Are strippers generally unreliable people?

She’s likely stringing you along. She wants you to suck as much money out of you as she can without having to meet up with you. She wants to keep you a in the club regular.

Flakiness, thy name is stripper.

@larryfisherman

That's the thing that I forgot to mention. I don't go to the club anymore. And back when I did I would spend maybe $200 max and about an average of $160 and I would only go in 2-4 week intervals. That's not a lot of money at all and it's definitely not enough to make an impact on her income.

@DC9428

I know exactly how you feel. I like to plan things in advance so and let's say the time to meet up is 10 AM then I'll tell my one friend that's always late to be ready by 8:30 AM. By the time they're done with their excuses it'll around 10 AM just as planned

I agree its a generational thing. Blame social media. Too many people use interactions online to replace real ones. Its like the girl at the gym who ignores making eye contact with everyone, but is happy to post 10 photos of her outfit on instagram

She's milking you for your money. You can ask one of the girls you know she doesn't talk to at her club if she's said anything in the locker room (don't ask a friend of hers). If you threaten to cut her off and not see her anymore, she'll probably see you then though lol.

You know what fuck it.

I think I'm done with the world of strippers. Time to cut her from my life. Strippers are like cars, I keep throwing money at them hoping for the ride of my life. In reality all I'm doing is throwing money at a lemon.

First off.... YES. Strippers are flaky. Especially with customers. You are very low on thier priority list, despite what they tell you.

Second. Were your previous OTC meeting while you were still going to the club? If the answer is yes, and she’s been flaking since you quit going you need look no further.

@Dblednmike

You're probably right. On the bright side I didn't have to spend any money in the time that has passed!!

I’ve done a lot of OTC with a variety of dancers. As has been said here many times it’s all about the money. Yes I’ve gotten used to being left waiting for an hour or more but complete no-shows have almost always been when I later found out they were with a higher paying customer. Reliability is not in the vocabulary of most.

Remember, they likely started the job when they were/are young before they ever had a chance to have a job where their ability to be on time affected their employment status. Since there's nothing to lose by showing up to work late, it can affect their attitude in other facets of their life, including meeting you outside the club.

All my former regulars would probably say yes.

I would say they are wrong :p I was plenty reliable when the money came easy from them.

But despite my smart ass remark, I do think that ever since I started dancing, I have developed a more flippant attitude towards a lot of things in life. But that’s just me personally.

I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with dancers. It's a combination of immaturity and her part and a lack of respect for you.

If you put up with it, it will happen again and again. Tell her in no uncertain terms that it's over is she cancels again at the last minute. Find someone else.

*on her part

The entire generation is unreliable. Strippers take it to another level.

Also, in my experience, the longer they've been stripping the less they care about flaking and decency (responding to texts, being on time, etc). Makes sense really, they can just go to work whenever they need money, making plans isn't a necesssity for them at all. Also, you mean shit to them for the same reason, they'll just see whoever shows up when they decide to work and be fine.

"I don't understand what her intentions are by always agreeing and then flaking. I have seen her outside of the club before and we had a great time so it's not like this is the first time doing OTC."

Why don't you just ask her directly the next time you see her. Buy her a drink if you want to keep it friendly, but just put it out there and see what she says. Maybe she's secretly hoping you'll give up and go away without having to "fire" you.

"Maybe she's secretly hoping you'll give up and go away without having to "fire" you."

That's also very likely.

My atf used to be flaky about 50% of the time when I first started seeing her otc. She is much more reliable now when we actually make a firm date. The problem now is it’s hard to get that firm date locked in. When I ask her to do something at a specific time she says “OMG I’d love to do that but I can’t because of excuse X, Y or Z”. Or she’ll suggest to me that we do something specific the next week but say she’ll have to let me know later when she has time and I’m left waiting. Really annoying. But then she still surprises me and out of the blue contacts me and says let’s hang out and I forget how annoyed I was by the other stuff. Such a sucker...

Are you paying for these OTC dates/hang outs? And the one you did have, was it sex or just you meeting up somewhere to talk? If you paid, how much did you pay?

If you are giving her, say 250, to skip a shift at work, thats not worth it for her, so you could always offer a little more. If it's just a "free" hang out session, and she's just getting a free meal and drinks out of you, she's probably got a lot of better options from a money point of view.

@General + 1

Is this a paid OTC? Girls don't become strippers to find dates to go on: they become strippers to get paid.

You may have delusions/illusions about romance but it's busine$$ to them 99% of the time.

Many of these girls have chaotic lives outside the club so many are flakes even when getting paid, so if they're not getting paid ...

I pay nothing for OTC. We hang out in the real world and it is not sexual OTC. We pretty much hang out as friends. I'm completely fine with that, I'm just annoyed that whenever I clear a day for her she flakes and then I'm left with nothing to do

So to answer your original question, yes strippers are often unreliable, but what it sounds to me is going on here is you found a girl you'd like to date, or be friends with that happens to be a stripper. You probably had an amazing conversation with her at the club, and you both really hit it off. You asked her to meet you out sometime and she accepted. She might have thought it was going to be a paid date, or pay for play, and then you were just like, wow, this is so much fun we should hang out more often. No offense to you, but she was probably like, "well, that was a waste of x hours" because at the end of the night, she still had the same amount of money in her pocket as when she started, maybe less if she took an uber to and from.

It's possible she just wanted to hang out too, and didn't expect anything in return, but I think it's more possible that she thought the first date was a business transaction, or at least a way to get you to come back to the club to spend some money on her again.

You could suggest to her the next time you ask her to hang out that you'll pay her for her time. You might want to find out what she thinks her time is worth before the next meetup. if she says, 250 or whatever price, you should confirm what that's for. I don't like to come totally out and say stuff over txt messages, so I'd say something like, "ok, for 250 we should have a lot of fun, right?"

The end goal, I'd assume for you, is to get her back to your place or a hotel, so you don't want to pay her until that happens. If she wants money just for the nonsexual date, you could say something like, "oh, I must have misunderstood, I thought I'd pay you after we got back to my place" and see where things go from there. If she 100% just wanted to hang out, have a few beers and chat, I'd make it clear early on that that was not what you thought you were paying for. Say you'll pay for her drinks and food if she still wants to hang out (she's already out at this point, so she'll probably at least get a drink), maybe offer to pay the uber bill, but don't cave in and give her money. She knows what needs to happen to earn it at this point.

If she's making dates and flaking out at the last minute on multiple occasions, then she's not a friend by definition. It's probably easier for her to flake out than to be honest with you. Take the hint.

No, it doesn't imply that millenialls or strippers are unreliable in general.

I think I overreacted. I think I'm also overthinking it. Me and her live two very different lives. She works all night and sleeps all day. I do the exact opposite and we live about an hour apart. I think I just expected too much. I think I'll just leave it be and see what happens.

As we say around here, "a strip club is not a girlfriend supermarket".

If she really wanted to "hang out with you" she would try harder and not disappoint you time after time - if something happens one time that she has to cancel that's one thing; if it's the norm then it seems you're failing to see the writing on the wall.

IMO anyone that gets frustrated with strippers and can't understand them shouldn't be messing with them in any personal way - only someone that clearly understands what they're getting into should mess with most strippers - if you want a hangout buddy then you're better-off going to some other type of non bizarro-world setting - you're basically trying to fit a square-peg in a round-hole.

There’s another aspect to their flakiness, that nobody’s has really grasped, most people that have issues with punctuality are using it, as a means of asserting themselves. It’s really a power trip, on their part. With strippers it’s a way of saying that they really don’t care and I’ll make you do things my way. More amazing to me is why anyone here would put up with it, I don’t.

I think it’s important to note there is a subtle difference between always canceling and always being late. If they are always canceling they don’t want to see you. If they are always late, it could be a personality thing which will likely never change, or it could be a power trip/ test like twenty five was alluding too.

I dated a girl who was chronically late to everything. I knew this going into the relationship so just made sure that I compensated for it on my end. One night when I went to pick her up she was running later than usual. When we got in the car she was almost in tears. She kept saying she was sorry, and that she understood if I wanted to quit seeing her. Most guys had broke it off way before that point because of her tardiness. All I had to do was tell her I wasn’t mad, and that she was worth the wait (which she was). After that night she was on time with me more often than not, and I could tell she was making a concerted effort to do better. To this day I think it was a test on her part to see if someone really “valued” her. I don’t know if it was conscious or not, I’m guessing not but it was interesting how drastically things changed after that.

-->"I pay nothing for OTC. We hang out in the real world and it is not sexual OTC. We pretty much hang out as friends. "

Strippers are unreliable for OTC even when they're getting paid. I usually don't even use the term "OTC" when we're talking about some platonic hanging-out time. Yes, I imagine the flake rate for that is 10x worse; or rather, not "flake", but her consciously managing you this way -- agreeing to seeing you to "hang out as friends", probably to keep you spending in the club, and then finding an excuse to bail

I have many times hung out drinking or eating with an ATF of mine, but always immediately before or after her shift ... kind of some bonus time for being a good regular

^ twentyfive wins the most astute comment award without a doubt. And it goes beyond strippers.

Women in general and especially those in the 30 and under age group use time and lateness as a way to power trip.

" I have seen her outside of the club before and we had a great time"

"We" or you had a good time?

^ don't patronize the OP

^^ but that's a good observation

I don't think strippers are unreliable. Sometimes a dancer might be a little late though because it takes girls a lot longer to prepare than it takes guys. All y'all do is maybe put on some cologne and walk out the door lol!

If that's the case start getting ready earlier or schedule the date for later, or at least have the common courtesy of letting your date know if you will be running late.

25 has it right, but it is women in general and not limited to strippers.

I usually do text whoever I'm meeting and tell them that it is longer than I expected, its just that you can't always predict how long it will take you to get ready.

I mean she said she had fun the last time we went out. She didn't give any clear indicators that she didn't have fun. And my ATF just texted me saying wants to try again to meet up next week. If she wasn't trying to hang out with me in the first place why would she suggest next week? I'm confused lol. I will just wait and see what happens

She txt you out of the blue, or she is responding to a txt you sent her asking her to hang out, and she suggested next week?

"I mean she said she had fun the last time we went out."

Yeah, and strippers tell me I have a big dick.

^ "Are you hard yet?" Bitch I've been inside you for the last 5 minutes! "Oh yeah baby, give me that huge cock"

Aw man I think I'll just wait and see what next weekend brings. I really like her, but the end is near.

My patience is running thin

"I really like her, but the end is near."

Lol I like how you phrased this as if the apocalypse is happening soon.

Let me tell y'all fuckers about this one time though, i about thought the apocalypse was happening.

there was this one crazy ass hoe i was fucking, this was right about the time my ass got famous and i was even more reckless than i am today. she was all into this weird ass alternative spiritual bullshit that i had no fucking understanding of she kept talking about how she was gonna make us see the world for how it really is. it was weird af but that bitch was a good ass dick sucker so i kept that hoe around. so i was having a party at my mansion and that crazy bitch insisted on having a punch bowl for the girls showing up, saying they don't like the taste of liquor which i later found out she did just so she could slip a shit ton of LSD into the punch bowl and make everybody drink that shit. everybody was fucking tripping off dey asses. i had no fucking idea i was tripping though i just started seeing colors change and weird shapes flying outside and i was freaking the fuck out. i fucking saw the sky turn red and black shapes that i couldn't fucking recognize. i don't fucking know how much shit that bitch slipped into the punch bowl but it must been a lot cause the place turned into a goddamn riot. everybody was seeing shit and flipping shit, and running out of the house and breaking shit. that shit caused me $60,000 worth of damages. goddamn stupid ass hoe.

last time i ever offered a fucking punch bowl at one of my parties.

Well in a sense it sure feels like it. Stripper apocalypse lol.

i take a stripper apocalypse over the shit that happened in my mansion any day

Hey at least you got great stories to tell! xD

On a serious note that is why I would never throw a party in my home. People have no respect for other's property.

It depends. I recall my running buddy (and latter one time roommate) used to be able to pull FWBs for strippers without too much trouble back when he was 19-25. I don't recall either observing too much flakiness, unreliability, or too much difficulty on his and her part to meet up later (almost weekly, in most cases). Sometimes the scheduling was chaotic. He always said, just realize "you're just the the 'rotation'". So she's juggling you with other guys on other days. I call with a couple girls, he alluded to the one guy who was the one paying, might get a certain day in priority over the other guys. But everyone still got a turn. He definitely was paying as he was often unemployed.

If she's not giving you a turn (cancel without reschedule) then you aren't that important to her. As for the passive aggressive control with lateness, I agree with twentyfive and others. It's her (re-)asserting control. Don't put up with it, is my advice.

Typos** He definitely was not paying. He didn’t have the money for that.

He was intoxicating fun to hang around. He had the teenage heart throb meets Marlboro man look and attitude. Nice hair. Funny. Country boy. Impulsive. Rode a motor cycle. Sexual freak and a healthy appetite for sex, according to the strippers.

Pro tip: the easiest way to get a stripper to leave the club with you is to approach one outside, slow down your motorcycle in front of her, and dare her to jump on in front of her friends. Works 100% of the time. I know as he dared me to try it to prove to me it works.

I won't put up with it. If it doesn't work again the next time we have something planned then it'll be time for me to call it quits with her.

Based on all previous experience, I always assume that a stripper is going to be (A) unreliable and (B) dishonest to some degree. That said, I always give them the opportunity to prove me wrong.

In P4P settings, I try to minimize this by setting expectations early. If I set up OTC, then I let them know that if they're late, then I'm not going to give them the full fee (no negotiating). And, at a certain point, I'll just leave and never set up OTC with them ever again.

And I follow through. That's the most important thing.

It's not foolproof, but I suspect that I deal with less flakiness than a lot of guys.

Pick a day that’s usually not a work day, like Monday.

Ask her two days ahead of time, like Saturday, or even Sunday.

You said you spent like $160 in the club? She may see others for much more than you offer and she really doesn’t want to keep seeing you for so little. Just guessing without having the facts.

Vanta, like PinkSugarDoll wrote above and like Subraman has written before. It seems these girls don't really like to schedule things a week in advance (or more). They seem to live more day-to-day and may hate it when guys try to "Schedule things". I know my running buddy was like that too, more long the lines of scheduling PSD is recommending, one to two days out. She'll be less likely to cancel or having something come up. But even still, realize you MAY just be in the rotation. Depending on how to parties or who she parties with or how many guys she may be juggling.

Maybe not quits, but at least move on for now. Lots of dancers out there, man!

good luck!

On scheduling:

I recall a thread a couple years back. I had scheduled my CF to meet me at the club 5 weeks from that day's date (A Friday). It was for my birthday. Around the same time, 9:30 PM. I recall her response and her surprise that, "That's sooo random" I asked how so? She said, "How to you KNOW where you're going to be EXACTLY 5 weeks from now? Come on!"

It was simple to me in my mind, I have a smartphone with a calendar, like most customers here how live in professional careers, when I make an appoint, it goes on my calendar or I make a mental note. And I keep the commitment. I didn't say this to her, of course. I just confidently said, I'll me here 5 weeks from now, walking in that door around about the same time as now (to keep it consistent, since it's still slow).

I remember @Subraman here on Tuscl just reading that and nodding his head and laughing a little. He said these girls often live their lives moment to moment, need to need, day to day. He further clarified, that his ATF or ATATF had often complained to him about other people trying to make plans with her more than a few days out (like just 4-5 days) and complaining how much she hates them when they do that. She just doesn't live that way. She literally does not know where she'll be a week from now.

So back to my CF....... When I told her that, and when I saw her that day, and, yes guys, she was on time or only a few minutes late. She said she had taken a few weeks off for a DUI but she made an effort to keep the commitment. Again, she couldn't believe there are people know actually live lives like that. She wouldn't have but she said "you seemed so confident. I just had to see."

I have to agree with DC on this. Its the new norm in general. Has nothing to do with being a dancer.