OT: She has a boyfriend

5/20/2015 5:51:16 PM

So I've been hanging out with this girl (not a stripper). We've gone to the movies a couple of times, we hang out frequently. She's pretty cool (or so I thought). Anyways, I ask her to be my girl, but she says she's not ready to date right now. That's fine, I know how girls are, some of them just want to take it really slow. I figure I'll continue to be her friend and just see where it goes.

I find out from someone else that she has a boyfriend. I was so pissed. Why not just tell me you have a boyfriend instead of some bullshit about you not ready to date? I guess I'm a little hurt also because I REALLY wanted to be with her. As of right now she doesn't know that I know she has a boyfriend.

Should I let her know that I know and call her out on her bullshit? Should I just not mention anything and just go my separate way?

Thoughts?

28 comments

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GACA

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10 years ago

My take: she's looking for a thrill obviously, else she would have made that shot super Clear from the beginning.

Don't waste time or money looking for a relationship. If I were you and you want to hit it. Keep it casual. Be fun everytime you see her. Let her know you go out with other women.

She'll cable when she thinks you might actually go away. Sorry but she's a classic scandalous chick Drama queen who wants to feel special. Only way to do that is for her to perceive you have other options but in the end you choose her cuz she different, she's special

GACA

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10 years ago

But yo, don't ever fall in love with this girl. High maintenance. ..

GACA

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10 years ago

That should read: she'll cave when she thinks...

Corvus

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10 years ago

Don't spend any cash on her while hanging out. But also how reliable is your Intel? Does she really have a BF? Probably, but ......

And yea, next time she wants to hang out tell her you have a date. A little competition never hurts.

rockstar666

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10 years ago

She has a B/F but goes out with you? You're in the 'friend zone'. That can change, but be aware a dancer's loyalty is usually transient at best. Take what you can and don't resent what you cannot have.

DoctorPhil

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10 years ago

third grade? fourth? it doesn’t matter. just walk up to her at recess and tell her she’s a slut

mikeya02

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10 years ago

Hey Ranukam, She has a boyfriend, so there you go. Calling her out will accomplish nothing. Second-hand info is sometimes useful, but is she really using you? I've always been straight with you. Too bad you act like I insulted your grandpa....

georgmicrodong

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10 years ago

Why do you want a girlfriend anyway? She'll just go out with other guys when you're not around.

rickdugan

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10 years ago

ranukam posted: "I figure I'll continue to be her friend and just see where it goes."

Right, 'cause that always works out so well for the guy "friend." All of the downsides of a relationship, like having to pretend that you care about what she thinks about life, or what's happening with her girlfriends, etc., with none of the upsides.

Cut your losses ranukam. If she was interested in you as a boyfriend, she wouldn't be feeding you that "I'm not ready to date" crap. She'd already be warming your bed instead.

Clackport

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10 years ago

@mikey- I took you off ignore. You weren't yourself the other day, hopefully no more of that.

@gmd- I've been playing these girls and having fun for a few years. I'm just ready to have that one girl to hold me down. But yes a lot of these girls are scandalous.

@rockstar- the girl I'm dealing with is a civilian, not a stripper.

@corvus- I was just talking to my man GACA, and he said the same thing regarding competition. I guess great minds think alike.

@doctorphil- LOL

I'm a little emotional right now, maybe I should take some time to think about it. I skipped class today because I was so pissed and I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I just feel like I invested a lot of time on her.

Clackport

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10 years ago

@Dugan- I hear you man. Maybe I should. You think I should let her know that I know?

rickdugan

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10 years ago

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you should do because you're likely either going to: (1) pretend you don't know and keep playing along for a while in the hopes that she will eventually see you for the awesome catch that you are; or (2) make an emotional moment out of the whole thing, with accusations that she has been leading you on and lying to you.

The truth is that she's just not into you (hey, isn't that a movie? lol). If she was, you would not be confused. You've been friendzoned. On some level you probably already know this, but you're not ready to accept it, no doubt because you enjoy her company and very much wish for more. So while you should just walk away, I'm guessing that you'll need to go through more pointless episodes with her before you finally do.

Good luck!

GACA

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10 years ago

^^^if he was friendzoned why was he even bother lying about having a boyfriend?

is he being led on? Sure. But friend zone -- eh I don't have enough intel, but if he was coping his feels and getting kisses, then mosthe likely not. And I'm not sure he asks this girl to be his girlfriend unless he was doing that minimum. I mean this isn't a virgin we are talking about.

My take still is she's stepping out on her man looking for a good time that is no longer in her relationship, doesn't tell Nukam she has someone else so she can string him along, but it backfired, now he knows. He plays it calm cool and collected (aka univested) he'll be smashing that chick sooner rather than later. But he definitely has to be uninvested.

Corvus

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10 years ago

Just don't let her screw up your plans for August.

rickdugan

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10 years ago

GACA, where do you get this "coping his feels and getting kisses" stuff from? I would have assumed that ranukam would have included those details if they existed. All I got was trips to a couple of movies and other times hanging out. I'm guessing that she lied to him because she wants him as a friend and is afraid that he'll split if he knows that she has a BF.

Simply put, if she wanted ranukam as her boyfriend then he would be. She doesn't, or at least not as much as she likes the guy who she is actually fucking now.

Anway, I've said my peace and he can take it or leave it. :)

crazyjoe

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10 years ago

She wants you to be a backup if her boyfriend doesnt work out

jestrite50

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10 years ago

I think she may be shopping for a new boyfriend. You could be next. Hang in there swallow your pride and be patient.

crazyjoe

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10 years ago

Hang onto your ass. This could be one hell of a shit storm!

Diva1975

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10 years ago

Yes GACA and whoever else said to let her know she has competition is absolutely right. We all want something we can't have; be that unattainable something ranukum. You seem like a cool guy who doesn't live in his moms basement lol (no offense SJG;)) you'll be fine

tumblingdice

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10 years ago

Ranudork,after reading some of your recent posts I see that Alpha Male is not in your vocabulary. If you see something you want in life go grab it. Chicks dig this behavior.

Thoughts!

Holdem2

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10 years ago

Casually ask her if she has a bf. Maybe it was some sort of misunderstanding or she didn't at the time.

Don't confront her. There is no point. As I get older I accept people for who they are. If I don't like who they are I quit them.

Do us guys on TUSCL really care if the girls have boy-friends? They strip and sell sex for a living whether it is a fantasy or not.

Enjoy what she gives you, keep your options open and don't get too attached.

Clackport

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10 years ago

Thanks Diva!

Mate27

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10 years ago

Move on. We all get knocked down in life, just don't stay there. Either she will come around again or you'll find something better.

rockstar666

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10 years ago

I've dated girls with both boyfriends and husbands. It all depends on what you want with this girl: sex? A relationship? A wife?

JamesSD

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10 years ago

She's shopping for a new boyfriend. I've seen this behavior plenty of times, a girl who likes to have one or two guys "on deck" either for an ego boost or if she's thinking of dumping her man.

This girl is bad news. And try not to get emotionally invested in a girl before you fuck her.

georgmicrodong

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10 years ago

Is there any sexual activity whatsoever? If so, then she's shopping. If not, then I think it's more likely you're in the friend zone.

Either way, you've already seen an example of her attitude towards her boyfriend. Is that what you want her thinking in regard to you?

mroo

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10 years ago

Why does it have to mean anything? Can't you just enjoy what you're doing together at the moment?

ilbbaicnl

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10 years ago

Don't make blanket judgments, it's her bad and her bad alone. So you know any commitment would be pointless with her. See if she wants to hook up. If you want to be a real saint, find out who the boyfriend is and send him an anonymous letter warning him. But, in the vast majority of cases, people who get cheated on ignore obvious signs that their committed relationship is not solid.

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