How should I handle this?

52 comments

• shadowcat

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  9 years ago

  When they tell me it's over. Fuck it. I move on. I don't need the aggravation.
• knight_errant

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  9 years ago

  Why not treat her the way you would treat others? What does "But this is the original DS" mean in this context? Sure tip her a couple of buck or talk to her or buy her a drink and a couple of dances. Torture yourself. If that's what you want. If you want to fuck something, set it free. If it returns, fuck it again; if it doesn't, fuck someone else.
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  Guys who are just divorced have a smell on them. I'm not saying that you are doing anything wrong, but just take it easy and stay out of trouble. Things will look different in a few years from how they look now. If it were me, I would find another club. But if you really want contact with the other dancers from the DS1's club, then I guess just do like Ranukam says. The new girls will wonder if you are still there for the DS, and so that will be a strike against you. This DS1 is still embedded in your divorce. Need to think about that. Again, I would find another club. SJG
• mikeya02

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  9 years ago

  If she smiles and waves at you and comes over, nothing wrong with being friendly. If she doesn't, you might get sensitive about it. Especially if you're high.
• Mistah_Fetti_Morbuxxx

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  9 years ago

  My lifelong motto in regards to both civilian women and strippers: "Never chase 'em. Jut replace them."
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  Mikey, good point. I should not be high. It won't be easy but ok. SJG, I don't smell. And why do you always think I'm getting in trouble?
• twentyfive

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  9 years ago

  to knight "If you want to fuck something, set it free. If it returns, fuck it again; if it doesn't, fuck someone else" words of wisdom JS69 your going to get in trouble buddy its so not worth it
• twentyfive

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  9 years ago

  If you really want her back don't go there give her a chance to miss you. Remember the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder"
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  JS69, Why do I always think you are getting into trouble? Well, the newly divorced often do this. But in your case, developing a marijuana habit, some situation with a young woman who may have been underage, and then she said, "Rape". Should I go on? You don't see it, and this is where the problem lies. Divorce is a big deal because it means having to publicly face the failure of what one believed in and invested in. While I commend you for recognizing that it was necessary and proceeding, I know that the level of pain is much higher than what you are currently facing up to. So I'm just saying, be careful. SJG Shinedown [view link]
• grinddawg

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  9 years ago

  Just because you and the Ds are not doing business anymore, that doesn't mean you have to completely burn bridges. If you want to still tip her out of respect and to keep a door open, there's nothing wrong with that. But if you are trying to cultivate another girl there, discretion is a must. I would try to run your system when DS is not working. DS may try to cock block you with some of the other dancers there.
• Meursault

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  9 years ago

  If she is busy clearing $1500 by doing air dances in VIP you should be able to avoid her most of the night. I strongly advise ignoring her and focusing on the new dancers who may take some convincing that she is out of the picture.
• bvino

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  9 years ago

  This sounds like you are scripting your life. That is a sign of self delusion or desperation. You cannot predict what will happen and you sound too emotionally fragile to handle what could happen. Give it a rest and go somewhere else.
• mikeya02

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  9 years ago

  @25...the other adage is..."out of sight, out of mind"
• Meursault

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  9 years ago

  Now that I've had more time to reflect, I think your best course of action is to tell us what club this is and let TUSCLers run interference for you in the club. I'm getting my white suit pressed so I could keep her distracted for you while you work your magic on the newbie redhead.
• warhawks

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  9 years ago

  Tipping her or getting "just dances" isn't a good idea, in my opinion. Nothing good can come from that for you, I'm afraid. Remember the mind of a stripper... We are just big ATMs to them. If you start giving her, say a $5 tip on stage when you used to give her $100, or just get a $20 dance when you used to spend $300 in VIP for example, she is going to be put off. She sees a dip in her income from you. She'll give you an additude and will tell all the other dancers to avoid you like the plague. I don't see how this ends well for you at that particular club. Like someone else said, I'd try a different club for a while.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  I sure wish you guys would agree. Everybody makes good points to support conflicting advice. Oh well.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  She doesn't really have influence on the other dancers. She keeps to herself and dies her thing. But everybody knows we were a pair, so I guess that could hurt my chances with others if I go. Meur, good try. The answer is still no.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  Actually she does her thing. The red hair is real, not dyed.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  I like this answer: I can understand wanting to avoid VIP but you actually think of DS as a friend, why wouldn't you acknowledge and interact with her? It's not like you went through a bitter divorce. Maybe you're not looking for a friend or there's too much past history, but it might be good for both of you.
• san_jose_guy

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  9 years ago

  If it were me, I'd wait and try and see if things can be made to go again with the original girl, but in some other way. And notice that I am not calling her 'DS', she is just an ordinary girl. With some time passing, there could still be something between you and she, possibly. But it sounds like you travel lots. Also, when you first posted about her, it sounded she was at the farthest extreme of your usual range. So you must be familiar with lots of clubs and lots of girls closer to home. So just go find another one you like. You walk into a club, odds are high you will be completely disarmed by some new MHP ( my term for the experience of first time seeing some new Must Have Pussy ). I'm also just saying that you need to step back some and, while feeling your feelings, don't let them drive you into unnecessary drama. A few years down the road and things will not look as they do now. SJG Santana 2015 [view link]
• Lone_Wolf

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  9 years ago

  Not sure why you would care. Might be awkward the first fifteen minutes but that will soon pass. Money rules and the other honey's won't avoid you for long at all. In hindsight, unless you get back with DS, you will view this as a gift.
• georgmicrodong

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  9 years ago

  I'd be inclined to seek an opportunity to talk to her, reassure her that your OTC secret is safe with you, thank her for the good times, and let her know that if she changes her mind, to let you know. Then move on.
• shadowcat

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  9 years ago

  Oh shit! Ask her if she wants to buy some photographs. Or fuck for them. :)
• Lone_Wolf

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  9 years ago

  Revised prediction: JS will fuck DS within a week.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  GMD, I like that. LW, yeah right.
• PhantomGeek

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  9 years ago

  I'm the eternal pessimist, John. All I can see is things going wrong. Best case scenario, she ignores you. Worst variation on that is she's very blatantly obvious about it, i.e., skirting the whole room to avoid you or packing up her bags and bolting before her shift is done. She could also get into either vindictive and/or panic mode and point you out to the bouncers as a stalker who needs to get booted. She could also have spread the word to the other dancers through the dressing-room vine that you're an asshole, that you knocked her up and demanded she got the abortion, ad infinitum stripper shit drama. And there's also the very real possibility that she could make a major scene in the club, which'll again get you booted out. Sorry, man. That club is her sandbox and her rules. I just don't see any good coming in you trying to play with the other kids there, not right now. And as much as GMD's advice would be good when you're dealing with a rational adult in the real world, just remember who you're actually dealing with -- a kid living in Stripper World.
• chessmaster

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  9 years ago

  I see potential for drama but js claims to have been going there for years before he met ds.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  PG, I hear ya but that's not her. At least not the her that I know. Plus this is a well run club where I'm known. And it's not her fucking club. I went here before she was even born. Lastly, if she fucked with me, I could make her life hell. Post pictures, identify her, communicate with her parents, etc. I wouldn't do that, but she knows that I could. I just don't think she's so immature and stupid as to handle it this way.
• twentyfive

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  9 years ago

  I like what GMD said and I agree that if you speak to her again you can tell her that but if I were you I would leave things alone for now I had a similar situation once and I got back with my honey by not seeking her out if you want to know more PM me and I'll tell you what happened and how but it is not something I want to broadcast but the end result is that she calls me now much more than I call her and I don't spend any more money on her than I would a civvies girl
• twentyfive

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  9 years ago

  PS don't think that way as you just described in your last post that's bullying and you really don't want to do that it's not who you are or want to be
• Dolfan

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  9 years ago

  I'm w/ GMD. No need to over think it. Don't go out too far of your way to chase her down but if you intend to keep quiet and can get her ear for a bit, reassure her of that. If you're open to resuming a similar arrangement down the road, let her know that too. If she wants to be friendly, be friendly back. Definitely no reason to go out of your way to be a dick, it'll just cause problems. Being the mature adult in the relationship kinda goes with the territory here, she might be legal but she's still young. As far as tipping goes, I'd follow your normal procedure as you would with anyone else. If you're the type that tips girls on stage that you aren't trying to get dances from or take OTC, why not tip her? If your agenda when tipping is to arrange things she doesn't want to do, then why waste time tipping her?
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  Dude - time to move the fuck on...
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  Dolfan, logical and simple advice. Thanks
• bubba267

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  9 years ago

  You've met me JS69, so you know my personality some. Agree 100% w GMD and Dolfan...no risk, confident play.
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  ON THE ONE HAND: if "I'm just going to tip her a little and maybe get a dance or two" is really you rationalizing why you should spend more time with her, and you know in your gut you won't be able to tear yourself away, you need to just avoid her, period. ON THE OTHER HAND: if the above is not the case... there's a stripper at my fave club who I hung out with for a while, and then one day I started hanging out with one of her friends instead. After that, when I saw her, instead of ignoring me or shooting me looks, she wash smiles and hugs and "how are you?" before moving on; sometimes, if she saw I was alone, she'd come by and hang out for a bit, and she would even come hang out for 5 minutes even if I was with her friend. She was friendly and amazing. I admired the fuck out of her for being so gracious about the whole thing, understanding that customers move on but still acknowledging I'm a person who she's spent time with. And because of that, she was always in the running, and I did return to her occasionally. Anyway, I think it's a pretty awesome way to play -- smiles and hugs, no hard feelings, and move on. I would NOT do dances with her, period, but buy her a drink or throw her a few bucks on stage, say hi, then MOVE ON after a few minutes? Best way to play it
• Clackport

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  9 years ago

  Good advice here. I was maybe a little too hard. I guess a few tips and being nice to her wouldn't hurt. At the same time make sure she sees you spending money on other girls, if you want to try to make her jealous.
• rh48hr

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  9 years ago

  JS- gmd and dolfan hit it on the head. Solid advice, minimal drama.
• rockie

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  9 years ago

  JS69: I would acknowledge DS #1 only if necessary, but I wouldn't seek initial interaction with even a tip. Your new relationship can and will sort itself out. If asked what changed your primary interests *dancers) in her club, just tell any inquiring mind that the decision was mutual. The less conversation there is about DS #1 you have, the better chance you have of cultivating another one in her club. If she blocks you, let her know that you will relay your spin why it's such an issue for her. The message is and was to move on, not screw with one another within her workspace and your playground. Good Luck!
• Corvus

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  9 years ago

  GMD and Dolfan gave good advice IMO. I would be friendly, not go out of my way to interact with DS, and I would not spend a dime on her, not even a drink -- hell, she's too young to drink anyway right. If you have the chance, reassuring her your OTC activities are top secret would probably be a nice move. And chase any stripper you want. That's what you go there for. Sac up and work your system on the new redhead.
• DoctorPhil

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  9 years ago

  @Dougster " Dude - time to move the fuck on..." okay, all kidding aside, but Dougster is 100% correct. this is the time when perhaps fairly normal men really earn the "PATHETIC" in PL. look dude, she is a 19 y/o stripper/hooker or whatever you want to call her but she was never going to be yours. she did NOT have a special thing for you. it was a business arrangement and now it is over. DON'T get all creepy. and don't take this personally because there are thousands of guys just like you every year who get all delusional and stalkerish. don't become one of them forget about her. she was never what you pretended she was. there is no need to argue or disagree with me because i am right and anyone who knows anything knows that i am. move the fuck on
• rl27

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  9 years ago

  I have moved on many times from one current favorite, to another current favorite in the same club. Usually it's because the new favorite is either hotter or gives better dances. The two times when it was because of a falling out between us, was because the dancer's attitude changed, and she lost most of not all her regular customer within a short time. One danced a few years more, but never made much money, and eventually quit. The other left soon after she lost most her regulars.
• Mr_O

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  9 years ago

  Sounds like you might want to grovel.
• crazyjoe

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  9 years ago

  Be nice until it is time not to be. Then bring out the big guns
• pensionking

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  9 years ago

  She is the one who made a business decision not to service you. If anyone is going to (or should) feel awkward, it is her. Here is my advise -- get out of your own fucking head!!! Be yourself and just be happy. In a polite, friendly, warm way, if you happen to have any interaction, stick with your game plan. By now, she knows what you want, what you like and what you are willing to give to receive it. That is either good enough for her or it isn't -- her choice. Prepare/expect to amicably move on and do not overthink it. Don't worry. Be happy!!
• ATACdawg

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  9 years ago

  My advice? Go. Tip everyone including her. Smile! After all, you had eleven months of good times. Let her know (discretely) that her secret is also yours and you won't ever violate it. And then, spend your money on whomever you want. If she isn't comfortable, that's just too bad. She decided to end it so you are blameless. I think that her major issue was that she was, let's face it, prostituting herself and she just got less and less comfortable with it. When she was financially able to stop, she did. I do think that she still has a lot of regard for you because didn't treat her like a simple whore. I'm sure her pregnancy also had an impact on her psyche. I definitely wouldn't invest any more serious money in her, so no private dances, which would just leave you frustrated anyway.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  JS, you are giving this way too much thought. Forget about her for 3 to 4 months. Tip her if you want on stage but forget about her. Then if you want to try to hook back up, try it again after a year or two has passed in stripper world time. That is 3 or 4 months. Let her come back to you first and move on. Based on the number of threads you started it sounds like you were emotionally attached to her and did not view it as just P4P. If she feels the same way, she'll come back. I've had a dancer who had feelings for me get pissed off and leave the club for 3 or 4 months. She came back and acted like nothing happened and wanted to resume dancing for me like nothing happened. In my opinion, nothing did happen. I never understood why she got pissed off to start with.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  JS, feel free to keep talking about your former DS though. I could tell you were emotionally attached or likely were as soon as you called her a dream stripper. You're going through emotional break up trauma. I have a suspicion your DS had a moment of reflection which isn't an everyday thing for young people nowadays and thought, "this guy is getting too attached, time to break it off". No one else on this site talks about dream strippers or a stripper that meets their every expectations. Sometimes females attempt to break things off and find out they are emotionally attached as well and end up coming right back. I enjoy reading your stories whether true or not. I put the odds of being true now as high as 70%. She dumped you so it sounds more believable. If I was a young female meeting up a much older guy for money and he seemed to be getting too attached, I would understand dumping him if she had alternative money sources to make up for the loss of income. I could imagine her rationalizing her decision by saying she makes more money in the club as well. Now I would just recommend a rotating schedule of dream strippers much like different favorites. If one flakes out, you switch. I have 4 sisters and if they dated one guy longer than 3 or 4 months, I wondered if they were going to get married.
• chessmaster

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  9 years ago

  Yea its obvious what happened. She was waiting for an opportunity to dump you and the pregnancy was a great excuse. The fact that she made enough money w\o fucking an old guy all the time just made the decision easier.
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  b/f reading all the posts; I was thinking it'd be best to give her the cold shoulder – but as gmd, Dolfan, and others have mentioned, best to take the high-road. Most situations are about “context” - in my PL opinion if you are tipping her and getting dances from her in an attempt to get her to change her mind – that is not good IMO – but if you are doing to let her (and yourself) know there are no hard-feelings and you don't want to completely close the door – then interacting w/ her w/ no expectations may be the way to go.
• FullPress

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  9 years ago

  John, I really try to stay out of peoples business/personal lives here unless asked directly. but you have taken a business arrangement, one that was fantastic for you,and really let it or made it cross the line into something so much more. Now, I'm a woman so I probably see things differently I thought guys went to strip clubs to avoid attachment and drama and enjoy the escape. This has ended like a 'real' relationship. No wonder you are uncomfortable. If i were you I would go elsewhere for a while. and go with KE's brilliant advice "If you want to fuck something, set it free. If it returns, fuck it again; if it doesn't, fuck someone else"
• rickthelion

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  9 years ago

  Listen to the other hairless apes John Smith. Your ex-DS is with me now. She'll never go back to you. Move on or get some wildebeest treatment. ROAR!
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  “... I thought guys went to strip clubs to avoid attachment and drama and enjoy the escape ...” Strip clubs are bizarro world; the opposite of the real world (up is down, right is left). In the “real world” more often than not the men chase the women and the women do the choosing – and in the real world women are often the ones that get attached and men do the running/dumping. In strip-club bizarro world; the women chase the men (dancers approach custies and try to convince them to be with them) – and in strip-club bizarro world custies seem to get attached to women they are paying (where the women/dancers don't for the most part) – SC world is not reality – it's bizarro world.