First ATF Confusion
Hello, I'm new to the site but have enjoyed reading so far. I have a question/situation and wanted some feedback. I visited SC's off and on throughout my 20's, then spent my 30's in a long-term relationship, now at 40 single again and hitting SC's in my free time. I never had an ATF before but now have met a dancer who has me second-guessing myself. Never before have I ever even considered seeing one dancer at a club more than a few times and definitely never thought about trying to have something real or serious with one. But I think I have started to have real feelings for this dancer. She's new to the country and even newer to dancing so she still seems pretty genuine and not just the jaded hustler that many dancers become. She's actually even a bit shy at times which is adorable. She seems to get nervous around me at times like she doesn't want to let on that she is into me too. For about 4 months now, I see her 2-3 times per week, sometimes we just chat and other times we do dances in VIP. I tip pretty well and have given flowers, cards, gifts, etc. fairly often so that she knows I don't think of her as just another dancer and that she is special. She tells me how special I am to her as well, but here's the prob . . . I haven't been able to get her OTC for coffee, dinner, etc. I have ask 2 or 3 times. I also haven't been able to secure a kiss ITC.
She does seem to get a bit jealous when I talk to other dancers but I am not completely sure if that is because she cares for me or just doesn't want anyone else getting my money. A few times when I just told her I just wanted to sit and talk and offer a tip for her time she's handed me back my money saying she doesn't feel right taking my money but not dancing for me but I insist and tell her I know any time she spends with me is time she could be making money with other guys so I don't mind tipping. Time is money I get it! She says she loves spending time with me but sometimes she seems reluctant to chill without dancing or feels the need to remind me that she has to get back to work.
She recently went through divorce so she seems to be a bit hesitant about starting something new. Also she says I deserve a girl who is not a dancer. So I don't know if that is just an excuse or maybe she feels some level of shame around her work. But she says she would like to stop dancing in the next year or so. I'm kinda burnt out on the status quo of coming to the club and just having dancer/client relationship but not sure if I should just walk away altogether or stick it out to see if more is possible in time but I am growing impatient plus I need to reel in my spending a bit.
Any ideas on how I should proceed?
She does seem to get a bit jealous when I talk to other dancers but I am not completely sure if that is because she cares for me or just doesn't want anyone else getting my money. A few times when I just told her I just wanted to sit and talk and offer a tip for her time she's handed me back my money saying she doesn't feel right taking my money but not dancing for me but I insist and tell her I know any time she spends with me is time she could be making money with other guys so I don't mind tipping. Time is money I get it! She says she loves spending time with me but sometimes she seems reluctant to chill without dancing or feels the need to remind me that she has to get back to work.
She recently went through divorce so she seems to be a bit hesitant about starting something new. Also she says I deserve a girl who is not a dancer. So I don't know if that is just an excuse or maybe she feels some level of shame around her work. But she says she would like to stop dancing in the next year or so. I'm kinda burnt out on the status quo of coming to the club and just having dancer/client relationship but not sure if I should just walk away altogether or stick it out to see if more is possible in time but I am growing impatient plus I need to reel in my spending a bit.
Any ideas on how I should proceed?
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38 comments
But seriously, there are a ton of strippers, no matter how special one seems, they're still a dime a dozen. If she's not giving you what want, move on. I would not crown a girl my ATF or even CF if she's not meeting my expectations for services rendered.
She has a convenient excuse (lie) not to meet every time you bring up OTC. If she is not willing to do it by now, she never had plans on doing it.
How should you proceed? Get dances with other girls when you go. If she has a problem with it, that's her issue. Control the narrative. Do not talk to her. If she says something to you, you can be polite but you are not to get dances with her.
Also - forget about a relationship. It would be nothing but bad news. All of the flowers and cards were a mistake, you can't treat her like a civilian GF. She does not want you as a BF. This is obvious from the story.
I'm sure there will be others who will advise similarly. Please take it to heart, there are plenty of other dancers in the sea who can meet your needs.
And all these dating stripper threads are getting old. Do a search and read the gazillion times this has been beat to death.
Don't take what I say personally, if you were my brother I'd be telling it to you the exact same way, it's for your good.
Your are grabbing at straws and blind to all the the flashing red lights - remove $$$ from the equation and see how things proceed - if she wanted to go out with you and liked you it would not be much to just go out to dinner - you are being played and strung-along which is super-common in strip clubs and 1000x more common than a stripper having genuine romantic feelings for a PAYING customer
So I have made sure to have a handful of mid-level faves in the same club and go to 3 other clubs periodically and have a couple of mid-level faves with decent rapport at each of those. So general T-n-A supply is cool but was debating about how to handle ATF.
2 of the 5 mid-level faves at the same club are her friends. So I didn't want to come off too petty by focusing on them like I was trying for a jealousy game. Also debating between just ghosting on her and that whole club or announcing my decision to her?
"Marriage and Green Card"
Sing it to the tune of the opening song from "Married with children"
1) the OP's story is def extremely common with SC newbs and particularly those that are fresh out of LTRs that seem even more clueless/blind and thus more vulnerable
2) others posting their experience gives them the push to post theirs
I understand you don't want to come across as a bad guy, but who cares what she thinks about what you do? If she wants your money, she needs to provide the service you want. If she is not meeting your needs, find someone else who will. She is in a sales/entertainment business. In life, if you are unhappy with any service, you move to a different service. Same thing applies here.
Get dances with whomever you want and don't worry about her.
Strip Club Love...
now to work on the words...
Eventually she might text you, and if so you can explain that you had been looking for something more than just talking in the club. Either she will realize that she thought right and go silent, or rent will be due and she won't have found another RIL yet.
Yea she still can like you and think you are a great customer but not a potential mate. Sometimes we as simple males get confused thinking its more than that. Based on her reluctance to do anything else its nothing more so enjoy the ITC fun and she will too (or move on if you feel pussy blocked).
(and many eventually walk thru the SC doors) - dancers are safe
On broader level I think what happens to us PL's fresh out of LTR's is that what happens at first in SC's is like a breath of fresh air. Very clear cut instant gratification without all the headaches of trying woo a civilian or watching the flame die in a LTR. But maybe deep down we still want the stability and security of LTR with civilian, but maybe there is no real stability to be had with many women period civilian, dancer, or otherwise etc. I mean I love women but there seems to always be games and chaos either way lol! Maybe it's just too many different power struggles and agendas with love, sex, and money all on the table at the same time. Whether it's the mortgage or paying for VIP time, hooking up, or even real love, there are bound to be some bumps in the road and someone's feelings getting hurt. Anyway probably still overthinking it . . . phew . . . I need to go see some boobies lol!
Plus there is often an age difference that works as a negative IMO, not uncommon for custies to be significantly older than dancers - IMO anything more than a 10-yr age-difference and the chances of the dancer being genuinely into you greatly diminish even though many guys claim "they look great for their age and look younger" - a 22 y/o hottie will often have little in common w/ a 40 y/o and most will not look at a 40 y/o as desirable, if they do hook-up it's often for financial gain - again not saying there aren't exceptions, but they are mostly exceptions IMO.
Papi, I think you're onto something on the age issue as well. Since I have been newly single most girls I have met including dancers and civilians have been on the younger side. After my breakup, financially I am definitely not at Sugar Daddy status so it's been interesting to see the dynamic with young girls, plus I have been out of the game for nearly a decade lol. I have noticed that even with younger girls that are into me whether dancers or civilians, it's like what they feel is more of a crush whereas the stakes are generally higher on my side because I have had the life experience of actually falling in love, etc. Bottomline, now that I'm back in the singles game, whether it's the ATF, other dancers, or even dating civilians, I can't get caught up in having my world revolve around one girl. I need to enjoy my freedom and actually enjoy some peace for a while.
I had a funny convo last night with stripper at the first club. She's not one of the faves but we chat sometimes and I tip her on stage, etc. So she comes over and says hello and then says:
"I noticed you been around a lot more lately. Are you going through something and what are you looking for here?"
Lol, gotta appreciate a girl who gets to the point lol! I replied:
"I was just asking myself the same thing" lol.
Truth is I had been going to this club a bit more lately trying to distance myself from ATF and that club some, and also to scope out new prospects in this location. But anyway I just told her I was bored lately so I been going out more.
She then says:
"Well you ain't gonna find nothing but trouble around here. All these girls got baggage" lol!
She continues: "But if you're bored, grab one of these crazies and try to have them in your life and you will never be bored another day in your life trying to deal with all their problems."
We both laughed and I told her she had a good point. I finished my drink, we said our goodbyes, she went to make her rounds and that was that. Short but sweet, straight-shooter lol. Between the forum here yesterday and the convo with her last night, I got a nice reality check, kick in the pants, and some perspective. So I mean it when I say thanks again!
;-)