Things strippers say

I've heard this from a stripper several times over the past 10 years, "I'm writing a book!"

Yeah, sure you are, and all of your recounting of events tied to you working in the club will sell millions of copies. I stopped thinking about their topic when they say "I'm writing".

"Riding big dicks makes your ass fat." Those ladies getting injections are doing it all wrong lol.

^^^ ROFLAO

A long time ago one tried to tell me that there was a canal separating California from Mexico. I just nodded.

"I have a live at home baby-daddy but we do whatever the fuck we want to"

A beautiful but dumb blonde was grinding on my lap one day and complimented me on how soft my hands were. I gave her one of my two usual responses: "I haven't dug many ditches recently!" (the other one is "I haven't been working the pole much recently!") and she replied, quite seriously, "Oh! I didn't know you were a ditch-digger!"

I managed to keep a straight face, but I thought "Come on, sweetie! Does this portly bespectacled late-middle-aged nerdy-looking dude really look like a ditch-digger to you?" LMFAO

Two come to mind.

One told me she liked out of shape guys better than in shape guys. Yeah and I like small tittied girls over big tittied ones.

Another constantly bragged how she was almost done with her undergrad degree. Update, she's been working on it for 25 years and still hasn't completed it.

Hey, that was prolly true. Out of shape guys are like a nice fluffy sofa! :)

My favorite was a stripper once said to me as she started her dance in VIP: "I'm married. I don't cheat on my husband."

The next song she was giving me a BBBJ.

She clarified her statement afterwards.

"I don't consider BBBJ as sex, as in I don't fuck someone so I'm not cheating."

Uh... Ok babe, whatever you say....

A "nursing student" stripper told me that she was afraid to swallow because she might get pregnant. I sincerely hope that she was just using this as an excuse.

One girl at Lookers gave me a verbal rundown of her eHarmony profile, including ideal guy and perfect first date, all before the bartender even took my drink order. She was old, fat, ugly, and toothless. Otherwise , I would have used that information to finagle some mileage.

Stripper told me she was studying to be a radiologist. In fact she meant a radiology tech and didn't know the difference.

At an exquisitely trampy, trashy club. Think: type of place like Lipstixx in Drew Park, Tampa, only one reason to exist, full-service in the back rooms. I have been there so many times, you might as well say I'm a regular. I know, I admit it, total PL. Anyhoo ...

So, it's almost after-hours. Weekend late, maybe about 3 a.m., when I arrive. I pay my cover. I stumble across the threshold. Instantly, sorry excuse dancer number three disentangles herself from the short queue of please-don't-ever-get-on-stage ageing dancers whose only job is to escort each new entering patron over to a seat. As we turn a short corner near the front door (basically a door-blind to keep outdoor passers-by from viewing inside) I spot a waitress arriving with tray and napkin to take my order. I do NOT want to be escorted by sorry excuse dancer, not number three, not any number, because she will sit down and expect me to buy her a drink and then whale me. So, I zip over toward the waitress as quick as possible. She recognizes my tactic, cooperates, no doubt thinking "extra tip possibility" for saving me from the whale.

Waitress makes first overture for conversation as she walks me toward my new chair:

"Hi. Do you come here often?"

ROFL. As if that's not enough, waitress continues, referencing referring to sorry excuse dancer, who is now left behind: "She doesn't look like your type. You didn't come here with her, did you?"

ROFL. Every time I think about it I roll out of my seat all over again ...

True story. Honest. :)

Not necessarily the most stupid thing, but I had one gal try to convince me ( more than once) that she only did ITC hand jobs for me.

Yep , of course I believed her and I told her She was the only gal I let touch my Johnson enough for me to come on her tits.

Wanna dance?

Ok...

I like the line one girl used on me a few weeks ago, "hi haven't seen you in a while, is this your first time in the club."

I've never held a contest but most recently....."I'm going to nursing school...followed by these two statements .....Biology, why would I take that......and.....Yuk I get sick at the sight of blood......" all within about three minutes of each other.............

I see a long future with the pole she was twirling on....

I've never done this before.

;) You're the only guy I do this for...

I had one tell me that you could take antibiotics to cure a cold. When I disagreed she told me she should know because she was a nursing student.

twentyfive - lol

"It's $155 for 30 minutes and $255 for half an hour." I said, you mean for an hour? "No, I know it's that much for half an hour, but it's less for 30 minutes."

^ hahaha

If every stripper that claimed to be a nursing student actually became a nurse, ERs would have lines going around the block.

Didn't want to watch the election results so I spent election night at the club. After the results started coming in and it was becoming clear Trump was winning one of the younger (and dumber) girls started going around asking the other strippers if they "would go with her tomorrow to vote for Hillary because they only had until the end of the week to finish voting."

One of the other girls quickly corrected her that all of the votes had to be cast on election day, but not to worry because "it's not midnight yet so I'll just send you the Facebook link I used to vote for Hillary before work."

Are you new here?

I knew she was when I heard that.

All set to take a girl to VIP. She tells me we can't go to VIP until the "guy in the red shirt leaves". I look over at that guy and he is all into a steamy lap dance. I ask why not.

"That's my dad and I don't want him to know I do VIP's"

this thread lololololol

"That's my dad and I don't want him to know I do VIP's"

Now that is the kind of crazy story I love TUSCL for. Brilliant!

You should have offered her an extra $200 to suck your dick in front of him, just to see if she would take you up on the offer. I know, that is kind of fucked up and non-brilliant. But it would make a really crazy story! ;)

Whoever truly believe out of shape guys are better to hold than in shape are lying to themselves to feel better or truly delusional.

@whodey if only we could convince all potential Demo voters that was how it worked!

To quote Peter Griffin, I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

In college was talking with this girl with an amazing rack,who if she wasn't stripping at the time probably was shortly after. She told me "I can't wait to go to Jamaica for spring break, best part it's still in the USA so I don't need a passport.".

Better yet, I had a southern belle ask me if you had to have a passport to go to New York. I thought it was a wisecrack about me being a Yankee but she was serious. Over several mixed drinks I listed the states that you could go to without a passport. I listed all 50. At the end she said "Ok, so for all the rest I would need a passport."

And it was the closest thing to a bad BJ I ever had.