There but by the grace of God go I! Ever feel guilty when you see those less for

4got2wipe
In a brilliant place!
This can be seen as "money can buy happiness part 2"! A few weeks ago I met up with a group of friends for drinks and had a civvie date with me. We ended up eating dinner nearby.

As my date and I were getting to my car we approached by a homeless person that appeared to be a trans guy. I'm not 100% sure but I'll use male pronouns. He told me he was homeless and hungry and did not seem drunk or high. We talked for a short while and I asked whether there was a shelter nearby he could use. Said he was going there but wanted some food first. I considered giving him my leftovers but worried that would come across as gross, so I gave him a $5. He was very grateful! :)

Then I thought about things. Between drinks and then dinner I probably spent $50 or so. That was nothing, just a night out! And here was a guy that genuinely seems grateful for $5. It made me feel guilty. He probably also needed more human contact and I felt I should have talked longer. I know that giving to charity is more effective than giving it individuals and I do that, but I still felt afterward I should have done more!

What would you have done?

28 comments

Latest

rockstar666
10 years ago
I often think I'll end up homeless and living on the street eventually. There's no way my savings will sustain me if I live too long.
Mate27
10 years ago
Yep
Clubber
10 years ago
Try offering then work. They usually run like hell. Now that is all of them, but many. Example: One guy "needed" money to buy gas for his car to get home. I said no problem, let's go to the station over there and I'll fill your gas can. He just turned and walked away. Only wanted money, and I now know it wasn't for gasoline.

Not saying that is true in all case and I believe there is usually a mental problem involved.
rockstar666
10 years ago
If a bum wants money for drink or drugs, it's no concern of mine. I don't think a bunch of guys who's hobby is giving money to pretty girls for sex should throw stones on how the less fortunate spend theirs.
ATACdawg
10 years ago
4got, I would have done the same thing as long as the guy didn't appear drunk or high. One thing I won't do is feed addictions. Was this guy transgendered? If so, a shelter may not have been an option for this guy. Very likely he could have suffered a beating and the theft of what little he had. In his mind, at least, the street may have been his only option.

When all the people who said that "we shouldn't confine people like this to institutions" it was an unholy alliance of mostly Republican conservatives and Democratic liberals. Now, the homeless are all around us. Add to that the number of families whose income has been eliminated by the economy and you have a perfect storm.

A lot of these folks appreciate it when you take a few minutes to talk to them. It acknowledges their person hood when somebody cares. There is a guy, Jamieson, who is outside my church every Sunday. He is clean, polite, willing to work, and interesting to talk to on a number of topics. He is also a guy who once in a while goes off on a bender and can't hold a job for long. He is also grateful that the church invites him in to our fellowship hour for a cup of coffee and some food, and lets him use the restroom. This also goes for several of his friends.

All this happens in Alexandria VA's Old Town area, one of the most prosperous and tony areas anywhere. Just makes a person sad. :-(
warhawks
10 years ago

Loss of a job. A horrendous divorce. Financial ruin. No family, or family disowning you.

Definately can be a thin line between the people we see on the street. I was almost one of them.
But a lifelong friend took me in and helped me get back on my feet. I'm forever grateful.

So, yeah, I Definately am sympathetic to the less fortunate who have fallen on hard times.
I try to help out when I can and give back.
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
Seeing that I live from my van I'm considered by the government to be homless and at one time I didn't even have my van so a sleeping bag and the shelter is all I had....I give if I feel the lord promoting my heart to do so........my parents have been dead for 12 years now...I've been divorsed for about the same time...I feel as tho I'm over a lot of my issues and could get back into a home but being honest child support is just to high...so I take better care if myself in the van....once my kids ate grown I believe I will still stay n the van due to growing accustomed to it plus the loads of money i will continue to save....

londonguy
10 years ago
I never feel guilty, but I do feel fortunate when I see some people in some situations.
shadowcat
10 years ago
There are just too many charities out there. I can't give to all of them and some of them are pretty sketchy. A few years ago I had some elementary school girls come to my door looking for donations to buy little league cheer leader uniforms. The median family income in that town was $91K+/yr.
etsutwigg222
10 years ago
I keep McD's gift cards with me and give those for food rather than cash. Usually keep 5 to 10 $5 value at all times. Not on Ms. Obama's healthy food list, but better than going hungry.
4got2wipe
10 years ago
"I keep McD's gift cards with me and give those for food rather than cash. Usually keep 5 to 10 $5 value at all times. Not on Ms. Obama's healthy food list, but better than going hungry."

Etsutwigg222, I'll say this with absolute sincerity - brilliant idea! :)

I do give to the National Alliance to End Homelessness every year and it has good ratings through Charity Navigator.

The guilt part was for not taking a few minutes out of my day to chat and give him some human contact with somebody who thought he was a worthwhile person. Realistically, $5 means absolutely nothing to me. That's why I felt afterward that I blew him off.
4got2wipe
10 years ago
ATACdawg, good point about addiction. I agree. Drugs and liquor are horrible things when they take over your life. I don't do drugs and drink in moderation so it isn't my problem, but I had a high school friend who almost killed himself with cocaine. Nasty stuff.

I'm not sure if he was trans, but he was either a very effeminate man or a woman living as a man. I'm sure that makes life harder.

I'm sure mental health issues are common among the homeless too, and it makes me sad to see This happen to people.
4got2wipe
10 years ago
just_the_nuts, assuming you're not joking I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Best of luck getting out of it.

One of the web sites you posted says you're a comedian. How is that going?
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
I agree that mental illness is a big part of it

Shit boys i suffer from PTS and Bi polar issues

My comical career is going well on the personal having fun with it but on the paid side still very low scale like free to a few hundred if lucky lol
EarlTee
10 years ago
Another vote for etsutwigg222 -- that's fantastic.

I've been known to walk with the guy to the nearest fast food place and pay for whatever he wants Then I know he's really after food, and not drug money. One time a guy ordered a small drink, and I said live a little, get the large, and he said, "Fuck no, man! Free refills!" He was appreciative enough to want to save me that 30 cents.
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
Lol
sharkhunter
10 years ago
Do I feel guilty when I see Juice? no
I was wondering if he was the so called pimp I read about in police reports of Platinum Plus that was closed. It said he was recruiting girls. Sounds like the juice crew.
JohnSmith69
10 years ago
I would have given him however much money it would take to impress the civie, make her think I'm caring and empathetic, and then getting in her pants.
JohnSmith69
10 years ago
Seriously I would have given him the food. I almost never give money to a beggar, but I will always share food or drink with someone who is desperately in need. Sometimes they refuse, and sometimes they enthusiastically take what I offer
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
Shark...lmfao
ilbbaicnl
9 years ago
Giving money to people who claim or appear to be broke and homeless is more of a gamble than paying for P4P in advance. Big risk of not accomplishing anything in both cases.
Subraman
9 years ago
Not exactly in the spirit of this thread, but there was a thread on "bathroom trolls" a few months ago, where a few guys expressed the "there but by the grace of God go I" sentiment. Previously, I'd always mostly ignored them, used the wall-mounted hand dryer and didn't tip them, but that thread actually changed my mind ... I think "there but by the grace of God go I" is the right way to go, rather than looking at them as an annoyance. I always leave those guys a tip now
farmerart
9 years ago
To add to shadowcat's comment. I can't bleed for every unfortunate person on this planet. I direct the majority of my charitable donations locally: the food bank, the women's shelter, and a special needs school.

The food bank gets a big cheque every year and lots of excess produce from my orchard and garden.

The women's shelter also gets a big cheque annually and I do some fund raising for the shelter among my well-beefed oil patch buddies. In addition, I try to have the shelter's residents out to my farm for a BBQ bash each summer. The ladies positively glow to have an old oilman prepare a spiffy meal for them and any kids love the freedom to run and play in my yard.

Usually just a cheque suffices for the special needs school though occasionally I have donated my labour to a school project. I sell my mechanical and welding skills real cheap to that school.

I have recently started supporting Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders). A retired doctor friend of mine is now donating his medical skills to that organization and he has browbeat me into making donations.

rickdugan
9 years ago
I'm sure he was very grateful. After all, $5 goes a long way towards buying a bottle of the cheapest vodka sold at the nearby liquor store. ;)

I don't give out money streetside. Not only because I don't feel like funding some homeless person's addictions, but also because it just further encourages panhandling.

I recently had two young adults, maybe in their late teens or early 20s, as for our leftover box of pizza as I was loading my family in the car after lunch. It was clear, by how they looked, that they were sleeping in the nearby park. I was surprised that they just asked for the food and not money, but I was happy to give them the leftover food. It also led my oldest daughter to ask a lot of questions about the homeless and charity, which spawned a very nice talk during the ride home about poverty and Christian charity.
Diva1975
9 years ago
I sponsor a kid from Honduras through Children's international it makes me feel good. I guess I'm doing it for selfish reasons.
ilbbaicnl
9 years ago
You're the perfect woman Diva. Your heart is so big it pushed out your boobs till they were double Ds.
Diva1975
9 years ago
Thanks ibbi! You're sweet:)
Dougster
9 years ago
Yeah, I was lucky. If not for a market bubble and the chance it allowed some people to take, don't know if I would have gotten started in the world at all. Might be living on skid row now instead.
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