First ATF Confusion

I see a green card marriage in your future!

"Sadsak's in love with a stripperrrrrr!"

But seriously, there are a ton of strippers, no matter how special one seems, they're still a dime a dozen. If she's not giving you what want, move on. I would not crown a girl my ATF or even CF if she's not meeting my expectations for services rendered.

She is using you. Her job is to extract as much money as she can from you and she is doing it quite well. You are what is know as a RIL (Regular in Love).

She has a convenient excuse (lie) not to meet every time you bring up OTC. If she is not willing to do it by now, she never had plans on doing it.

How should you proceed? Get dances with other girls when you go. If she has a problem with it, that's her issue. Control the narrative. Do not talk to her. If she says something to you, you can be polite but you are not to get dances with her.

Also - forget about a relationship. It would be nothing but bad news. All of the flowers and cards were a mistake, you can't treat her like a civilian GF. She does not want you as a BF. This is obvious from the story.

I'm sure there will be others who will advise similarly. Please take it to heart, there are plenty of other dancers in the sea who can meet your needs.

^^^ what a21985 said. Life is short. There are strippers who will deliver a Porn Star Experience in a heart beat. Why spend money and go home with blue balls.

And all these dating stripper threads are getting old. Do a search and read the gazillion times this has been beat to death.

Strippers are professional liars and manipulators. She is playing you to get your money. Run fast and run far.

A TUSCL article for newbies needs to be written so we can just point PLs to it since so many seem to have no clue

I'm gonna be severely blunt - - YOU'RE AN IDIOT - you are doing EVERYTHING wrong and your mindset w.r.t. to strippers and strip clubs is WAY OFF - a strip club is not a place to find a GF nor a genuine date, 99% of guys with your mindset just get burned and completely fleeced.

Don't take what I say personally, if you were my brother I'd be telling it to you the exact same way, it's for your good.

Once $$$ is being exchanged (you're paying her), you should assume that nothing on her part is real or genuine - the primary if not only reason she's with you is b/c she's getting paid, that's what the strip club game is about.

Your are grabbing at straws and blind to all the the flashing red lights - remove $$$ from the equation and see how things proceed - if she wanted to go out with you and liked you it would not be much to just go out to dinner - you are being played and strung-along which is super-common in strip clubs and 1000x more common than a stripper having genuine romantic feelings for a PAYING customer

It seems you're in romantic-relationship mode; and strip clubs are not about romantic-relationships, strip clubs are business and about $$$ and that is what is on the dancers' minds - many already have BFs and many/most do not see strip club customers as dating material and most don't have respect for them and see custies as losers that have to pay for attention from women - those are the overwhelming facts w/ rare exceptions

So it seems the consensus is the old saying "can't make a ho a housewife" lol. Lol on green card wedding too.

So I have made sure to have a handful of mid-level faves in the same club and go to 3 other clubs periodically and have a couple of mid-level faves with decent rapport at each of those. So general T-n-A supply is cool but was debating about how to handle ATF.

2 of the 5 mid-level faves at the same club are her friends. So I didn't want to come off too petty by focusing on them like I was trying for a jealousy game. Also debating between just ghosting on her and that whole club or announcing my decision to her?

To keep in the simplest terms - if you gotta ask (or are wondering) if you're being played, then most likely you are

We've had a flurry of these lately. At this point, I wonder if it's one guy who is just created a new handle over and over and seeing how long it will take us to catch on. Answer: never.

She's a stripper, treat her as such (you pay her, she entertains you) - if you like being ITC w/ her then do that but on your terms and how you feel comfortable - enjoy the ITC time w/o trying to romance her since it seems she's not interested - o/w move on

Here's a song for you

"Marriage and Green Card"

Sing it to the tune of the opening song from "Married with children"

Yeah I also have my doubts w.r.t. this recent flurry of "I'm in-love with a stripper" threads - but:

1. the OP's story is def extremely common with SC newbs and particularly those that are fresh out of LTRs that seem even more clueless/blind and thus more vulnerable

2. others posting their experience gives them the push to post theirs

She likes you, but doesn't have real romantic feelings for you.

She likes you, but does she "like like" you? I think not.

Sadsak - "2 of the 5 mid-level faves at the same club are her friends. So I didn't want to come off too petty by focusing on them like I was trying for a jealousy game."

I understand you don't want to come across as a bad guy, but who cares what she thinks about what you do? If she wants your money, she needs to provide the service you want. If she is not meeting your needs, find someone else who will. She is in a sales/entertainment business. In life, if you are unhappy with any service, you move to a different service. Same thing applies here.

Get dances with whomever you want and don't worry about her.

here is a title for a song... Strip Club Love...

now to work on the words...

She's playing you. You'd have a better chance of happiness buying an overseas bride.

I would suggest just going to the other clubs and not announcing it. You said that you have told her many times already what you were thinking, what is going on, bought her flowers, etc, so it's safe to say that she won't need any additional explanation. If you do explain, it will just look weak like you are trying to use an ultimatum to convince her.

Eventually she might text you, and if so you can explain that you had been looking for something more than just talking in the club. Either she will realize that she thought right and go silent, or rent will be due and she won't have found another RIL yet.

In a lot of ways you've gotten lucky - there are some big-white killer sharks in strip clubs w/ zero remorse that would tell you everything you wanna hear till you finally catch on you're getting duped, or you run out of $$$, or she gets tired of dealing w/ you and goes hunting for fresh prey - happens ALL THE TIME

Thanks so much everyone for being a good sounding board. I appreciate everyone keeping it 100% with me.

With all that's been said it doesn't mean you can't try, just be aware of what you're dealing with and that the odds are not in a PL's favor - plus dating a stripper is a whole different ball of wax that those that know better tend to avoid

Well dons Sadsak. Now thats how you ask a question and take feedback. Let this be an example of how to approach the forum as a new guy.

Yea she still can like you and think you are a great customer but not a potential mate. Sometimes we as simple males get confused thinking its more than that. Based on her reluctance to do anything else its nothing more so enjoy the ITC fun and she will too (or move on if you feel pussy blocked).

Why is "I'm in love with a stripper" suddenly playing in my head?

I love spring! I'm going to work my ass off before all of the guys figure out we aren't going to fall in love w them! Happens around August.

"There's a sucker born every minute"

(and many eventually walk thru the SC doors) - dancers are safe

Haha thanks Papi. And ppwh I think you're right about announcing/ultimatum point. Actions speak louder than words!

On broader level I think what happens to us PL's fresh out of LTR's is that what happens at first in SC's is like a breath of fresh air. Very clear cut instant gratification without all the headaches of trying woo a civilian or watching the flame die in a LTR. But maybe deep down we still want the stability and security of LTR with civilian, but maybe there is no real stability to be had with many women period civilian, dancer, or otherwise etc. I mean I love women but there seems to always be games and chaos either way lol! Maybe it's just too many different power struggles and agendas with love, sex, and money all on the table at the same time. Whether it's the mortgage or paying for VIP time, hooking up, or even real love, there are bound to be some bumps in the road and someone's feelings getting hurt. Anyway probably still overthinking it . . . phew . . . I need to go see some boobies lol!

In case you were referring to my sucker comment, that was solely a response to Bj99 (she's a dancer) - w.r,t, strip clubs we're all suckers it's just that the newbies don't know-it/realize it

w.r.t. dancer/custy relationships, we have mismatched agendas/expectations, PLs are looking for pleasure (emotional, physical, etc) and dancers are looking for $$$, that shit ain't gonna work except in rare occasions.

Plus there is often an age difference that works as a negative IMO, not uncommon for custies to be significantly older than dancers - IMO anything more than a 10-yr age-difference and the chances of the dancer being genuinely into you greatly diminish even though many guys claim "they look great for their age and look younger" - a 22 y/o hottie will often have little in common w/ a 40 y/o and most will not look at a 40 y/o as desirable, if they do hook-up it's often for financial gain - again not saying there aren't exceptions, but they are mostly exceptions IMO.

Everyone in this forum is right, you are getting played big time, just enjoy the fantasy with her inside the club, and forget her when you walk out, that's all you can do, she does not think of you as special, only special quality about you is your wallet, but as soon as someone else out spends you then you are no longer special

You could consult the previous 600 threads on this topic, though they all essentially mirror this thread.

Thanks again! I went out last night to other club but was kind of dead. My ATF is traveling at the moment so I returned to that club and got dances with a couple of other faves including the ones that are her friends and had a nice time and left it at that. Baby steps lol! Figured I would use this time to simmer down a bit lol!

Papi, I think you're onto something on the age issue as well. Since I have been newly single most girls I have met including dancers and civilians have been on the younger side. After my breakup, financially I am definitely not at Sugar Daddy status so it's been interesting to see the dynamic with young girls, plus I have been out of the game for nearly a decade lol. I have noticed that even with younger girls that are into me whether dancers or civilians, it's like what they feel is more of a crush whereas the stakes are generally higher on my side because I have had the life experience of actually falling in love, etc. Bottomline, now that I'm back in the singles game, whether it's the ATF, other dancers, or even dating civilians, I can't get caught up in having my world revolve around one girl. I need to enjoy my freedom and actually enjoy some peace for a while.

I had a funny convo last night with stripper at the first club. She's not one of the faves but we chat sometimes and I tip her on stage, etc. So she comes over and says hello and then says:

"I noticed you been around a lot more lately. Are you going through something and what are you looking for here?"

Lol, gotta appreciate a girl who gets to the point lol! I replied:

"I was just asking myself the same thing" lol.

Truth is I had been going to this club a bit more lately trying to distance myself from ATF and that club some, and also to scope out new prospects in this location. But anyway I just told her I was bored lately so I been going out more.

She then says:

"Well you ain't gonna find nothing but trouble around here. All these girls got baggage" lol!

She continues: "But if you're bored, grab one of these crazies and try to have them in your life and you will never be bored another day in your life trying to deal with all their problems."

We both laughed and I told her she had a good point. I finished my drink, we said our goodbyes, she went to make her rounds and that was that. Short but sweet, straight-shooter lol. Between the forum here yesterday and the convo with her last night, I got a nice reality check, kick in the pants, and some perspective. So I mean it when I say thanks again!

Good story Juice.

Flag, don't patronize us

Hey!!!!

;-)

Some guys have successfully dated strippers; one just needs to know what they are dealing-with/getting-into and be able to see SS (stripper-shit) - but most guys can't deal w/ the often drama ($$$-issues; baby-daddy issues; etc) and some guys can - if one is a straight-laced responsible kinda person the more likely they can't deal w/ the often stripper-drama - but, not to say one can't find a stripper that has her shit together - again it's all about knowing the game if one is gonna play in that league; most guys don't know what they are dealing w/ or are just thinking w/ their dick and that is when they get into trouble.