Loosening the shackles

Chitown, my best success in maintaining a semi free agent status has been by doing a little whaling, but it can be dangerous. I've had two or three (once four) "regular" dancers at a time. Now remember I do most of my clubbing in DC, so lapdances don't factor, but bigger tips are expected for a regular girl for which (depending on the club) a level of contact offstage that can range from under the table HJs to casual groping, or sometimes a more explicit show onstage is given in return, so it is similar. I've managed to get multiple regulars by talking to the girls about which dancers they like or mentioning in a conversational way which dancers I like. They usually get the hint and understand I'm keeping options open. Often to start things off I'll invite multiple dancers to sit with me. They all get treated well and get to see that I'm interested in all of them. The danger is that they can all assume that you'll be a whale every visit for all of them, so it's not a trivial matter. You can get into just as much trouble if you seem to be casting one off, so you have to sometimes make sure you're getting a good rotation through who gets one on one attention each visit, and you'll occasionally get one of your regulars coming by when you'd rather be alone with another. I only really have done this a few times, but when it works out and you get two favorites on the same shift it can be a lot of fun getting double teamed.

Doug: I was mainly talking about jealousy from dancers as an obstacle to loosening the shackles. It's not really romantic jealousy, of course. More like professional jealousy or a sensitive ego. It can play into her hand perfectly for a customer to misinterpret it as romantic jealousy. If you see it for what it is, it's just silly and annoying.

I don't think jealousy is always a bad thing. It's natural to feel some, even though it can hurt. What's bad is to be consumed by jealous paranoia when there's no justification for it. In real life, when you have no reason to believe your SO is unfaithful. In a strip club, when you know for certain that your ATF is only pretending to be faithful while you're in the club.

DougS, it's a major reason why I like to meet a girl when she has just started dancing. If you get to know her before she learns how she's supposed to treat a customer, she'll treat you like she would one of her real friends, and that treatment will usually continue as long as you know her. I've had that exact situation with 2 of my faves including my ATF and they never stopped treating me like a real person. Which is what I prefer.

Chandler: Yes, there's no room for jealousy in a strip club. In fact, jealousy is a bad thing anywhere. Unfortunately, I'm a jealous sort of guy that doesn't want to see his women with others. This is yet another reason that being "stuck with a regular" isn't such a bad thing. I like the knowledge that when I'm in the club, I've got her undivided attention.

Again, I realize jealousy isn't a good thing, and it's harmful to relationships, happiness, and with a dancer it can harm your wallet. I'm certainly open to suggestions on controlling that jealousy, if anyone out there has ideas.

Fondl: I believe the better that you know the girl, the less chance there is that she will act less than genuine with you - at least without you knowing or suspecting.

I agree that there's no place for jealousy in a strip club. What kind of a favorite would act hurt because a customer doesn't behave like her exclusive property? All that eighth grade stuff is nothing to take seriously. However, as long as you like the guaranteed attention side of the bargain, it may be worth it to play along. Once that arrangement stops being fun, I ask again, what's to keep you from playing with any girl you want?

When a fave fails to greet me like a long lost lover but treats me like a real friend instead, I protest. "Hey, what's this? No hugs?? No kisses???"

I might have 3 favorites I almost always get dances from if they are in the club. They aren't always there and with 2 of them, I don't know if they will be. I have the phone number and name of one and she tells me personal things especially what her plans are. I have other favorites who I may or may not get dances from. Sometimes I'm so busy I never even see them in the 3, 4, or 5 hours I'm in the club. The club I visit is pretty big with lots of people. Then I seem to have other dancers from another club where I haven't bought any lap dances starting to work at a club where I do and asking me why I never get dances from them. I think if I had a thousand dollars, I could easily blow it all if I got dances from everyone who asked me. There are some dancers who are very friendly to me and I tip them a dollar on stage from time to time but they don't ever ask me for a dance. They must be the ones who don't feel like competing. I don't think I ever asked them for a dance either. I don't ask for dances in a club if I get asked for a dance every few minutes unless a girl is already sitting on top of me. The only shackles holding me is how much money to spend.

There is no room for jealousy in a strip club. By dancers or customers. Even with my last ATF. She would some times ask if I minded that she gave this other customer a dance. He is a regular of mine. I responded with " No go ahead". Are you "sure" Yes I am, you do not have to ask me. This is your job. She said "I just want to be respectfull to you". She always went and did her thing and then came back to me. While she was gone, I had time to get some dances with some of my other favorites. My ATF got the biggest chunk of my change but she and the others knew that they were all going to get some of my money. I have had 3 or more favorites sitting with me. Ok. You're are 1st, You're 2nd, etc. No problems. They understood the name of the game. There are some dancers that know me casually and will not come near me. They know that I have a ton of favorites and they do not want to compete. Money wise or mileage wise. I have never looked for an ATF. It has happened twice and I am still not looking for another but the dancer mentioned in "more erotic adventures", has still offered me a deep cajun fried turkey completed with mashed potatoes and giblets gravy. But after the 3 hours of foreplay and fuck. Sex on a full stomach is not the best. I would have gotten it this month except her mobile home burned down on Christmas day. She is living in a hotel untill she can find new affordable housing. Is she trying to become my 3rd ATF? I never fucked the previous 2.

DougS, just make sure you know it's fantasy when you say "it's hard to compare having a girl excitedly greet you like you were her long lost lover." My ATF used to greet other guys like that but she didn't greet me that way, which at first used to bother me a little. Then one day she really treated a guy like that when he walked in, and I thought he must be her favorite customer. Then she came back to me and the first words she said were, "what an asshole." From then on I noticed that when her real friends came in, which happened pretty often because she had grown up in the town, she greeted them the same way she greeted me, and it was only the customers she didn't care about who got the "long lost lover" welcome. Don't mistake fantasy for reality.

Equating SC's with high school (or junior high, for that matter) is right on the money. Every time I set foot inside a club I feel 17 again.....but not in a good way. The gossip, possessiveness, catfighting & immaturity can be trying at times, and intolerable at others. I've tried to rid myself of the whole ATF mindset, prefering to sample the waters on each visit - but it's tough to do in a club where you are a regular - once you "belong" to her, you're pretty much stuck, unless you begin treating her badly or ignoring her, which is something I could just never do.

Doug, I didn't mean to reopen the eternal debate over being a regular vs. a free agent. I asked what would be the drawback of playing with different girls OTHER THAN, obviously, giving up guaranteed attention. Why should you (using the royal "you" here) consider yourself "stuck with her" even after it stops being fun? The implication seems to be that you would suffer dire consequences - embarrassing scenes, ostracism, eternal damnation. I think that's all in your imagination, not at all how dancers approach their job. The only hurt feelings would be feigned to try to guilt you back into your shackles. Call her bluff and it would all blow over in one night.

BTW, if, on the other hand, being a dancer's regular IS such an enduring, inflexible commitment, I would say that's a good reason never to enter into such a deal.

Jimmyblong: I like the way you think. I'm way too nice, I guess... If I like my favorite, I don't want to hurt her feelings - maybe insult her - by sending her off so that I can play with others. Giving her some money on her way to picking a girl of her choosing, makes a lot of sense. I especially like the potential 3-ways...

Fondl: I consider myself to be VERY picky. Outside of a few instances, though, I don't mind limiting to one girl. Especially when I know I will have a nice time with her. Afterall, that IS what I'm looking for, and if I've been with her a lot, the connection that we have tends to make it even more fun. Heck, with my ATF, I look forward to seeing her... more than I should, for sure, but that anticipation also adds something to our encounters. Also, it helps when I realize that my ATF is better than 99% of the other girls - why bother sampling others?

Chandler: Guaranteed attention is a nice thing to have. No more scrambling to get a certain dancer's attention, which sometimes is an ego-buster. Speaking of egos, it's hard to compare having a girl excitedly greet you like you were her long lost lover, without her paying attention to any other guy. I've seen the looks on fellow patrons when this happens, and it's priceless. In the past, I've been one of those guys looking on, and I know what I was thinking... "wow, that guy must really have something going for him, to have a hottie like that all over him" (of course, the next thought is he must be a PL that throws money at her... I tend to gloss over that part of it)

Fortunately for me I live in an area with many clubs to choose from. I can maintain "regular" status and benefits with many different girls just by going to different clubs.

I have trouble finding even one girl I like on a day shift.

Once you start frequenting one particular dancer, and begin enjoying the benefits of "regulardom", you are pretty much stuck with her.<

Isn't that only if you can't live without her "guaranteed attention"? If you decide to play the field like most customers do and treat her like any other favorite, i.e., not an exclusive favorite, what's the worst that can happen?

Chitown, I think DougS has the right idea. Have your regular at one club but be a free agent at the others. Seems to me that's the best of both worlds.

You guys are either luckier or less picky than I am. Usually I have trouble finding one girl I like in a club, let alone several. Maybe that's why when I find one I stick with her.

I've had more trouble with the opposite problem, maybe because I go when clubs aren't very busy. But when there are only a few customers, sometimes several girls will join you at once, eg. you invite a girl to join you and then her friends jump in too. How do you get rid of all but the one you want to be with without offending them all?

There are a couple of techniques thatI've used. The first being to avoid the club when your ATF is working, but given you're random scheduling it may not work. What I have done in the past is spent a little time with the ATF stating that I was looking for a little variety and asking them to make a referral and then even tipping the ATF $5-10 just to go wrangle up the other dancer. That way the ATF doesn't feel slighted and you dont have to wait for the other dancer to approach which she may never do if your ATF is keeping them away. It has also lead to some exciting 3 way LD's as well!

I have to chime in with a "you can't", as well.

Once you start frequenting one particular dancer, and begin enjoying the benefits of "regulardom", you are pretty much stuck with her.

Personally, I prefer it that way - MOST of the time. Once I find a girl that I really enjoy to be with, I would rather just be with her. On the other hand, there HAVE been those times when a new hottie appears, and I'm just dying to take her for a test spin.

Once a regular, you pretty much have to go to another club to play with that "strange".

I have had the same situation occur to varying degrees, When it got so bad I couldn't enjoy myself at the club anymore, I just ignored my former ATF and she responded by stopping all contact with me. I became invisible to her. That suited me fine as it freed me up to have fun again. Just like high school, sometimes you have to have a silent treatment for a while!

It's about jealousy - either becuase they like your money, or like you personlity, or sometimes I think a bit of both.

Exactly correct, Chandler...how can you get the benefits of being a regular (principally, guaranteed attention from women that you know are good dancers), but the freedom to move about without prior entanglements encroaching on you?

The answer probably is that you can't.

Chitown: This is such an easy one, I take it what you're really asking is how to do it without losing the benefits of being a regular. I don't know if that's possible. As you know, I believe in avoiding the shackles from the get-go, and I don't mind paying the price. Not having worn them, I wouldn't know how to loosen them. Other than to tip whoever you like and suggest she come join you, which is what I do anyway.

I must look like a free agent. Even though I have some favorites, almost every dancer in some clubs seems to like to ask for a dance. I like the phrase one dancer told me. "Looks like you have been getting a lot of booty tonight." That's the way I like it. Then the question becomes how many favorites are there and do I have enough money to try out any new girls. One girl from Memphis asked me for a dance about 3 or 4 times until I decided it would be better to tell her no thanks instead of maybe later.

Then some dancers from another club where I never bought a lap dance due to high prices and very strict rules seem to be moonlighting late at the other club I visit. They even asked me for dances at the club where they saw me buying dances and asked me why I never bought any at the other club. I could have said I only have so much money to spend and try to maximize what I get out of it but I said something more tactful. Unless I got a dancer sitting on my lap, I seem to be known as someone who shops around.

Getting seen by dancers buying dances from different girls seems to draw attention.

I understand the situation very well. Over the last 5 yrs I've frequented a particular club in Tampa and began having ATF after ATF(natural attrition due to the job). After the third in a line left 1 1/2 years ago I've taken a different approach.I usually have 1 I spend more time with but spread the wealth. Some of the other dancers have reported to N that I had a dance with G while N was off one night. N told me about it but didn't really care. I figure if I'm the only person they danced with that night she'd have a leg to stand on. They have other customers I have other dancer. Another option is to work both the day shift and the night shift. It's worse than high school, its about money. Good luck

I myself do not like spending too much money on any one dancer. Have several favorites so that if some are not there, you'll always have some backup company. Since I'm not married to any of them, I don't think they should see any problem with me getting dances from whomever I please and I believe everyone knows that. I did have one dancer who didn't understand at first that I wanted to still have fun in a strip club in that way. I think she thought just because I slept with her that I shouldn't be getting lap dances from a number of other dancers. She acted surprised at first, then angry, then she got over it. It wasn't like I had just slept with her, it had been at least a few days.

My very first ATF was quite possessive of me though. She chased all other dancers away until she got dances from me first. Then she let me go free to enjoy the other dancers. If I walked into her club and another dancer sat down to talk with me, she would even come over and get the other dancer to go away until she got some time with me first. That could be a bit annoying at times.

You're absolutely right that strip clubs are often a lot like high school, I think that's one of the features that make them fun (sometimes.) I've never had the problem you've described because I've always done just the opposite - I find the one I like the best and spend all my time with her. Kind of like going steady, to continue the high school comparison.

But if I wanted to play the field I'd be open about it and make it known. If you tell two or three girls that's how you like to play, they'll all know in a hurry and will respond accordingly.

LOL...good tip---