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Functional Illiterate

avatar for jackslash
jackslash
Detroit strip clubs
I try not to judge reviews on spelling and grammar. It doesn't matter if every comma and apostrophe is correctly placed or if the passive voice is overused. After all, we're writing about strip clubs here. But sometimes reviews make me concerned that the writer is a functional illiterate. How does he get through life? Here is an example that I quote in full:


Silver Bullet Bar

" I been here twice the first I went there was. Lot of good lookin girls probably the ones that go to U of I but i wasn't sure dances aren't that bad there 15 dollars but the sucky thing is that it's just behind the dj all the good seats are taken and the most hot girls are with the older guys probably waste the more money! Drinking is not too expensive and u can go and have a good time if u just sit in the table and tip them 1-5 bucks not too bad over all good night I tried talking to this one really hot girl probaby the hottest in the club she was a real good dancer I tried to make her come back with me but she wouldn't go probably if we go more she would!


Next time I went there was a whole bunch of ugly girls stuck up maybe because it was summer and school was out I think it's better when school is in in session!"

26 comments

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avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
•
10 years ago
My brain hurts. Why Jack, why?
avatar for motorhead
motorhead
•
10 years ago
I once had a dancer split her infinitive and dangle her participle right in front of my nose
avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
•
10 years ago
@Motor-Hahahahaha, aaaaaaaah.
avatar for Club_Goer_Seattle
Club_Goer_Seattle
•
10 years ago
Jack, I concur. It would be nice if the poster at least knew what a sentence was: How to start it, how to end it, and an appropriate length. Full spelling of words, such as "you " instead of "u" would be appreciated too. Those abbreviations are what I refer to as "textese," which come from the early days of text messaging when you had to press a key on your phone as many as four times to get the letter you wanted. With full keyboards on phones now, textese is an obsolete language. Oh, and a good story to tell would be helpful as well.
avatar for rockstar666
rockstar666
•
10 years ago
This is why we need to be able to post pics: I have a cartoon of a small girl with a book, and the caption is, "The ca...cat..in the ha.... - Fuck this, I'll just be a stripper when I grow up."
avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02
•
10 years ago
@Rockstar...that's funny, I have a pic of a young girl resting her head against a chalkboard full of math problems....the caption is the same.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
•
10 years ago
I have given a couple of t-shirts to favorites with the math equations and the same caption. I have a couple more in my car.
avatar for Club_Goer_Seattle
Club_Goer_Seattle
•
10 years ago
Similarly, I have a cartoon of a scene in a strip club. In stick figures, a dancer is swing around the pole, guys are throwing dollar bills at her, and the caption is, "I want to be like mommy."
avatar for BlueLion
BlueLion
•
10 years ago
Wish i could read i bet this thread was funny...i need pictures
avatar for MrDeuce
MrDeuce
•
10 years ago
Jack, I just read the same illiterate, content-free "review" and almost flagged it as Incoherent, but for once I suppressed my inner English teacher. The deeper point is that Founder shouldn't even accept such a "review" as the justification for a month of VIP membership.
avatar for Duke69
Duke69
•
10 years ago
Y so much hate on the poor and uneducated ? We are all not created equally....some are eloquent with words and others have big dicks....y drink from the haterade ?
avatar for Duke69
Duke69
•
10 years ago
Dude might be a high functional retsrd that holds down a job and a small apartment and love paying for pussy cuz he cant normally attract a girl...y cant he share his thoughts and opiniins with us
avatar for Cheo_D
Cheo_D
•
10 years ago
When people write like that I wonder if the way they speak is also a breathless wandering ramble with no pauses or inflections.



avatar for DoctorDarby
DoctorDarby
•
10 years ago
How do we trust the observations and opinions of someone who expresses themselves so badly? Whether fair or not, we often judge intelligence by the person's ability to express themselves. Although judging stripper flesh and the quality of lap dances isn't rocket science, I'm less inclined to believe Mr. Run-on Sentence than someone who sounds smarterrer . . . um . .. .smartlinesser . .. er . . .less dumber.
avatar for lost5689
lost5689
•
10 years ago
TLDR
avatar for Clubber
Clubber
•
10 years ago
Once again, our edukasion sistum on display!
avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek
•
10 years ago
Clubber, isn't that "edjucaeshun"?

Frederick Wertham claimed that comics would be the major cause of illiteracy and juvenile delinquency. Probably a good thing he never learned of texting and the generation of illiterates it's creating.
avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
•
10 years ago
Maybe Wertham should've read Far Side and Pearls Before Swine.
avatar for DandyDan
DandyDan
•
10 years ago
I'm frankly surprised people like the one who wrote the review jackslash wrote about know about the existence of TUSCL.
avatar for bubba267
bubba267
•
10 years ago
It's a ruse....notice his correct usage of "too" - "Drinking is not too expensive"....

He is an undercover English major hoping to fly under the radar.
avatar for DandyDan
DandyDan
•
10 years ago
Having looked the reviews over, it's quite possible this is a person for whom English is a second language (and perhaps he doesn't know you shouldn't use your real name for your login ID) and maybe he just doesn't know how English is written.
avatar for Clubber
Clubber
•
10 years ago
PG,

I stand korecdud!
avatar for steve229
steve229
•
10 years ago
"Dude might be a high functional retsrd that holds down a job and a small apartment and love paying for pussy cuz he cant normally attract a girl"

Nothing wrong with living in a small apartment - it's frugal.
avatar for Otto22
Otto22
•
10 years ago
While I believe a good deal of this "illiteracy" is caused by using cell phones for posting, as a former English teacher, I also shudder at what the current generation uses for grammar.
avatar for 4oureyes
4oureyes
•
10 years ago
I see this in college students now -- I had to tell one student last term that he was being graded at least partially on his writing, and he should avoid "text speech" on his assignments.

On the other hand...

https://xkcd.com/1414/
avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek
•
10 years ago
SlickSpic, somehow I think the humor would've been over Wertham's head.
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