Lawyer bashing

That attorney has shit on his dick

Q. What do you call 1000 lawyers chained to the bottom of the ocean?

A. Two things: A good start and serious toxic waste.

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A. A vulture's wingtips aren't removable.

All things considered, lawyers still aren't a decent source of protein.

Road kill on the highway - skunk corpse and lawyer corpse. What is the difference between the two?

Heavy skid marks on the road before the skunk corpse.

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Lawyer, priest, doctor, & cop are swimming at the beach. All are attacked by a shark except the lawyer. As the doctor tries bravely to fight off the beast, he asks the shark why it isn't going after the lawyer.

'Professional courtesy,' replies the shark

After a routine physical on a college coed, doctor informs coed that she is in great shape, no problems, and asks if she has any questions for him. Coed says that her BF likes to perform anal sex, and asks if it is possible to get pregnant from that. Doc replies- "Certainly is, where do you think the lawyers came from."

"Gulliver's Travels" has the best satirical views of lawyers. Here Gulliver tries to explain to rational beings what lawyers are:

"I said, “there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, that white is black, and black is white, according as they are paid. To this society all the rest of the people are slaves. For example, if my neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law that any man should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this case, I, who am the right owner, lie under two great disadvantages: first, my lawyer, being practised almost from his cradle in defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he would be an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he always attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The second disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, or else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to gain over my adversary’s lawyer with a double fee, who will then betray his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. The second way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can, by allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are persons appointed to decide all controversies of property, as well as for the trial of criminals, and picked out from the most dexterous lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been biassed all their lives against truth and equity, lie under such a fatal necessity of favouring fraud, perjury, and oppression, that I have known some of them refuse a large bribe from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office."

This is why I love tuscl! The class, the classic literature and the civilized discussions....and, of course, the stories of hot naked women,

More tea and biscuits, anyone? ;-D

It's sad what jealousy can do to people sometimes. But at least you guys have stopped quoting Shakespeare out of context.

but never lt it be said that JohnSmith doesn't have a sense of humor.

Did you hear about how cold it was last winter. In my town it was so cold that I actually saw lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.

Why, JohnSmith69, are you a lawyer?

Do you think happy thoughts about oilmen every time you fill up your vehicle with gas? Oilmen like me also take a pile of shit.

No body takes bashing worse than strippers but we keep going back. :)

99% of the lawyers make the rest look bad.

My dad, sister and wife are all attorneys. Two of the three are decent people.

gawker, ok that's funny. but I'm in the 1%.

Lol I'm the sole engineer in a family full of lawyers. Our holiday get togethers are spent exchanging engineer & lawyer jokes. I got way more ammo than them since there are soooo many more lawyer jokes out there :)

Yes Art, but remember the old saying - Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you eat.

JS69- Me, Jealous???? No, JS69, I seem to recall you saying in a thread "lets talk about anal sex", so I did it here in this thread.

Metaldude, that reminds me of a saying that my dad's been using a lot lately: Wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills up first.