Love vs lust vs caring deeply

As has been mentioned in the past – strip clubs are not the place to look for love nor fall in love – it is an exercise in futility IMO.

C'mon Papi, you're telling me you've never fallen in love with a stripper ever in your strip clubbing career?

Hell no – lust yeah – love no – I’m too honest w/ myself to believe a chick will fall in love w/ me when I am paying her – so if I don’t think her motives are genuine; I’m honest enough w/ myself not to have feelings for someone whom does not have them genuinely for me.

As JohnSmith69’s thread about stripper SS where he mentioned that sooner or later you find out what they (strippers) are all about – in my case I have always found out that I am only as good as my money when it comes to strippers.

Women are more complicated and multidimensional – I’ve heard many strippers say they would not date a guy that goes to strip clubs – so IMO it seems most strippers don’t think very highly of PLs and probably see PLs as losers at best and as scum at worst.

Plus – my cooperative background and way of being is incompatible with most strippers – I don’t think we have much in common nor do we look at the world the same way.

Plus – my cooperative background

Meant to say “my conservative background”

"my cooperative background"

Before I saw you're last post, I was trying to figure out the meaning. Lol

Once

lust yes but never even close to love or caring deeply. Then again I am not an ATF guy and I have no desire to ever date or become involved with a stripper or their personal lives.

0 strippers

"As has been mentioned in the past – strip clubs are not the place to look for love nor fall in love – it is an exercise in futility IMO."

That's why I'm tempted sometimes. If I only did things in their appropriate time and place, I never would have set foot in a strip club to begin with.

35 years. Once.

I find myself wondering whether I've actually changed over the years to make me more susceptible to an emotional entanglement. Or was she just special enough to break through whatever barriers I had erected? Is it going to happen again? Will I be able to resist it if I feel it happening again?

It kind of sucks that I actually need to like someone before I have sex with her.

@motorhead- have you fell in love with any? I think I remember you saying you have/had feelings for your ATF.

The CF I'm seeing now, I think she has me now.

We had a falling out. Initiated the no contact protocol, after that, nothing happened. So I said to myself she moved on.

Yesterday night, I was at the club where she was dancing. I saw her, she caught my eye but it was a kind of look that means I am totally gone. She went up to the stage, I went to the tipping rail, kept throwing singles, she wouldn't go to my tips. I'm so gone by now. She totally doesn't even consider me a customer.

So I left the building and drove out. My heart was bleeding and crying at the same time.

Twenty five minutes into the highway, the phone rang.

She said hello.

I said hello.

There was a motel close by.

I think she took my heart by that time.

"Women are more complicated and multidimensional – I’ve heard many strippers say they would not date a guy that goes to strip clubs – so IMO it seems most strippers don’t think very highly of PLs and probably see PLs as losers at best and as scum at worst."

I think some dancers do. I met three already who went out with me. So I think that's not bad for me.

"Women are more complicated and multidimensional – I’ve heard many strippers say they would not date a guy that goes to strip clubs – so IMO it seems most strippers don’t think very highly of PLs and probably see PLs as losers at best and as scum at worst."

Yeah, I agree totally.

If you think you've fallen in love with a stripper, it's quite possible you don't know what love is.

You cannot truly love someone you don't REALLY know. And that takes a very long time, and lots of honesty and cutting thru the BS and showing how you really care for each other. You cannot get to that level, or even close, with someone like a stripper, especially if you only see her on rare occasions.

If you really want to see if you love her, consider this: what would you feel for her if she wasn't hot? Do you love the person, or the look? Granted, a beautiful woman makes it easier, but there has to be a lot more behind it for it to be love. Honesty, commitment, and a whole bunch of other things.

And as someone else mentioned, there must be mutual respect. Strippers, almost by definition, do not respect their customers for reasons I've already mentioned. They can act like they do, but only time will tell if it's real, or it's a way they manipulate you to get your money, or whatever else they want from you.

The ends justifies the means. It's all a disguise, and I wish I've never bagged a couple of those dancing sluts. It seems like they prey on my fantasy of bagging them again, and of course they just love the money. Horny sluts like dick, but know its not love. Just got to be there at the right place and time, but that love is fleeting.

Remember, there are different kinds, maybe levels, of love. I love my ATF, but not as I love my SO, kids, etc.

Does my man-crush on RickyBoy count?

I think I really fell in love only once, with an Asian dancer back in 2007. In all of my mongering she is the only one that made me question staying with my SO. I knew that I had to walk away or throw away my marriage. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do but I knew that I had no choice. I am still occasionally haunted by her in my dreams.

"And as someone else mentioned, there must be mutual respect. Strippers, almost by definition, do not respect their customers for reasons I've already mentioned. They can act like they do, but only time will tell if it's real, or it's a way they manipulate you to get your money, or whatever else they want from you."

For the record, I wholeheartedly agree on this. Ipso Facto.

"Strippers, almost by definition, do not respect their customers for reasons I've already mentioned."

But this statement I beg to differ, because me and my CF are caught right now into this undefined moment, entangled in a mess of emotions which can only be magnified by more sex.

"The ends justifies the means. It's all a disguise, and I wish I've never bagged a couple of those dancing sluts. It seems like they prey on my fantasy of bagging them again, and of course they just love the money. Horny sluts like dick, but know its not love. Just got to be there at the right place and time, but that love is fleeting."

Exactly.

The torment is a big, huge and wide, I can't get past it, the stigma of her being with so many men in one night inside the club.

And delights of her giving it all in front of me. So wonderful.

You have to embrace all of it.

" I knew that I had to walk away or throw away my marriage. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do but I knew that I had no choice."

Did she ask you the question? Or you found yourself at the point where you had to make a choice in order to move forward?

If she asked the question, she may be wanting to be #1 which in my opinion turning your #2 into a #1 will result to complete failure. Good thing you made the right choice.

For the second, since you found yourself to be in that situation, then you have to leave your #1 because there is no use of #1, she is not going to make you happy.

Caring strongly and being used and shit upon as a result. I've blocked her phone and asked her not to call. She somehow reaches me and I melt. She has a spell over me and I find it hard to resist. I'm embarrassed to look at myself. I've fucked her friends. She still calls, using a different phone. I don't have the balls to hang up. Last week I told her that I don't want to be with a crack whore, which she's become, but then she makes promises she never keeps and I fall for her lies over and over. Her boyfriend has beat her on several occasions which I find deplorable, but I'm beginning to understand as my anger grows after she dupes me again and again. I don't love her in the way I love my children or family, but the attachment, the lure of just one more time in a hotel bed; one more opportunity to see if she's matured; one more day with her; is all evidence of what a PL I am and what an emotional hold she has on me. I've found many other willing partners who satisfy my sex drive, but not one who knows me; who anticipates my needs; who satisfies me. This is my cross to bear and I keep saying to myself," be careful what you wish for..."

@lopaw- I dated a stripper off and on for awhile. She ended up being my ATF. We are not together anymore and I don't go to her club anymore, she hasn't haunted me in my dreams, but I still think about her every single day. I must have had sex with at least 10 different girls since then, but it's just not the same. I try to tell myself she's just a stripper, but in reality I don't fell that way, I don't judge. We had a unbelievable connection and she is the definitely one of the 2 strippers I've fallen in love with. I think what hurts the most is I was the one who messed it up between us. I really need to stop hitting up the strip clubs, I be getting too attached to these strippers.

I like my stripper friend a lot, but this is mainly for sex. Initially I thought that I could change her, but she is too hooked on the dollars. I have sat in the club and see her go in and out of VIP at least six times. I know that she is having sex or giving blow jobs. I can not fathom risking my future by loving this person.

Damn Gawker that story is sad. I just think you need to find a girl who is as hot/hotter than your ATF. Hopefully that girl can make you forget about your ATF.

I think we throw the word “love” around too loosely – e.g. “man I live that car”; man I love the Dallas Cowboys”; etc.

Interesting that on this thread; as in most TUSCL threads; pretty much all comments around PL’s faves center around what the fave does for them sexually.

So is her making your dick hard and making you cum – love?

If you were not having sex w/ her – would you still “love her”.

Not trying to come across as the all-mighty – just trying to be honest w/ myself at least.

" she hasn't haunted me in my dreams, but I still think about her every single day."

I'd buy you a beer with this one.

@alabegonz - I was the one who had to make that choice, and she didn't make it easy. And it was agonizing. But in the end I know that I did the right thing by not leaving my SO and walking away.

@ranukam - I feel ya. It's hard to let go and keep revisiting the one that got away, especially if you are the one who let her go. if that isn't a great reason to give up clubbing, I don't know what is (besides poverty). But mongering is in our blood, and despite what befalls us from these strippers we always go back for more, thinking that it won't happen again. But it often does. What to do.

My cock can do all 3 at the same time.

" I like my stripper friend a lot, but this is mainly for sex. Initially I thought that I could change her, but she is too hooked on the dollars. I have sat in the club and see her go in and out of VIP at least six times. I know that she is having sex or giving blow jobs. I can not fathom risking my future by loving this person."

Lesson I learned was to not change a stripper, it's already too late to change her. I just like her the way I met her.

She is like a wash machine at the Washateria/Laudromat, keep putting in the coins because it you do not she will turn you into an ATM.

I love to lust because I deeply care about the welfare of my dick. :)

Ranukam,

If you are seeing her outside the club, spending lots of time with her in different situations, and always it being off the clock, then of course you can fall in love with her just like you could with anyone else.

It only gets to be a problem when you are feeling that you are in love with someone you don't actually know, someone who you see up on stage, being held up as a sex symbol, and you are in love with her because she is out of reach. That is more infatuation, and no good comes from that.

But most people go to strip clubs just to feel the most intense sort of physical attraction. When I first started going to strip clubs I would look for the one girl who I thought I could probably get along with in a conventional relationship. I mean the one I would not have problems with, the one who would conduct herself responsibly, and was not into substance addictions or problematic people, and who did not believe that money grew on trees. Finding her, I would reserve my attention for her.

But then I realized that the purpose of SC's is to learn how to interact with other types as well. In the SC it is basically safe. Also, you can't take women at face value. Lots of the stuff they say is intended to frustrate and confuse and make it sound like they are inaccessible. They are all potentially partners, at least inside the club. So I learned to engage with other types as well.

Then I used to go to this underground table dancing circuit that ran in Mexican Bars. It got very touchy, and in the front room, and for $1 at a time. Typically I would try to engage with each one of the dancers. It was in keeping with the spirit of the event. It was lots of fun. Some of these girls were pretty hard ass types too.

In Larry Flynt's book he writes about his very hard marriage, ending in a bout of drunkenness, car smashing, pistol waving, and jail. He vowed that he would never live like that again.

A key episode was when he was in the Navy and had shore leave in Paris. He walked into a brothel. He was presented with a line up of 30. We are all taught to try and find that right one, that special one. He rejected that and just spread his arms wide and said, "I want all of them."

So he instructed them all to disrobe, turn around, and bend over. He then proceeded to enter each of them. I don't know how much he was able to do with each of them. He said that he spent a month's pay and through his back out.

But this was a key incident for him. He was never going to live like he had before. So after he got out of the Navy he asked, in what kinds of jobs are guys always getting laid? Musicians and Athletes, but also bar tenders. I think he meant with waitresses and customers. But as he went into the bar biz, soon it also meant Go-Go Dancers. He was doing another one every 4 to 6 hours, around the clock and the 7 day week, never sleeping for more than a few hours at a time.

Now eventually he did get tired of that. And also now owning 8 clubs, there were just too many women to be able to do them all any more. So he moved on.

Strip clubs can be venues where one gets to act out that kind of primal attraction, where in there are no social compatibility problems.

SJG

X, White Girl youtube.com

^^^is homebound and has never been to a strip club. Will no doubt die a virgin.

@sjg: "But then I realized that the purpose of SC's is to learn how to interact with other types as well."

No, the purpose of strip clubs is to separate you from your money by having pretty, naked girls dance and rub on you.

Some of us have extended that purpose to being separated with even more of our money for the privilege of sticking our dicks into said pretty girls' various openings.

Nothing mystical or "higher" about it...

I got lucky. Met a dancer 7 yrs ago thru an old CF. She was married at the time but I always thought a lot of her. She was super hot. A 9 for sure many said 10. Ran into her last yr but not in the club. She was single. Started seeing her. Ran into some bad luck at work. Lost my job. We were living together already. She pd all my bills for 4 months. But she was thru with dancing and had a avg civilian job. The way she supported me while I was interviewing and stressing I will never forget. My work situation turned around twice as good as I had it and now I doubt I will ever love another woman again. Started out definitely.as lust. But I believe its love now. Yes sappy story but true. And she's been out of dancing over a yr now. San Jose guy gave some pretty accurate advice on loving a dancer. For the most part don't do it if it's itc or otc only. The money part is what screws it up.

"She pd all my bills for 4 months."

Whoa dude, you must be on crack.

Bottom line - you can take the girl out of the stripclub, but ya can't take the stripclub outta the girl.