tuscl

Airplane seats

JohnSmith69
layin low but staying high
What's the worst person you've ever had next to you on an airplane?

Mine is right now. An extraordinarily obese Muslim woman wearing enough clothes to survive in the artic. Smells bad, and I'm being pushed into the wall of the plane.

If a flight to Atlanta is brought down by a terrorist today you guys will know why I don't make it to Follies.

34 comments

  • gawker
    •
    9 years ago
    I once had a first class seat on a flight from Providence to Atlanta and the last person to board was a 300 lb , 5' tall, middle aged man carrying his suitcase, valise, raincoat, and umbrella, all soaking wet, dripping all over me as he tried to ram everything into the overhead compartment and then he plopped down beside me. The flight attendant asked if he'd like a drink, and he asked what she was having. He leared at her and ignored her rebuffs and finally ordered 2 gin & tonics, was slighted when I turned down his offer to buy me a drink (duh, we're in first class). He was celebrating the sale of a software package to a national pharmacy for $10,000,000 a year and for 2 hours bragged about all his money and his hot women.
    I finally showed him some nude shots of my ATF and he went wild, green with envy. He wanted her number so I gave it to him, later called ATF and told her that this was a mark she could really bleed if she played him right.
    He was an MD and probably one of the most obnoxious people I've ever met
  • shadowcat
    •
    9 years ago
    In my 42 years of working for a major air line, I learned real quickly to not let other passengers know that I worked for the air line. If I did I would hear nothing but complaints from people that are ignorant of how things work, etc.
  • jackslash
    •
    9 years ago
    Returning from Europe last year, I was sitting on the aisle beside a couple who appeared to be eastern Europeans. The woman was sitting in the middle seat beside me, and for 8 hours she coughed and sneezed and hacked away. She went through countless tissues, which overflowed from her seat into mine. At one point she fell asleep and rested her head against me.

    I tried to stay away from her by leaning into the aisle. I took the sleep mask and wore it over my nose and mouth, which must have looked completely ridiculous. I tried not to breathe the air coming from her direction.

    Of course, the next day I came down with a bad cold.


  • Cashman1234
    •
    9 years ago
    I've had many bad experiences - I was sitting on the aisle seat - two seats away from the window - and the guy in the window seat vomited - a lot of vomit - from the vegetable lasagna they served - and one leg of my pants was soaked in red vomit!

    I've had other experiences - like the time I had a seat between me and an Asian woman - who seemed nice - but when the change fell from my pocket - she scooped it up - lol! That was just funny - and a bit odd.

    I watched a girl - across the aisle - pop the zits on her bf's back? That wasn't pleasant.
  • DaOnion
    •
    9 years ago
    Urine and vomit and back zits, oh my.

    Yeah, nothing worse than sitting next to someone who is really sick and then coming down with a bad cold or the flu later.

    I've also had flights with some really loud children and babies screaming non-stop for the entire flight. Some of the children were just really obnoxious and the parents didn't give a crap. They didn't even try to discipline them or get them to sit down and be quiet.
  • s88
    •
    9 years ago
    I am on a long haul flight to the USA going from a AK47+RPGs+attack helis war zone. Dont ask what I was doing in a hostile enviroment. I have a first class lie flat seat. A senior lady in the lie flat seat next to me, but it has no power so it can't move or recline. All first class seats are filled so she cant be moved. She bitches the whole flight to me and FAs. It gets worse. Since I am flying from an active war zone, I know there are many refugees on this flight. 2 rows ahead of me at the bulk head is 1 older woman and 2 20 something women. I can tell its a mother and daughters. The group had 4 first class seats. 1 8 year old boy and 3 toddlers/babies. The 8 year had his own seat. The 3 toddlers/babies didnt. The tear jerker is the 3 women sat the whole flight on the edge of lie flat seats while their kids slept in the lie flat seats. The babies and toddler did wake up a number of times. So yeah, crying babies in first class and the passenger next to me bitching about her broken seat. Not a good flight, but atleast my lie flat seat worked but I slept with ear plugs AND the noise cancelling headphones (nothing playing but they were still quieting things a lil). At some point in the flight, my phone bounced out of the arm rest and fell underneath my lie flat seat. When I arrived in the USA, very drowsy, when I raised the seat, I crushed my phone and broke its screen with the motor that moves the lie flat seat. Bad flight from a bad country.
  • vincemichaels
    •
    9 years ago
    This one is meaningless unless you live in the Detroit area.On a trip down to SoFlo, I saw Jeffrey Fieger, the attorney striding down the aisle. Fortunately he was a few rows ahead of me, so I didn't have to listen too much to his bragging about what a great attorney he is. In his own mind at least. Fieger is one of our many ambulance chasers here in the Greater Michigan area. Once he ran for governor. LOL
  • magicrat
    •
    9 years ago
    These stories make me to never want to fly again.
  • larryfisherman
    •
    9 years ago
    Some of these stories are hillarious. The worst I've had is someone next to me who wouldn't stop talking to me. I had to fake sleep to get him to stop talking.
  • Longball300
    •
    9 years ago
    Dude behind me projectile vomited such that it shot on the back of my seat and literally sprayed past on the left side (aisle) and up in between the space between the seat on my right. Luckily none got on me but, the whole plane reeked of vomit. This was while we were waiting for takeoff.... for mercifully only a hour long flight. I sat scrunched down in my seat the entire time in mortal fear of puke spray.
  • Call.Me.Ishmael
    •
    9 years ago
    The worst was an archetypal "cross-country flight next to screaming infant". The mother was mortified and tried everything short of smothering to keep the kid quiet.

    In the kid's defense, there was something wonky going on with the cabin pressure. It wasn't bad enough to ground the flight, but it gave everyone a degree of inner ear pain. I suspect that was why the kid was inconsolable.
  • MrDeuce
    •
    9 years ago
    My worst seatmates were on a flight from St. Petersburg (the Russian one) to Munich in the 90s. I sat in a middle seat between two boring old Commies, one Russian and the other Vietnamese, who read Pravda and smoked cheap cigarettes during the entire flight. There was no urine, vomit, or back zits, but it was highly unpleasant nonetheless.
  • ATACdawg
    •
    9 years ago
    Worst flight for me was a front seat in tourist class, which means the tables were built into the arm rests. This in turn meant that the two inches on either side that would normally be there weren't. That was a very uncomfortable flight for me, and I have never again accepted a bulkhead seat.

    Second by a tiny margin was a middle seat between two 350+ pounders who spilled over onto both of my armrests.
  • Tiburon
    •
    9 years ago
    with all the money you spend on hookers, strippers and sugar babies, why didn't you get first class? I'm pretty more than sure you can afford it.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    9 years ago
    Maybe this story will lighten the mood. I flew on 12/31/99 - and I had a brutal headache. I felt miserable - and I was traveling with my wife (still married back then). We were flying to orland - and traveling to a country club (another banker - from another M&A firm) for New Years.

    The guy across the aisle had a tank top on and was covered in tattoos. Shortly after takeoff - we both head up to the rest room up front. I get up there - and I notice he has tattoos of all Disney characters. So I ask him about them - and tell him how cool the idea is. The stewardess hears about the tattoo discussion and she stops her drink distribution. She just got a tramp stamp - and she pulls her shirt up and pants down to give us a peek! She had a great ass - and I had a lot to explain when I got back to my seat!
  • s88
    •
    9 years ago
    @Tiburon If I pay for first class, I probably wouldn't be able to afford hookers and strippers. Just because you club 2 nights a month, doesn't mean you are rich. All strippers earn more than me, but it is none of their business to know my income.
  • Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx
    •
    9 years ago
    I guess the worst for me was when I was sitting beside someone that was bloated with gas on a return trip from San Diego. Dude kept letting out them "silent but deadly" farts and I had to endure it for two hours until he finally went to the bathroom.
  • Mate27
    •
    9 years ago
    If a handjob is considered an extra, then yeah I got an extra on a plane. Girl was from a small town in Nebraska and was visiting her friends. She and I had a story to share with friends. That was the first time I shot over my shoulder and onto the seat.
  • DaOnion
    •
    9 years ago
    That's crazy. Now I'm waiting for someone to say that their worst flight ever was the one where they got hit with some guy's load, from the seat in front of them. Who knew airlines were grosser than VIP rooms?
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    9 years ago
    Very happy that I've only had to do a bare minimum of airline travel in the more recent years!

    I have big plans for future travel, but it will be by ground, and in short hops. And also I'd like to learn to fly my own plane. But none of my plans involve commercial air travel.

    SJG

    Man in the Gray Flannel Suit
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEWZpUhD…
  • vincemichaels
    •
    9 years ago
    Oh they are, DaOnion. We've only just begun. I have no doubt that shadowcat, should he decide to share his knowledge of the airlines, could gross us out. I just hope, he doesn't share that info.
  • rickthelion
    •
    9 years ago
    I only fly first class. You hairless apes behave yourselves when you see a lion in a suit. The TSA agents even allow me to board with my AK. Any of you wildebeest want to misbehave when you're seated next to a lion in a suit that's carrying an AK?

    I didn't think so.

    ROAR!
  • rick33
    •
    9 years ago
    I've had countless drinks spilled on me, children kicking seatbacks, and 400 lb spilling over, sweaty mass pinning me against the window. I also learned from seeing surreptitious sessions not to request airline blankets.
  • lotsoffun201
    •
    9 years ago
    Headed to New York from San Francisco for my grandmothers funeral. Had to give up concert tickets to boot. Back of this giant plane, no place to move and across from the bathroom. I can't see the movie, can't sleep because of everyone banging into me headed to the bathroom. Then the kid in front of me stands up, faces me and starts puking. At this point I'm done with this crap and head to the galley. The flight attendant says I have to go back to my seat. I explain my predicament to her and told her I'm not moving.

    She pulls down a jump seat, shows me where the alcohol is as well as the real food. My only responsibility it to throw away trash if someone brings it back. Worst and best flight ever!
  • wildbourbon
    •
    9 years ago
    I loved flying until I had to do it 3 weeks per month for work. I never had a horrible experience like many of you, thankfully.

    I did have a really good experience in high school, though. My parents took us all to Hawaii for 2 weeks, but I had to return home 5 days early to play in a basketball tournament. On my flight, I sat directly behind a super-hottie from a rival school. We had seen each other before and she wanted to talk. Needless to say, we became very good friends until we graduated, although our relationship was very much on the down low due to my parents. Looking back on the whole situation, I wish I wouldn't have passed her up by the time I was 21 (based wholly on my parents' disapproval).
  • skibum609
    •
    9 years ago
    I only have flown 3-5 times a year since I was 3, and my one bad experience had nothing to do with another passenger. Leaving Vegas we're screaming down the runway, I feel the plane lift and then bang the pilot slams on the brakes, reverses the engines, we slide a bit and come to a stop. The pilot says sorry about that folks just lost our thrusters as we left the ground, hope everyone is ok, count yourself blessed. We had to deplane from there and I noticed we had gone off the end of the runway. Later found out that we lost our thrusters just as we "passed the point of no return" where you lift off or crash. Wife wouldn't allow the clerk to schedule our next flight until the next day and when we got to the airport she wouldn't get on the plane so we spent the weekend and huge sums of money to rent a car to drive from las vegas to Boston so I could make work on tuesday.
  • Timex345
    •
    9 years ago
    Two children sitting to my right, I had the aisle seat. They were always getting up. Their parents were right in front.
    I felt I was a part of their family. It was annoying. The kids were on there laptops playing games mostly.
    But, the worst nevertheless. Thankfully my final destination of Club Hong Kong kept me from totally losing it.
  • 4got2wipe
    •
    9 years ago
    I never fly first class because I like to sleep on long flights and don't feel it's worth it for short flights. Unless it is absolutely impossible, I always get aisle seats and they are comfortable enough in coach. I'd rather get where I want to go than waste money to be a bit more comfortable for an hour or two!!

    Mostly works out, but I have had the occasional bad experience. I did have a flight on Hainan air, which is actually one of China's best (and better than most American airlines, in my opinion) which was great until I used the lav and realized somebody had pissed with the seat closed. Initially thought it was spilled water, but I'm pretty sure it was piss. Not brilliant!

    Best flight was to Narita! Had a co-worker who was flying business class and he came back to say hi. I had nobody else in my row. First words out of his mouth were "you have more room than me!" I said "brilliant!" and told him I was going to stretch out, curl up in a blanket, and sleep. Flight attendants didn't even wake me to bitch that I wasn't actually belted in a secure manner. Brilliant!

    OK, I don't actually say "brilliant!" In real life. That's a TUSCL joke! But I said something like "cool!" or "great!"

    I've certainly never so extreme as vomit or popping zits!
  • ATACdawg
    •
    9 years ago
    The worst experience I ever witnessed was a friend of ours who owned the charter company which ran the boat my parents owned. His plane was hijacked and had landed in Honduras. At some point, the hijackers were distracted and Jack and two others popped the over wing exit window and exited stage left.

    After being cooped up in their seats for several hours, the three were doing the old man shuffle trying to get away and the bullets were kicking up little divots at their feet. Miraculously, none of them were hit. The surreal part of this whole thing was that it was on the news, and I was watching my friend being shot at! I could see the terror on his face and when they interviewed him later, he was still shaking.

    I think those three guys could make a case for "worst flight ever".
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    9 years ago
    Now I don't feel so bad. And she wasn't a terrorist, at least not on this flight. Thanks for the stories.
  • Cashman1234
    •
    9 years ago
    @ATACDawg - your friends win! They were both highly unfortunate - and very lucky (to survive)!
  • rickdugan
    •
    9 years ago
    I fly a fair amount but I don't have any true horror stories. My worst people stories are the ones where I am jammed in a 17 inch seat with an obese person crammed in the middle seat next to me. I also can't stand those chatty people who want to share their life story during the flight.

    Screaming babies don't bother me anymore, not after having three of them.
  • DaOnion
    •
    9 years ago
    At least you weren't on this flight:

    A brawl involving multiple passengers on a Spirit Airlines flight that had arrived at Los Angeles International Airport from Baltimore on Wednesday was caught on camera by a passenger.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/spirit-airli…
  • TxVegas
    •
    9 years ago
    It didn't happen to me, but to someone I was traveling with. On a flight from the east coast to London, this guy looks green and heads to the bathroom. It is occupied and he turns to head to another bathroom when he pukes onto a woman travelling with us. It was so gross. The airline gave her accees to the VIP area to shower, but she was freaked out for the entire trip.
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