Last time you got a bad lap dance...

The last time I got a bad dance was with this girl who I LOVE and she WOULDN'T GIVE ME HER CELL PHONE #!!!

Just kidding...I love reading RL's posts...

Generally, I don't really like the move where they just bend over a stool and move their ass between my legs. Granted, it does have it's moments, but it's a poor move in my opinion. I guess I've been fortunate not to have too many bad dances 1) because I try to have my expectations straight beforehand and 2) I ask for what I want. How does the saying go, a bad day at a strip club is better than a good day at work?

I agree with Chandler. I usually go for the youngest and least experienced girls. And I prefer those who don't make any promises or sales pitch at all. All my worst dances have been from more experienced dancers who had a strong sales pitch. I've learned to avoid those.

Well, the strippers I'm most attracted to are beginners (or at least young) and the hottest chicks who would have good reason to be full of themselves. So, it may be a high risk group that I deal with, and yet I rarely get a lousy lap dance anymore. I look for a good attitude and some spark between us. If it's not there when I go to tip her, I'm pretty quick to rule her out.

As a newbie, my biggest problem used to be sorting through the bullshit promises in all their sales pitches. Soon, I learned that if it sounds too good to be true it probably isn't. Finally, I came around to just ignoring their promises all together and evaluating strippers by their attitude. Once in a while, I get a little hasty and I'll pick one who delivers less than ideal mileage, but I like the rush of acting on impulse so much that I'm willing to live with that.

In my experience there's always the potential that a girl will be bad at the service end of the industry. Bad lappers, because of lack of contact, excessive rule obsession, poor skills, inappropriate time constraints, etc., generally come from girls who are too full of themselves. That MIGHT be because they're the hottest chick in the room with the biggest princess attitude, or (usually worse) because they haven't got a goddamned clue what a man "really wants" and they think idiotic little things like "Well, I'm wearing extra perfume tonight and my pink panties match the bangles on my left earring, so therefore he will be more turned on."

The problem is in the disconnect between her assumptions, on the one hand, and her ability to project herself into a male human's assumptions, on the other. And, therefore, by extension, her ability to project to MY world-view and expectations.

Chicks who can't do that, usually, are either "beginners" or "full of themselves" or simply not interested because the profit-to-effort trade-off isn't necessary or worth it for them.

In my experience there's always the potential that a girl will be bad at the service end of the industry. Bad lappers, because of lack of contact, excessive rule obsession, poor skills, inappropriate time constraints, etc., generally come from girls who are too full of themselves. That MIGHT be because they're the hottest chick in the room with the biggest princess attitude, or (usually worse) because they haven't got a goddamned clue what a man "really wants" and they think idiotic little things like "Well, I'm wearing extra perfume tonight and my pink panties match the bangles on my left earring, so therefore he will be more turned on."

The problem is in the disconnect between her assumptions, on the one hand, and her ability to project herself into a male human's assumptions, on the other. And, therefore, by extension, her ability to project to MY world-view and expectations.

Chicks who can't do that, usually, are either "beginners" or "full of themselves" or simply not interested because the profit-to-effort trade-off isn't necessary or worth it for them.

Someyoungguy: There's really no need to know the names of lousy dancers if you learn from your bad experiences how to spot them and avoid them. That's more reliable (and less tedious) than trying to remember a list of names. Lousy dancers are constantly coming and going or changing their names. Their warning signs don't change much. That's the main purpose of this thread - to share what we've learned from our mistakes.

Platinum - Memphis:

At 4 LD's for $100 was too expensive, were good, not great for the money. That's the best I could do at this club during my first visit in late Oct of this year.

It was below average considering the expectations.

Bones7599 - Sorry to disappoint you on my first visit to Memphis! May be, better news next time.

Only once. Out in the club, she gave high expectations for a nice VIP dance. What I got was way to serious "grinding". I think she was intent on completly crushing my most sensitive parts. When I cautioned her, she relaxed, but within 30 seconds, she was back at it. I Just got up, paid her her money (no tip), and returned to the bar, never to have her bother me again.

Can't remember specifics, but the ones I hate are the ones where they won't even graze your knee, and instead grab and lick themselves while looking at you longingly/blankly thinking that's what makes you hot. We should start naming names of bad dancers. That way we know who to avoid, or at least caveat emptor.

Yoda, that's probably the most common reason for me, too, however it's not breaking a rule of mine. I've had too many great dances by trying the hottest girl after saying no more than, "Let's go!"

Anytime I get a bad LD it's because I've broken my #1 rule of never buying a dance from the "hottest" girl in the club without talking to her first.

Anybody remember the Seinfeld episode "Two-Face". I appreciate a dancer who knows how to shake her ass on stage and really gets into the music. I thought she was pretty cute...until we got into the VIP. Her dances really weren't all that bad, but man, she looked totally different...I just couldn't get in the mood.

I was in RI, the girl was hot, but I think she was on something, she started sweating, (really bad, so when I'd run my hand over her, it got soaked) She was also always moving, I couldnt wait for the song to end.

Darkwolf's comment on hair weaves, brings back a memory of a bad dance MANY years ago... As most of you on this board know, I've got a bit of a hair fetish, and you can bet during a dance, I'm going to run my fingers through her hair and maybe even do a little hair pulling (some girls like it, if you do it right)... anyhow, a girl with long, silky hair caught my eye, so I booked her for a dance... As the dance began, the first thing she said was "don't touch my hair" SHE was one of the few in my career that I didn't even go two dances with.

I think I get one every time that I go. Now, I don't look at it as a bad thing - just educational. Of course I am not going to flat out get a dance from someone I haven't watched dancing for someone else, unless they have done rather well on stage. I always tip on stage so I get to see what they have to offer. I am not one to get many lap dances to begin with when I first go into a club. But, I will watch and see what people have to offer.
I tend to agree with the bad dances as being mechanical or uninterested. But to be fair, there are some guys who are there to just stare at body parts and objectify the girls. I like to see what a woman is 'thinking' when she is dancing by watching where she is looking and how she enjoys her own body. If she is not into it - it won't be a good dance for me irregardless of contact level. If a girl is getting into it and being sensual and sexual - then it will be a wonderful dance.
It is a huge deterrent for me though on the girls who don't get naked before a song or aren't interested in finishing out a song properly. It will be an immediate dismissal for any future dances from me. Also, girls with weaves... dear GOD get it done right or don't bother getting your head near me....

I think it was 2 or 3 years ago for me. It was a dancer I wasn't familiar with and I agreed to get a lap dance too fast without hardly even talking to her. She was mostly air with little contact and seemed to prefer to look for her next victim with her back turned to me for most of the lap dance. If you wonder why I tend to stick to favorites, this was a good reason. Of course nothing ventured, nothing gained. I typically ask a few extra questions if I don't know the dancer to avoid such a repeat lackluster performance. I also like to evaluate how she treats me during a stage tip to get an idea of what her lap dance might be like. If she's too timid during the stage tip, I forget about her unless she really turned on the charm some other way.

Most of the time when I get a bad lap dance, it's either a new girl with a hot body who can't do a good lap dance at a club I visit a lot, or it's a new or infrequently visited club and I just take the first girl I like, who turns out not to be able to dance well. Which I suppose is all the same thing anyway.

Non-interpersonal gyrating. Posing rather than contact (of any sort). Arm and knee contact rather than good contact. Excessively painful contact. Girl remains clothed for no apparent reason, or makes up excuses ("I can't get the bikini back on quickly enough ..."), despite general club expectations to the contrary. Too fast. Too proud of her ballet-style moves, leaving out Solid-Gold-horny-style moves. Bad breath. Garlic breath. Chewing gum stuck to her hair. Weighs too much and puts that weight on me to hold up for a while. Cuts the song short. Starts late, finishes early, or uses the interim-selection-semi-song as a full song. Sings along, or mouths the words, to ANYTHING EVER. Body odor. Poorly exfoliated or otherwise dry, crackly, bumpy skin (get a loofah! and some baby oil!). Razor stubble down there giving me a rash on my cheeks. Pointy, prickly, pokey hair strands with enough intense-hold hair-spray on them to enable her to use her bangs as an envelope opener. Sickly, clingy, cloying perfume. Briefly full-hand non-stroke poking at my crotch outside my pants and then charging extra for a "hand job." Spending too much time on my thighs. Asymmetrical activity, getting one thigh or arm or nipple or ear interested and ignoring the other. Getting distracted by talking to her friend during paid time. Pumping her fist in exhilaration, doing a belly-bump with me, flexing her traps like Arnold in the weightlifter pose, or performing any other "male" sports-celebration move.

It was at Favorite Club. Some of my fellow fans of that club know of the very young dancer who has an outstanding body--but a horrible attitude. I took her back into the 30 minute VIP area. She started off by asking if she could smoke a cigarette "first". She danced for perhaps seven minutes. She then started talking with other dancers in the room and, occasionally, me.

I have to use a lot of discipline not to get dances from her, because she has the hottest body I have ever seen in person. She is about twenty, so gravity has not yet had its at-bat, and I would estimate her figure to be a natural 36C-26-36. But she is like the Sirens, who would tempt sailors into the shoals, so I succeed in resisting the temptation to get a dance from her.

I'm fortunate that I've had very few bad dances. Usually, they will at least be decent. I'm pretty selective, so I've probably eliminated the bad ones before even trying them out.

The worst one, and I wouldn't even call it a dance, was 5+ years ago, and the club in Chicago that is now Scores. (I think it was called Diamonds or something like that, at the time).

I semi-hot girl asked me if I wanted a dance, and I said "no thanks", 'cause I already had my sights on another girl. She continued pushing me and asked if I wanted a "sample" just to see if I'd enjoy her dance. So, I said, "sure, why not"... well, after my sample, she's like "That'll be $20". I told her I thought it was just a "sample", and she proceded to start calling me every name in the book.... she didn't quite make a scene, but I just told her to get out of my face and walked away. (and the sample was not very good, either)

Whenever I've gotten a lap dance from a girl who I didn't like all that much I've rarely enjoyed it. But the only really bad ones I've had are because either the girl was too heavy, which made it uncomfortabel, or it was an air dance, or she was too obviously phoney and mechanical about it. The latter are the worst for me.

For me, the "best" lap-dancing moves are simply her actions that make me feel like she's my girlfriend and she's in my lap making out with me and trying to turn me on before we fuck. That involves any of a number of positions and strokes, but I want to feel like she's "into" me, so it could really include or exclude anything, depending on HOW it's done.

That having been said, I've never been making out with a girlfriend and had her do a handstand in my crotch. :P