Lawyer bashing
shadowcat
Atlanta suburb
Over the years I have heard all kinds horrible things said about attorneys. So for just once I'm going to turn the table.
The definition of a good lawyer is one that gets a charge of sodomy reduced to one of following too close.
The definition of a good lawyer is one that gets a charge of sodomy reduced to one of following too close.
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18 comments
A. Two things: A good start and serious toxic waste.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. A vulture's wingtips aren't removable.
Heavy skid marks on the road before the skunk corpse.
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Lawyer, priest, doctor, & cop are swimming at the beach. All are attacked by a shark except the lawyer. As the doctor tries bravely to fight off the beast, he asks the shark why it isn't going after the lawyer.
'Professional courtesy,' replies the shark
"I said, “there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as they are paid. To this society all the rest of the people are slaves. For example, if my neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law that any man should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this case, I, who am the right owner, lie under two great disadvantages: first, my lawyer, being practised almost from his cradle in defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he would be an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he always attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The second disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, or else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to gain over my adversary’s lawyer with a double fee, who will then betray his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. The second way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can, by allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are persons appointed to decide all controversies of property, as well as for the trial of criminals, and picked out from the most dexterous lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been biassed all their lives against truth and equity, lie under such a fatal necessity of favouring fraud, perjury, and oppression, that I have known some of them refuse a large bribe from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office."
More tea and biscuits, anyone? ;-D
Did you hear about how cold it was last winter. In my town it was so cold that I actually saw lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.
Do you think happy thoughts about oilmen every time you fill up your vehicle with gas? Oilmen like me also take a pile of shit.