Rejecting a dancer

57 comments

• IHearVoices

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  9 years ago

  I think the most polite thing I say is "I promised another dancer I'd spend time with her" or "I'm waiting for someone"...which I only say when it's true. If I'm somewhat interested in them, I'll also let them know (if not, I just don't say anything past the first part).
• wms1066

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  9 years ago

  In general I thank her for the most gracious offer, but I choose to decline at this point in time. Depending on the girl, the offer I have been known to tip $5 or so. Generally I use this for offers of 'special extras' in the vip/champagne/back room Whatever it is being called at the time.
• ATACdawg

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  9 years ago

  "Thanks, but I'm waiting for S------." Truth always works best for me. If she persists, and it's only happened twice, it's, "I'm sorry, but you're just not my type." Once when a dancer asked me If I wanted company I told her that I was a poor prospect at that time because I was leaving in five minutes and I didn't want to waste her time. "But please, let's try again the next time I'm in!" Again, it was the truth. Next time I was in, she remembered and we went back for two of the best dances I had ever had.
• wms1066

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  9 years ago

  I should add that on at least one ocasion this answer saved me from an entrapment sting by a very misguided undercover officer.
• Corvus

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  9 years ago

  I will often say, "Thank you, but not right now" and if it is true, I'll add " You're lovely, thanks for asking."
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  maybe later lol
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  Of course that answer leaves the door open to check back later if I'm free.
• JohnSmith69

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  9 years ago

  "No thanks" seems to work pretty well most of the time. Polite and succinct. If I'm truly interested in her later but not just then, I clearly say so but this is commonly misunderstood. Once reflected no matter how nicely many girls write a guy off.
• footballguy

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  9 years ago

  If a dancer asks me if I'd like a dance when I don't want one, I just say no thank you. They get the message. Or I'll sometimes use the "I'm waiting for someone" line if I want to avoid them all together. I was in a predicament earlier today. A dancer came and sat next to me without asking first.most of the dances will ask if I'd like company which gives me the chance to say no thanks. She started talking to me and I figured she would ask if I wanted a dance within a minute or two. I had no intention of getting a dance from her but five minutes later she was still talking to me. I didn't want to be rude but I was waiting for my CF and I knew she wouldn't approach me if she saw I was with a different dancer. I was trying to come up with a way to get out of our conversation and I didn't want to get up and risk losing my seat. She mentioned she was waiting to go on stage so I kept hoping she would get called up soon. After about 10-15 minutes of this dancer still talking and not taking the hint that I wasn't interested in buying dances from her I just came flat out said "I don't want to be rude but I'm actually waiting for someone else and I don't want to waste your time". She understood and thanked me for letting me know. I used this line on a different dancer that approached me she appreciated it as well. I used it on a third dancer and she she sat down anyway and said "I wasnt wasting her time by just talking to her and not getting dances cause it was her job". I was pissed cause I felt like she was cock blocking me so I told her I didn't want company and she finally got the message. Well a few minutes later my CF came to the rescue and we had a great time.
• Clackport

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  9 years ago

  "Maybe later"
• tobala

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  9 years ago

  I usually just explain that I'm waiting on someone else which is the truth 99% of the time. If you don't mind me asking, what were you or another dancer told that made you ask this question?
• sclvr5005

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  9 years ago

  I thank her for the generous offer, and then tell her that I'm good for now. Usually works.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  With two different dancers, they did not take no for an answer. After thinking about it, to avoid the possibility a dancer is going to be another 1 in 1000 that decides she needs to argue with me instead of leaving and asking later, I resort to maybe later as a standard rejection. If you wonder how the two different dancers argued with me, with one I got offers of free dances to eventually upping it to her taking me to her home, thought she was bluffing at that point but maybe not. With the other in another club on a slow night, I walked away from the table with her sitting there and went to the stage. I think she might have been new because she went to the bar and never approached anyone that night. Never saw her again. I didn't intend to make her quit if that's what she did. I just didn't want dances from her.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  Most experienced dancers know you don't argue with a customer for 15 minutes after he told you no several times. Well I did argue with one dancer that I didn't want to pay her money for dances. I thought she would drop it right there. nope. I don't trust dancers if they say they'll dance for free and if I don't like it, I don't have to pay anything.
• Diva1975

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  9 years ago

  The maybe later tactic is flawed if you're really not interested that's when I have a hard time reading the guy. I'll ask one more time f he says maybe later again I take that as a no thanks for all the brilliant advice;)
• JamesSD

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  9 years ago

  If she asks if I want it am ready for a dance, I'll say "no thank you". What's trickier is when she asks if she can sit down or I mind company. I've gotten better at declining that when I have zero interest.
• motorhead

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  9 years ago

  See Chapter 6
• lopaw

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  9 years ago

  I notice that when I reject a dancer she seems to take it worse than if a guy does it. If it's a dancer that I have danced with before, I'll tell her "next time for sure" in a very perky voice. If it's a dancer that I just have no interest in, I'll politely tell her "some other time, perhaps", in that same annoyingly perky voice. So far, so good.
• dtek

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  9 years ago

  I had lunch at a club yesterday. A very nice dancer sat and chatted with me for a while. She eventually asked if I was interested in a dance. I told her (truthfully) that I had been late getting up for work that morning, hadn't had time for a shower, and didn't want to inflict my unwashed self on her.
• chandler

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  9 years ago

  When I'm being polite, instead of just telling a dancer to buzz off, I say, "Buzz off, please."
• tumblingdice

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  9 years ago

  I'm surprised Shadowscat didn't chime in with his words of wisdom.
• shadowcat

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  9 years ago

  90% of the time I' m in the "No thanks" camp.
• Diva1975

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  9 years ago

  Brilliant Mororhead!
• Diva1975

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  9 years ago

  I meant Motörhead:)
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  I think things go much easier once you realize 1. when you turn her down, she's not disappointed the way the girl in 6th grade who liked you was disappointed, the stripper is disappointed about not making a sale, and 2. there's no reason to be intimidated by 20-something year-old girls. If I'm not interested in dance, "Oh, thank you anyway", with a smile on my face and warm voice, is all I say. If I want her to come back later, I'll tell her that. If I think my buddy might like her, I'll tell her that she's his type and ask her to come back when he gets here. It's incredibly rare for any dancer to sit and keep trying to sell me. If she does, let me go back to my statement #2: the girls don't intimidate me. I see guys sitting there feeling awkward and uncomfortable while meekly answering her question after question, which most of the time is just meant to make you uncomfortable to punish you for turning her down. But really, if you're relaxed, it's very easy to turn the conversation around so that you're leading -- and then she'll either just go away, or, if you're lucky, you'll part having had a fun conversation
• crazyjoe

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  9 years ago

  If I am waiting for someone I let her know. If I have already spent my budget and the dancer is nice to me and I am interested I tell her I have already spent all my money for tonite but I will catch up to her next time. If she is rude I just say no thanks. If I am not waiting for someone in particular at that time and I am not interested and the dancer is not being rude or asking immediately the wanna dance question. I tell her I am not getting dances yet. If you want to chat that is fine with me, but dont let me hold you back from talking to others.
• crazyjoe

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  9 years ago

  Some dancers just want a normal conversation for a few minutes and then move on...
• seaboardrr

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  9 years ago

  Shit, we're sitting there with our hands in the air begging any stripper to come talk to us...lol. Seriously though, if we have just walked in and sat down we really don't want any dances for the first half hour or so. We want to see who all is working and decide who we want dances from. We're going to be there until they close so we're in no rush. Mrs sea will politely tell them that we just got there and we'll be getting LD's later on throughout the night. Unfortunately, they've always left and never came back. Sigh. Only had 1 on our last trip that still sat with us for 15 minutes or so chatting and we eventually got a dance from her. I think mrs sea was already pretty tipsy because she wasn't reading my "hell no" signals so i eventually ended up spending $40 on a LD from the buck tooth daisy may. Later on she sobered up for just a few minutes and asked why on earth did I let the butter face give us a LD?
• londonguy

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  9 years ago

  It's easy to see why girls don't see 'maybe later' as exactly that. What annoys me with some girls is that a straight 'no thanks' can lead to the third degree as to why you are rejecting them. I don't have to justify my life decisions to strippers.
• PhantomGeek

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  9 years ago

  I usually do a "No thanks, not right now" or "Thanks but maybe later." Sometimes, I'll let them know that I've just ordered food or a drink, so maybe after that. I've also said that I just got there and I just want to sit and chill for a while. I can only remember giving a firm and blunt "No" when the dancer just wouldn't take it politely.
• bang69

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  9 years ago

  I have no money
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  If they are blond I tell them I prefer brunettes. If they are brunettes I tell them I prefer blonds.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  There have been times when I said maybe later and they came back to check on me and I did get dances. I see maybe later as the quickest way to get rid of dancer that has worked 100% of the time so far. i'm not always ready to tell a dancer no thanks unless I don't want her to come back at all during the night, possibly on later nights as well because some dancers take a quick rejection to mean you don't ever want dances from them. I don't get intimidated by dancers, I don't know of anyone who does. I don't mind playing games with them though. :) I once had one hot dancer in one club coming back to check on me every 30 minutes for 2 or 3 hours. I didn't want to pay the super high dance prices but enjoyed looking at her up close. She figured it out after a couple of hours and we both had a laugh. :)
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  shark: "I don't get intimidated by dancers, I don't know of anyone who does." Only RickyBoyDugan: [view link] but the suit and The System sort of help him out with that.
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  If the dancers look good, smell ok, ie, don't stink, and they sit on my lap without crushing me, ie, not too overweight and heavy, then talk a little bit, the chances of me wanting to get dances go way up. If you tell a dancer no thanks but have a smile or grin on your face, the dancer might think otherwise or ask additional questions. I was thinking about taking a dancer up on her offer of free dances one time. Then again on her offer to take me to her house just to call her bluff. However if she wasn't bluffing, I didn't want to just jump in bed with someone I wasn't even ready to get dances from. The strangest encounter I had was with one dancer who I immediately told her no thanks. She didn't take no for an answer either. To my surprise, she decided just to take off her top and start dancing for me right at my chair. That's one way not to take no for an answer and skip all the arguing. I wasn't going to pay her anything but part of my body betrayed me and enjoyed it so I decided to pay her ten. I didn't understand what exactly happened. It was like she had some kind of mystical power. I once told another dancer no thanks right away and she had a casual conversation with me for 30 minutes. She didn't do any arguing or ask for a dance in all that time. After about 30 minutes she told me she was going to try to get some dances unless I had changed my mind and wanted some. I said yes.
• Tiredtraveler

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  9 years ago

  A simple no thank you or not right now usually works. When it doesn't I become less polite, like when a black scrawny little bitch sat down after I said no and would not leave when I refused to buy a table dance, lap dance, or buy her a drink. I plain asked her to leave so I could enjoy the stage show and she would not even leave when I went up to the tip rail and changed tables she followed me. I finally said in a loud voice so I could be overheard "I have tried to be polite and have asked you to leave so I tel you what I'll give you a dollar if you leave me the hell alone" she finally got the message and yelled at me "the only reason you do not like me is because I'm black" and I said back "that's not true, the reason I do not like you is you have the body of a 12 year old and personality of a spoiler 3 year old". Everyone around us started laughing and she stormed off saying she was going to have my bigoted ass thrown out. Immediately another older dancer (late 20's) who I recognized sat on my lap and told me the girl was a ROB and would not leave a customer alone until she got a dance and a drink, plus would always lie about the number of dances and raise a big stink to get the patron to just pay her. She did not understand why the manager put up with her (likely the race card). She said I did not have to worry about being tossed because the bouncer on duty did not like her either since he saw the number of guys that just got up and left after an encounter with her and that most of the girls now liked me because I had tried to be polite but would not roll over the for "little bitch" ....Who knew ??
• sharkhunter

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  9 years ago

  If I really want to get rid of a dancer, I can just start talking about one of my crazy stories, she'll start squirming in her seat looking for another place to go. Although my stories must become very interesting if i drink enough, those stories leave dancers just sitting and listening eating up every word. I was wondering what I told one dancer one weekend because bythe following weekend she told other dancers and wanted me to repeat what I told her. I could not remember hardly anything. I think it involved aliens and alcohol. I should have just told her I can't remember anything, the MIB must have cleared my memory. I literally had about 4 or 5 dancers wanting to hear a story when I was completely sober and just arrived at the club.
• Dolfan

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  9 years ago

  I know this wasn't really the question, but I say what I fucking mean. If a girl comes over and asks for anything & I'm not interested in her, I'll say "no thanks" or a very similar variant like "nah, I'm good." If its a temporary situation & I am interested her but the timing doesn't work, I'll say something like "not today" or "can you come back another time?" That's usually if its a scenario where I'm on my way in/out or already talking to a dancer who has stepped away for a moment or something along those lines. If she comes by with a "wanna dance" and I think she's hot but want to talk first, I'll tell her something like "I'm not sure, would you like to have a drink and chat a bit." In any case, my initial response is accurate. There's no secret coded message, I'm not playing hard to get, or giving some sort of "can I borrow $100" kind of test. Like Tiredtraveler said, pushing the issue after a polite rejection is dangerous. A 2nd less polite and potentially less honest attempt to blow off a dancer is next. Then dancers get the whole, uncensored truth. Often, the truth hurts. It's much easier to walk away when I say I don't like blonds, coming back when you see me buying a blonde a drink isn't gonna end well... I guess the moral of the story is - it ain't fucking rocket science. No means no, later means later, yes means yes.
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  "I don't get intimidated by dancers, I don't know of anyone who does." IMO a huge % of guys do. "Intimidated" may be too strong a word, but the reason guys don't just say what they mean "No thanks" and instead create threads about what to say instead, work out which lies work best, and feel so incredibly uncomfortable if the girls start their "Why not?" "Oh, who are you waiting for?" routine, is because they're intimidated to some extent and they hate feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I get that. I use that word "intimidated" specifically to bring attention to it, because when you think about it, it's so silly. It is the same way when the girl asks for tips -- on other threads & boards, I've seen a huge % of guys whose solution is "I give her a tip, but then I don't dance with her again", a passive-aggressive way out of a situation you're intimidated by, instead of just not giving her a tip if you don't think she deserves it. I look them directly in the eye and say "that was nice -- but I don't tip, I'll do more dances if I liked it", and that is always that. No reason to over think this, say what you mean, be polite and confident. And the rare times they go into their "Oh, am I not your type?" routine, it's incredibly easy to turn around, as long as you don't meekly try to answer their questions, in which case they think you're weak and keep asking more -- these are 20 year olds, not expert lawyers leading you into a logic trap. If it was just some ugly kid instead of a stripper doing this, these situations wouldn't be a big deal, we'd all handle it confidently and stress-free, and so many guys wouldn't have mentioned "the third degree" or whatever above. Anyway, just my read of things. I understand the discomfort, but the girls respond well to polite confidence IMO.
• Dougster

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  9 years ago

  Just read RickyBoy's The System. Every line is oozing with how intimidated he is and how he has to attempt to compensate by wearing a suit and otherwise trying to project a fraudulent image of who he is. Even he feels that if others are wearing suits as well it's hopeless for him. So he has to go to clubs where he is the only one.
• sclvr5005

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  9 years ago

  "buck tooth daisy may" Lol now there's an image!
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  How about "I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request." ~Captain Barbossa Brilliant!
• 4got2wipe

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  9 years ago

  The real problem is being polite when you don't want to close the door! I'm a pretty polite guy and don't like to insult anybody! Well, except for that DoctorPhil guy who is just obsessed with zipperhead or juice or whoever and thinks I'm one of them! But I'm only impolite to him because he's so much like a crazy stalker! Anyway, I just say as nicely as I can that the girl is not my type! I have actually offer to buy a drink if I'm waiting for someone else and the club isn't busy! I'll talk to anybody! It's brilliant!
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  4got: I don't think it's a "problem" when you don't want to close the door. I don't ever insult anyone, I"m always polite, but there are very few girls in the strip club that I wouldn't be fine just hanging with for a bit, provided they understand that I won't be buying dances from them. It's not uncommon at all for me to say, "I'm not buying dances, but I'll buy you a shot of vodka if you want to hang out for a few." There's a couple of strippers at nearly every club who I"m just drinking buddies with. It serves both our needs, I guess -- they get drinks, and I get to enjoy their company even if I don't want a dance. Again, I think you just want to be friendly and respectful, but firm and confident, rather than making up passive-aggressive excuses, being terrified they might ask you "why not?", etc.
• Cheo_D

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  9 years ago

  I try to be polite but frank in saying "no thanks". Why try to concoct some sort of justification? I can just choose no. I could suggest to the club some sort of sign like the flipover red/green coasters they use at some restaurants to signal servers (I can just hear it: "Oh, so you see me as a cut of meat?").
• Rabbit21

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  9 years ago

  If I just got to the club, I say I just got in and want to settle in a bit, but maybe will come find her later. Later, it turns to "I'm waiting for X" or "I just ordered a drink." I try to avoid outright "No's" for two reasons. First and foremost, I am talking to another person and don't feel the need to be rude if she's being nice but isn't my type. Second, a string of no's may get me identified as the cheap ass and make it harder to get time with the one I do like. This is all contingent on being treated nicely, if she's being rude, I'll use one polite rejection and then be more firm if she doesn't take the hint.
• PhantomGeek

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  9 years ago

  One dancer royally irritated me. She was pretty enough, but for lap dances, she was one of the worst. On top of that, she asked for money upfront -- before each dance. "Would you like another dance? That'll be twenty dollars." After the third dance (that was my typical run with a new dancer, just to see how good she is) and she asked if I wanted another dance, I told her no thanks, got up, and went back to my table. She followed me, quick on my heels, telling me that she could do better, almost pleading. I sat down and she sat down, too. The waitress asked if I wanted to buy a drink for the lady; I told her no. The dancer kept on babbling to me, but I just ignored her, kept my attention entirely focused on the stage. Eventually, she got the hint and left.
• farmerart

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  9 years ago

  When I first started going to SCs I tried to be polite to dancers. After being disrespected outrageously by several dancers I changed my approach. I became brutally direct with dancers who approached me rudely for dances. My standard response to an irritating dancer who doesn't have any physical appeal for me is simple and direct and almost always rids me of the irritating dancer: 'You don't appeal to me. Go away.'
• Subraman

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  9 years ago

  " I try to avoid outright "No's" for two reasons. First and foremost, I am talking to another person and don't feel the need to be rude if she's being nice but isn't my type." Rabbit, the thing is, I would be willing to put big $$$ on the fact that, if you ask actual strippers, 10 out of 10 will tell you that if you're not going to get a dance from them, they'd rather be given an honest respectful no, than a bunch of passive aggressive excuses that get them wondering if they should come back (and, in many cases, they do come back and waste more time on you, until they catch on). What's polite is giving her a clear indication that she should look elsewhere, what's rude is stringing her along so that when she could be earning her living finding guys who want to dance with her, she's wasting more time on you. Plain and simple, you're making up passive aggressive excuses for yourself, not for her. Which is fine, you're the customer, and if that's what makes you comfortable, then it's your prerogative. I just think it's important to be honest with yourself: a polite respectful "no thanks" is never rude, making excuses that lead her to spend even more time on you can be. Plus, again, there is absolutely no reason to have to make up excuses
• bkkruined

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  9 years ago

  No thank you. "why not" No thank you. "Maybe later?, should I come back?" No thank you. "Am I not your type?" You aren't, sorry. Thank you for understanding. And do my best to put on a polite smile. They see a lot of rejection. And no one really likes being rejected. Don't try and be cute about it. Usually, if I tell them later, they come back. And we'd do the whole thing again. There's really no reason to tell them later if you have no intentions of agreeing to something later. (I sometimes will tell a lady later when I really mean that, and usually say yes when she comes back around).
• georgmicrodong

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  9 years ago

  I do my best to be clear and unambiguous, along with polite, when I'm "rejecting" a damcer's offer. As a rest, I tend to actively avoid using the "maybe later," "I'm waiting for someone" or "not right now" style of response, even if I really mean it, because it's so often misused. If I do use one of those, I'll accompany it with something like, "If things change, I'll come find you" or "check back after I get settled in."
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  “Not today – I am in the middle of a bad case of the herps”
• Papi_Chulo

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  9 years ago

  Nobody likes rejection and most of us know how it feels to be rejected; that’s part of the reason we PLs sometimes don’t give a straight answer when we really are not interested. As males (except for lopaw); we are ingrained to be gracious and accommodating to females and this can be an issue in the sometimes cutthroat SC environment (and it seems many dancers use our ingrained inclinations against us). As many a salesperson; some/many dancers will not take “no” for an answer – and we are all probably familiar w/ pushy salespeople and not wanting to deal w/ them. I used to say “not now” when in almost every situation I really meant “not interested”; but I can see how this can be unfair/confusing to the dancer so now I usually say “no thanks”.
• ilbbaicnl

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  9 years ago

  I say "no thanks" with a big smile. You should act like you're she's offering you a piece of chocolate cake, like "I know you're offering me something good, it's just not what I have an appetite for." There's probably someone in the club who's waiting for someone like her. Don't make her discouraged so she goes and sits around bummed. You wouldn't want some other custy to do that to the dancer you're waiting for.
• ilbbaicnl

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  9 years ago

  Sometime dancers will come other and start chatting but not ask for a dance. I am shallow and go by looks, so if I want a dance, I will ask her for one. A fun dancer is a happy dancer, and a happy dancer is banking as much and as fast as possible. Generally the best way to get someone to care what you want is to care what they want. If I don't want a dance, after a few minutes, I will tell her politely that I don't think I'll be getting any dances from her. Some understand I am being considerate, some get cheesed off. But most dancers are more than 20 years younger than me. Even though I am kinda their old pervert molester, I am still their elder, and I have a responsibility not to encourage them to have poor work habits.
• Diva1975

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  9 years ago

  Amazing response I like your answer subra man. Don't waste our time!
• alabegonz

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  9 years ago

  Usually I would say "I'm not done with my beer." And she would say "You can bring it there, cmon let's go there." And I would say "I need to wait a few more minutes to settle in. Would you like to sit down and spend time with me?" She would break rapport or she would sit down. She still wins either way.