Things strippers say (or don't say)

MrDeuce
Illinois
Recently I visited two clubs in the same day and got these classic lines from dancers.

Club #1:
her: What brings you out tonight?
me: Oh, I'm a little depressed and was hoping you could cheer me up.
her: I know what you mean. I was just diagnosed as bipolar or manic-depressive or whatever on Friday.
[No, that's not really what I meant at all! But she was hot, so of course I got some $10 lappers from her.]

Club #2:
her: You have such soft hands! [during lap dance, of course]
me: I haven't dug a lot of ditches lately.
her: Oh, is that what you do for a living?
[Keep in mind that I'm an overweight, bespectacled, late middle-aged guy who shows no sign of *ever* having done manual labor.]

Questions for discussion:
1. Has any stripper in the history of stripperdom ever said: "I'm doing really well tonight. The money is just pouring in!"
2. Has any stripper after lap dances or a VIP session ever said "I'll be right back" . . . and then come right back?
3. Has any stripper ever had change for a $20 . . . or a $100?

12 comments

Latest

  • shadowcat
    •
    10 years ago
    I recently had one tell me she was having a great day. Had already done 4 VIPs. Well I wasn't #5. :)
  • Papi_Chulo
    •
    10 years ago
    I suggest you go over to stripperweb.com and see if you get cheered up

    :)
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    10 years ago
    Yes to all 3. You need to find a better club.
  • sofaking87
    •
    10 years ago
    I find the club #2 example hilarious!
  • gatorfan
    •
    10 years ago
    I dig bitches
  • DandyDan
    •
    10 years ago
    The truly bizarre thing about the "You've got soft hands" comment they like to make is that my hands are always dry and cracked, mostly because of my job, where they have to keep the humidity low, thanks to government regulations. I wonder if they ever look at my hands.
  • Dolfan
    •
    10 years ago
    Yes for 1 and 2; I've never asked a stripper for change from a 20 but have been given change for a hundred.

    I get the soft hands thing too, but most of the time they notice it for a reason & aren't shy about saying something to that effect. They've done the math and know soft hands means office job which generally means more money, aside from the small percentage of farmerart's out there. I'm often a smartass about it and claim to have some profession that does manual labor. Oil rig worker is pretty common, cattle rancher, apple farmer, etc. I usually go with shit that's not local unless I'm out of town, then I'm always a captain on a charter boat or a citrus farmer or something. I'm almost always called out as being full of shit, but it makes for decent chit chat for us to size each other up.
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    10 years ago
    I have heard this about soft hands too. At first I thought she was comparing my hands to her own. Then I realized that she was comparing my hands to the Mexican men's hands. This was indeed at one of these Mexican Bars in San Jose where the table dancing circuit, known as "Bikini Show" was running.

    The dancer, black and from S.F.'s now defunct Market St. Cinema, was commenting about how my hands felt on her tits. So I think she was intending to be humorous about how much I was ingratiating myself with her. Actually I was trying to put into practice the ways of touching her that I'd learned by watching the Mexican men. They are the ones who really know how to do it.

    https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/
    SJG

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  • Taborca
    •
    10 years ago
    "me: Oh, I'm a little depressed and was hoping you could cheer me up."

    idk maybe it's me, but I've always felt it best to never seem desperate or needy around woman. I think this can be expanded to never appear weak/whiny/depressed either. I'm sure some of them assume you're a loser because you came in the first place, but there's no reason to give cause or amplify such things. You could always say you broke up with someone if you wanted to but doing it in a cheerful manner or if you can't do that just avoid the subject especially at first.
  • GACA
    •
    10 years ago
    ^^^ @Taborca True story bro. No girl wants a depressed whining wimp around her.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    10 years ago
    Some of y'all might remember my sandpaper hands post.
  • goonster
    •
    10 years ago
    I've always heard things like "wow, you have the perfect cock!"

    Please... Every stripper I've had it in has said that... It's stripper shit
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