tuscl

Stripper: Drake Really Enjoys Having His Butthole Licked.

shadowcat
Atlanta suburb

Yesterday, Media Takeout, the world's foremost, COMPLETELY ACCURATE authority on all things “urban,” published a letter it received anonymously from an LA-area stripper who detailed her one night of sexy time with everyone's favorite Canadian jock-sniffer extraordinaire and noted stripper-lover, Drake. Now, take this for what it is — an anonymous letter published on Media Takeout from someone claiming to be a stripper who once went home with Drake — but the thing contains some really funny lines. I would love for someone, perhaps Wanda Sykes or JB Smoove, to perform a live reading of this. I think that would be outstanding. Anyway, here are a few of my favorite bits from the letter…

“Security was tight”

Him and his boys brought me and a few girls back after a night at [LA CLUB]. As soon as we walked in the door, it was like we entered the White House. Security was tight, he made all of us give up our cellphones and sign a contract. Then a security man took a photo of our drivers licenses. MTO I ain't never seen nothing like that.

“It's thick”

He took off all his clothes, and mine and laid me down and started eating me. His d*ck is not really big, but it's THICK.

“I think I c*me out of both”

I must have c*me like 3 times while he was doing it. On after the other, after the other. I have had my box eaten hundreds of times, but no one has EVER done it like Drake. He has a real talent. His tongue went from p*zzy to butt, back to p*zzy. I think I c*me out of both.

“He started pushing my head down”

He then laid on his back and was like “My Turn.” MTO I was ready to suck the OXYGEN outta him and I did. After a few minutes he started pushing my head down, towards his b*lls. I sucked on them for a while and he pushed me down FURTHER to his butt hole.

“It was weird eating a man's butt”

It was weird eating a man's butt like that, but I'm a freak, and it was Drake LOL. He was laying there on the bed with his leg spread open and my face in his butt and his legs shaking.

“All over my new weave”

I'm embarrassed to say it, but Drake enjoyed getting his butt ate so much that he n*tted. All over my new weave.

“I shouldn't try to steal ish”

He told me that I could take a shower in his bathroom, but that there were cameras everywhere so I shouldn't try and steal ish.

“I'm pretty sure he doesn't want the world to know he likes his butt eaten.”

I'm pretty sure he doesn't want the world to know he likes his butt eaten.

The only way this could be any better is if Drake wrote the letter himself and submitted it to MTO

18 comments

  • kingcripple
    •
    10 years ago
    i kind of find this disturbing.
  • thug
    •
    10 years ago
    so fucking what?

  • jackslash
    •
    10 years ago
    Can I add this to the list of things I'd rather not know?
  • jerikson40
    •
    10 years ago
    What's a Drake?

    And I think I'll change my name to JB Smoove. You KNOW he's cool.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    10 years ago
    Even my Mom knows who Drake is.
  • jerikson40
    •
    10 years ago
    "Even my Mom knows who Drake is."

    So...should I ask her?
  • ilbbaicnl
    •
    10 years ago
    Richard Gere likes to put live gerbils in his rectum. He had to go to the hospital once cause one got stuck. He lived but I don't know about the gerbil.
  • Dougster
    •
    10 years ago
    jerkoffson: "So...should I ask her?"

    Ew, jerkoffson acting tough! Don't think Spic is a guy you want to pick a fight with, though (martial arts training and all).
  • jerikson40
    •
    10 years ago
    Oh, wait, I looked him up. I think I've seen him before. He's a rapper, huh?

    Does anyone think that rap music has been around too long and we need something new? I mean, geez, when did rap first start? And really it's such a narrow style, with like the same beat, and guys who can't really sing are talking instead to the music. Hasn't it run its course?

    Oh, wait...was that a buzzkill? Sorry...
  • steve229
    •
    10 years ago
    Well, that would explain his new album title....

    "As announced on Billboard today, Views from the 6 will be the Toronto rapper’s fourth. Don’t get excited yet though – the name has preceded any actual recording. What the “6” stands for is also unclear. The longer he waits to explain, though, the more theories will abound."
  • jerikson40
    •
    10 years ago
    And this whole licking of someone's butt thing....holy crap I REALLY don't get it. No way on the planet would I touch even the hottest girls a-hole with my mouth. Not gonna happen. You cannot wash that thing enough to get it clean enough for me to lick it. Chlorine, LimeAway, Scrubbing Bubbles, Brillo Pads....you can do all that shit and there's still no way.
  • Dougster
    •
    10 years ago
    Geesh, jerikson. Now you're reduced to whining about the popular music of the day? Are you just the stereotypical cranky old man? What's next? "Get off my lawn!" Calling the police on your neighbors for playing their music too loud?
  • SlickSpic
    •
    10 years ago
    @Jerikson-My mom is pretty hip. She went to Monterrey and Altamont when she was young. She's seen James Brown, Marvin Gaye, Elvis, and The Eagles when these groups/singers were cutting edge. When I was young, she knew about NWA and Nirvana. She's kept up with the times. Her grand kids are into Drake. She even knows who the Young Turks are.
  • zipman68
    •
    10 years ago
    Jerikson40 is just cranky 'cos he wants a rimjob but can't find a willing butthole licker. Jerikson40...the problem is that you don't have as much money as Drake. If you did all you'd have to do is drop trou and you'd have a 9 or 10 with her tongue on your anus.

    You'd have a guy follow you around whose job is just to identify HAWT chicks willing to lick you ass 'til you come. Alas, you don't have that kind o' money...
  • shadowcat
    •
    10 years ago
    When I posted this topic what ran through my mind is how would I feel if some one submitted a letter to TUSCL on how I like my sex and it got published for all to see.
  • ime
    •
    10 years ago
    maybe getting their ass licked is something famous douchebags enjoy.

    Drake isn't alone, he's got company with Lance Armstrong.
    http://deadspin.com/comedian-says-lance-…

    Macie said that she and a friend enjoyed a night out in Los Angeles with Armstrong "five or six years ago," and eventually returned to his hotel room. That's when things allegedly got weird:

    I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and [my friend] was just face deep in his asshole

    [...]

    I was terrified. And then he came out and said, "Does your friend want in on a round too?" and I was like, "Of taint tickling? I’m gonna take a pass"

    [...]

    I think it’s hilarious that he would ask without even knowing my first name—to eat his asshole. Like, "Do you want in on a round too? Of asshole eating?"


  • Clackport
    •
    10 years ago
    "he n*tted. All over my new weave".

    Any of you ever cum on a girl's hair? LOL
  • crazyjoe
    •
    10 years ago
    Hahahahahah
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