real well is hooked up now with an abusive drug dealing thief. She can’t get enough of him even after stitches and having teeth knocked out. It’s just not me. I can’t do it treat women like that. They like it. They want it they keep coming back for more of it. Then again, I guess that’s why they’re dancers. Not my problem.

It’s hard to believe, much less to understand, but women in abusive relationships very often find it difficult to leave.

Humans are not as wise or intelligent as we would like to believe. We share 98% of our chromosomes with chimpanzees.

Sometimes it really shows.

Woman be stupid af.

With women in the pill, it tricks their body into thinking that their pregnant so they don’t ovulate. When women are pregnant, they crave protection and are attracted to the bad boy persona due to believeing they will protect them, too.

Mother Nature fucks with their heads, and contraceptives are the man made pills that tricks them into thinking they’re pregnant.

Ivey - physical abuse among chimps is rampant. Chimps are the only other animals on our planet who engage in war. A group of chimps will arm themselves with sticks, march out and bludgeon a member of another, neighboring chimpanzee tribe for no apparent reason other than because the victim is “one of them” rather than “one of us.”

The only things missing are the tiki torches and chants about how “Jews will not replace us!”

As I said before, we share 98% of our chromosomes with chimpanzees and, too often, it really shows.

Women like bad boys, they are attracted to trying to fix people. That’s why Beta Cuck should have a google of pussy instead of masturbating to anime.