What am I doing.......

avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
I have posted on here before and am not a troll, I just don't know what I am doing at this club. It is a hole in the wall type, not fancy, bring your own alcohol place, it has covered top and bottom lap dances with moderate touching. Can grab ass, tits, legs, and briefly pussy over the panties and maybe very shortly under the panties. And brief tits exposed. No extras really. If extras then very very tame.

That is just to say how the club is. Now for further information on the situation I am 30. The stripper I will be talking about is 22 with a couple kids already, but single. She is hot latina with a phat ass nice titties very pretty. She is very cool to talk to and I have found myself seeming to get attached to her. In the last year and a half I've visited her at the club on and off let's say a couple times a month with monthly spending on her in the 2K range. Let's say out of the last 8 months 6 of those months have spent that.

Now more recently I have found myself texting her back and forth often talking to her on the phone often and visiting her at the club once a week again spending 700-900 a visit. I know it sounds like a lot or BS but that is what it is and it is not affecting me financially that is not the issue.

The issue is the attachment issue. She will spend the whole night with me at the club 4,5,6 hours. And after we will talk in the car for an hour or get something to eat. But that is it. No extras, and again no extras in the club except more acceptable for roaming hands during dances, but not as far as fingering but I could chalk that up to club rules, although I think it could be done if she was down because I don't think the club would see.

She claims she will do something otc not services just hanging out or something, which would be okay but has not happened yet. She is busy with kids but it seems like she could make time at some point for hanging out but not yet.

I do know that her hanging out after a club visit is not something she does with other customers, although I realize she might be throwing me a bone for the high spending. Still she must not completely dislike me because otherwise she wouldn't even do that, she is not pressed for money, meaning even if I stopped spending on her she would make something anyway and is not the type to ask for anything as she hasn't, she is confident so she doesn't ask for anything ever.

So I guess what I'm trying to convey is she must not completely dislike me but at the same time not be interested enough to pursue anything otc very much even just hanging out. And my question is, is it completely stupid to be attached to this dancer and spend this amount. Is it useless to continue this way. Maybe I am looking for something that she is not interested in and maybe she just won't do otc extras no matter what I spend. I guess it's possible she just wants to keep everything mostly in the club. But why does she show some interest? Why? (Texting and talking on phone so often and after club chilling) That is what is confusing me. She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to and don't think she would if there wasn't some interest

and again not only money interest because the money would be the same anyway.

59 comments

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avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
Also thank you for any comments and advice on this issue
avatar for joc13
joc13
7 years ago
What she is doing has you coming back to the club spending 2K a month on her. Sounds like she knows exactly what she's doing and she's getting exactly what she wants.

If you want something different, you're going to have to break the pattern or talk to her specifically about what you want.
avatar for clubdude
clubdude
7 years ago
I've been going to clubs for a long while (since the 80's), and I will always believe that it's the money. Do a test and cut back on the hours and cash and see it she still is the same way.
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
Is it that some dancers just don't do otc extras or friends with benefits even if the show some interest.
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
they*
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
Because i really thought she is showing some interest but maybe not.
avatar for jackslash
jackslash
7 years ago
Let me be brutally honest. For $2K a month you should be getting sucked and fucked. You know that's what you want. She knows that's what you want. She shows interest in you to keep you on the hook.

When she claims to be busy with the kids, she is probably busy with her boyfriend. Or busy with other customers who get sex for the money they spend on her.

You can: (1) Keep wasting your money on her. (2) Tell her you need to get sex or you're dropping her. (3) Find another stripper or floozy who will treat you right. For $2K you should be swimming in pussy.
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
And if it is about money then why would she not do otc extras or friends with benefits because it doesn't seem like she will even for the money part the money is there but the otc isn't and that doesn't seem like it would change with more money or stopping the money.
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
I don't think stopping the money would do anything. Or increasing it even though it shouldn't need increasing.....
avatar for BurlingtonHoFactory
BurlingtonHoFactory
7 years ago
I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand she could be tricking you into spending money on her in exchange for promises that never materialize. On the other hand, you may be tricking yourself and she's just going along for the ride. Regardless, remind yourself that you do not want a relationship, either with her or with anyone else. If you did, you wouldn't be at a titty club. You're not doing anything wrong. Enjoy yourself.
avatar for joc13
joc13
7 years ago
If she can get 2k a month without doing extras or OTC, why would she voluntarily start doing them?

jackslash is completely right. While I could afford to spend 2k/month on a girl I'm not getting sex from (wait a minute, I am doing that - she's my wife), I would never choose to do that (with anyone else).

As a comparison, I spend about 1k per month on my current SA girl and that gets me 4 to 8 dates per month where a date is anything from dinner (sometimes in a SC) and a quickie in the car, to an overnight date where we end up having sex multiple times (she's only a 6, but she's insatiable).

Throw in another $200 to $250 to occasionally have an OTC stripper join us, and I'm getting sucked and fucked 10-15 times a month for about 1.5k
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
Very painful to read what you wrote. Sound like a decent guy and you don't understand women or more to the point women from desperate upbringing.

It's pretty simple kids or not if they like you they make time for you and the absolutely give you the pussy as a show of appreciation and affection. She's using your decent values against you. Where are you feel like you're not going to pressure her for ass. So now she can take all your money and not have to give you sex and she's comfortable with that situation. She definitely most likely has a boyfriend because if she likes you even a little bit you'd already be having sex. There isn't a woman in the world that is so careful that after a few months she hasn't sized up whether she can trust you or not.

My devices continue to go to the club tell her that you're there to have fun and see other strippers if she trips on you then she definitely only sees you as an ATM and any money you spend on any other girl is money you are quote unquote taking away from her she'll be pissed and she will stop talking to you if she really liked you she let you do it because it's not really about the money.
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
And sorry you have to read through that muddled speech to text
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
Also nobody's trying to turn you into a cynic but some healthy cynicism would serve you well on learning how to read a situation to your advantage and not your disadvantage
avatar for flagooner
flagooner
7 years ago
Sounds like you have an acute case of RIL. I agree with BHF that you are deluding yourself and she is just along for the ride, raking it in.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
7 years ago
You should not be strip clubbing. Because you want a girlfriend, and a strip club is the worst place on earth to find any type of legit girlfriend. And if I read it wrong and you just want sex, you should still stop strip clubbing immediately because you have no clue what you’re doing and the girls are taking advantage of you in a massive way.

You need to drop the bitch immediately before she bleeds you dry any further, you should stop strip clubbing, and you should go on line or to an ap and find a girlfriend. You probably won’t do any of that but it would be the right move.
avatar for lick-that
lick-that
7 years ago
I'll just second what everyone else has already said.
But let me add two points. Decide what you are looking for. SC's are great but not for finding a GF/real relationship. I think you can learn that from most people on here who at some point have been caught-up in the stripper web. That should give you clarity of purpose.
Secondly, you state the money is not an issue, but focus on the word Value. Would you pay $50k for a Corolla just because you can afford it? If you want her for a GF/SO, well she's worth everything you have. Just understand you're buying a GF then. If you want sex you absolutely have to factor value to not get taken advantage of.
Example, guy 1 pays $200 for sex with girl he's friendly with.
Guy 2 pays $500 for sex with same girl, gets basic sex, not very much fun with same girl, who thinks she has him around her finger. Additionally, she hits him up for more cash occasionally because she can and he lets her. Value.

avatar for lick-that
lick-that
7 years ago
Btw $2k month, you might want to use the term Sugar-Baby to her and see from there. Idk
Where you live but you're already supporting this girl and her family, you should have a key.
avatar for Bj99
Bj99
7 years ago
Oh goodie. I was missing the RIL posts. Okay, I followed your last discussion. Is this the same girl?
avatar for PrimetimeSchein
PrimetimeSchein
7 years ago
My friend you need to join Seeking Arrangements. 2K and no pussy is a national tragedy. Take the advice listed above
avatar for twentyfive
twentyfive
7 years ago
You’re being played bro, you need more roughage. You are just constipated.
avatar for Darkblue999
Darkblue999
7 years ago
You spent 12k total on that girl and you got nothing.
Even a GF gives in completely when you pay that much.
I don't know whether to trust you or not.
avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg
7 years ago
SMH. :-/
avatar for Uprightcitizen
Uprightcitizen
7 years ago
Well my friend you are a dancers dream customer. Its your money....oh wait its hers now.
avatar for JohnTitor
JohnTitor
7 years ago
Duh. You're getting played and wasting your time and $$$$. You seem like an okay without a clue in the world.
avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234
7 years ago
This will be harsh - but you should cut her off - and move on - to a new club. If you don’t cut her off - you will continue to spend $$$$ - and get nothing in return. If you drop her - and try another dancer in her club - the word will spread that you are an easy mark/ATM - and another dancer will string you along.

Cut your losses and move on. You’ve got no chance of getting anywhere with this dancer - as you’re setup as a RIL -
avatar for lookingforpink
lookingforpink
7 years ago
What Jackslash said!!

avatar for Subraman
Subraman
7 years ago
-->"But why does she show some interest? Why? (Texting and talking on phone so often and after club chilling) That is what is confusing me. She doesn't have to. She doesn't have to and don't think she would if there wasn't some interest "

She's got you all tied up in knots, that's your answer: texting and talking and after club chilling keeps you deeply hooked. You're not going to get anything else, and your obsession about how much she likes you is incredibly unhealthy for you; move on for your own good
avatar for wallanon
wallanon
7 years ago
What joc and jackslash said. Which is basically what js69 said, but nicer.

Why would a dancer do anything more than she had to if you're a guaranteed 2K a month already?
avatar for warhawks
warhawks
7 years ago
I had a similar situation when I first started out clubbing.

In the end, she was just stringing me along and taking advantage of my captain save-a-hoe newness to the strip club world and its workings.

As other have said, you’re being played. Just being honest and speaking from past experience that is very similar to yours.
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
A stripper once said to me point blank "any guy that walks through that door us gullible as fuck"
avatar for Rickberge
Rickberge
7 years ago
^^^Damn... that statement just blew my stripclub high
avatar for Call.Me.Ishmael
Call.Me.Ishmael
7 years ago
"And my question is, is it completely stupid to be attached to this dancer and spend this amount?"

Well, that's subjective. If you're happy with how things are now, and not spending outside your means, then it's not stupid. It may not be what others here would want, but that's irrelevant. Flip side ... if you're not happy wiht how things are now, and it's not looking like that's going to change, then it is some degree of stupid. Spending a bunch of money to pine away for a sex worker seems like bad math to me.

"Is it useless to continue this way."

Well, if things aren't going to change, then yes. Yes it is.

"But why does she show some interest? Why?"

Because she's leveraging your attachment issues into easy money. I mean, it's nice that you two talk and such. Then again, you're laying out a lot of money to not get laid.
avatar for Uprightcitizen
Uprightcitizen
7 years ago
@GACA ...were you offended by being called Gullible Fuck (GF) and correct her by stating the proper title is Pathetic Loser (PL)?
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
7 years ago
I wasn't "nice" cause I suspect this is a troll, his denials notwithstanding. But if he's legit then he needs a lot of tough love.
avatar for Joe_yy
Joe_yy
7 years ago
It is the same dancer. And even if the money was stopped or increased to leverage otc extras or friends with benefits I don't now if she would do it perhaps some dancers just don't do it as rules for themselves even for a high amount. Also I would like better mileage itc like under the panties touching which at this point is there but very brief.....
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
@upright ya it did sting a little. But at the same time thanks to this sight I knew i was at least less gullible as the rest of the fucks :)
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
Also to me her comment reflected her bad businesses model more than the actual truth. But ya that bit of insight did get me to curb my spending (on her anyway)
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
Shadow cat was with me when I blew through $2500 at Follies one trip. God that was a great visit.
avatar for sslv2006
sslv2006
7 years ago
Learned a new term today. RIL. That sounds like me. Joe__yy is there too I think.
avatar for Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
7 years ago
That is way too much time and money to invest in one dancer. If I don't get any play or action by the third encounter then I just forget about her and move on to the next.

Never chase, just replace.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
7 years ago
Damn GACA, I remember being there but didn't realize that you went through that much. Did you buy the VIP room? :)
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
@shadow well one girl I had to have got me for double the rate an hour. And then ya I damn near rented that space all day :)
avatar for GACA
GACA
7 years ago
I don't think I ever nutted so much in my life
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
7 years ago
I typically get more mileage than you in a $20 dance.

Quit, now, cold turkey. You're being played. Take two months off and renegotiate the deal. Be polite but firm on what your cash buys you.
avatar for anonlvone
anonlvone
7 years ago
I read the response from JohnSmith69 and then stopped reading as he pretty much covers it all. You don't seem to know what you want. My read is that you have this confused idea this dancer might like you. She doesn't. Okay? Can we get that clear? She.Does.Not.Care.About.You.At.All

You also seem to think that you can buy affection. You can't. If a dancer doesn't care about you, offering her money is not going to change her mind.

What you're doing is completely messed up. You don't get a girlfriend by offering her money like a whore. And you aren't going to get anywhere with a whore by treating her like a girlfriend.

If you want to fuck her, then cut her off. I'm not normally this rude, but reading shit like this makes me angry for you. Don't give her one cent more unless she agrees to OTC. If she doesn't, and I expect she won't, then say goodbye and look elsewhere.
avatar for rh48hr
rh48hr
7 years ago
At $2000 a month I best be nutting between 6-10 times in that month with her.

Time to move on and get more value for your dollar.
avatar for anonlvone
anonlvone
7 years ago
I just read another of your posts. At age 30, you don't seem to have any actual knowledge or experience with women. And the amount of money you're spending is absurd. You should not be in strip clubs. You're like every stripper's PL dream come true.
avatar for Bj99
Bj99
7 years ago
This sounds like the same girl as last time. Did you try any of the advice ppl gave you?
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
7 years ago
To tie in another awesome tuscl thread, do you ever smell her ass? https://www.tuscl.net/?page=post&id=3300… Like she's dancing for you, and bends over and waves her ass in your face and you, you know, stick your nose into her asscrack and inhale? It would at least be an amusing interpretation of what you're doing to her anyway!
avatar for SirLapdancealot
SirLapdancealot
7 years ago
^ @Subraman IMHO I think juicebox69's thread about getting pegged is a little more appropriate here.
avatar for larryfisherman
larryfisherman
7 years ago
“What am I doing”

You’re spending way too much money and not getting any action.
avatar for BurlingtonHoFactory
BurlingtonHoFactory
7 years ago
There actually are some valid reasons for doing what the OP says he's doing. Even men seem to need some kind of emotional connection and validation from time to time, believe it or not. It isn't just for bitches anymore LOL.

But finding and keeping an actual real-life girlfriend can be a pain in the ass, and breaking up is hard to do. On the other hand, it's easy to ditch a stripper when you get tired of her; just stop showing up at her club during her shifts. Done.

Hence the much-vaunted Girlfriend Experience. Generally thought of as an ambiguous euphemism for sex that feels like you're having it with an actual human being as opposed to a hole in a wall, perhaps it also means whatever the OP is doing, as well. Regardless, most PLs fall into this trap at some point before they outgrow it. I know I have. There's really nothing wrong with it, as long as you acknowledge what you're doing. Just make sure that you cut it off when it gets too expensive. And don't let her string you along with promises of OTC. If that's really all you're after, give her a polite ultimatum immediately or seek it elsewhere. Because the way you're going about it, nothing's gonna happen without a change of tactics.
avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi
7 years ago
sometimes learning is expensive. can be quite the teacher.
avatar for Call.Me.Ishmael
Call.Me.Ishmael
7 years ago
"Did you try any of the advice ppl gave you?"

TUSCL has a long tradition of people coming here to get advice they can entirely ignore.
avatar for TheFword
TheFword
7 years ago
It's like if you went to a car rental place and paid for a car but didn't get the keys. You can look at it, talk to it, touch the outside, but you can't get in and drive it where you want to go. It is the coolest car you've ever seen, but you need to go places. Don't keep going back.
avatar for BurlingtonHoFactory
BurlingtonHoFactory
7 years ago
@TheFword,

That is a brilliant analogy, thanks. I hope he takes stock of what he actually wants from his interactions with the stripper and acts accordingly.
avatar for Jascoi
Jascoi
7 years ago
seems joe is still in the 101 class of enjoying strippers. i am SO much beyond that. i'm in stripper 102.
avatar for rickdugan
rickdugan
7 years ago
Joe_yy posted: "And even if the money was stopped or increased to leverage otc extras or friends with benefits I don't now if she would do it perhaps some dancers just don't do it as rules for themselves even for a high amount."

There's only one way to find out, which is to pull your money for a time. When she eventually starts texting/calling to pull you back in the club, which she will, you need to play it cool and hang on. Then eventually, you can mosy back into the club and have a chat with her about spending and expectations.

When I've been in these situations, I've told the girl that she is very nice and I really like visiting her, but that I have too many other options with girls who I can do more things with to be dropping this much money just for company. She'll won't be confused - she'll know exactly what you're talking about. She'll also know that what you're saying is true and assume that you do too, even if you haven't really figured it out yet.

Now you may be thinking that applying a little pressure could end up hurting other chances with her, but in all honesty, you don't have any. In fact, she's opening up her legs for free to dipshits who put babies in her but can't support them, yet you've spent a lot of cash on her for months and can't get shit. If putting it in that frame makes you feel a little pathetic and stupid - it should.

It's now time for you to either make the best of it and get a little something out of it or move on. Or you can keep getting strung along for lots of cash while she continues to fuck broke dipshits for free. Your choice.
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