Rejecting a dancer
Diva1975
Some of you are very polite-which I think is absolutely brilliant lol what are some of the more polite ways you have of rejecting a dancer that a dancer might not recognize as a rejection. This could be very helpful to me!
57 comments
If she persists, and it's only happened twice, it's, "I'm sorry, but you're just not my type."
Once when a dancer asked me If I wanted company I told her that I was a poor prospect at that time because I was leaving in five minutes and I didn't want to waste her time. "But please, let's try again the next time I'm in!" Again, it was the truth. Next time I was in, she remembered and we went back for two of the best dances I had ever had.
lol
I was in a predicament earlier today. A dancer came and sat next to me without asking first.most of the dances will ask if I'd like company which gives me the chance to say no thanks.
She started talking to me and I figured she would ask if I wanted a dance within a minute or two. I had no intention of getting a dance from her but five minutes later she was still talking to me. I didn't want to be rude but I was waiting for my CF and I knew she wouldn't approach me if she saw I was with a different dancer.
I was trying to come up with a way to get out of our conversation and I didn't want to get up and risk losing my seat. She mentioned she was waiting to go on stage so I kept hoping she would get called up soon. After about 10-15 minutes of this dancer still talking and not taking the hint that I wasn't interested in buying dances from her I just came flat out said "I don't want to be rude but I'm actually waiting for someone else and I don't want to waste your time". She understood and thanked me for letting me know.
I used this line on a different dancer that approached me she appreciated it as well. I used it on a third dancer and she she sat down anyway and said "I wasnt wasting her time by just talking to her and not getting dances cause it was her job". I was pissed cause I felt like she was cock blocking me so I told her I didn't want company and she finally got the message.
Well a few minutes later my CF came to the rescue and we had a great time.
If you wonder how the two different dancers argued with me, with one I got offers of free dances to eventually upping it to her taking me to her home, thought she was bluffing at that point but maybe not. With the other in another club on a slow night, I walked away from the table with her sitting there and went to the stage. I think she might have been new because she went to the bar and never approached anyone that night. Never saw her again. I didn't intend to make her quit if that's what she did. I just didn't want dances from her.
What's trickier is when she asks if she can sit down or I mind company. I've gotten better at declining that when I have zero interest.
If I'm not interested in dance, "Oh, thank you anyway", with a smile on my face and warm voice, is all I say. If I want her to come back later, I'll tell her that. If I think my buddy might like her, I'll tell her that she's his type and ask her to come back when he gets here.
It's incredibly rare for any dancer to sit and keep trying to sell me. If she does, let me go back to my statement #2: the girls don't intimidate me. I see guys sitting there feeling awkward and uncomfortable while meekly answering her question after question, which most of the time is just meant to make you uncomfortable to punish you for turning her down. But really, if you're relaxed, it's very easy to turn the conversation around so that you're leading -- and then she'll either just go away, or, if you're lucky, you'll part having had a fun conversation
If I am not waiting for someone in particular at that time and I am not interested and the dancer is not being rude or asking immediately the wanna dance question. I tell her I am not getting dances yet. If you want to chat that is fine with me, but dont let me hold you back from talking to others.
Seriously though, if we have just walked in and sat down we really don't want any dances for the first half hour or so. We want to see who all is working and decide who we want dances from. We're going to be there until they close so we're in no rush. Mrs sea will politely tell them that we just got there and we'll be getting LD's later on throughout the night. Unfortunately, they've always left and never came back. Sigh.
Only had 1 on our last trip that still sat with us for 15 minutes or so chatting and we eventually got a dance from her. I think mrs sea was already pretty tipsy because she wasn't reading my "hell no" signals so i eventually ended up spending $40 on a LD from the buck tooth daisy may. Later on she sobered up for just a few minutes and asked why on earth did I let the butter face give us a LD?
I don't get intimidated by dancers, I don't know of anyone who does. I don't mind playing games with them though. :)
I once had one hot dancer in one club coming back to check on me every 30 minutes for 2 or 3 hours. I didn't want to pay the super high dance prices but enjoyed looking at her up close. She figured it out after a couple of hours and we both had a laugh. :)
Only RickyBoyDugan:
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=2…
but the suit and The System sort of help him out with that.
If you tell a dancer no thanks but have a smile or grin on your face, the dancer might think otherwise or ask additional questions. I was thinking about taking a dancer up on her offer of free dances one time. Then again on her offer to take me to her house just to call her bluff. However if she wasn't bluffing, I didn't want to just jump in bed with someone I wasn't even ready to get dances from.
The strangest encounter I had was with one dancer who I immediately told her no thanks. She didn't take no for an answer either. To my surprise, she decided just to take off her top and start dancing for me right at my chair. That's one way not to take no for an answer and skip all the arguing. I wasn't going to pay her anything but part of my body betrayed me and enjoyed it so I decided to pay her ten. I didn't understand what exactly happened. It was like she had some kind of mystical power.
I once told another dancer no thanks right away and she had a casual conversation with me for 30 minutes. She didn't do any arguing or ask for a dance in all that time. After about 30 minutes she told me she was going to try to get some dances unless I had changed my mind and wanted some. I said yes.
Like Tiredtraveler said, pushing the issue after a polite rejection is dangerous. A 2nd less polite and potentially less honest attempt to blow off a dancer is next. Then dancers get the whole, uncensored truth. Often, the truth hurts. It's much easier to walk away when I say I don't like blonds, coming back when you see me buying a blonde a drink isn't gonna end well...
I guess the moral of the story is - it ain't fucking rocket science. No means no, later means later, yes means yes.
IMO a huge % of guys do. "Intimidated" may be too strong a word, but the reason guys don't just say what they mean "No thanks" and instead create threads about what to say instead, work out which lies work best, and feel so incredibly uncomfortable if the girls start their "Why not?" "Oh, who are you waiting for?" routine, is because they're intimidated to some extent and they hate feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I get that. I use that word "intimidated" specifically to bring attention to it, because when you think about it, it's so silly. It is the same way when the girl asks for tips -- on other threads & boards, I've seen a huge % of guys whose solution is "I give her a tip, but then I don't dance with her again", a passive-aggressive way out of a situation you're intimidated by, instead of just not giving her a tip if you don't think she deserves it. I look them directly in the eye and say "that was nice -- but I don't tip, I'll do more dances if I liked it", and that is always that.
No reason to over think this, say what you mean, be polite and confident. And the rare times they go into their "Oh, am I not your type?" routine, it's incredibly easy to turn around, as long as you don't meekly try to answer their questions, in which case they think you're weak and keep asking more -- these are 20 year olds, not expert lawyers leading you into a logic trap. If it was just some ugly kid instead of a stripper doing this, these situations wouldn't be a big deal, we'd all handle it confidently and stress-free, and so many guys wouldn't have mentioned "the third degree" or whatever above.
Anyway, just my read of things. I understand the discomfort, but the girls respond well to polite confidence IMO.
Lol now there's an image!
Brilliant!
Anyway, I just say as nicely as I can that the girl is not my type! I have actually offer to buy a drink if I'm waiting for someone else and the club isn't busy! I'll talk to anybody! It's brilliant!
Again, I think you just want to be friendly and respectful, but firm and confident, rather than making up passive-aggressive excuses, being terrified they might ask you "why not?", etc.
I could suggest to the club some sort of sign like the flipover red/green coasters they use at some restaurants to signal servers (I can just hear it: "Oh, so you see me as a cut of meat?").
This is all contingent on being treated nicely, if she's being rude, I'll use one polite rejection and then be more firm if she doesn't take the hint.
'You don't appeal to me. Go away.'
Rabbit, the thing is, I would be willing to put big $$$ on the fact that, if you ask actual strippers, 10 out of 10 will tell you that if you're not going to get a dance from them, they'd rather be given an honest respectful no, than a bunch of passive aggressive excuses that get them wondering if they should come back (and, in many cases, they do come back and waste more time on you, until they catch on). What's polite is giving her a clear indication that she should look elsewhere, what's rude is stringing her along so that when she could be earning her living finding guys who want to dance with her, she's wasting more time on you. Plain and simple, you're making up passive aggressive excuses for yourself, not for her. Which is fine, you're the customer, and if that's what makes you comfortable, then it's your prerogative. I just think it's important to be honest with yourself: a polite respectful "no thanks" is never rude, making excuses that lead her to spend even more time on you can be. Plus, again, there is absolutely no reason to have to make up excuses
"why not"
No thank you.
"Maybe later?, should I come back?"
No thank you.
"Am I not your type?"
You aren't, sorry. Thank you for understanding.
And do my best to put on a polite smile.
They see a lot of rejection. And no one really likes being rejected. Don't try and be cute about it. Usually, if I tell them later, they come back. And we'd do the whole thing again. There's really no reason to tell them later if you have no intentions of agreeing to something later. (I sometimes will tell a lady later when I really mean that, and usually say yes when she comes back around).
If I do use one of those, I'll accompany it with something like, "If things change, I'll come find you" or "check back after I get settled in."
As males (except for lopaw); we are ingrained to be gracious and accommodating to females and this can be an issue in the sometimes cutthroat SC environment (and it seems many dancers use our ingrained inclinations against us).
As many a salesperson; some/many dancers will not take “no” for an answer – and we are all probably familiar w/ pushy salespeople and not wanting to deal w/ them.
I used to say “not now” when in almost every situation I really meant “not interested”; but I can see how this can be unfair/confusing to the dancer so now I usually say “no thanks”.
If I don't want a dance, after a few minutes, I will tell her politely that I don't think I'll be getting any dances from her. Some understand I am being considerate, some get cheesed off. But most dancers are more than 20 years younger than me. Even though I am kinda their old pervert molester, I am still their elder, and I have a responsibility not to encourage them to have poor work habits.
And she would say "You can bring it there, cmon let's go there."
And I would say "I need to wait a few more minutes to settle in. Would you like to sit down and spend time with me?"
She would break rapport or she would sit down. She still wins either way.